Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Everybody can't be Eddie Guerrero. So stop holding that against Chavo.

There's no shame in not being as talented as Eddie Guerrero. 

There have been thousands of wrestlers to walk the earth in the last hundred years.  It's safe to say that many of them were not on Eddie Guerrero's level.  You're talking about a guy who was strong, athletic, super-charismatic, and able to match up with any wrestler in the world.  When he was alive, he was easily one of the five best wrestlers in the world.  Since guys like that don't grow on trees, people get that, since he was so great, there was no shame in not being able to live up to his standard.

Unless you're Chavo Guerrero, Jr.  Then, you just plain suck.

Chavo had the misfortune of being raised with Eddie Guerrero.  Had he grown up anywhere else in the world and become a wrestler, he'd be looked at respectably, and judged on what he can and can't do.  But because his last name is Guerrero, this guy has to live the rest of his life being told that he isn't Eddie.  If only his last name was Cruz.  Chavo Cruz might have been a world champion by now, or at the very least, a TNA World Champion. 

All that's ever said about Chavo on the internet is that he isn't as good as Eddie and that he's getting by based on his name.  To be fair, everything said about everyone on the internet just as negative, but when it comes to Chavo, I'm like, "You're taking it too far, internet.  You're talking about him like you're talking about President Obama."  The guy just can't do anything right. 

So he isn't charismatic as Eddie.  So he doesn't move like Eddie.  So he isn't the wrestler that Eddie was.  Who the fuck is?  You know who else wasn't Eddie Guerrero?  AJ Styles.  Or Rey Misterio, Jr.  Or Big Show.  Or Christian.  But no one's rubbing their noses in the fact that they aren't some other guy.  Except maybe Christian.  I mean, Edge was so much bigger than him. 

But folks do it to Chavo because they share the same name.  All the while overlooking the fact that he's pretty damn good himself.  No, he's not Eddie, but he's a guy that also has good, fast-paced, exciting matches.  And he's stuck next to fucking Hernandez.  The internet is so fixated on hating Chavo for not being Eddie that they're overlooking the fact that he's teaming with Hernandez and still manages to pull good matches out of his ass.  Now that is talent.  When was the last time Eddie had to carry a shit partner like that?

The internet:  "When he teamed with Chavo." 

Me:  "Well, I guess I kind of walked right into that one, didn't I?"

Except that Eddie didn't have to carry Chavo through those matches.  No one did.  It ain't like he was Erik Watts, a clear case of nepotism.  Chavo carried his weight, held his own, whatever cliche you want to use to describe someone who does their part.  Chavo was one of the "Smackdown Six," and for once, he wasn't just "Eddie's nephew" something like that, where he could be dismissed.  He was on equal ground with everyone else.  And was just as big a part of those matches as Edge or Rey Misterio, Jr. or [REDACTED] or Kurt Angle.  Or, yes, even Eddie Guerrero.  Go back and watch those matches.  World titles be damned; Chavo Guerrero, Jr. can wrestle.

It's safe to admit it to yourself, Internet.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

How to Fail at Comforting Others: A True Story

One of my old co-workers died recently and I was really at a loss for words. Not because we were particularly close or anything, because we weren't. In fact, we didn't get along at all. But I was real cool with her son, whom I also worked with, and so i wanted to say something supportive to him and a couple of other people who worked there. And that's when i realized i had nothing prepared for such an occasion. 

When you're a socially awkward person like I am, you have to prepare for the moment when the world forces you to interact with others, sometimes on an emotional level.  For those who are personable and likeable, you probably won't understand, since you're able to use words to express what is in your heart.  But for those of us who spend a dangerous amount of time inside their own heads, preparation is necessary.  Usually, I have some stock phrases that i keep on call for certain situations. One of the worst feelings is to be caught out there, fumbling over your words when someone speaks to you in the hallway.  By the time you come up with something, the person who spoke to you is already around the corner, thinking what a rude asshole you are. 

