The Once and Future Babcock

If you can walk in the rain without drowning, then you too, can be an NBA General Manager.

Apparently, the only requisites for consideration is that you have the sense that God gave birds and that you once held a basketball. Doesn't matter if you were humping it or drooling on it. Just hold it for a few seconds and you can apply. After you successfully navigate the dangerous rain, of course. All you need is a team owner dumb or desperate enough to take a chance on you.

Earlier today, New York Knicks General Manager Isiah Thomas traded Penny Hardaway and Trevor Ariza to the Orlando Magic for Steve Francis. I'm not knocking him for getting Hardaway off his roster, because even though he's one of my all-time favorite players, the man wasn't going to get them anywhere closer to .500 when he has the arthritis of an 80 year old man in his knees. And Trevor Ariza apparently fell out of favor with coach Larry Brown, who's been hailed as the savior (following previous saviors, Isiah Thomas and Stephon Marbury...and Latrell Sprewell...and Allan Houston). Forget his promsing talent or anything crazy like that. Who needs talent when you've got the highest payroll in sports to match the second to worst record in the league? Yes...and i take great joy in saying this...even the Hawks are better.

But I'm not knocking Isiah for trading them. I'm knocking him for taking on the EXACT SAME PLAYER as his starting point guard, Stephon Marbury! No one who isn't already suffering from a near-fatal head injury would have made that trade. There are only three people in the world who would have made a trade as stupid as that. Two of them are named "Babcock." The other actually did it earlier today. His name is Isiah Thomas.

I just don't understand what Isiah is trying to do up there. So you actually manage to get rid of an expiring contract (Hardaway's is up this year), only to take on one that's even higher for more years. And you take on a player who does all the same stuff your starting point guard already does (including shoot too much, dribble too much, not play enough defense, suck up your salary cap, and go around not being a real point guard). Not to mention, you just got done drafting the same player, only you left him in the dryer too long (5'9" Nate Robinson...Slam Dunk Thief...I mean, Champion). And then there's Jamal Crawford, who got traded from the Chicago Bulls for turning into the player that Marbury and Francis already are! AND, AND, AND...didn't Thomas just trade valuable inside presence (Antonio Davis) for yet another shoot-first point guard in Jalen Rose? That did just happen two weeks ago, didn't it?

Salary cap room? Bah! Draft picks? Take 'em, cuz he's completely sold on Rasho Nesterovic's and Greg Ostertag's upside! And under Isiah's watch, consistent, solid performances (Michael Sweetney) only get you traded for the exact same player, only fatter, less consistent, a worse rebounder and more risky (Eddy Curry and his heart that could stop beating with one well-placed elbow to the chest)! But, hey...Curry's got potential!

...five years into his playing career. But I digress.

You know what? Maybe I'm the one with the head injury. And if not, maybe i should get one so I can get paid to pretend that this is a game of NBA Street, where I can trade players with not a whit of thought about chemistry...sharing the ball...player variety...DEFENSE...need I go on? It's really not THAT hard to put an NBA team together and it's not that hard to identify a stupid trade when you see one. You know what a good trade would have been? If he could have swindled Philly into taking Hardaway and Ariza for Allen Iverson. What does a bad trade look like? The one your dumb ass just got done making.

Thank you for continuing to give me things to write about, Isiah Thomas. Your spectacular failures in the front office since retirement from the NBA are far more interesting. The only thing that would be more interesting is the inside dirt on WHY owner James Dolan hired you AFTER you bought the CBA and caused it to fold inside of a year...which happened after you ran the expansion Toronto Raptors and fired the first coach, who actually got them a pretty good record, so you could hire your boy, who sank them like they were wearing concrete boots. And who can forget the time you coached a promising Indiana Pacers team into mediocrity, after Larry Bird got done taking the same team to the NBA Finals...and directly before Rick Carlisle can within a game of doing the exact same thing?

You've been going down in flames since the moment you got to New York. I can't wait to see how all this ends. And how much further in debt you're going to put this team. Does anyone know if there's some sort of record of the highest payroll for a team in last place? Whoever's on top, Isiah's determined to take you over, winning records and fan attendance be damned.

Ralph Sampson's knees haven't worked right since 1987. He's well into his 50's. I heard Isiah wanted to sign him to a six-year deal for $50 million.

Swagger Jacker?

Jay-Z is such a biter. Let's face it. I think it's time to call a spade and spade. He calls himself "YOUNG Hova." He CLEARLY stole the word "YOUNG" from Young MC. And the letters "J" and "Z" were taken from Sesame Street.

There's been a lot of talk about Jay-Z over his career (well, since Biggie died) and whether or not he's a biter. Oh, he recites so many of Biggie's lines...oh, he took a line from Snoop, oh, he bit from this person, that person...who gives a damn?

