Friday, October 21, 2011

How to dispose of your wild animals before you kill yourself

Look, if you're gonna own a bunch of wild animals, become suicidal, and decide to free all your animals before you kill yourself, presumably because you want them to taste some freedom, then you're a stupid asshole.

First of all, if you were so concerned about the freedom of animals, you wouldn't have held giant jungle cats locked up in your backyard. But let's say you didn't think that part up until later, so you think that freeing them at the end is a good idea. You don't live on the plains of the Serengeti. You live in fucking Ohio. There are cars and police and a SEVERE love of guns in this country. There's no way those animals were going to do anything but get killed. What did you think would happen, that they'd get away? Maybe sneak aboard a tramp steamer and have an adventure, where they learn the value of friendship with a ragtag crew of merchant marines, who take them back to Africa? I should speak low; DreamWorks might be hunting for a premise for Madagascar 5.

So for the next idiot who decides to set his savage killing machines loose in America for ANY reason, just keep in mind that if you're actual concerned about their safety, you'd leave them locked up so some nature preserve can come and get them instead of forcing police to shoot them in the streets. You cunt.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Finally Famous Vol. 3 Micro Review

I got about eight songs in on Big Sean's Finally Famous Vol. 3 mixtape before I had to stop. This is all I heard:

"I'm so clean, I'm so clean. BITCHES. I slept with your girlfriend. MONEY. I'm from Detroit, I'm from Detroit. DETROIT."

I have no hope for the future.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Booing is nothing. Meeka Claxton got off easy.

...and to think, if not for Twitter, I wouldn't have known anything about this. Damn you, Twitter.

Anyway, Meeka Claxton, from that show Basketball Wives, where self-entitled rich cunts act like cunts for the world's entertainment, got booed when she tried to step outside of the show's cunty confines and do something worthwhile. She recently appeared at a Clark-Atlanta charity event to show support for HBCUs and was essentially told "fuck you" by the crowd, forthwith and without hesitation.

I guess we're supposed to feel sorry for her or something, but I don't. And I shouldn't. Look at the show she's on. The few minutes of the show I have seen, it was just spoiled, rich women with no redeeming qualities fighting with each other. One evening while fixing cable at a customer's house, this show was on and the ease with which it set back black women in America made me angry. If all of these women turned up dead tomorrow, I would just assume that they had it coming.

Shows like this are why God has turned his back on America. That's why I went outside and cut the lady's cable off completely until I was done working.

But some people actually defend Claxton, claiming that it's just entertainment and that we shouldn't keep her in that box when she isn't on TV. She's an entrepreneur in her own right, worth $7 million dollars, and is the only "Basketball Wife" that is still married to the man allowed her to qualify, Speedy Claxton. And really, Speedy Claxton spent so much of his career injured that he barely counts as a basketball player.

Thing is, she's on a "reality" show, which is passed off by the television networks as "reality." While most of the situations are set up by producers, she's still the one passing off her image as "reality." These people are not actors. This is supposed to be who they are. So, should we really be surprised that people are treating her like this in the real world? People treat Casey Anthony like she's a psychopath and a murderer because they believe she is, based on what they learned about her on TV. What have they learned about Meeka Claxton?

Based on the two and a half minutes of research I did on her, she is the one that "everyone loves to hate" on Basketball Wives, according to Eurweb.com. They go on to state that "Meeka’s best known for her backstabbing, social jocking, and gossiping mouth. She also had a weave-pulling fight with fellow cast member Tami Roman in the Rome, Italy episode." So they basically learned that she is a terrible human being. She's lucky that all the crowd did was boo. In a world where people will throw their own feces at Tila Tequila, she should be thanking the crowd that all they did was try to let her know what trashy person she is.

Who am I to make such judgments on her personality when I've never met her? I don't have to meet her. She's on a reality show, giving the show's producers consent to present that image of her as reality. Based on that, there is nothing about her that demands respect of any kind.

It's not like she's a soap opera star, playing a character written for her. Only crazy people confuse that with being reality. On this show, she's being herself, right? So that means she acts like this whether the cameras are rolling or not. She can't be too concerned with how she's seen, or she wouldn't allow that to be all that the public sees of her. Or to be more direct, no one is looking to treat Snooki respectfully, either. Nor should you. If a person presents themselves as an asshole at every turn, why would you respect them? There's probably something wrong with you if you do.

