Monday, February 02, 2015

The Real Issue With the X-Men: Apocalypse Casting

Last week, Bryan Singer announced the recasting of Cyclops, Jean Grey, and Storm for X-Men: Apocalypse, and nobody really seemed to care, because who the fuck are these people?  They're like the cast of the new Fantastic Four flick, except for Michael B. Jordan. In fact, they're so anonymous that they might be the same people.  

The Storm casting did get some buzz from Storm fans, because she is once again being played by some girl who doesn't fit the Storm mold.  I get it, because everyone wants to see their favorites represented properly on screen.  It's the reason why I have decided that the Transformers movies are nothing more than a series of night terrors filled with slow-motion action shots and blurry metal shards that I can't wake up from.  Storm fans (myself included) want to see their girl shown as the powerful African leader that she is, instead of the sidekick to Jean with a white wig that she's become.  

But the really important issue with this recasting hasn't even been addressed:  We no longer have to watch Wolverine's love affair with Jean Grey that never made a lick of sense.  I assume it won't be there, because it would be really, really creepy.

See, I'm a masochist, evidently, because I've watched all of the X-Men movies.  And I watched them closely enough to realize that Wolverine knew Jean Grey for maybe a week, in total movie time.  So watching him tearfully kill Jean in the third one, and dream about her years after the fact, always made me sick.  I should have been crying, because I was the one who sat through X-Men: The Last Stand. 

That plot thread is something that is well known to folks who read the comics.  For a couple of decades, the comics teased the idea that Jean and Wolverine had a long smoldering attraction for each other, and in another world, they might have been together.  But Scott had that on lock (for reasons that continue to mystify us), so Jean would never act on it, even though Wolverine would sometimes press the issue.  

In the flicks, Wolverine met Jean, spent almost no time with her in the couple of days he tooled around the mansion, then left the X-Men for an undetermined amount of time.  He showed up back out there just in time for them to get invaded, and never saw Jean again until a few minutes before she died.  She was an evil zombie throughout the next movie, so it's not like she was in a position to further explore their relationship.  Wolverine worked hard on his chest to impress her, so her rejection forced him to kill her.  Some of this might have been made up, because that third movie was so awful, and I really don't want to watch it again.

But saying that Wolverine knew Jean for a week is being generous.  

It's kinda like in Man of Steel, where Superman and Lois have no reason throughout the movie to get together, but they still have to kiss at the end, because that's the expectation.  Wolverine is a dude who trusts no one and hasn't for decades, but he meets this girl who's already booed up, spends no time with her, but when she dies, he's suddenly so close to her that he's on the brink of tears?  And in the next movie, he struggles to kill her, even though he hasn't had a problem killing complete strangers since this trilogy started?  Even though these movies were supposed to walk their own path, Wolverine and Jean had to eye-bathe each other, because those were the times.  Even if it doesn't make sense.  

That's the kind of foolishness that this recasting gets us from up under.  Sure, Storm is still underwhelming (and probably wasn't going to be a big part of the movie, so they're just filling a roster spot), but we're just that much closer to a movie that makes sense.

Monday, January 26, 2015

#CancelWWENetwork is a thing, and I don't blame you

Please don't misunderstand, WWE.  People aren't canceling their WWE subscriptions because Roman Reigns won the Royal Rumble.  They're not canceling because Daniel Bryan lost, either.  That would be pretty stupid.  People are canceling their subscriptions because they're tired of your shit.

Your show is trash, WWE.  Raw is trash.  Smackdown is trash.  NXT is cool.  Your pay-per-views are trash.  And have been for quite sometime.

I quit watching WWE in 2007 or so, because your shows started crapping out.  They were not worth my time.  They were not entertaining.  And WWE was not missed.  The Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania came to Atlanta during that time, but I didn't care.  I wasn't watching, and I didn't, until 2011, because I heard about CM Punk and the "pipebomb" promo.  And once I saw that things hadn't changed at all, I quit watching again.  But I wanted to watch wrestling, so I watched TNA instead.  At the time, TNA still qualified as "wrestling."

