Just my shortened thoughts on a variety of topics. What do I think about...
...the Miami/FIU fight?
There was a kid swinging his helmet and another kid stomping players with his cleats, while a radio announcer talked shit in the booth. The radio announcer lost his job, but those players are still on the team. Something's wrong with that.
...Tiki Barber's "retirement?"
It won't hurt nearly as much as when Barry Sanders retired. I really just wonder how jealous Ronde is. Y'know...cuz Tiki's all famous and stuff.
...anything Mike Tyson says these days?
Seriously...does it even shock you anymore? He says he wants to fight a woman and no one bats an eye. This guy could punch out a horse in the middle of Times Square and no one would even notice. If you heard tomorrow that Mike Tyson drove a car into the scorer's table at a basketball game, would you even look up from your morning paper?
...Koren Robinson's year-long suspension?
I'm about as sympathetic as I am for Ricky Williams. I just don't understand why pro football players get high and drunk when there are 30 teams out there willing to throw money at you if you stop. Idiots...you do realize that they can cut you at a moment's notice, right?
...this year's New York Knicks?
The worst thing that can happen to them is that they win, because that means Isiah won't get fired. Of course, Isiah getting fired is the worst thing that can happen to the sportswriting community, because there's no one in basketball easier to make fun of.
...Korea's nuclear ambitions?
Do you think Bush realizes that if he'd gone into North Korea instead of Iraq, North Korea might not even have a nuclear bomb right now? I guess if I had the choice between invading the country that was thisclose to having nuclear weaponry or the country that had Stone Age level weaponry, and wasn't even the most dangerous country in the region, I would have picked Iraq, too...but that's because I'm a coward.
...Madonna's "controversial" adoption?
Yeah, how dare she rescue a child from a life of hardships! Why, she should put that kid back in the poverty stricken area where she found it and watch it die! Let's be serious here...it's not like she's actually going to raise the child. That's what those Mexican nannies were hired for.
...billionaire Steve Wynn's destruction of a $50 million painting?
Seriously...I wish I had problems like that.
...Black Planet?
Does anyone go there anymore? Anyone? I think there are more people using Friendster.
...the suicidal Terrell Owens?
Don't get too excited over your good showing on Sunday...everyone looks good against the Texans. Games like that fool people into thinking that Drew Bledsoe isn't quite washed up yet or that the Redskins might actually be a good team.
...the Oakland Raiders?
I thought Randy Moss was supposed to be a leader this year. Why was he the first one to throw in the towel? Why does Art Shell always look like he's figuring out how drunk he's going to get after the game? I look forward to watching this team have a perfect 0-16 season.
...PlayStation 3?
The thing costs $600 dollars. For that amount, I should be able to have good sex with it before it spits real hundred dollar bills back at me.
...Puffy's ever-changing name?
A producer in England actually sued him over the name "Diddy." Why would you fight over that name? Would you fight over who has the right to call themselves "Sugarbooty" or "Fairygirl?"
...Flavor of Love 2?
This show is setting ratings records. It's also got a spinoff coming, called "The Flavorette." What the hell is wrong with you people? I hate all 7.5 million of you.
...Cryme Tyme's wrestling debut?
Yeah, they were about as embarrassing as I expected them to be. Right down to their diamond-fronts. I'm not even going to bother to learn which is which.
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