Understand this, Meeka, no one cares who you are because you're worth $7 million, and are a self-made successful businesswoman. They know you for willingly and gleefully being a bitch on TV. Therefore, you should expect to be treated like a bitch in the street, just like policemen expect to be treated like policemen and Snookis expect to be treated like drunken whores. If that's not who you really are, then stop acting like that's who you really are. To people who watch the show, you are that person. Just be glad that they don't stone you. I'm sure it has correctly crossed their minds.

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

A Black Spider-Man Won't Be So Bad

Here lately, Marvel and DC have been making a few efforts to diversify their lineup of characters. Batman has been hooked up with a black guy named Bat-Wing. Mr. Terrific is getting his own book (that's likely to be cancelled within months, not because he's black, but because it's a book about a guy who's really, really smart). But the most controversial addition seems to be in Marvel's Ultimate Universe. Ultimate Spider-Man is now a Blaxican. Well, I guess he's Mexican. He's half-Black, half-Hispanic. I suppose I shouldn't assume.

From the few comments I read over at the IGN comment section, Miles Morales isn't going to be well-received. They don't like the forced diversity and feel that instead of just changing characters into black people, they should create original characters to reflect the diversity that Marvel and DC are trying to portray. One guy (I couldn't be bothered to go back and read his name; let's call him MrFantastic420) even said that changing Spider-Man into a black/Hispanic guy isn't true diversity at all.

And that shit is goddamn stupid.

Look, no one said anything about Spider-Man 2099 being a half-Puerto Rican Irishman named Miguel O'Hara, and it's the exact same thing. Furthermore, Nick Fury was turned into Samuel L. Jackson, and that was considered to be the most brilliant thing since we climbed out of the primordial ooze because we figured out that we didn't have gills. And that wasn't changing a guy's secret identity, that was changing the guy from Knight Rider into the guy from Pulp Fiction.

But that last point intrigues me: How is that not true diversity in comics? I mean, there's a black guy there where there didn't used to be a black guy. That's one more black guy than was there yesterday.

It's something that has been done before in comic books without controversy. Superman was replaced by four people once, and one of those guys was black. Ted Kord was replaced as Blue Beetle by a Hispanic teenager. Firestorm's two white guys were replaced by a black kid and his Asian girlfriend. It's nothing new. Tony Stark was replaced as Iron Man by James Rhodes. Hal Jordan was replaced as Green Lantern in the comics AND on the cartoon by John Stewart.

I guess it never bothered anyone that Rhodey was Iron Man or that John Stewart was GL, because we always knew that Stark and Hal would be back. But Ultimate Peter Parker is Ultimate Dead, which means, he isn't coming back. I suppose that's why it's a problem. Ultimate Spider-Man is an Ultimate Blaxican. Or Blackarican. Whatever.

But it's not Spider-Man. This is ULTIMATE Spider-Man. He's like, Earth-2 Spider-Man. And that's kind of the point of the character, and the universe, for that matter. They can try things that they couldn't do in the regular Marvel U without assholes claiming that someone just "spit in the eyes of continuity." That's why they have tidal waves wiping out whole superteams and Galactus existing as a swarm of bugs.

And while it's Ultimate Spidey and not regular Spidey, it's still a prominent position for a black man to be in. And Hispanic. Whatever. A black (Hispanic) man is now the top dog in a major comic universe. It's exactly like when Barack Obama become President, except that no one knows about it but comic nerds and the whole thing was made up. Okay, so maybe it's not like that at all. But it kinda is. A little.

It's makes sense to do something like this, because it's boring and predictable to make Spidey ANOTHER white guy. That's something that Captain America or Batman do (and DID. Even though it makes complete sense for a black man to be Batman. We merge into the shadows easier). Besides, creating whole lines of Black characters was also tried. How many years did Milestone last? Creating Black characters for the sake of doing it isn't a good idea, because that's how you get abortions like Rage and Night Thrasher. But in this case, it sounds like they have a story they're trying to tell, so I'm in.

It's so easy to write the whole thing off as "They're fucking fake, losers," but as a black comic nerd, I understand better than most what it's like to be force fed another minority hero. It's offensive and insulting. For a long time, I hated Luke Cage. HATED HIM. Luke Cage, Roadblock from GI Joe, The Junkyard Dog. All the time, I thought, "Why do you they all have to rhyme and dance? And what the fuck does 'jive' mean?" I was a very detailed thinker as an eight year old. But I wondered why black people couldn't just be heroes. Why do they have to be BLACK heroes? Where was my Superman? Where was my Hulk Hogan?

