Friday, October 09, 2009

An Open Letter to Arthur Blank

Yeah, it was just a matter of time before this came up again.

Arthur Blank wants a new stadium. After all, the Georgia Dome is seventeen years old. That's 126 in professional-sports-team-owner years. To them, stadiums should be replaced every fifteen like clockwork, to keep the paint from drying. We're falling behind here in Atlanta.

But Mr. Blank is willing to wait until the Dome is at least 24 or 25 years old, because he's a nice guy. Until then, he's gonna start trying to talk us into partially financing the thing. He said that it would be paid for with private and public money.

He also said, "We want the right environment for our fans and for our sponsors," which makes no sense to me. I think he should just level with everyone and say, "We want to charge more money," because that's really what this is about. Claiming that "the Falcons are falling behind other teams in the NFL in terms of the experience for our fans," isn't fooling anyone, because the only "experience" fans want is for the team to "experience" winning.

Look, they're not building the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. It's a football stadium, and no one goes to a football stadium to admire the scenery. If anyone has ever found themselves in the Dome and the word "ambiance" crossed their mind or they thought, "The feng shui in here is all wrong," then I guess the original designers slipped up when they didn't build an art museum. They thought they were supposed to build a football stadium.

Seriously and honestly, does anyone care about how much of culture the Dome has inside it, and if anyone does, is that reason enough to spend a billion dollars on a new stadium when there's absolutely nothing wrong with the current one? People don't even notice how much they're overpaying for beer once the game starts, so I know they don't care about the number of restaurants inside. It's hard to admire the atmosphere when John Abraham is shaving a few minutes off some poor quarterback's life.

That's a moment where everyone has to decide what's more interesting to look at, and I assure you, the "John Abraham" part is gonna win out every time.

The only one who cares about this is Arthur Blank, because like in all pro sports, the owners are in a contest with each other to see who can get the most money from taxpayers to fund their vanity projects. "We'll call it Arthurmania, complete with a statue depicting the time I beat Lowe's into submission."

They always give the same excuse: "The team needs this to remain competitive." Competitive with who? Where's the other Atlanta football team that's stealing the Falcons' business?

NFL Football doesn't have any competition, except from within it's own league. And seeing as how the closest team to here is four hours away, it's not like anything in their marketing strategy is gonna affect what happens to the Falcons. If the Panthers built a new stadium tomorrow, it's not like Falcons fans are gonna go, "You know what? I like the Panthers new stadium better. I'm gonna start going to watch games up there instead." It's the Georgia Dome, not Cheers. You don't have to worry about Gary's Olde Towne Tavern and their wacky promotions convincing Norm and Cliff to drink there instead.

So Mr. Blank also laid this one on (which is a new one by me): The Falcons need a new stadium "to help Atlanta maintain its image as a world-class city." He is really laying it on thick.

Is the Dome falling apart? It's not exactly brand new, but they just painted it, replaced seats and gave it some other fine tuning. But I don't see any toilets backing up when I go down there. There aren't any blocks falling out of the ceiling or a recurring electrical surge to deal with. It's in great shape. I'm supposed to feel bad because there isn't a 60 yard wide HDTV in the center? No marble countertops in the bathrooms? Look, I live in an apartment where I can actually hear my upstairs neighbors walking around. I'm hardly sympathetic to their plight.

Texas Stadium will be 39 years old at the time of demolition, built during a time when we still believed our political leaders were honest. That's how old that stadium is, old enough to remember our nation's naivete. And yet, they stuck with it for 39 years. The Dome was built in 1992 and they're already proclaiming it "old?" The kids born that year are still in high school.

Really, if you're so worried about Atlanta's "image as a world-class city," Mr. Blank, you might want to try working on our sprawl and traffic problems. Build some high-rises down town or help fund MARTA. I don't think that the Georgia Dome is keeping Atlanta from embracing its metropolitan destiny.

