Tuesday, March 21, 2006

No Jokes Here

One look at the world today will show you your religions have failed.

Religion will not save us, you know. The world needs to see that there will never be a one world religion. There will be no one faith that "shows us the light." Why? Because you're all wrong. Your religions don't teach you to live in peace with others. Your religions don't teach you about love and togetherness. Your religions don't teach you about tolerance. Funny how the three major religions, all of which come from the "Holy Land," are the biggest perpetrators of violence against each other. That doesn't sound like "peace," "love," or "tolerance." Your also religions don't teach you about thinking for yourselves. Maybe it's time you started.

That's the only thing that will save us. The realization that there is no "us" and "them." We are all one here. The understanding that these labels you place on yourselves only limit who you are and who you can become. The knowledge that you are human FIRST and Christian, Jew, Muslim, conservative, liberal, Democrat, Republican, American, German, Russian, whatever...second.

These labels don't tell anything about who a person is, yet you give so much power to them, as if the fact that a person says he's Christian means that he's more trustworthy than someone who isn't. Just because you're both Christians doesn't mean he won't screw you over. Yet, these meaningless labels influence so many of your decisions without getting to the root of who that person is. It's why George W. Bush is in the White House. It's why the Ku Klux Klan is still active. It's the reason behind "white flight," or why people watch Arabs on the plane or why the young black male is STILL the most feared person in America. And knowing your attachment to these labels, it's makes you so much easier to exploit and manipulate. You fall so easily into the trap.

When are you going to wake up? It's just us here, regardless of what you believe in. This has nothing to do with God or whoever. It has everything to do with us. We have to make things right down here, because no being in the sky is going to do it for us. And when we die, it's not really going to matter what religion you were, or political party, or nationality, or anything like that. Who you were and what you did will. Who am I? I'm human. Let's start with that.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

A Quick Word On The Oscars...

Just a quick comment on The Oscars...

First off, let me state that I didn't watch it. My sister called me to let me know that 'It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" won an Oscar...and I'm really not sure how I feel about it. She told me that Three 6 Mafia performed the song (cuz they wrote it) and that all the black people in the crowd were loving these moments (and apparently, there weren't a lot of black people).

On the one hand, I'm glad that it was a rap song that won it. For better or for worse, this music is the music of my generation, and specifically, my demographic. And overall, I don't know which is more monumental: a rap song winning an Oscar or Halle and Denzel winning a few years back. Let's face it...black people were going to do that eventually, not to take anything away from what they've accomplished. It's just that no one ever thought a rap song would win an Oscar. Ya just didn't see it coming. So, I'm proud for my people. Black people doing good. We need to see more of that. On the other hand...

...the song was called "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp," and I just have to question why THIS song had to be the one to win the Oscar and it had to be THESE black people who wrote and performed it. Has it been so long since "Tear Da Club Up," "Yeah, Ho," and "Gang Sign In His Face" came out?

Now, if I have to explain why I'm questioning it, you're either not black or not very smart. Of all the black movies with rap songs in them over the last 30 years, THIS was the breakthrough song?

I saw "Hustle & Flow." It was a movie that was way better than I thought it would be. I was actually inspired by the story and I don't really get inspired by much. The movie shows you to stick with it. It's never too late to follow your dreams. Uplifting damn movie. The song fits within the context of the movie, but when you take the movie away, it's just another song on the radio. The movie makes the song more than what it actually is, cuz let's face it, I heard better songs about pimpin' from Big Boi, back when he was pretending to be something he wasn't.

Then again, maybe that's the point. To have a song that's integral to the movie, so intertwined with the movie that each is a lesser product without the other. A song that helps you feel what the characters onscreen are feeling, and a song that you can't imagine being replaced by any other at that point in the movie. A song that instantly recalls in the listener's mind what was happening on screen at the moment the song was played.

You know, "Hoochie Mama" did the same thing for "Friday" and it didn't get an Oscar.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Samoa Joe sucks. Here's why.