Here's hoping that for a younger generation of minority comic book readers, Ultimate Spider-Man (and Firestorm and Blue Beetle) can be just that.

And even at it's worst, it can't reached the depths of the time they turned the Punisher black. I'm still mad about that one.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Terrorists + Explosives + MIcrosurgery = Safe Americans

So terrorists are looking to surgically implant bombs inside of their bodies. At first, I was a little worried about this. I mean, we are living in the future now. Microsurgery is as common today as amateur porn is with college girls. It's everywhere. I mean, I had microsurgery three times today before the sun came up.

But then, four seconds passed and I realized that this plan isn't likely to get off the ground. I spent more time thinking up that "amateur porn" reference than I spent being worried. After all, these are the same people who have yet to master exploding shoe OR exploding underwear technology. Not only that, back in Afghanistan, one of the things they enjoy blowing up is hospitals. The secrets of microsurgery will probably keep stumping them until they can rightfully die filled with bullets.

As soon as I heard that they were trying to do this, I could almost envision the scene in front of me: A group of men huddled around a TV, watching a bootleg of The Dark Knight. They see the part where the guy shows up in jail with an exploding cell phone lodged in his stomach. One man gets up and starts screaming excitedly, then the mob burns down the building in celebration. Happens just like that all the time.

Trust me, terrorists: That. WILL NOT. Work. But feel free to try. I figure you'll blow up at least 75-100 of your own before you realize that this isn't working out as planned.

Friday, April 29, 2011

A Non-Douchey Reason Not to Watch The NFL Draft

Look, I'm not gonna knock anyone for watching the NFL Draft. There's no accounting for some people's tastes. I mean, let's be honest: "Real Housewives" became a franchise, and that was nothing more than selfish, middle-aged, plastic surgery victims drinking and yelling at each other. So, it's not like anyone in this country can really knock anyone else for their viewing choices. At least people who watch the NFL Draft have a legitimate reason for doing it. I don't watch it, but then again, I watch "TNA Impact" every week, and I know going in that no less than 60% of that show is complete crap. So it's not like my tastes are the standard by which all things should be judged.

But I'm begging you, if you love the NFL Draft, you'll stop watching it for a little while.

Think of this as a precautionary tale. I used to love the NBA All-Star Game, and so did a lot of other people. Then, corporate America noticed. Now, I have to watch ESPN pretend that Jon Barry in a Darth Vader mask is funny or some sideline reporter ask Jason Alexander what he thinks of the game. It is painful to watch, and they don't even have the good sense to put it on before the game, where I can cheerfully ignore it. Nope, it's right in the middle of the game, during the timeouts. Timeouts brought to you to Haier (the official refrigerator of the NBA).

The All-Star Game became a grand spectacle of commercialism, with product placements, celebrities in awkward comedy skits, and the goddamn musical acts. Now, I don't love the NBA All-Star Game as much anymore. It's become overblown and filled with horseshit.

There used to be a coolness about watching the best players get together and play a game. Now, it feels like the NBA is telling me, "Yes, this is cool, and you should watch." Instead of it just being a fun game, it's become "Must See TV," because the hype machine tells you that it is, and four months out, the promotion has already begun. And look, Beyonce! Because now, the game can't just speak for itself. The game needs to draw in all demographics, since basketball lovers just aren't enough.

The simplicity of a cool idea has been lost in all the glitz and glamour that's been artificially added (by Hyundai, the official midsize sedan of the NBA). Look, I just wanna watch a game. If I want to see Bruno Mars or Kanye West in their skinny jeans, pantomiming through their latest hit, then I know where to find them. There's MTV2, BET, VH-1, E!, radio stations, the VMAs; a ton of other places that make way more sense than a basketball game. Everything doesn't have to be an opportunity to sell me something.

And it's not just the All-Star Game. Look at the Super Bowl. Look at the BCS Championship. Look at Wrestlemania. Instead of just being about the game (or the matches), it always has to be a "larger-than-life, multimedia, grand-spectacular-extravaganza!" Brought to you by Texas Instruments, official calculator of the NBA.

The worlds don't always have to merge, but that's not how corporate America see it. There has to be synergy, and cross-demographic appeal, or some other words that I don't completely understand. I don't even know if the ones I threw out were right. And this is the future of the NFL Draft if it gets too popular.