So you have to prepare for that mundane interaction by coming up with a variety of responses in the event that someone does speak to you.  If you're particularly anal, you might write them down or rehearse them in the mirror, so you can get used to saying them without spitting in anyone's face.  Me, I like to imagine each scenario, where I'm able to effortlessly rattle off the response to each greeting.  My timing is always perfect, and sometimes, I even give the double point to the person walking by.  Yes, even in my imagination, I'm lame.

Anyway, you might have some go-to jokes or sarcastic comment that usually works in a variety of situations.  You might have a self-effacing comment for that person who asks how your day is going.  "I can't call it," works when you're around black people.  I don't even know what that means. 

But I got nothing for when someone dies. Nothing.  I wish I could be that person who always has the right thing to say in moments like that; the person who can console an entire room of people with just the sound of his voice.  That's the kind of person who talks people out of killing themselves, or influences people to turn their lives around.  They're like the opposite of a high school football coach. 

Me, I'm the one in the back of the room with his head down, precisely because I don't want to make eye contact and be forced to speak.  I know I don't have anything to add, so why make this gathering awkward for all of us?  Just leave me back here to draw my pictures of Spider-Man fighting the Ultimate Warrior. 

I genuinely struggle with all kinds of sad or sentimental moments. You'd think someone who wrote all the time would be better at that sort of thing, but it seems I'm only good with being critical, sports, movies, and mockery.  The worst part is, I can't even do those in spoken word form. Sadly, technology hasn't evolved to the point where I can use a keyboard to speak all of my words for me.

I know most people don't even have to think about this sort of thing in sad situations like death, because they have religion to lean on.  They can regurgitate any number of Bible quotes at a moment's notice, and all of them are the right thing to say, because they're almost identical.  "Trust God, it's His will, I'm praying for you (almost always a lie), He's right on time," and much, much, more.  It's like Time-Life's "Most Pious Greatest Hits Collection."

Not to say that they don't mean it or it isn't heartfelt, but no real thought is going into that.  They're just saying something they heard someone else say.  People have been saying those exact things to each other for literally the last 1500 years.  But that's the goal, I think.  You want something that will resonate with people, but no one has the time to think up something that good every single time something tragic happens.  So, plagiarism works, too.  The Bible is a large book with tiny words, and the majority of people who claim that they've read it haven't actually read it.  So you're in the clear, even if you decide to make up something that sounds Bible-ish.  Really, just say that the Lord has been there for you like he was for Methuselah, and people will just nod and say "Amen," never realizing that God killed Methuselah before the Great Flood so he wouldn't have to die with everyone else.  So uplifting. 

Sadly, I'm not religious, so I have to think up my own material.  And there's my problem.  What do you say to someone who's lost their mother?  I mean, I care, and I hurt for him, even if we haven't spoken in years.  I don't want to lie and tell him I'm praying for him (because I'm not), but he and his family are in my thoughts.  How do I get that across in one or two sentences that will hopefully help him through a trying time?

Because I don't think Kardashian jokes are going to go over well in that circumstance.

Some guy named Kevin Jackson is a partisan hack

Thanks to Twitter, this blog entry came to my attention, and I just couldn't resist.  It was attributed to Joe the Plumber, because most people who saw it came across it on his blog.  But there's no way a boob like that could be this articulate.  This wrong, yes, but not this articulate.  So I responded to the blog, FJM-style.  The unedited article can be found here.  The original post is in bold.  My comments are in regular text. 

Admit it. You want a white Republican president again. 

This is gonna go well.

Now before you start feeling like you’re a racist, understand you are not. Wanting a white Republican president doesn’t make you racist, it just makes you American. 

Naturally.  Everyone knows that this is the natural order of things.  Only wanting a black President makes you racist, which is why all of us black people voted for him.  We're all so racist.