There might be three of you out there who have heard of Samoa Joe, the Internet Wrestling Community's latest crotch to nuzzle. He's a decent enough wrestler, I guess. There's been some moaning about him almost signing with "The E (WWE)," and there's been speculation about whether or not he'd make it there. I say no and here's three good reasons why:

1. He wrestles too stiff.

2. He doesn't sell.

3. He's a bland Samoan with man-boobs.

Fact: Wrestling is entertainment. We're all grown here. I think we all know that...although I didn't want to admit it to myself, even into my teens. I mean...the suplex can really hurt someone! At any rate, the point here is, these guys are pretty big, yet they're not supposed to be hurting each other. Yes, there is some degree of pain (and I can speak on that personally), but it's not a real fight. So, either no one let Samoa Joe in on this fact or he's the biggest 12 year old the world has ever seen. This man hits people like he doesn't realize that he's in the middle of a homoerotic play-fight with other sweaty men. Now, most of his fans don't understand that shit hurts. They also don't care because they've never seen the inside of a ring and they've never had to stand there and let someone punch or kick them in the face and trust that person to not break their orbital bone. Personally, I don't see The E letting some no name Samoan beat up on all their stars like that and I don't see the holy trinity of Paul, Michael, and Mark (Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and The Undertaker) letting this guy stiff the shit out of them at any given time. Especially considering one of them has a barely working leg and plastic surgery in his nose to protect, one of them has a back held together by willpower and chewing gum, and one of them has hips so fragile that he could break one of them getting slapped on the ass at the strip club.
So, it's either change your style or forget about getting pushed, because The E isn't about to risk losing one of it's stars that its spent years building up to injury just so Joe can pretend that he never learned to protect his opponent. That's strike one.

Now...I've seen this guy wrestle a few times and never once have I seen this guy sell. Well, I take that back...he sells...like his name was Goldberg. See...one of the main points of wrestling is to make your opponent look good. How do you do that? By selling their offense. I guess he figures the best way to sell is to ignore the fact that his opponent just hit him in the face with the butt of a gun, or an axehandle. The funny thing to me is that the IWC loves Samoa Joe, even though he doesn't sell, yet when The Undertaker does it, he's an evil individual who's holding down the young talent, even though not selling is, you know...an inherent part of his character, being dead and all.

Now, do you really think that Triple H is gonna let this guy get away with no-selling his offense? How many times do you think he's going to be allowed to shrug off a chokeslam from The Undertaker? Yeah, you guessed right if you said "they'll set him up to take the fall for their steroid abuse before they let him do that." Strike two.

Lastly...now, look, I'm not saying you have to be in phenomenal shape to do this, although it helps. And Lord knows I'm the last person that should be allowed to criticize the shape someone's in, but dammit, he's just plain fat. The difference between me and him is that I know to keep my shirt on. The rolls in his man's stomach are made for drug smuggling.

Plus, he's got man-boobs. So does Ric Flair. The thing is...Ric Flair's like sixty years old. What sixty year old man hasn't begun to sag? There's only one...and his name's Hulk Hogan. And Hulk Hogan made his go away through strength, determination, and a $5500 check to Julio's Transmission Repair and Pectoplasty. So Ric Flair's okay with me. We love Ric Flair. Meanwhile, Joe's like...25 years old and engaging in regular physical activity. He's actually gained weight since he's come out. At this rate, he's going to be about 400 pounds by the age of 30. So you've got a fat Samoan with no charisma. You need to get some attention on him...might as well put him in a thong. It worked wonders for Rikishi and Yokozuna, remember? And they really tried with Rikishi...oh, how they tried. The E pushed him and pushed him, and even though he'd spent the previous two years dancing with two white guys who were a bigger embarrassment to hip-hop than K-Kwik and The Road Dogg. They gave him a huge heel push and took out all the stops...they said he hit Stone Cold Steve Austin with a car, they had him turn on his cousin, The Rock, and yet and still...no one took him seriously as a heel. You know why? Because he was a grown man in a thong, you retard.

This is Samoa Joe's WWE future. Get in shape, or else you'll have angles as stupid as Rikishi's to look forward to. And you're far more intimidating, although I can't tell if that's intensity or just a lack of charisma. That kinda stuff held Benoit back for years. And the WWE will always take a less talented guy who's in shape over a fat wrestling prodigy. That's why Chris Masters has a job and, Vic Grimes is begging for change on the side of the interstate. Strike three.

So until Joe decides to change a few things about himself, he's always going to be small time. Even if WCW was still around, they'd never let him hobnob with the stars. That's why Guerrero, Benoit, and Jericho abandoned the place. He would have been adored in ECW, but no one was making any real money there, because Paul E. sucked as a business man. That just leaves The E, and everyone changes when they go to The E. Resistance is futile. Or...you can resist, but you'll always be an Indy wrestler. And right now, Samoa Joe is probably the best Indy wrestler there is. That's not necessarily a good thing, either. Just ask Christopher Daniels.