They've already gotten ahold of the Super Bowl. Don't let them do the same to the NFL Draft. Because once they have Rebecca Black performing before the first pick (brought to you by Summer's Eve, the official douche of the NBA), it'll be too late. You're dealing with Corporate America here, and they don't learn. Remember, Ashlee Simpson was booed at the 2005 Orange Bowl, and they still trotted her out there for the 2007 Rose Bowl, where she got booed again. These are not smart people. They will RUIN your cool little private party.

So do yourself a favor, stop watching the NFL Draft. At least for a little while. Just read the Yahoo! Sports coverage or something. It's already setting ratings records, so time is short. Please. I'm trying to save you from THEM.

And it probably won't hurt for you to cut back on the Combine, too.

Monday, April 25, 2011

In Response to "The Chick-Fil-A Buycott." What a stupid name.

I’ve always wanted to do this. Well, ever since I read Drew Magary over at Kissing Suzy Kolber doing it.

Anyway, what follows is the text from the website www.afa.net, or the American Family Association. They’re organizing a “buycott” in support of Chick-Fil-A, because gay people are mad at Chick-Fil-A for not liking them. The text is unedited, with periodic breaks for my own commentary. It’s so much easier to respond to stupidity this way.

What is a BUYCOTT?

It is collectively showing appreciation for a company by purchasing their products or services – the opposite of a boycott.

Why BUYCOTT Chick-Fil-A?

You probably didn't hear about this on the evening news or read about it in the newspaper,

What? But the lamestream media should have been all over this! It involves those evil sodomites hating Christians for their love of God! That lovely Sarah Palin once said, “Gays masturbate all over the pages of the Bible.”

but after a Chick-fil-A restaurant in Pennsylvania donated some sandwiches and brownies to a marriage seminar hosted by the Pennsylvania Family Institute, pro-homosexual activists went ballistic. According to syndicated columnist Michelle Malkin:

Stop right there. There’s something to be said for considering the source, because if you’re starting off by quoting Michelle Malkin, you know you’re about to hear some lies. Its like holding up the word of Loki as the gospel.

Fact is, Chick-Fil-A has been financially supporting anti-gay politicians and Focus on the Family for a while now. Of course, it sounds much better to say the boycott happened because Chick-Fil-A was “donating sandwiches and brownies to a marriage seminar,” because it allows you to throw “because they hate marriage and God,” on the end of it.

  • Several left-wing activist blogs launched an all-out attack on Chick-fil-A.

This is probably true. Because if someone was giving money to the Klan, I’d expect black people to boycott them. Gays are just like black people, in that they’re also people.

  • Some started calling the company's main product "Jesus Chicken."

This is also probably true, and it’s pretty clever. You’d think they’d like this name, because if they actually had self-replicating chicken that allowed them to feed the masses, profits would skyrocket.

  • They mocked and belittled the company's "Not Open on Sunday" policy.

To be fair, lots of people mock this policy, including people who like Chick-Fil-A’s food and fat people. At least a couple of those can be considered “Christian.”

  • They smeared company employees, calling them "anti-gay."

This is most likely an exaggeration, but if anyone was going to be called “anti-gay,” it was probably the executives. I doubt anyone’s gonna run up in a Chick-Fil-A and call the 17-year-old behind the counter “anti-gay.” It’s not like they’re being asked to murder gay people. They’re just selling chicken.

  • One individual – Michael Jones – started an online petition campaign "demanding" that Chick-fil-A renounce "extreme anti-gay groups."

And this is bad why? I mean, isn’t Focus on the Family considered “extremely anti-gay?” Oh, I get it: We all should support anti-gay groups, because that’s what Jesus would do.

  • Users of Facebook organized witch hunts on college campuses.

Sure, they did. Facebook users organized mobs that hunted down innocent people and burned them at the stake. The police really shouldn’t have found out about it this way.

  • In a feature article that ran in the New York Times' Sunday A-section, reporter Kim Severson attacked Chick-fil-A saying it is "anti-gay."

Well, all of the evidence points towards the Cathy family (the owners of Chick-Fil-A) being right-leaning, deeply religious, and supportive of conservative groups. So maybe they’re not “anti-gay.” Just “not in favor of their lifestyle,” which is totally different.

All that because one Chick-fil-A franchise donated a few sandwiches to a seminar aimed at helping couples strengthen their marriages.