First, Biggie was his friend and he's done more to keep that friend's name in the street than any one of these people who claim Jay is a biter. Being one of the most influential rappers ever, that's a pretty big deal. Personally, i see it as an homage to Biggie, not stealing from him. Or to Tupac. Or to Snoop. Or to Slick Rick. It's not like back in the day, when rap was still in it's infacy and there were just a handful of rappers around. It's not like Big Bank Hank from the Sugarhill Gang supposedly stealing an entire verse from Grandmaster Caz and passing it off as his own at a time when there were like...six rappers and they all lived in the same borough of New York.
Today, there's history to draw from and rappers today will take a line from another rapper and spin it off into a brand new verse, or take that line and change it, but the cadence is the same so it evokes the memory of that old verse. It's like inside jokes for hip-hop heads. Those who know the history will get it.

So to me, it's not a big deal. And if it is a big deal, then so is Snoop remaking "Lodi Dodi" or that CD "In the Beginning....There was Hip-Hop," where there were like 15 remade hip-hop classics by other rappers. The positive to all of this is, when it comes out where that line or song came from, people who love hip hop will either be reminded of the original song or those who don't know will want to hear it. And I think remembering the history of hip-hop is very important. Hip-Hop as a whole is treated as disposable music, and that so many classics get forgotten as soon as they leave the charts...well, that's a pretty bad thing.

What is a big deal is when you got someone like Cam'ron calling Jay-Z out on biting, when he's done the exact same thing in his songs. For anyone who's heard "Swagger Jacker," just know that there's a song circulating with Cam'ron doing the exact same thing. I think Cam's just mad because no one's quoting his nursery school rhymes, while Jay-Z's multiplatinum rap career took him from the Marcy Projects to the top spot at Def Jam. Sounds like hating to me.

To bottom line this, though...I'm not really concerned about supposed biting in hip-hop. And neither is anyone else. People just hate Jay-Z, which is fine. If they were really so concerned about biting, then where was the outrage when your current favorite rapper, 50 Cent took a verse from Tupac and recited it, almost verbatim in a diss track about Ja Rule and Irv Gotti? He wasn't creative enough to make the verse his own, like Eminem did, so he just recited the verse and said "G-Unit" and added more cuss words. So don't turn a blind eye to one and condemn the other. That makes you a hypocrite. And a hater. Like Cam'ron. And I'm sure all of you are better rappers than he is.

The NBAs 60 Greatest Players

Okay, so I'm looking at TNT right now and they're picking the next 10 to add to the NBAs 50 Greatest Players. The official list done by the NBA back in 1996 was pretty controversial in itself. In my mind, I thought the whole list was a sham because Shaquille O'Neal made the list and Dominique Wilkins didn't. People thought I was a hater at the time because I thought Shaq shouldn't have made it. And I'll argue anyone into the ground, through the crust, and down into the pits of Hell that Shaq shouldn't have been on that list. Even if Dominique STILL didn't make it, Shaq shouldn't have been on it. I would get into it, but that's not why I started this today. Aw, hell...I'll do it anyway. To bottom line all this, Shaq wasn't a great center yet. All he did was go to the low block and dunk. That's it. Fuck you and him if you disagree. If they made this list today, Shaq would be on it, though. And I'll argue anyone back through hell and into China on that point.

Anyway, what set me off on this tangent was just the suggestion that Gary Payton deserves to be added to the next 10. He'll probably be a Hall-of-Famer. Sure. That's fine. But to me, Gary Payton...I mean, anyone who saw those really good Sonics teams play knows that Gary Payton was the sidekick to the STAR that was Shawn Kemp. So basically...if Gary Payton makes it, then dammit, Shawn Kemp should be on it. When Seattle went to the Finals against the Bulls (and you KNOW I was watching) they got there on the back of Shawn Kemp.

Gary Payton has played in two NBA Finals. He's had two opportunities to play on the big stage. Once with Seattle in 1996 and once with the Lakers in 2004. And he has not had a memorable performance either time. In fact, not only has he been unremarkable in the Finals, he hasn't SHOWN UP at all. You know who showed up in 1996? Shawn f'n Kemp. You know who showed up in 2004? Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant (he showed up a little too much, if you know what I mean). Now, unless my spelling is really bad, neither of those names is Gary Payton.

You know what we really need? Okay, okay...what I really need? I need to get on one of these TV shows so I can argue these guys down about some of this ridiculous stuff they say. Gary Payton being a great player...Stephon Marbury being a great player...Emmitt Smith being better than Barry Sanders...Cal Ripken, Jr.'s streak being anything other what you're supposed to do...Mike Martz deserving to be a head coach instead of the career offensive coordinator that he is...why Michael Vick never needs to stay in the pocket...So basically, let's do this: let's get me a job on TV or radio or something, where I can tell these fools the way it really is.

You know what's impressive? Christian getting a good match out of Goldberg. Get me a job.

The Most Brilliant Thing I've Ever Heard

"See, if the Haves gave the Have-Nots half of what they have, then the Haves would still be the Haves, but the Have-Nots would be the Have-Somethings."

Redd Foxx as Fred Sanford. Think on that, you greedy motherfuckers.