I'd check in from time to time with WWE after that, right up until the present day, and it was never getting any better.  Boring angles, uninteresting wrestlers, the endless three-hour death march known as "Monday Night Raw."  Like, they named a guy "Bad News Barrett," in the tradition of "Bad News Allen/Brown," who was named such because, if you got into it with him, it was bad news for you.  The updated version of this gimmick?  He literally came out and gave people bad news.

We went from a tough guy to a guy whose gimmick was to say, "I've got some bad news. Your city sucks," or whatever he said that week.  This is the level of creativity we're dealing with here.

And all the while, ticket prices are rising and pay-per-views are getting astronomical in price.  Wrestlemania had reached $60.  The average price was $45, and there was at least one every month.  And you're getting Bad News Barrett for your money?

So then, WWE introduces the WWE Network in 2014, and for $10 a month, you can watch all of their pay-per-views, WCW's pay-per-views, ECW's pay-per-views, and all kinds of old shows and content.  Not only that, you can watch the new pay-per-views live each month, for no extra money.  It's a great deal, and eventually, I signed up for that.  Not to watch the new shit, mind you, because it's dogshit.  I signed up to watch the old shit.  But if you're gonna throw in that month's show for free, I'll check it out.  And that's what I started doing back in November.

And the three pay-per-views I've watched haven't been worth the ten bucks.  Just some of the shittiest damn wrestling shows I've ever seen.

Now, I know how disappointed I was, and I had just started watching again.  I can only imagine how folks feel when they've been watching the entire time.  Before the network, when you had to pay full price for these shows.  When you were paying all this money in ticket prices.  When you were watching their shows every week.  And the shows are just awful, but the people running the show don't care.  You're still coming, you're still watching, so why change?

But WWE has invested a lot in this network, and they want it to take off.  It's been struggling to get subscribers, even at that low price.  They can't afford to lose the subscribers they have.  That's their weak spot.  They could ignore you when they were just on TV or on pay-per-view, because there are other entities involved that are providing money to the company.  Ratings had been dropping since 2002.  They didn't care.  They had advertisers and such to keep giving them money.  But this network is all on them.  And these numbers come to them in real time.  So frustrated viewers can make their voices heard.  By canceling.

Enough was enough, and when you can't do any better for one of your big four shows than what we got last night (and Survivor Series before it), well, I don't blame folks for canceling.  I don't know where this idea comes from that people can't dislike the shows that they watch, and they can't complain when something that was good isn't good anymore.  Some people enjoyed the Royal Rumble, but a lot people didn't.  And that's not because Roman Reigns won and Daniel Bryan didn't.  It's because it was a shit show, and along the way, they seemed to take special care to keep people from enjoying the guys they like.  If you gave Daniel Bryan fans (or Dolph Ziggler or Cesaro or Dean Ambrose) a good showing before he lost, people might not have reacted the way they did.

It wasn't worth $45 for PPV, or whatever people paid for tickets, or even the three hours it took to watch it.  Here's hoping that WWE finally starts to understand that.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

College players don't play any harder than pros, you fool

I get that some folks like college sports more because of this myth that college students play harder.  I don't know where it came from, but it had to have been started by someone who doesn't understand football. It's a really stupid argument that NFL players aren't playing hard all the time, because you will be killed if you play football at half-speed while everyone else isn't.  You could try to argue that teams collectively decide to slack off, but we've seen that before, too.  It's called the Pro Bowl, and the Pro Bowl sucks.

People really push this idea when it comes to basketball, though.  Personally, I don't buy the fact that pro players don't play hard, because there is no other sensible reason for Kobe Bryant to sweat that much.  If Kobe is sweating like that and not playing hard, I suggest that he see a doctor.  I mean, besides the one about to cut open his shoulder.