If only that was all they did. Really, even gay people wish that straight couples would get their shit together, because they are RUINING the sanctity of marriage. Every little chick helps.

That reaction certainly seems like making a mountain out of a mole hill. You get the sense that there's more to this attack on Chick-fil-A than meets the eye. And you're right. There is.

Yeah, but it’s less about sandwiches and more about money towards anti-gay groups. Not that Michelle Malkin would tell you that. Her angry spittle washed all those pesky facts off of the page.

Chick-fil-A operates on Biblical principles and that irritates secularists

Because no pro-Christian propaganda would be complete without Christians playing the victim. Forget the fact that they actually are anti-gay. Gay people are not anti-Christian. They appear that way because they’re actually responding to the bullshit you brought to them. Otherwise, they’d just go on being gay and gay.

It’s stupid as shit to even suggest that Chick-Fil-A’s business practices are an actual reason, because no one cares about Chick-Fil-A being a Christian-run business. I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t eat Chick-Fil-A because they read Bibles in their corporate boardrooms.” Perhaps they don’t because the sodium content is a touch high, however.

Secondly, I think it’s a safe bet that a huge percentage of the people that they paint as “secularists” are actually Christians. They’re just not sensitive assholes.

Thirdly, no one gets irritated by Christians for being Christians. It’s just when they start that whole, “The Bible says you shouldn’t do this,” crap that they become annoying. “Don’t put too much air in your tires, because Thessalonians 2:10 says this.” If you try hard enough, there’s a Bible verse against everything, and having someone throw that in your face all day is fucking annoying. Especially when the God you believe in isn’t nearly as anal. Besides, who wants to live in a world where they’re not allowed to enjoy anything? That’s what makes Christians annoying. And it only gets worse when they form those overbearing fundamentalist groups that don’t believe in the mantra “live and let live,” but instead, “legislate into submission.”

  • For Example:
  • Chick-fil-A plays Christian music in its restaurants ... exclusively.

Even Kirk Franklin? I never hear Kirk Franklin in Chick-Fil-A…and for that, I thank you.

  • Chick-fil-A closes all its locations on Sunday ... no exceptions.

Again, only annoying to people who eat food.

  • Chick-fil-A's stated corporate purpose is: 1) To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us; and 2) To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A.

Sounds good on the surface, and in fairness, Chick-Fil-A is the only fast food spot that has never pissed me off. But can’t you glorify God after I’m done ordering? I don’t wanna get religion all over my food.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

Black progress today means that slavery was okay!

I shouldn't have to say this, but just because we have a Black President in 2010 doesn't mean it was okay to invade and rape Africa 500 years ago.

I don't know where racists get the idea that LeBron James being able to sign a big money deal in the NBA means that 500 years of slavery, abuse, exploitation, segregation, dogs, firehoses, Bull Durham, George Wallace, the Klan, exploding churches, and Rush Limbaugh were okay. That's like saying it should be okay for people to rape you in prison, because once your therapy is complete, you're gonna have a really good story to tell.

Where does this idea come from? The slavers weren't looking to do hook Black folks up when when they showed up in West Africa. They didn't say, "If you come with us, your kids will dominate sports and pop culture one day," and even if they did, I don't think that's a very good selling point. They didn't rape our Black women to help their descendants with their hair care issues. Slavery was fucked up. Post Civil War America was fucked up. The 1960s was a less fucked up, but still fucked up. And every time someone suggests this myth that we are somehow better off today because Kunta and Belle watched Kizzy get sold off for learning how to read, it reminds me that things are still fucked up.

I don't think people who think this way really understand what slavery means. We didn't choose to go and there's wasn't an opt-out clause in our contract that said we could go back home if we didn't like it. We were stolen away from our homes. We had a religion forced upon us. We weren't even considered to be people. We were beaten, we were starved, we were forced to work, we were raped, we had no rights, no education, nothing of our own, isolated in a land that wasn't our own. And once we finally got free, we were resented by the oppressor for having the nerve to want freedom and equality. It took 100 years from the point slavery ended just to get the Civil Rights Act passed. And even now, we're still dealing with the problem of race in America, and if we weren't, I wouldn't be bothering to write this.

We were fine in Africa. The Africa of today isn't the Africa that was there when white folks showed up. We weren't bothering anyone when the slavers showed up with their hypocrisy and their Christianity (one and the same, really), and decided that our way of life wasn't good enough. Oh, and we had diamond mines. Can't forget that.