Come on, Mr. Blank. Quit trying to be like the other owners. The Falcons play 10 games in the Dome a year. They don't live in the catacombs. They don't even practice there. I could at least respect your motivations if they were honest, but they aren't. You're trying to pull the wool over our eyes. There's no rush to replace the Dome. It's sturdy and it's in a central location. It's clean and it's not a deathtrap. That's all we really need in a football stadium. All you need to focus on is keeping winning team on the field. If you want to provide a grandiose spectacle as a monument to your own greatness (like the JerryWorld Domed Pleasure Palace), then build a casino instead.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Rush Limbaugh vs. Midnight Basketball

I don't know how anyone measures the results of programs like midnight basketball, but if the expectation for it was to COMPLETELY ERADICATE THE SCOURGE OF CRIME, then yeah, it's failing on every level.

I guess that's exactly what Rush Limbaugh was expecting, because he throws it back in everyone's face as proof that "liberalism doesn't work." I guess in Rush's mind, basketball was supposed to break through the stone walls around our hearts and unlock the love within, because if Rush knows nothing else, it's how to love his fellow man. Also in Rush's mind, right next to the Oxycontin addiction and catycornered to the racism, is the idea that midnight basketball is the only thing that "liberals" can come up with to fight crime.

So, since crime still exists in our post-midnight basketball world, does that mean we should scrap it and programs like it? No, idiot, because programs like these are giving teenagers something to do. Midnight basketball isn't a Disney flick, where there's a stern but loving coach who inspires his charges to completely turn around their lives, but if kids are in a gym playing basketball, you know what they're not doing? They're not fucking committing crimes. I know kids today amaze people with how quickly they develop, but even they have yet to evolve into beings who can be in two places at once.

I know the logic is hard to follow, because it makes so much sense, but that's the benefit of not being Rush Limbaugh. In his world (and those who have no idea what the world outside of gated communities is like), the solution is to lock down high crime communities and put everyone in jail. After all, if people act like criminals, they should be treated like criminals. It's very black-and-white to him, mostly because he's white and all the criminals are black.

I know it's hard to tell, based on the positive images put out by pop culture and the news, but all black people aren't criminals. All black people don't live in crime-ridden neighborhoods. Racial profiling doesn't work. Jailing drug abusers doesn't work. But all Rush sees is that black people are safely away in jail, not realizing that security wasn't gonna let us in his neighborhood, anyway.

He also doesn't see (or maybe he does) that prison has become big business. There's no benefit for prisons to rehabilitate ANYONE, because that's less people coming back to jail. And programs that help keep people from becoming criminals don't benefit prisons, either. They also don't keep people who are afraid of criminals sleep better at night.

After all, trying to help people better themselves is so "liberal." "Those people" can't be helped, because if they could, they wouldn't have gotten into trouble to begin with. They should have known better than to be influenced by their environments. If they were smart, they would have used school vouchers to get to a private school, so they can rob the white kids. Because it's in their nature to be criminals.

Ah, that wacky Rush. It's going to be interesting to see that exodus of black players once he fulfills his lifelong dream of actually owning a black person. What will your players be, Crips or Bloods?

Monday, October 05, 2009

Brett Favre won't let my hate die

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

The Return of Flavor Flav

Flavor Flav is trying to get a show on TV where he goes back to school to get a diploma, because you can never have too many disruptive niggas in the classroom.

I know that this could turn out to be a positive thing. Flavor Flav is a public figure who might influence someone finish school. He dropped out in the 10th grade, and at the age of 50, has decided to get a high school diploma. On the surface, it sounds positive.

But let's be real. Flavor Flav, after traveling around the world, living the life of a famous music star, selling millions of records, starring in a rather successful reality series or two, and fucking thousands of women despite a face that looks like something that was lost under the refrigerator...after he's done doing all of that, has decided that school is an important priority. Really?

And it's such a high priority that he wants to air his high school adventures on VH-1, home of the groundbreaking "Flavor of Love." Groundbreaking in the same way that "2 Girls 1 Cup" is groundbreaking: You get to see that society hasn't quite hit rock bottom yet.

I really want to be positive about this, but it's Flavor Flav. No one expects anything intelligent from him, because he's fucking Flavor Flav. He wears a giant clock around his neck and has a mouth full of gold teeth. Expecting intelligence here is like expecting him to be a positive example of black manhood. And while I'm sure it'll help keep his own kids in school, I can't see anyone else saying to themselves, "I need to finish this paper, because if Flav can do it, so can I."