Now, if you told me that pro players didn't play hard every night, you might have an argument, and even then, I don't blame the players.  The players aren't slacking off because they're overpaid fat-cats that can't be bothered to entertain the fans.  The players are slacking off because they have to play the Knicks six times.

The NBA season is already an 82 game grind, and you expect these players to bring the same fire that they'd give to Chicago to the Philadelphia 76ers?  The good teams get more of a challenge playing themselves in practice.  Playing the Sixers multiple times is like the morning conference call of basketball games.  It has to be done to make the boss happy, but you're not about to pretend like it's truly necessary.

It's only an expectation because it's believed that Michael Jordan did it.  Oh, Jordan never took a game off.  And he probably didn't, because Michael Jordan is a lunatic.  You saw from his Hall of Fame speech how much trouble he's having adjusting to civilized society, where every perceived slight isn't grounds for some form of revenge.  When regular people do that, they usually need to seek some form of counseling, because making the other person keep shooting half-court shots for two hours until you win (this actually happened) isn't a realistic option.  But let's make Michael Jordan's rare psychosis the standard for NBA players.  Kobe shares this affliction, but you hate Kobe, and right now, he's trying to figure out how to tape up his rotator cuff so he can play next week.  This isn't healthy behavior.

Besides, the NBA season is four times as long as a college season.  Who can't bring it for twenty games?  True, being browbeaten by some redass college coach could be exhausting, but if you're any good, you're only gonna be there for a year or two, anyway.  When you're a 19 year old college player who has agents secretly telling him that he's going in the lottery, and girls sneaking in and out of your dorm room, you're not listening to the coach, anyway.  Play defense? Defense is for suckers.  Carmelo didn't play defense at Syracuse (and it was a zone defense, at that), and he has a $124 million dollar deal.

And that's what it's all about, anyway.  They're not doing this for some mythical love of the game.  This is their audition for the same millions that Carmelo gets.  They don't love the game any more than the pros do.  They just don't have to keep up the illusion as long.

But let these kids have to go on a six game road trip in the middle of a forty game season, through flyover country, against a bunch of schools that even Digger Phelps would struggle to recognize, and see how much effort you get.  John Calipari could offer his players cash bribes on top of their secret signing bonuses and Kentucky still wouldn't show up against Kennesaw State.  Hell, if they did show up against Kennesaw State and beat them by 70, these same folks would complain that Kentucky ran up the score.

So I don't mind if players take a few games off because who cares, they're playing Charlotte.  If Golden State really brought it for four quarters against Charlotte, Charlotte would lose by 200 points and Michael Jordan's anger would make him try to suit up again.

And you shouldn't care, either, because it's not like those games get aired by anyone except NBA TV.

Sunday, December 07, 2014

CM Punk should be your hero

Seems like everyone has had a few choice words for CM Punk this year, whether it was because he left, how he left, or because he explained his reasons for leaving. Everyone seems to think he's a bitch for walking out on Vince McMahon, like doing the right thing matters in that situation.  In 2011, he was cool for saying everything we had been saying about the company, but now, he's whining. And I don't get that, because the people who are talking shit should really understand where he's coming from. I know I do.

Right now, I'm working a job that I hate. It isn't the first time, but hopefully, it'll be the last time. I get burnt out dealing with the same, easily fixable bullshit that happens around here, or being told that management is listening, but they ignore you when you show up with ideas. Or having to be the one who takes the hit when other people can't or won't do their job correctly. That shit gets tiring and stressful, and if it wasn't for the fact that I don't have millions in the bank, I'd tell that place to go fuck themselves expeditiously.

So I understand where Punk is coming from, and that's before you factor in that he had to risk his already injured body to make dangerous people like Ryback look good for six nights a week. No matter how much money you make, some days, you just lie in bed and dread the amount of shit that's coming your way.  And goddammit, you just don't want to deal with it anymore.

