"Cryme Tyme," huh? I swear, WWE just doesn't want black folks to like their shows.
Just when you thought that past gimmicks like "Akeem, The African Dream," "The Doctor of Style, Slick," and "The Nation of Domination," weren't offensive enough, here comes "Cryme Tyme," or "Cooning For the New Millennium." They haven't even debuted and they're already setting new low marks for black people on TV. The instant the first vignette was over, my buddy Tim, who never gets mad about anything, called me and said, "I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be laughing or if I'm offended."
The team consists of two young black males, robbing white people in seedy neighborhoods, dressed in hip-hop gear (complete with bulletproof vests), and talking heavily in slang. With that description, you don't know if I'm talking about real life or not. But because it isn't, it's going to go a real long way to improving our image. As if it wasn't hard enough already.
I guess the WWE is trying to finally capitalize on the long-sought after "hip-hop" dollar by speaking to us in a language that they believe we can all understand. I guess that language is supposed to be prison lingo. Thanks, WWE. Are you going to put 2 Cold Scorpio back in his pimp outfit, too?
And to heap on the racial uncomfortability (just making up words here), Shelton Benjamin is saying that he's been held back because he's black. Apparently, he has forgotten that he's talking to a majority white audience, and they don't want to hear that crap from you, even if you're able to get to the subtleties of your plight in your two minute backstage skit. Which you aren't. Yeah, you're going to get booed, but it's not real heat. They're booing you in the same way that they boo Iraq, or Muslim extremists. They ginuinely don't like it. We call that "X-Pac Heat." Basically, you're trivializing a very real problem. Sometimes, this does still happen, but no one's going to take it seriously, because by making a wrestling angle out of it, you've put it in the same category as "tag team partners being jealous of each other," and "Chris Jericho spills hot coffee on Kane." Thanks for furthering the struggle.
Believe it or not, the WWE had a pretty good run with non-embarrassing black people for a second, too. Faarooq had stopped setting us back when he was kicked out of the Nation. Booker T had come dangerously close to "cooning territory" during his feud with Stone Cold Steve Austin, but he straightened himself out again. After retiring "Sexual Chocolate," Mark Henry's biggest problem wasn't alienating black people, but staying healthy. All that goodwill went down the tubes a couple of weeks ago with the Cryme Tyme/Shelton Benjamin double-whammy. And they'd already been on shaky ground with Shelton Benjamin's momma. Yeah, because we've all got a fat, ghetto mama in a mumu. I hate you, Thea Vidale.
And don't think I've forgotten about Ernest "The Cat" Miller and Lamont. How does it make you feel that WCW used him better than you did?
WWE, know this. We've got enough trouble with members of our race embarrassing the rest of us on TV. Look at us. Al Sharpton is one of the primary black leaders. Hundreds of pro athletes are within a live mic at any given time. G-Unit continues to sell records. Flavor Flav's show is in its second season. BET is airing a video entitled "Fry That Chicken." We've got enough trouble without you adding to the negative stereotypes. We're adding to them just fine on our own.
Listen...I am a young black male. I've never robbed anyone. I've never attacked anyone. I've never been to jail. I don't wear my pants sagging off my ass. I don't have tattoos, gold teeth, or cornrows. I'm not in a gang, nor do I wish to be. I don't listen to 50 Cent. I've been to college. I read books. I'm pretty damn smart. Yet, I have been walking down the street, minding my own business, when the white people heading towards me crossed the street when they saw me coming. I've been stopped by the cops for no reason, just because I dared to walk the streets at night. I've been followed around so much by store security that I can pick them out when I see them. So pardon me if I fail to see the humor in your "racial caricatures." I don't look at Cryme Tyme with a "wink and a nod." I see them as giving white people more of a reason to treat me like I'm going to rob the place the second their backs are turned.
No, I don't expect you to understand, Vince McMahon, so I'll leave it that. Good luck with your racial humor. I hope your blaxploitation goes really well.
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