Why do people who own pit bulls act like their dogs are the victims of a negative propaganda blitz at the hands of the Pomeranian/German Shepherd lobby? Let's just face facts: Studies show that no other breed has mauled more small children than pit bulls. Studies also show that no other breed makes grown men fill their boxers with logs than pit bulls, and that's not by accident. I don't care how sweet pit bull owners claim their dogs are, they are still VIOLENT AND SOULLESS KILLERS STRAIGHT FROM HELL.

If pit bulls are so unfairly portrayed, then why aren't there any other breeds who get painted this way. The only other dogs that I've ever heard of people being afraid of are dobermans, and that's because in the 80s (you know, before the rappers made everyone think they wanted pit bulls), those were the deranged, killer dogs of choice. Everyone was afraid of them because, well, they bit people. We sure had some kooky ideas back then, being afraid of dogs that we knew would bite us. What was wrong with people?

But you never hear about boxers or Jack Russell terriers ever having to be put down after acquiring a taste for human flesh. And that's because it never happens, since those dogs don't have a bloodlust. Or maybe they do and I've just never seen it. But the difference between those dogs and pit bulls is that the bloodlust isn't hovering so close to the surface. Pit bulls can go from zero to "killed everyone in the house" in seconds.

Pit bull owners claim that their dogs are the sweetest dogs in the world, they wouldn't hurt anyone, and that it's all about how your dogs is trained. To a degree, that's true, but you'll excuse me if I don't feel comfortable putting my life in your hands and your ability to break your dog's desire for independent thought. Most people can't even stop their dog from jumping on the couch or piddling on shoes, so you can see why I just don't believe you when you say that you've rid him of his natural urge to plunge his fangs into my jugular.

Seriously, I get that pit bulls can be sweet dogs. Doesn't mean everyone's gonna be comfortable around your dog, and that can be any dog. Everyone doesn't like dogs, especially ones that carry a history of being serial killers. So, pit bull owners, just cut everyone else some slack and understand that just because that cute puppy hasn't killed you yet doesn't mean that he won't ever do it. In the meantime, I'll be waiting safely outside, because as far as I know, pit bulls still can't open doors.