Maybe we don't want to understand his side because he's living our dream, and we think that's what we want. And because it looks awesome, that's what he should want, too. He ain't digging a ditch.  He travels and he's famous.  He gets to be at Comic-Con and on Talking Dead.  Plus, he's a millionaire, and stupid people think that means you lose your right to complain.  But that's part of the problem, and like Punk says, Vince is taking advantage of that.

Just because everyone wants it and thinks they're willing to put up with it or its been done this way for so long doesn't mean it's correct. Slavery was practiced in America for 400 years. Rape and dowries used to be a part of the courtship process. Drilling holes in the skull used to be a legitimate medical practice. And just because John Cena is willing to go 400 days straight with no break doesn't mean that CM Punk should have to suffer in silence. If he isn't physically or mentally capable of holding up anymore, for whatever reason, then he should go home.

And that's before we get into the petty shit that WWE does.

Yeah, WWE is petty, and we've known this since the Huckster and Scheme Gene. We've lambasted WWE for decades because Vince McMahon is a very small man when he wants to be. He was the bad guy when he did those skits and he continued to be the bad guy up until he fired Alberto del Rio for slapping a racist backstage. He lets all sorts of bigots, sexists, and bullies run rampant in his locker room. He encouraged his wrestlers to use steroids, while at the same time telling those wrestlers that they didn't really work for him.  And even though they didn't really work for him, when they left his employ, he limited their employment opportunities elsewhere (no-compete clauses). He's your best friend when he can make money off of you, and when you're all used up, ready to die, or completely hate the business, you never hear from him again. And people don't put up with it because they love fake fighting or because they're heroes. They put up with it because they've been raised to believe that this is how it's supposed to be, as long as Vince is paying you.  For one guy, the money wasn't incentive enough to keep coming back. And that's the guy you call a bitch?

Man, fuck that. You've walked away from jobs and people for way less, so miss me with this shit about how Punk should have stuck it out or that WWE was somehow in the right. If Punk's story is correct, he went home because he was hurt and burnt out, WWE didn't want to fix anything that was wrong with him (because he's an "independent contractor"), then they fired him on his wedding day (and of course they knew all about it, because fucking AJ Lee had to have that time off).  If Punk's story wasn't true, don't you think WWE would have immediately sued him for telling it?  Don't you think they would have responded online? Vince had the floor just last week on Stone Cold's podcast, and didn't refute a damn thing. 

No, I don't fault CM Punk at all. In fact, I'm jealous, because I wish I could do that shit.

Because as badly as I'd like to see him cutting promos and giving me one solid reason to watch WWE, now he's living my dream. He has the freedom, like Chris Jericho or Rob Van Dam, or John Morrison before him to go explore the other shit that they like to do. And if he ever decides he wants to wrestle again, he can. And if not, he doesn't have to.  CM Punk should be your hero, because he told the establishment to kiss his ass, and legally speaking, they did it. 

Only this time, it wasn't kayfabe.  And that's unfortunate, because I was hoping he'd demand the ice cream bars again. 

Saturday, November 08, 2014

Dion Waiters doesn't have to stand for the National Anthem, and neither do you

I swear, y'all get so touchy about the wrong shit.

There's a story going around that Dion Waiters, shooting guard for the Cleveland Cavaliers, declared that he isn't standing for the National Anthem anymore, because of his religious beliefs.  He's a Muslim, and as we all know, Muslims hate America.  Well, we would all know that if we all did the right thing and watched Fox News.  

And as you'd expect, there's a whole lot of people mad at him, because reacting without knowing reasons is so commonplace in America that you'd think it was in the Constitution.  To let the folks I saw online tell it, we should all be offended that he hates America so much, and that he should go play in the Middle East if he loves Islam so much.  Only the most measured and reasonable responses go on the internet.  It's not like he'd stand for the National Anthem over there, either.