So, they enslaved some of us and colonized the rest. Yeah, you were really doing us a favor. If they really wanted to do something nice for Black people, they would have stayed the hell out of Africa. There wouldn't have been any exploitation of people OR resources. There wouldn't have been any colonization, any turning tribes against each other, and maybe, just maybe, none of the things that set Africa on the path to all this behavior that makes the world think that we are nothing but mindless savages. Yeah, you really helped us out, slavers. Our biggest problems before were just getting eaten by lions and the occasional tribal war. That shit is no problem at all when you're faced with smallpox, slavery, genocide, J. Edgar Hoover, and the crack epidemic. Clearly, we had no perspective at all.

Thank God you guys came and gave it to us, though. Now, we know what true wickedness is. Our form of slavery wasn't even the same as yours. In Africa, slavery was more of a debt to be paid for a loss of battle or crime committed, and eventually, the enslaved could leave. Your form was the corporate version of slavery, where slaves were a resource to be exploited; a commodity to be traded. Boy, were we naive!

So stop with the bullshit. Just because Michael Jackson sold a bunch of records and Roland Martin gets to be on CNN doesn't mean that everything that happened in 1849 was totally worth it. It was still a goddamn atrocity. The ends never justify the means. If they do, that means that the Holocaust and Hitler should be celebrated, because it got the Jews a free country, money, and gave us Steven Spielberg. Much like slavery, the Holocaust was fucked up. That's why they call it "The Holocaust," and not "Weekend at Bernie's 3: The Relaxing Gas-Chamber Sauna."

If someone truly believes that we should be grateful to white people for our peoples' journey through Hell, just because eventually, it worked out pretty decently, then that person should be thrown into piranha-infested waters for being that ignorant. Sure, we've made the best of a shitty situation, but claiming that the progress of the last 50 years means that the slave trade was okay makes them an asshole. America would be a much greater place today without all of that Black blood on its hands.

Why I don't get Black Republicans

Michael Steele seems like a great guy, from what I can tell. He's engaging, he's likable, he's intelligent, and he has a sense of humor about himself. Overall, the guy seems to be a pretty fair and level-headed person. I could be wrong, because I don't have an encyclopedic knowledge of the man, but my take on him is that he seems to be fairly decent.

But he's a Republican, and that's where we split ways.

It doesn't have anything to do with politics, either. Believe it or not, sometimes, the Republicans are right. I know, I know, they really shit the bed with that "War in Iraq" thing, and being a friend of the rich at the expense of everyone else is a really stupid idea, but here and there, they have an idea worth listening to, like securing the Mexican border and while I don't think eliminating the estate tax will ever work, lowering it wouldn't be a bad idea. The problem is, every so often, one of them or someone who represents them says something that is just crazy racist.

It can't be defended or explained, but the Republicans will try like it's going to bring Ronald Reagan back. And that's when they trot out all of the black Republicans to tell us why massa didn't mean what you thought he said. And that's when I lose respect for them, because the Republicans are not interested in doing anything to help us out at all. I'm not talking about getting handouts from white people, because that's what they believe all black folks want. I'm talking about things like fixing the school system in lower-income areas or trying to lower the recidivism rate. You know, things that they've shown no interest in doing. Their solutions have always been school vouchers and "three strike" rules.

They can talk about being "the Party of Lincoln" all they want to, but everyone knows that they stopped being "the party of Lincoln" in the 60s, during the Civil Rights era. See, there's a reason why black folks stopped joining the Republican Party; they're bigots and racists. It's led by people like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly, and if those people aren't racist, then Ann Coulter actually possesses a soul, and we all know that's not the case.

I can respect a difference of opinion. We probably aren't going to see eye-to-eye on things like tax cuts, abortion, Homeland Security, or many other things, but when you're accepting of people who say things like "I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship,"(Bill O'Reilly) or [To an African American female caller]: “Take that bone out of your nose and call me back.," (Rush Limbaugh) well, it's pretty hard to say, "Now, that's a guy who's on my side." I know they're not going to work with me, because they don't even believe I'm an actual human being.

They are the voice of Republicans. They watch Fox News. They listen to Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann; Rand Paul and Louie Gohmert, instead of reasonable people. They don't condemn the crazy or racist shit they might say. They make excuses for them and blame the media for taking statements out of context. Now, maybe it's me, but I don't see how you can take something like,
“Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons,” out of context. Rush Limbaugh again, in cause you were wondering.

