Apparently, I missed the memo that "gangs" and "social activist groups" are interchangeable, but that's what Chicago's gang leaders want me to believe.

If you listen to what they've been saying in their press conferences (yes, they held a press conference. My mind is blown by this), they're not delinquents who shoot each other over colors and city blocks they don't even own, but an actually an outreach group for wayward youth, who have nowhere else to turn. Clearly, I've been blind all these years. On top of that, the Chicago's police are the real villains, and the gangs are actually helpless and voiceless victims who have no way of fighting back. They are harassed by the police FOR NO REASON AT ALL...other than being exceptionally well-coordinated. They're like a dance troupe, without the dancing. Or the gay.

But in their press conference, they actually got out there and said that the Chicago Police "weren't playing fair." They actually formed those words with their brains and allowed them to come out of their mouths. You know, because murderers and drug dealers really should be treated fairly.

What the hell is wrong with these people? Look, I ain't gonna sit here and say that the Chicago police are saints. Sure, they have a history of abuse. Sure, they don't get along with the people in the community. I get that. But what's that gotta do with y'all getting out here and selling drugs and shooting each other? What's that gotta do with all the senseless violence? Police abuse has been going on in a lotta places for a lotta years, and I've never heard anyone say, "Being abused by the police made me want to sell crack."

Let's just be real here, Chicago gangs...you're not exactly credible here. No one gives a shit what happens to you, because you're in gangs. When was the last time you heard anyone say anything positive about gangs being in their neighborhood? "You know, ever since Big ol' 6 took over around here, my property values have gone up." You can say whatever you want about the cops, and it can be 100% accurate, with video evidence, and no one will care, because no matter what the police do, people will still be more afraid of gangs than they are of the police. And the fact that you can't see that proves why you're stupid enough to be in a gang in the first place. What, did the gangs think that someone other than other gang members would rally to their defense?

See, all folks want is for their kids to be able to walk around outside without having to be bulletproof, and to have a minimum of crackheads in the area. And that's a problem that the cops don't cause. Police brutality is what the police can control. But two things...one, it's not like gangs will promise to stop selling drugs if the cops stop beating their asses, and two, when it comes to gangs, most people probably wish the police would dish out more abuse.

Gangs, what you don't need to start doing is trying to pretend that you bring something positive to the community. You don't. You don't feed any homeless people or run any youth football leagues. You don't even have the smarts to keep your own neighborhoods decent, like the Mafia used to. To pretend anything different means that you're as dumb as a fence post and you think we're just as stupid as you are.

Any abuse you get from the police, you brought on yourselves by being gangs in the first place, and if you really wanted to stop that, all you'd have to do is stop killing kids and selling drugs. Neither of those things are needed to make Chicago a better place to live. Sure, there would be some residual ass-kickings in the interim, but that's to be expected, as no one believes that gang members ever change. Plus, I hear the police in Chicago are really corrupt. But if you really gave a damn about Chicago, you'd stop doing what you're doing instead of saying it's someone else's fault that you're a bunch of assholes.

Wait, what am I doing? Like some jackass gang member is really gonna read all these words and shit.