So terrorists are looking to surgically implant bombs inside of their bodies. At first, I was a little worried about this. I mean, we are living in the future now. Microsurgery is as common today as amateur porn is with college girls. It's everywhere. I mean, I had microsurgery three times today before the sun came up.
But then, four seconds passed and I realized that this plan isn't likely to get off the ground. I spent more time thinking up that "amateur porn" reference than I spent being worried. After all, these are the same people who have yet to master exploding shoe OR exploding underwear technology. Not only that, back in Afghanistan, one of the things they enjoy blowing up is hospitals. The secrets of microsurgery will probably keep stumping them until they can rightfully die filled with bullets.
As soon as I heard that they were trying to do this, I could almost envision the scene in front of me: A group of men huddled around a TV, watching a bootleg of The Dark Knight. They see the part where the guy shows up in jail with an exploding cell phone lodged in his stomach. One man gets up and starts screaming excitedly, then the mob burns down the building in celebration. Happens just like that all the time.
Trust me, terrorists: That. WILL NOT. Work. But feel free to try. I figure you'll blow up at least 75-100 of your own before you realize that this isn't working out as planned.