Now, as an old man, it isn't the first time I've seen this.  I remember when Chris Jackson, later known as Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, of the Denver Nuggets (and hated Gulfport High School), did the same thing back in 1996, for the same reasons.  He eventually decided to stand and pray, as a way to, um...what's the word that means "meeting in the middle?"  Compromise.  You'll have to excuse me for forgetting the word, but it never happens in our culture anymore, so I haven't needed to remember it. 

But in the meantime, people went crazy, just like they're on the verge of doing now.  Insults, death threats, the whole nine.  And over the stupidest of reasons:  Over a song written by a slave owner who ironically didn't want his own freedom restricted.  And for a song about freedom, people out here sure are hell-bent on Dion Waiters not keeping his.

After all, it isn't a crime not to stand for the National Anthem.  It's a nationalistic custom that became codified, but no one ever goes to jail for this, and people refuse to stand for the National Anthem all the time.  Hell, I've personally refused to stand for the National Anthem before.  And it's not like there aren't things happening in America that give people reasons to feel like America isn't with them.  Dion Waiters is black and a Muslim.  Buddy's got a list.  

But he probably isn't doing it for those reasons, anyway (although he'd be justified).  It isn't some political statement that he's making.  Muslims simply believe (according to the Google research I did right before sliding into an endless vortex of Salon articles. There's one that explains why we have pubic hair. Pubic hair.) that they're not supposed to humble themselves or stand in veneration for anyone except Allah.  There's a lot I don't agree with when it comes to Islam, but I have no problem with that.  After all, they're trying to stay good with their omnipotent and eternal Creator, and you want to give them grief about a custom built up around a song written 200 years ago that'll probably be forgotten in another hundred.  When it comes to historical importance (from their perspective), you might as well be mad at them for not wanting to do the Schmoney Dance. 

And if you're a Christian (and most of you are claiming to be, because atheists really don't care that much), you probably should back up off all this anger, because your religion says something similar, all up in the Bible.  Yeah, revering this flag and song is tantamount to idolatry.  I'm an unrepentant heathen, and even I know that your God doesn't like that.  Come on now, you know that dude is jealous and angry.  You think he's gonna be reasonable about your nationalism?  I guess you could throw Romans 13:1 at me (Google it, like I did), but again, there's no authority that says you have to stand for the flag.  Just advisory rules that suggest how you observe the custom.  

Really, none of this means anything at all, because while Dion Waiters didn't stand for the National Anthem in Utah on Wednesday (he was still in the locker room), he did stand for it Friday night in Denver.  Waiters says that the story isn't true at all (might not even be a Muslim), and what's more likely is that he was pouting about being pulled from the starting lineup in Utah.  Waiters has been talking shit about how he should start from the minute LeBron said he was coming back to Cleveland, so I'm sure he wasn't happy about coming off the bench.  But I felt like I should address it, because I know how Americans like to overreact about meaningless things.  

It's what I get for insisting on reading the comments.  Never read the comments.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Blogger Can't Pull Her Head Out Of Her Own Ass: The Eric Garner Edition

It took a lot of effort to write this and not make it about trashing feminists.  I just feel like I need to you let you know that up front.

I don't need to tell anybody that the Eric Garner murder by the NYPD is all fucked up.  I think we all agree there.  And I'm not telling you that you have to go protest and hit up every rally that breaks out, because let's be totally honest:  I won't be there, either.  I am a lazy person in general, and I work ten hour days in a city whose only defining characteristic is heavy traffic.  I barely even visit my parents, let alone attend protests.

So there's no shame in not attending any of those marches, and I'm not just saying that to cover my own ass.  But if that's what you're gonna do, just don't be a self-involved dickhead like this lady, who wrote a piece over at "For Harriet," (read it here) where she declares that she won't join any protests for Eric Garner because men don't support the fight against misogyny.  I was gonna call her a "twat," but I don't want my own inherent misogyny to take this discussion off course.  I think "dickhead" is a fair compromise.