In the pre-black president era, criticizing the president was simply the American thing to do. An exercise of one’s First Amendment right. Criticism had nothing to do with color, because there had never been a black president, or at least one whom people recognized as black. So to criticize the president meant that you didn’t like his policies. 

Yeah, all of those signs of President Obama as a witchdoctor or a monkey that Teabaggers held up were just the extra gravy to drive home the point of their valid criticism.  Definitely not racist.
 

The election of a recognized black president was not supposed to change anything. In fact, it was supposed to (1) ease any perceived racial tensions, and (2) allow the government to focus on legislating without race. So America would be more free than ever to discuss the issues. 

And yet, that damn Obama let his blackness get in the way.  Making all of these good white folks mad that he's black and President by being black AND President.  So racist.  How dare he?


Not the case. And that is why having a white Republican president is best for the country. Consider that nobody is ever accused of being racist for disagreeing with white presidents.

Unless you're Rev. Al Sharpton, Rev. Jesse Jackson, Cynthia McKinney, Dr. Cornel West, Tavis Smiley, Roland Martin, Tupac, all of the Black Panthers, Malcolm X, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., or any black commentator who isn't a Republican.  But go on. 

Mexicans disagreed with most white Republican presidents over America’s immigration policy. Many deranged Mexicans believe we should open the country up to them, some saying that much of America belongs to Mexico anyway. They are not called racists. 

Probably because they didn't say anything racist.  


Liberal blacks have disagreed with most Republican presidents since Eisenhower, yet these blacks are not considered racists. 

Clearly, you're not familiar with #WhiteTwitter. 
 
In fact, when blacks had sanity and disagreed with the policies of racist white Democrat presidents, nobody accused black people of being racists. 

Probably because, back then, people still knew what the word "racist" meant.
 
Fighting for one’s civil rights was not racist then, nor is it racist now. Blacks (and Republicans) were on the side of righteousness, when they disagreed with the racist policies of Andrew Johnson, and adopted by every Democrat president since. 

This is that part where Republicans forget what happened to their party in the 1960s.  Just willingly oblivious to the reasons why black people vote Democrat these days.  Always bringing up history until this decade. Then, they're all MARTIN LUTHER KING AND THE ABOLITIONISTS WERE REPUBLICANS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE????

Never has a black person been called racist, because they didn’t like one of the white presidents’ policies. Blacks were just exercising their First Amendment rights to speak freely. Blacks have disagreed with policy positions of about every Republican president in the modern era, including those who have helped them. 

See?  They just can't figure out why black people have been against Republicans since the 60s.  COINTELPRO was in your best interests, black people!
 
Take Reagan for example.

SAINT Reagan.  #fixed

Reagan ushered in a veritable Renaissance for blacks, as Fox News showcased. And the Reagan record? African-American columnist Joseph Perkins has studied the effects of Reaganomics on black America. He found that, after the Reagan tax cuts gained traction, African-American unemployment fell from 19.5 percent in 1983 to 11.4 percent in 1989. Black-owned businesses saw income rise from $12.4 billion in 1982 to $18.1 billion in 1987—an annual average growth rate of 7.9 percent. The black middle class expanded by one-third during the Reagan years, from 3.6 million to 4.8 million. 

Feel free to discount any impartiality in that block of text just because Fox News was cited as the source.

But, I would ask, what were the unemployment and income numbers for white people during the same time?  Because unless theirs were stagnant during the same period, I would just call that "general economic improvement," and not something he did specifically for black folks.  Just something we happened to benefit from.  Like welfare.  But please, continue giving Reagan this verbal handjob.      
 
