My Trip to the Georgia Dome

I sat down at the computer and let out a long sigh. That can only mean one thing: The Falcons just put out another shitty performance.

I guess losing to Detroit wasn’t bad enough. They had to lose to Cleveland, right here in the Georgia Dome. What made it worse is that I was at the game. I couldn’t even change the channel to watch someone else.

I think we walked around the perimeter of the Dome at least three times, just trying to get to our seats. That’s not counting the steep mile that we walked, trying to get to our nosebleed seats. Three rows back from the wall. At least there are no bad seats in the Georgia Dome. But we were so far up that we were actually above the rafters. I think there was a homeless person sleeping in the row in front of us. It’s not like security ever checks that high up.

Of course, when you’re in a section like that, there’s a good chance that your section is loaded with drunks. Ours was no different. One guy, who we named “Doug” (after the guy on King of Queens) was screaming until he was red in the face. He harassed every Browns fan that he saw. He was a good natured fan, who undoubtedly got drunk before he even got to the game. I think that’s why his face was so red. I was hoping to see him fall over the railing, actually.

Something that’s surprising, yet not surprising at all: There were a ton of Browns fans in the Dome. It’s not surprising because no one in Atlanta is actually from here. It is surprising because it seems like no matter who the Falcons play, there are enough fans from other cities to make up sizeable cheering section. There was one Browns fan a few rows down from us that I just wanted to push down the stairs, for no real reason, other than being a Browns fan and they had dropped two quick touchdowns on us already. Those Cleveland fans looked so smug, what with their decent receivers and hope for the future. Anyway, he was pretty big and the stairs are very steep, so he would have gotten some good momentum going before hitting Doug down at the bottom.

Speaking of Doug, at halftime, we ran into him while we were talking to some fans in the hot dog line. I was suggesting to them that they take off their Vick jerseys now, when Doug lumbered through, trying to talk trash about the Browns and how the Falcons were going to come back and win. You’ve gotta love an alcohol induced fantasy. He stood there and yelled at the top of his lungs for a few minutes before moving on to the next hot dog stand to start the whole thing all over again. I don’t know where he was going, but I don’t think he ever got there.

There’s a reason why I’m wasting time and space talking about Doug and the homeless guy: I really don’t want to talk about the game. By now, you have a pretty good idea of where I’m going with that stuff. And while I’ve grown to love the Falcons, it felt good to be around others who are also tired of the BS that’s been going on here. I’m tired of seeing them screw up and so is the rest of Section 332.

The Falcons fans started booing Vick after awhile. Started booing their three-and-outs, started booing the playcalling, just started booing everything. Except the defense, which is the only thing on the field worth cheering, at times. At the end of the half, backup quarterback Matt Schaub replaced Vick and the crowd lit up. You’d think that young Joe Montana just stepped out of the timestream and ran out on the field. Finally, we collectively thought. The offense will run properly. We might have a chance. After all, Schaub gave New England all they could handle last year.

He threw one pass. Incomplete. Vick came back on the field. The crowd booed.

There was a group of guys behind us that we started talking with after one of them brought up how Greg Knapp is a terrible coach. It’s wonderful how pure hatred can bring people together. Another one of those guys was the biggest (and only) Roddy White fan that I’d ever met. He went on and on about how good Roddy White is, but he just needs time. I countered with my man-crush on Ashley Lelie, which has got to be the gayest football name since Dick Butkus.

At the end of the game, when the Falcons were blowing yet another drive, out of nowhere, that guy started screaming at the top of his lungs for Roddy White to get the ball. We all laughed at him, until Roddy White actually caught the long bomb that Michael Vick threw his way. The catch put the Falcons in scoring position. He might have caught two passes all day. Meanwhile, my boy, Lelie dropped two big passes back in the first half. I would say that it just wasn’t my day, but we were both cheering for the same team.

Getting back to the Roddy White catch…Michael Vick wound up fumbling the ball a couple of plays later. Game over. A fitting end to the comedy of errors that was taking place on the field. So funny that I wanted to meet the coaching staff in the parking area around back.

We filed out of the Dome, having to deal with all those happy fans from Cleveland. I just covered my face whenever I could, because I was embarrassed with how the Falcons played, like I always am. It’s just a little different when you’re watching in your house, because you don’t have to look at the happy fans from the opposing team. They called me out when I put my hood on. Damn. This never happens when I’m sitting on the couch in the basement.

It would have if my brother in law was here, though. He’s from Cleveland. If it wasn’t for our retard President, he would have, no doubt, been on the phone with us after the game, talking trash. Maybe ill-advised wars aren’t such a bad thing after all.

Renn, I’m kidding. Come back safe.

In what seems to have become a recurring theme, my dad went to the store after the game and bumped into a guy who was also there. All he said to my dad was something about how Greg Knapp needs to be fired. Like I said, it feels good to know that others see what you’re seeing. The bad thing is, the right people aren’t seeing it, because Greg Knapp is still getting paid.

My dad brought up an excellent point about Greg Knapp: He’s keeping his job because he knows this supposed “West Coast Offense” so well, but just because he knows the offense doesn’t mean he knows how to call plays in game situations. Nothing epitomizes this more than his willingness to run on 3rd and long situations, yet today, when faced with a 3rd and 1, he called a pass play.

So screw it all. The Falcons must not want to win. That’s fine. I’m tired of watching. My blood pressure can’t take it. There’s plenty of good going on right now, anyway. The Hawks are 4-2 and leading their division. Desperate Housewives is coming on in a little while. Julie’s supposed to get caught making out with Edie’s nephew. Should be good one. Jay-Z has a new CD coming out. Scrubs will be back on Nov. 30. I like coleslaw. I’m going to let the Falcons screw up the good thing that’s sitting in their lap. I don’t care. Nope. No sir.

At least, until next week.