Kimberly Foster, the writer of this piece, argues that, while she will shed tears over Eric Garner (because there are no other ways to express sadness or sympathy with this family than writing that you're literally shedding tears), she will not join the fight for justice, because we men have not converted to full time feminists.  To fully drive her point home, she also says in the piece, "you're not my friend anymore," and "I'm taking my toys and going home."  It's the kind of writing that exemplifies why people make fun of thinkpieces.

It really is a childish argument to make, that she's not going to do anything for him, because all of us (penis-wielders, that is) don't do anything for her kind (feminists, I assume).

Now, to be fair, men really don't do much for women's rights, or understand how women navigate a world where there are a lot of men are trying to fuck them, regardless of their wishes.  I'm stealing this line from Louis C.K., but essentially, the number one threat to women are men.  And it's true.  Men stay raping women, killing women, beating women, insulting women, calling them names because they told them no, putting them in those ratchet ass strip club rap videos, you name it, we do it.  Generally speaking, the number one skill that men have is hurting women or breaking down their sense of self-worth.  To put it in Madden terms, we have a 99 ranking in that department.  And speaking of Madden, that's our number two skill.

It's not all men that act like this, but from a woman's perspective, she doesn't know who is or isn't going to be that asshole, and has to keep her guard up.  I get that.  While it isn't 100% of men who act like that, probably 99% percent of people who act like that towards women are men.  The remaining 1%?  Bull dykes, I guess.  Are we still calling them "bull dykes?" I don't even know if that's offensive.  Anyway, these statistics probably aren't 100% accurate, because "the inside of my ass" isn't a legitimate source.

And yet, because all men aren't on board with her crusade (which is a worthy cause), she isn't going to take up this crusade.  As if women aren't wrongly arrested, assaulted, or killed by the police.  This isn't a man/woman issue, because the cops don't give a fuck about anybody.  She must have missed that video where the cop pinned the lady down with his knees and started teeing off on her face.  I wish I could have seen the little hamster inside her head stumble on his running wheel as she was thinking this shit up.

Just because it was a man this time, that excuses her from all protesterly duties.  She'll save her bile and rage for when it's a woman being assaulted by the police, so she can charge him with a violation of her rights and misogyny.  She ain't getting out the bed for no less than misogyny.

This is the divide-and-conquer shit that prevents justice from being served.  While you're drawing your line in the sand, the police are still beating on people with impunity.  But don't worry about that, because reciprocity is the more important hill to die on.  All you're doing is showing that when the shit goes down, you're not gonna be there.  And if you're not gonna be there, that's fine.  Just don't paint yourself as someone who's taking a noble stand by leaving people hanging when they need help.  You ain't no hero. Anybody can do what you're doing.  Ignoring homeless people on the street can give you that same sense of self-satisfaction.  What you're doing is trying to position yourself as some sort of victim, when you're actually someone who can't think outside of themselves for five minutes before you have to ask, "What about me?"

But hey, it's your blog.  Whatever works for you.

Friday, May 09, 2014

Josh Gordon ain't no political prisoner (also, weed is delicious)

Rob Van Dam once talked about how all these world class athletes all smoked weed.  Can't find the quote, but he said something to the effect of, "Why is it that all of the finely tuned athletes who know so much about their bodies are choosing to smoke weed?"  Maybe it was Joe Rogan.  Anyway, they're basically saying that if there was something really wrong with it, these people would know and wouldn't use it.  I tend to believe them, because they both have (or had) shows built around smoking a lot of weed and talking about it, so I assume they'd know. 

I personally don't think there's anything wrong with weed.  I've said since I was a teenager, I'd rather my kids smoke weed than cigarettes.  And yet, it's still considered a part of the same category as heroin.  In the eyes of the law, weed and heroin are the same.  It's a ridiculous idea, because one has been killing people since it came out and the other is responsible for American weight gain.  They're not the same thing, and I think one of them should be legalized, even if it is responsible for putting Taco Bell on the map. 