Real Politics reports Obama’s statistics as follows: Median family income for black Americans has declined a whopping 10.9 percent during the Obama administration…This decline does not include losses suffered during the financial crisis and the recession that followed, but it instead measures declines since June 2009, when the recession officially ended. That’s not the only bad news for African-Americans. The poverty rate for blacks is now 25.8 percent. The black labor force participation rate, which rose throughout the 1980s and 1990s, has declined for the past decade and quite sharply under Obama to 61.4 percent. The black unemployment rate, according to Pew Research, stands at 13.4 percent. Among black, male, high school dropouts, PBS’ Paul Salmon reports, the unemployment rate is a staggering 95 percent. That report was from 2011, and it’s gotten worse since then. Facts don’t lie. 

Yes, like the fact that you're suggesting President Obama did this on purpose.


Yet blacks want to put Obama on Mt. Rushmore and hang Reagan in effigy. The only way you can argue with those stats is if you are a racist. 

He's the first black President.  That is pretty historic.  All he had to do was not fling his own poop at foreign dignitaries to lock down a Rushmore spot. 

And I argued with those stats, but I already knew I was a racist, because #WhiteTwitter told me so.  You know, that bastion of racial harmony. 


Truth be told, most Liberal blacks are racists. Nobody wants to discuss it, because racism by black Liberals has been sanctioned by the Left, even encouraged. 

I don't even know where this bullshit comes from.  So much wrong here, and yet, all of it remains a Republican talking point.

For instance, just because damn near all black people vote Democrat doesn't mean they're "liberals."  And almost all the black people I know vote Democrat, but they don't hate white people.  They might get angry with them, and truthfully, sometimes it's hard not to, but they don't hate white people.  
 
Black racists get a pass, as black race-baiters are unchallenged on the most idiotic ideas and statements. MSNBC’s TourĂ© said that using the word “angry” to describe Obama is racist. Juan Williams of Fox News said that mentioning the Constitution is racist, and the list goes on. But it gets worse. These Lefty racists do a far bigger disservice to blacks and America in general, as they rationalize Obama’s (and the Left’s) inability to create opportunity. 

And there it is.  "Voting for Democrats only hurts black people."  If only we were smart enough to look past all of the racist comments and behavior that come from Republicans to see that they're what's best for us. And I'm not even a Democrat.  I'm just anti-Republican. 

When their policies wreak havoc, they pose insane arguments. They say that Republicans are trying to starve people by reducing the welfare rolls that Liberals have happily increased by 16M Americans. Race-baiting, poverty-pimp Al Sharpton argued recently to keep 3M known deadbeats on welfare. 

Not like there's any particular reason why 16 million people needed to hop on food stamps.  No, the "liberals" just wanted them there.  You know, to bribe them into voting for Democrats.  Of course. 



Black racists don’t complain when black people are marginalized and insulted with policies that dumb down black America, like the lessening of academic standards. They are fine telling black youths that those youths are less smart than all other ethnic groups. 

I've never heard of a black kid saying that they were told that they weren't as smart as other ethnic groups.  Not unless that black kid was reading a report from the Heritage Foundation, a right-wing think tank that swears that black people are dumber than white people.  I know you know who they are, because Fox News cites their research all the time. 

Certainly no future ramifications from that policy, said nobody ever. These same racists allow for black children to be cheated in education and ultimately, opportunity, as their enablers—guilty white Liberal racists—turn a blind eye. 

Yeah, Republicans haven't played a part in the reduction of education standards at all, what with their desire to get everyone into private schools, fire public school teachers, bust unions, cut funding, add religion to science classes, rewrite history books to remove references to slavery and Civil Rights, as well as the horrific disaster called "No Child Left Behind," that has continued to ruin education for the last decade.  But keep telling us how "liberals" are so bad for education.

I long for the days of a white president, because under white presidents, at least black people had pride. Liberals have stolen pride from blacks, and they have no intention of giving it back. At least if we had a white president, black people might have a shot of regaining a modicum of respect. 

Yeah, we had so much pride under those first 40 Presidents.  Slavery and Jim Crow just helped us build character, right?


© 2013 Kevin Jackson – The Black Sphere, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Giving him all the credit for his bullshit, because I couldn't be this blind if I tried.