If Wilt Chamberlain was considering a comeback to the NBA next season, that would be news. But because people don't generally come back from the dead to play basketball, we have to settle for the Brett Favre soap opera to lead off every SportsCenter. Why are we still talking about this?
I blame Brett Favre for it all, of course. I can't blame ESPN for following Favre around to high schools and doctor's offices, because that's what they do. They're just trying to sniff out a story that might be there, during a slow news period. Let's face it, the NBA players just aren't embarrassing themselves enough to sustain press interest.
It's Brett Favre's fault because all he has to do is stop throwing footballs with kids 30 years younger than he is. All he has to do is stop listening to offers from Mark Wilf, then Mark Clayton and Len Pasquarelli won't have anything to write about. It's not like they need this to keep their jobs. I hear Pasquarelli's on his way out, anyway.
It's also Brett Favre's fault because he already set the precendent by coming back last year after he "retired." Now, every time he tries to retire after this won't be taken seriously at all. Which means, whether he plays this season or not, we'll probably hear "rumblings" about a comeback all through the next two seasons.
So I can't blame ESPN for Brett Favre leading them around by those nose. It's what reporters are supposed to do; follow the story. If reporters for the major news outlets worked this hard, Bush might not have ever been President.
But I can blame ESPN for the wild speculation. Since an actual hit of news might come once every three days or so, they've gotta fill up the time with something else. Expecting them to talk about the NBA and NHL Playoffs is a ridiculous notion, so that's why they talk about how Brett will be "a good fit" for Minnesota, and think about what kind of offense they might run instead. And about how the players would love to have him. And how they love him already, even though he's not there.
Look, when Tavaris Jackson is your quarterback, just about anybody would be a better fit. Joey Harrington would light it up compared to Tavaris. And all this talk about Brett coming to town really isn't helping Tavaris's self-esteem at all. If Jay Cutler was the Vikings' QB, he'd have stopped taking his insulin weeks ago.
But since we're under 24 Hour BrettWatch, we have to sit through these things to get to the stuff that we actually care about. And truthfully, Ron Artest's love for Subway commercials is more important to me than whatever Dr. James Andrews told him about his shoulder. I'm sure Dr. Andrews told him what we already knew: It's all screwed up. He didn't need to fly to Birmingham to figure that out, because those Jets gametapes already told the story. Something else we've figured out about Brett Favre: He's the most indecisive 40 year old we've ever seen. I've had girlfriends that could decide what they wanted off of the menu faster than this.
It's something that his body has been trying to point out to him by completely breaking down. Shoulders falling apart is a sure-fire sign that he might be too old to keep doing this. So, just go on and retire, Brett. Unless you're completely attention-starved, there's no reason to keep this up. The way it dominates the newscycle, you'd think ESPN was testing interest for a new ESPN channel. ESPN-B. All Brett, all the time. To keep up the un-retirement theme, John Madden will come back to host it.
Just stop it, man. The sooner you retire, the sooner we can see you getting voted off of "Dancing With The Stars." You look like a guy who has no business going near a dance floor.
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