You should be ridiculed for caring about Dwyane Wade's outside kid

You people express shock at the dumbest shit. 

Dwyane Wade and Ludacris were revealed to have knocked up their side pieces in the same week.  Both are in relationships (but were on breaks at the time).  Dwyane Wade is an NBA player.  Ludacris is a rapper.  The only thing shocking here is that they didn't knock up the same woman.  I mean, we don't know that rapper and ballplayer sperm can't do that.  

If anything, it's your own fault for believing that a pro basketball player or a rapper would stay faithful to his wife.  And I don't say that because I think they're bad people.  I say it because they're constantly having random model/stripper ass thrown at them as they travel in luxury around the world.  The man who can resist that forever either has supreme will or is already gay.  The rest of us would have to have his wife standing next to him at all time, like Doug Christie did.  As freakish in the face as Doug Christie looked, the only reason why he got through his day without tripping into a pair of strange, spreadeagled thighs is because Jackie Christie was never more than 10 feet away at all times. 

True story.  Sat in on his interviews and everything. 

So, I don't see why what Wade and Cris did was anything outside of what you should expect from them.  If you want to call them out for anything, call them out for raw dogging their jump offs.  I mean, I assume they've both had enough jump offs to know better.  I also don't see why you're coming to Gabrielle Union's defense all of a sudden, because y'all know y'all hate Gabrielle Union. Gabrielle Union was this generation's Robin Givens until people stopped casting her in movies.  And the hate came solely from the fact that she was too good at her job of playing smart-mouthed shrews in every flick she'd been in.  It wasn't even based on real life.  So let's not act like you're doing this for her benefit.

And I'm sure, somewhere out there, someone's thinking about the kids, because Dwyane Wade and Ludacris (I guess) are supposed to be role models.  And if you're letting Ludacris's example raise your kids, then you're a worse parent than Siovaughn Wade.  Allegedly.  There might be an explanation for that day she sat on the corner wearing a sandwich board. 

But anyone who would look at Ludacris as a role model shouldn't be allowed to raise the kids that they're claiming to protect.  I mean, this is the same person who led off with "What's Your Fantasy," "Phat Rabbit," and "Ho," and followed up with "Area Codes," "Move Bitch," "Splash Waterfalls," and "P-Poppin."  These are probably the parents who post videos of their twerking children on YouTube.  The video would probably be set to a Ludacris song if he had any hits out right now.  As for Wade, true, he has a fatherly image that would be a good example for young boys. But so did Bill Cosby, when we were kids.  And look at how our generation turned out.  Our generation didn't follow his example.  Our generation didn't even eat the damn pudding pops. 

Also, I'm not throwing shade on Luda for those songs, because I own every last one of them.  Believe me, I ain't judging.  I'll be able to recite the words from "Ho" when I'm on my deathbed.  I'm just saying, if your kids ever knew the words to those songs, you're a horrible parent, that's all.

So what are we really talking about here?  Two men who ruined the concept of a "break" for black men everywhere, for starters (a ridiculous concept, anyway).  And a bunch of women who care more about two strangers' relationships than their own, evidently.  Also, I'm seeing that I have a far different concept of what is "shocking" than everyone else.  Magic Johnson was shocking (and scary).  Tiger Woods was shocking (and hilarious).  No one's been burnt or driven into a tree in either of these stories, which makes them quite boring.  I need to be scared or entertained, so I refuse to pay attention until we hear that one of the women is actually a man or something like that. 

Can we get some new stars?

Just hours before he was scheduled to perform at the BET Hip-Hop Awards, T.I., real name Clifford Harris, was arrested for possession of unlicensed machine guns. Who the hell gets arrested for this? Who do you think you are, Ordell Robbie?

(Google it, if you don't know who that is.)

Somebody help me understand this. You are T.I. You are one of the top rap acts in the country. You are a platinum selling artist. You appear in movies. You appear in mainstream advertising. You recently appeared on a open-panel discussion on hip-hop and its effects on our community. You have skated through your music career on minimal talent. You are rich. You have bodyguards. What the hell do you need with machine guns and silencers?

What, are you trying to be the Punisher for Halloween, and you want your costume to be extra authentic? Are you trying to defend the hood from terrorists? Next time I see some terrorism going down in East Point, I know who to call, because as we all know, the hood is a hotbed of terrorist activity.

Last week, I saw a guy planting a car bomb in a beat-up Chevy Celebrity, but when I got closer, it turned out he was really just duck-taping his muffler so it wouldn't drag the ground. My mistake.

Clifford's (because I don't know or care what "T.I." means) defenders would probably say that this was a set-up or something, but no one except the Bush Administration is spreading anything good through the use of machine guns. I seriously doubt he was planning to use them to bring whimsy and wonder to our childrens' lives.

Unless the revolution is about to start and no one told me, I can't think of a good reason for Clifford to need machine guns. If he needs protection, that's what the bodyguard was for. The bodyguard's job is to take bullets for you, not go buy more guns so your dumb ass can shoot back.

So thanks, Clifford, for being a good example. You're only one of the most visible music stars in the world, with millions of young black kids looking up to you. Yeah, no one's gonna notice this. Not on the eve of the BET Hip-Hop awards, where you were to perform AND nominated for nine awards. Hell, there was only a TON of press there just in case something illegal happened. Good thing you were there to keep the press from a slow news day.

Then, at the awards show, some of his fellow artists performed his songs for him and tried to make him out to be a victim, by saying things like "Free T.I." Listen, Clifford is not a political prisoner. You're not gonna see Clifford on a t-shirt with Malcolm and Martin. Clifford's troubles have nothing to do with "the struggle," unless it's struggling with his handcuffs, or struggling to find new ways to get arrested, because he won't be struggling to make bail or struggling to find a good lawyer.

Don't get it twisted, Clifford is not one of the Black Panthers.

If we are trying to hold up Clifford here as some sort of pariah or victim, then we are truly in trouble. Why do our stars have to be knuckleheads? Not that white folks don't have their own embarrassments, but for one, whites aren't all identified as one group, and two, I'm not embarrassed by the latest Britney Spears scandal. I don't really care how many cocks the paparazzi caught Paris Hilton sucking.

The real question here is, can we get some new stars? Maybe some who are allergic to jail time. Maybe some who won't brag about going to jail on a song (Clifford rapped on Young Buck's "Stomp" that he "caught some cases, but that's just a minor setback," before getting eaten alive by Ludacris). Maybe some stars who aren't so concerned with hood acceptance and "keepin' it real." I've never understood why you'd want acceptance from the hood, anyway. There's good people in the hood, but that's also where the people live who are plotting to rob you every time you go down there, regardless of their "acceptance" of you.

Can't we bring back Bill Cosby? Someone needs to get crackin' on that time machine.