Kamala Sings...

Jesus F'n Christ. Kamala, the Ugandan Giant has put out a CD. Yeah, I'll let that sink in. And no, I'm not making that up.

I'm pretty sure a good number of you out there know who Kamala is. For anyone who has ever watched wrestling, you have probably caught a glimpse of a black man with a gut that hangs over his waistline in a skirt with a painted face and two stars painted on his man-boobs and a crescent moon on the aforementioned gut. As a means of emotional expression, he'd dance around and slap his stomach. He was last mentioned on TV in 2002, being mocked by The Rock. Well, that was the last time I cared to see him. Or see any reference of him.

Not since "Macho Man" Randy Savage put out his rap CD of songs basically devoted to calling out Hulk Hogan to at long last, "settle the score,(incidentally, I've been watching wrestling for a good 20-plus years and I've NEVER seen Savage pin Hogan...I'd say the score has long since been settled) has the wrestling industry had an embarrassment of this magnitude. Seriously. When all the steroid and cocaine related deaths and criminal trials and anytime Jake Roberts' name is mentioned on TV...when the dust has settled on all of that...THESE are the moments the general public remembers and will throw in MY face when it comes up that I like wrestling. Yes...Macho Man's voice that sounds like he swallowed a mug of broken glass and hot sauce, coming through the radio bellowing, "HOGAN!!! BE A MAN!!!!" And apparently, the humiliation isn't over because Kamala is going to SING...and it will only get worse if he actually gets airplay. As proof that I am not making this up (although I'm hoping that SOMEONE is), you can check it all out for yourself at http://www.thegiantkamala.com/.

I haven't listened to any of the samples yet, but I dunno...any CD that has his face on the cover isn't going to make me rethink playing that Brian McKnight CD when I want to set the mood. I could be wrong. Maybe he can sing. Maybe it's a very touching, moving, sensual, or sexy CD.
But I doubt it. I wouldn't put money on it going platinum. For fans of Kamala, don't look for the Kamala World Tour '06 to kick off next summer. And should I be wrong about that (and from a pure humor standpoint, I'm kinda hoping I am), don't expect a pile of panties all over the stage when you go to the shows. Then again, Teddy Pendegrass was STILL getting panties thrown at him, even after he was confined to a wheelchair. No one ever accused Jeffrey Osborne or Alexander O'Neal of being lookers, either...but they GTD*, too.

And finally, to drive my personal humiliation home (in addition to him being a black wrestler that I was ALWAYS embarrassed by)...the mailing address for your check or money order to be sent to is in Mississippi. Claude Jevemus.

At least John Cena has SOME talent. With the long list of musical wrestlers out there, (K-Kwik, Road Dogg, Chris Jericho, Honky Tonk Man), I never thought I'd see this name added to the list. Then again, Macho Man's on there. I guess all bets are off. What's going to be next?

Keep your eyes peeled for the much-anticipated Greg "The Hammer" Valentine/Ultimate Warrior collabo, coming to a National Guard Armory near you. Funky Fresh in '06 fo' you SUCKAZ....

* - Got The Draws, for the uninitiated.