I don't believe that all Republicans are racist, but they sure do have a lot of racist buddies. Sean Hannity's ties to and apologies for white supremacy groups are well-documented; many supporters of Palin and Bachmann are unrepentant racists. And then, of course, there's Fox Nation, which is like accidentally wandering into stormfront.org. So, why would a black person want to hang around with people like this? Because you believe you have something in common with them? Because Abe Lincoln and Martin Luther King were once Republicans?

They don't like you, black people. And even the ones who do like you tirelessly defend the ones who don't. No one ever calls out these people. No one. And to think your presence will change this party from the inside is hopelessly naive. You're better off trying to prove that Taco Bell's meat has meat in it.

I'm not suggesting that you should become a Democrat, either. Hell, I'm not even a Democrat, because I don't want anyone thinking that I'm a pussy. But instead of trying to get in good with Republicans, why not form your own party? You can keep your conservative views and your dignity. You don't have to explain to anyone why you're okay with being second-class in your own party. You can earn the respect of your family and maybe, just maybe, get someone to take you seriously.

I'm just tired of seeing my black folks play the fool. The Republicans include you when they need you or when you further a goal for them. They think by having you parrot their talking points, that other black people will listen. And since people like Lil Wayne or the folks at BET aren't gonna change, I might as well try to appeal to people who appear to give things some thought. So let me conclude by saying this: By standing with them, you are the house negro who defends the slaveowner, even at the expense of himself. The above paragraphs have explained why.

Monday, January 10, 2011

The political right is absolutely right. There is no evidence that this Jared Loughner kid listened to right-wing radio, watched Fox News, or any of that dyed-in-the-wool Republican crap. They are so right on this point. However...

...to hear the crazy shit that comes out of these folks mouths, you don't have to go to those sources. It's so outlandish sometimes, that real media outlets are forced to report on it. So, he could have heard that shit anywhere. CNN, MSNBC, Comedy Central, TLC, magazines, newspapers, and literally millions of places on the internet. Let's not act like you have to actually watch Glenn Beck to hear how crazy he is.

The political right is also correct in saying that they are not the only ones who use violent imagery. Everyone goes a little bit over the line sometimes, no matter what the reason may be. However...

...the sheer number of instances that come out of the mouths of right-wingers, be the Tea Partiers, Libertarians, or just run-of-the-mill Republicans is just overwhelming. These people are forever talking about gun rights, rising up against imagined tyranny, the streets running with blood; the right just spend the last two years promoting revolution...or did I imagine the preacher IN ARIZONA who openly prayed that President Obama would be killed?

Yeah, they've got that quote of the President saying "if they bring a knife, you bring a gun," or something like that, but for every ONE quote from the left that uses gun imagery or suggests violent uprising against elected officials, I'm sure I could easily find you thirty. The left just isn't that quick to talk about killing people. Let's be honest; they're generally pussies. Even when George W. Bush STOLE a Presidential election and forced us into a war that no one wanted but him, the left didn't get violent. In fact, Cynthia McKinney got voted out of office for being too upset about it. President Obama won one fair and square and the man instantly faced more death threats than any President in history.

So it's not like people are making things up. The right likes to talk about guns. The right likes to buy guns. And a lot of people on the right are looking for a reason to use one.

That's not to say that no one on the left gets crazy. It's just that no one else is known for it like the right is. And the legitimate media can't even get blamed for this one. The right's own media outlets promote this stuff. It's what their viewers and listeners want to hear. They want to hear Glenn Beck link the Obama Administration to Nazi Germany and scare them into thinking that they'll need to defend themselves. They want to hear Rush Limbaugh say something crass and tasteless against someone who isn't a WASP. They want Sarah Palin to get out there and say, "don't retreat; reload." If they didn't do it, it would be like watching the first four shows of American Idol and walking away with respect for the participants. No, you watch because you want to see someone's dignity destroyed in front of your eyes.

So, instead of defending yourself and just take it on the chin. I never thought I'd say it, but follow the Olbermann example: Just apologize, even if you don't feel you did anything wrong. The gesture alone would say a lot and it isn't gonna hurt Rush Limbaugh's ratings to do that. Only children say, "Well, what about him?" Grown-ups who know that they were also wrong would just accept it, make a statement, and move on.

Then again, Rush Limbaugh has never been known for his maturity.