The first player of this game starts with the "6 weird/things/habits about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog of their 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.
1.) I engage in vigorous masturbation at the most inopportune of times. The legend began when I was in high school and I was sitting in the back of Ms. Clark's World History class when I suddenly decided to get my stroke on. The odd thing isn't that I masturbate publicly, but instead that I fantasize about dancing Transformers and G.I. Joes fighting against the characters from cereal boxes when I do it.
2.) I collect things I pull off of my body. Be it something that came out of my nose, a scab from the top of my head, or something I found on my lower back, I keep a Thom McAnn shoe box in my nightstand that contains all of these wonders of nature and body expulsion. Yellow and brown toenail clippings are an old favorite. They have a cheesy smell about them.
3.) My dream job is to collect the semen of animals for artificial insemination. Not for any sort of benign purpose, mind you. No, just because I like to see the looks on the faces of farmers or pet owners when all of a sudden, their animals are popping out kids with no rhyme or reason. It's not like it's hard to keep track of a 2,000 animal, so I'm sure you'd know when it was riding the backside of another one.
4.) I love women who have prison tattoos, gold teeth, bullet and stab wounds, and of course, multicolored weave. Nothing screams class and culture like a woman who had blue and lime green weave intertwined in a braid down the center of her back. And when she turns around and reveals her name (Bunquisha), spelled out in her gold fronts, it's the kind of vision that makes me want to propose to her on the spot and give her one more kid to go with the four that she has already. Normally, I'd want more kids, but I don't want to mess up the motif she's already got going: each kid has a different baby daddy.
5.) I was once arrested for trespassing in a cow patch. They only chose to write it up as trespassing because they weren't really sure how to describe the real crime that I was committing: sexually violating bovine fecal matter from the night before. None of the police wanted me in their car, either, so they called in the helicopter, tied me to the bottom and flew me in. I'm sure you saw it on the news. And don't knock it until you've tried it, because you don't know pleasure until you've rolled around in a pile of cold cow feces. Naked.
6.) I personally believe that I need to get rapped in the head with a meat tenderizer about 10 to 15 times for even writing this thing. I probably do have some weird habits or stories to tell, but the only weird habit that comes to mind is the need to write stuff like this. I am unable to take most questions seriously when they are forwarded to me in some form or fashion. I would simply like to thank you for allowing me to flex my imagination a little for the last 15 minutes. You should be worried because I really did write this on the fly, with no forethought whatsoever. The questions you should be asking right now are, "Since he wrote this so quickly, how much of it is actually true," and "Do I really want to continue to have any sort of relationship with this human being?" Oh, and "I wonder how much trouble it would be to get a restraining order." Have a nice day.
Now...having done that, the next people i plan on cursing with this are Milkdud, of course, Alex, Jenny, Karina, Tim, annnnnnnd...Jimesa. Enjoy, as I have. Just know that you're supposed to take this seriously, but since I really don't have much in the way of good sense, I cannot.
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