I haven’t seen Barbie yet, but I have listened to a bunch of dumb motherfuckers tell everybody what men are supposed to do all my life. And just so we’re clear, y’all are the problem.
The Barbie movie isn’t some Zionist plot to destroy manhood, because the truth is, manhood, as defined by the low IQ set, needs to be destroyed. If you listen to them, around every corner, someone’s trying to make men soft, or gay, or trans, or whatever it is “real men” are afraid of this week. And let me tell you, “real men” are about the most fear-filled and insecure people walking the planet.
“Real men” think that you can be made to become something you’re not, contrary to the way brains work, and because they think that, their biggest fear is someone changing them from a “real man” to something that they think is less than a real man. That’s why they go around saying silly shit like, “there’s a gay agenda to put gay shit on TV, so the youth will turn gay.” A dumb motherfucker thinks that shit sounds true, but if you really think that all it takes to become gay is season four of “Modern Family,” then there shouldn’t have been any gay people before Little Richard got on TV.
“And how did Little Richard become gay?” you might ask. This is how much dumb shit you have to believe in order to buy any of this. They would tell you that all gay people were raped by other gay people, and that’s how they became gay. Because, you know, they’re like vampires. So who was the first gay person? “The Jews.” The universal answer for everything stupid in this world. A shadowy cabal of Jewish people created gay people to destabilize the solidarity between our people by making men soft.
Now, the last two paragraphs is just bullshit that I've picked up over the years from “real men.” These are the lengths that they would go through to explain their worldview. For them, it is easier to explain the existence of gay people like that rather than accept that homosexuality is a naturally occurring and non-damaging phenomenon, and you can’t be turned gay by eating a banana head-on or watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. It’s a biological imperative, not an infection.
But that’s what “real manhood” has done to us. It has made men into ridiculous creatures that fear that threats to our manhood (and most importantly, our bootyholes) are hiding around every corner.
For me, manhood has nothing to do with that. For me, manhood has always meant being responsible, doing what needs to be done, and taking care of those around you. That’s the example that’s always been set for me, even if it was never explicitly communicated. My dad got up and went to work every day, and provided for us. He got out there and cut grass and raked leaves, and fixed things around the house. My dad was strong, and did what needed to be done, whether he wanted to or not. No excuses.
That’s not to say that my mom never did that, but as a boy, I patterned myself on my dad. I wanted to do what he did. So when it was time for me to take care of myself, that's the example that I followed, for the most part. All those lessons didn’t take, because i always hated cutting the grass and I still can’t work on a car, but the lesson that did take was, “If it’s gotta get done, then you gotta do it, because you’re the man.” And that’s why I took my toilet apart last month. MANHOOD.
My dad never said stupid shit like, “boy, you have to eat your bananas sideways.” My dad never told me, “you can’t play with dolls, because that’ll make you feminine.” “You can’t watch shows that are too feminine, because that’s for girls.” And I don’t think that’s because my dad was particularly enlightened. My dad’s not a feminist, and my dad has had some ideas about things that I didn’t agree with, but I think my dad understands that in the grand scheme of things that people are who they are, and them being who they are doesn’t hurt anybody. I have other family members who are not so enlightened.
I get it, watching a person transition into a different gender might be a jarring experience, and learning new pronouns is fucking confusing. I’m in my 40s, “they/them” will always be plural to me. Please forgive my neanderthal brain. But what “real men” need to understand is that it isn’t about you. They’re not doing these things for your approval or acceptance and those things are not required. Who the fuck are you?
People are doing what they need to do to feel secure and confident in themselves, and it doesn’t matter how anyone else feels about it. If they have to wear these shoes, those shoes need to be comfortable, and if it takes puberty blocking medication to make those shoes comfortable, then so be it. And if it makes you uncomfortable to see them like that, then you need to sit with yourself and figure out why that is. But the answer is not lashing out at them because you’re afraid of what their transition means for you. It doesn’t mean anything for you. And part of being a “real man” is letting people be who they are, and loving them anyway. Give guidance when it’s needed, but only soft men think that everyone has to conform to their standard.
Look at all these men in religion or politics who are trying to control what you can read or who can have abortions or what you can wear or how your hair is styled or any number of things that are all personal decisions, and tell me you don’t see a weak man behind it. Donald Trump, or Ron DeSantis, or Greg Locke, or Lindsay Graham, or Mike Pence, or Sean Hannity, or Tucker Carlson, spend all this time trying to project strength, because they want to you to thing they’re “real men,” (and in the case of one of them, he hasn’t come out yet) but the things they want you to be afraid of aren’t actually threats. If you’re secure in yourself, all you see is a bunch of scared little boys, raging against a world of progress that they can’t control.
Treating a gay or trans person like a person doesn’t reduce me, it empowers them. A “real man” should understand that. And a “real man” should want to support the people around them who are in those vulnerable positions. The world is hard enough for them, you want them to feel alone and unprotected around you, too? You want them to be miserable dimming their own light to make your insecure ass feel more comfortable? That’s not what “real men” do.
So when you’re watching the Barbie movie (something I plan on doing at some point), and (allegedly spoilers, I don’t know, I haven’t seen it yet), when you get to the part where Ken is freed from “the patriarchy,” it isn’t a threat to your manhood. That’s just fear talking. We’ve let those scared voices to define what we are for centuries, and that has done nothing but limit us and hurt us. Women are out here enjoying themselves, and we can’t even smile in pictures, because we think being a man is “being hard.”
Take the message as it’s intended: That you don’t have to worry about phallic foods turning you gay. That boys can play with cooking playsets. That men can wear pink. That manhood isn’t something that can be taken from you or defined by someone else. You are a man, even if you sing the woman parts on your favorite songs, or if you like to go to brunch, or if you don’t like changing your own oil. We can get manicures and pedicures. We can have a skin regimen. We can fucking cry. We can be whatever we want to be, however we want to be it.
That’s what real men do.
