Okay, so we're about two weeks into the NBA season and we've had plenty of time to see the effects of some of the changes that David Stern has made. I personally think that he's bored with having such a well-run league, so he's resorting to just randomly moving things around, so it looks like he's being decisive. If things turn out well, it's a credit to his strong leadership. If things turn out bad, it's the players' fault. No matter what, it's a win-win for him. It's a method that comes from the "Dilbert School of Management."
First, there's the new ball. I wasn't aware that there was a dire need to change it. However, since it's gone, I guess we all have to get used to it. The really entertaining part about this is going to be how many times players randomly blame the ball for poor shooting performances. "The Living Commercial" LeBron James did this on Tuesday, after losing to the Atlanta Hawks.
Now, it would be one thing if he had been having trouble with the ball and had been complaining the whole time. No, this guy blames his poor free throw shooting and shot selection on the ball after four or five games (not including preseason, and the entire summer he's had to get used to the ball). It couldn't have possibly been that the Hawks have actually gotten better and you didn't take them seriously, could it? Nah, that's crazy talk.
Secondly, owners have to comport themselves in a way befitting...I dunno, rich people, I suppose. This is known as the "Mark Cuban" rule, a man who is a constant thorn in the side of David Stern and a constant source of entertainment for people like me. Really, you'd think outspoken owners like Cuban would be welcome in the league, because if all owners had a passion for their teams like he did, the Clippers wouldn't have been a guaranteed win for so many teams over the years. I really fail to see what the problem with Cuban is. He's only been a successful owner, turning around one of the worst franchises in about 4 years. He's good to his players and he gets out of the way of his management. People want to work for him and play for him. Do you think James Dolan or Jerry Reinsdorf have gotten such glowing reviews?
Thirdly, players are limited by what they can wear on the court and how they can wear it. The thinking here is that players will eventually become walking billboards for the products they shill. Because, of course, that's much better than, say...a certain shoe company buying all of the advertising space for a certain "center" where sports are discussed and playing the same four commercials featuring a certain ball playing huckster for two straight hours. Because of that episode of SportsCenter, I now HATE The LeBrons. I actually turned the channel during his commercials, because I was missing the variety of the other commercials.
Lastly, there's the "no whining" rule, also known as the "Sheed Rule." I really fail to see the point behind this one. There is the occasional player who does argue too much with the referees...like, 'Sheed, for example. But, if the threat of being ejected didn't stop him from running his mouth before, what is ejecting him faster, alongside four other players going to do?
So far we've seen players get technicals for just asking where the foul call was, showing frustration with themselves for fouling a player, and showing mere hints of emotion in the general direction of the official. The only thing that this rule has done is made sure that all players know what it feels like to get a technical. All calls are filed under the folder of "showing up the official," but anyone who watches basketball can tell you that over the years, the officials themselves have baited the players into getting technicals just by ignoring the players and brushing them off, even when the call was clearly blown.
This rule change is just the latest in a slippery slope that has managed to eliminate any and all forms of passion from a passionate game. First, they took away trash talking, forgetting the fact that all the greats over the years have done it, including Michael Jordan and Larry Bird. Then, they took away "taunting," which apparently includes looking in your opponent's general direction after dunking on him. Last year, they made the rule that you couldn't speak to any player at the free throw line, after "Constantly Advertising" LeBron James whispered something to Gilbert Arenas that made him miss both free throws and lose the game. It was a mindgame in the tradition of Charles Barkley, and Arenas lost. Simple as that.
Now, you can't express emotion where the ref can see it. I guess next year, you won't be allowed to smile or give hi-fives to your teammates. After that, butt-slapping will be eliminated, because it makes you gay. For God's sake, kids are watching.
These are rules that are based on judgment calls coming from people who oftentimes didn't see what actually happened and can't even be challenged by people who saw what happened. When was the last time you saw a referee reverse his call in the NBA? That's right...it's the same number as the amount of people who think that Isiah Thomas will be coaching the Knicks next year.
With rule changes like that, it's clear that David Stern has never competed in anything before. Talking to your opponent and getting into his head is part of the game, no matter what you're competing in. Taunting is the icing on the cake, although I admit, sometimes it did go too far. But these players are human and they express themselves as human beings do: By showing emotion. I can't be the only person who misses seeing Dikembe Mutombo wave his finger in someone's face when he got a block, or watching Michael Jordan stare down the center who just became his latest victim. Or even better, watching Michael Jordan wave HIS finger in Dikembe Mutombo's face after Mutombo got dunked on by Jordan.
Personally, I miss the trash talking. It was the only reason I would pay any attention to Gary Payton. Or the intensity generated by two players who really don't like each other, going back and forth, constantly reminding each other of what they just did. It was how rivalries were generated and it helps make basketball great. Do you really think that Magic Johnson and Larry Bird would have taken their games to the heights they did if they didn't dislike each other so much?
Now, we're at the point where you can't argue with someone who's deciding the game. This is a man who has more power than any other type of game official in sports, a man who can call the game pretty much however he wants, and cannot be questioned or criticized in any way, shape or form, without reprisal. This must be what it's like to be a member of the Catholic Church.
It's looking like David Stern won't be happy until he has emotion-controlling chips in all the players' heads, with everyone calmly running up and down the floor, doing the same things and reacting in the same way. And that's only until the basketball-playing robots are invented.
It seems the "Robopacalypse" will soon be upon us.
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