Friday, July 28, 2006

When My Hero Failed: Hulk Hogan

April 2, 1990. I was three days shy of 12 years old. At that time, two of the most popular wrestlers in the world were Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. One man was a true hero, in every sense of the word. The other claimed to be a hero, but later would become a purveyor of a betrayal most foul. Sorry, but I spent the day reading old Thor comics. These two men were about to face each other on the grandest stage of them all. Two titles on the line. One winner. One loser. And one man would walk away with my allegiances. And a good amount of my allowance.

Warning: Parts of this story may be wholly imagined.

It just the year before that I saw my first WWF Pay-Per-View. My parents bought it for me for my birthday, and I had almost missed it because I spent that weekend in North Carolina with my grandmother. And this is back when they showed PPVs during the day. It was Wrestlemania V. Hulk Hogan was challenging "Macho Man" Randy Savage for the WWF Championship. I remember being so worried for Hulk Hogan, that he wouldn't win the title. Savage began a theme in this match that continued into every Hogan/Savage match forever: Savage worked Hogan over pretty good. Religiously.

Yet somehow, Hogan came back and won the match. To paraphrase Gorilla Monsoon, he became impervious to pain. Just like he always did on Saturday morning TV. Well, the rare Saturday morning that he would actually wrestle. Back then, actually seeing the man wrestle was an event. And when I did, a funny thing would happen: after he came back and won the match, I would go outside to play, and I, too, became invincible and felt like I could do anything, just like Hulk Hogan did. It was similar to what Eddie Murphy was talking about with Italian guys and Rocky. Only, I was black. And Hulk Hogan kicked Rocky's ass. I think somehow, he managed to send the Power of Hulkamania through the TV.

So back then, I was a die-hard Hulkamaniac. My parents never got me the clothing, and I never was strong enough to tear my shirts off, but I watched his cartoon, I quoted his lines, bought his toys, and memorized all his moves and mannerisms. I would accept the lies he would tell in every interview he ever gave. I mean, I knew that the earth wasn't really going to open up and swallow Andre the Giant. But it was okay for him to lie like that, because Hulk Hogan was God's favorite wrestler. So, back then, it was all Hulk Hogan and He-Man. I was so caught up in Hulkamania that I was well into my teens before I could admit to myself that "No Holds Barred" was one of the worst movies I had ever seen. I'd still watch it, though.

Then, the Ultimate Warrior came along. This guy ran to the ring with his face painted and tassels around his arms, veins popping out of his arms, muscles coming from everywhere. He didn't look like Hogan and he didn't act like Hogan. But I thought, hey this guy's pretty cool! Yeah, initially, I was fooled. He was like a real live superhero. He even acted like he had powers at times. And he gave speeches...I still don't know what he was saying, but it must have been really important, because he yelled it. And it had big words. Lots of big words. Anyway, the first time I had heard of him was when he beat The Honky Tonk Man for the Intercontinental Title in 9 seconds. I didn't see the match until years later, but at the time, I was like, who is this guy? And when I saw him, I was amazed. Lifting guys over his head, shaking the ropes, and screaming...it was easy to see why unsuspecting children bought into his act. But there always seemed to be a darkside to him. He waiting for the right opportunity to unleash it, however. And that opportunity would eventually present itself.

They never interacted with each other, but they were the two most popular guys in the WWF at the time. Then the 1990 Royal Rumble came along and Hogan and The Warrior squared off for the first time. I believe the Warrior would have blindsided Hogan, but Hogan was on his guard, so the Warrior was forced to fight him straight up. They seemed to be evenly matched at the time, though. I believe Hogan was holding back, personally. And with the crowd solidly behind Hogan, I believe the Warrior became jealous.

And that jealousy would manifest itself in a tag team match on The Main Event. Hogan and the Warrior had teamed up against The Genius and Mr. Perfect. Hogan handily won the match for his team, and the Warrior schemed in the background. This was the moment his chose to strike, because when Mr. Perfect and the Genius attacked Hogan and the Warrior from behind, the Warrior began to retaliate with slams and clotheslines, appearing to defend the duo from harm, but in truth was planning to sneak one over on Hogan. Hogan, rising to his feet, was met with a clothesline by the Warrior. The Warrior pretended that it was a mistake and feigned concern, but Hogan wasn't fooled. Once he regained his composure, he shoved the Warrior and got right up in his face. Soon after, the challenge was made: Hogan vs. Warrior at Wrestlemania VI. And both of their titles were on the line!

Personally, I think the Warrior knew he couldn't win the match legally. So, at one point when the ref was down, the Warrior started bouncing off the rops like a crazy person, like he always did. He was setting up for his flying shoulder block, but Hogan, the crafty veteran he was, saw it coming and once the Warrior was airborne, sidestepped him and drove the Warrior's head into the mat, knocking him out. Hogan made the cover, but the ref was out, so he counted the Warrior's shoulders himself. Hogan counted three and that was good enough for me. And just to show it wasn't a fluke, he got up, got back down, pinned him again and counted another three count. Two pinfalls in one match. Personally, I thought the match should have been over then. Apparently, there's some rule about how you have to be an official referee for your pins to count, or something. So the match continued, once the referee woke up.

Once he got up, Hogan pinned the Warrior a third time, only this time the Warrior kicked out at two. So, in total, Hogan had the Warrior down for an EIGHT count, but six of those didn't count, because the Warrior was a no-good, lying, snake in the grass. And so, the match continued, illegally, I might add.

The match ended when Hogan was making a comeback, Hulking Up after the Warrior did his gorilla press slam. Hogan had done the big boot, and was going for the legdrop and the Warrior moved out of the way, did a splash off the ropes, and if you watch closely, you'll see the Warrior crack Hogan over the head with a frying pan on the way down. Warrior went for the cover and got the win.

One of my heroes, Hulk Hogan, had been screwed out of the title by the Ultimate Warrior. He clearly got two pinfalls on him during the match, yet was forced to continue. It was not unlike the 1972 Men's Olympic Basketball Team, where the Russians got three separate chances to win the game at the end. A travesty of the highest order. A miscarriage of justice, as Gorilla Monsoon might say. Only, he didn't say it, because he was hushed up by the powers that be. I heard a rumor that Monsoon's family was actually held hostage backstage, because he initially wouldn't cooperate.

Yet, Hulk Hogan, ever the gracious winner, was a gracious loser this time. He handed the title to the Warrior, hugged him and walked out. The crowd, however, knew what had happened and cheered for Hogan. I was on my couch with a lump in my throat. It was at that moment that I began to hate the Ultimate Warrior.


And I hated him until I noticed that he wasn't on TV anymore. Turns out, he quit or got fired or something. He later confirmed his insanity status when he legally had his named changed to "Warrior." Meanwhile, Hogan would go on have a gold plated pool filled with money installed in his living room. He had so much money that his toilet filled with champagne instead of water. He would eventually get his loss back, but no one cared because it was in WCW.

But it was a hard moment to deal with back then. The fact that my favorite wrestler was no longer on top. He would, of course, get the title back, but the one thing he couldn't get back, at least not when it mattered, was the loss...and the bragging rights I forfeited to the Warrior fans I talked junk to.

If only I could have shown those kids back in 1990, his public speaking video from 2004, where he went on a gay-bashing tirade. I think I would have won the battle.

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