I want to believe that Flav will be an attentive student, who will dedicate himself to his studies and turn a brand new corner in his life. But I'm not that fucking dumb. That would make for some boring-ass TV, watching him be a functioning member of society. It's gonna be a half-hour of a 50 year old man continuing to set back Black America by being a clown again. Only this time...he's a CLASS clown. Zing.

As corny as that last line was, I'm willing to bet money that it was uttered at some point during the pitch meeting.

But what can he really say to kids? "Stay in school, so you can go far in life?" Ain't nobody trying to hear that from him. They'll look at him and think, "Didn't you have three seasons of a show based around women trying to fuck you, Mr. 10th Grade education?" Everything he's ever done appeals to what teenage boys want to do in life. I'd rather he just shut up and not say anything to the kids about staying in school. His existence destroys his argument and I've never known him to be eloquent enough to try to convince people otherwise. This is a man who's most famous quote is, "Yeah, BOYYYYYY!!!!" Not exactly Winston Churchill, you know? No one's gonna listen to him unless their goal in life is to go from "drug addict" to "STD minefield," and live to tell the tale.

So let's just call it what it is: A desperate attempt to stay relevant. If it was really about the education, he would have just done it and not tried to build a reality show around it. The only reason why this even came up is being his AutoTune-career didn't quite take off like he'd hoped. As proof that I'm not making this up...here.

Let the Democrats have their outburst

Rep. Alan Grayson of Florida has stirred up a shit storm recently by claiming the Republicans' health care plan is for people to "die quickly." I thought it was hilarious, because it's not a common thing for a Democrat to spout off crazy shit like that. Cynthia McKinney stopped being the "clown halftime show" of the Democratic Party a long time ago, and frankly, I miss it a little bit. It's nice to see a Democrat show some balls for once.

The Republicans are understandably upset about the whole thing, because they still believed that their plans were a total secret outside of their secret lair built into a mountain covered in lightning and darkness.

I'm not justifying what he said, though. I mean, filling the airwaves with blatant misinformation is what got us where we are right now. There are clear divisions between Americans, both racially and politically. We don't talk to each other; we talk AT each other. We're not working together for the betterment of our country and all that shit, because we're too busy trying to demonize folks and bring them down just to score "political points," like it's a video game. "If I can get that guy's poll numbers down 10 more points, I'll get two more votes on my crime bill and be able to put my initials in the machine."

Our political discourse is all fucked up because it's actually just a bunch of kids screaming at each other. Kids who are well-paid by lobbyists.

But can the Republicans get too mad at this? Shouldn't they be proud? After all, Alan Grayson (of the Flying Graysons) only stole a page from the Republicans' playbook. The one that says, "Pander to the lunatics."

It's exactly like how, from 2002 to 2007, dissent against the Bush Administration was akin to heresy in America. Anyone who tried to bring logic or clear thought to the conversation was branded as "unpatriotic," because everyone knew that Bush didn't read and people who did were clearly trying to show him up.

It's exactly like how, in the 2004 election, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, and all of Bush's supporters claimed that electing a Democrat as President would cause us to be hit by terrorists again. Or how, in 2008, they did the exact same thing to get John McCain elected.

Or it's like the Birther movement. Or the Teabaggers. The Texas secessionist movement. Anytime Michele Bachmann speaks aloud. People claiming that President Obama wants the country to fail. "You lie." The victimization of Christianity in America. Or how just two days ago, Republican Rep. Trent Franks of Arizona painted the President as an "enemy of humanity," because of his views on abortion. What the hell is that about? Real "enemies of humanity" come from Europe, and everyone knows that Obama's from Kenya.

So, do the Republicans really have any room to talk about anyone? Not only did the write the book on outrageous statements from their elected officials, but they hit people with the book every chance they get. Mostly because they know that it's what their political base WANTS to hear. Doesn't matter if it's true, realistic, or even physically possible. The base runs with it, because now they have reason not to like the guy that they already didn't like to begin with. Two days later, Sean Hannity is editing video that makes them racist Satanists and Glenn Beck is an emotional wreck about "losing his country."

So let's not get too up in arms about Alan Grayson, Red Staters. It's one tiny shot that will be forgotten in a week, because this is so out of character for Democrats. It's not like this "balls out, having backbone" phase will last.

Let them have this one, Republicans. Really, until you get your own house in order, it's not like you have any room to talk.