Josh Gordon, wide receiver for the Cleveland Browns, obviously feels like I do, because he just failed a second drug test the other day.  He could be suspended for a year as a result. 

And like with all drug suspensions, some people are calling him stupid and other people are like, "hey, man, weed comes from the Earth, man."  Personally, I don't think it's worth an actual debate.  At least not about the rightness or wrongness of a Gordon suspension.  The debate needs to be about weed laws and how the NFL eventually will treat them, not whether or not it's fair that he could be suspended a year, while Ray Rice, who punched out his fiance in a casino (allegedly, even though we all saw the video of the aftermath), will be starting Week 1 of the season.  Or that Jim Irsay, who was arrested with pills and cash in a pillow case, got his situation swept under the rug.  It isn't.  We all know the NFL doesn't hand out punishment fairly. 

But Josh Gordon ain't no political prisoner.  He's a weed head.  And I don't even say that negatively, because weed heads are fun people to be around.  I don't know Josh Gordon, but I'm sure he isn't any different.  I don't really follow Cleveland sports, because reading about Cleveland makes dark thoughts crop up in my head, but I haven't heard anything about him being lazy or causing a problem up there.  In fact, he's a really good player, so clearly, he can handle his high.  But let's not act like this man is facing a grave injustice.  His civil rights aren't being violated.  The NFL has clear rules and testing procedures for weed.  I don't think they have one for punching your girlfriend in the face, otherwise, half the league would be actually be practice squad players, because everyone else was already suspended.

I'm not saying that to justify spousal abuse, either.  The NFL and the Players' Union need to crackdown on players who do stuff like this, unless it's good business for them to represent a gang of wifebeaters.  Even if it's just smashing their toes with a hammer, or a series of paper cuts, they need to do something to let players know that attacking their wives is not okay.  In a perfect world, they would do this and fight for a loosening of drug restrictions.  But there's no sense in that, because their only choices in this are "conform or nah?"  The NFL is never going to budge on this.  Ever. 

It was suggested (on Twitter, admittedly) that because weed helps with brain injuries and stuff like that, and because the NFL has a huge problem with brain injuries, Josh Gordon shouldn't be suspended.  And that sounds reasonable until you realize that we don't know if that's why Josh Gordon was smoking.  He might just like making smoke rings.  And we can't ask him now, because of course he's gonna say that's why he was doing it.  Hell, I'd tell you it was curing my crippling erectile dysfunction if it kept from me getting suspended.

Another thing to realize is, the NFL has proven that it doesn't give a shit about players and their stupid brain injuries.  To them, that's just a left-wing conspiracy cooked up to bleed the job creators dry.  That's why they hid information about brain injuries from the players and that's why they nickel and dime former players now.  Junior Seau shooting himself in the chest didn't mean anything to them.  They're far more concerned about the image of the league (WE GOTTA PROTECT THE SHIELD, MAN!), and while weed is still illegal, they're not going to change anything, no matter how many tests prove that it helps with brain injuries.  They won't even change if it's legalized, because after that, there will still be a lingering perception of weed as a "drug."  As far as the NFL's concerned, you better grab a fistful of somas or a cortizone shot and get back on the field. 

That's where the real debate needs to be.  Not whether or not Josh Gordon is getting screwed, because Ray Rice is living out his Mike Tyson fantasies and Jim Irsay is playing "Breaking Bad," and nothing's happening to them.  Unfortunately, the rule is the rule, and they don't have one for punching women or owners going to buy $29,000 in drugs.  Or smoking fake weed and jerking off in a parking lot (this one is absolutely true).  Or even for players causing a national security uproar at the airport.

See, that's the problem right there.  Josh Gordon isn't being as imaginative with his infractions as everyone else.