Yes, you write like an idiot

If I typed my words like everyone else, then every word in this sentence would be misspelled, with nary a hint of punctuation. When I chat online or read text messages that people send me, I have to wonder if I'm the only person in America who passed third grade English.

It might be the fact that I'm a nerd, but I like to think that i didn't sleep through remedial pre-English. When I get done reading the kind of sentences that are probably what caused my English III teacher to start drinking, I have to ask what the hell is going on. A little advice to everyone: Not putting periods in your sentences and leaving out words entirely make people question whether or not English was your first language. If you're not asking that question of someone else, then you're the one that we're wondering about.

I just don't understand. I know you went to school. Sure, the American Educational System isn't the greatest, but I know you learned what a run-on sentence was. I also know that you learned to proofread your work, so there's really no excuse for me to ever have to read anything with the word "teh" in it.

No one's saying that everyone should use TEH sentence structure of the Declaration of Independence, just that people should probably take a little more pride in their writing. No one I know is so busy that they can't take the time to actually write out the word "you're." I'm sorry, I didn't realize you'd transformed into President Obama.

Your typed words represent you and are supposed to reflect your intelligence, or in most people's cases today, your lack thereof. I understand that no one ever wants to seem like they're really smart, but do you really want to seem like you're really stupid? Is that how you sound when you talk? Do you even sound like that in your head? If you do, you should probably read more, or at the very least, stop inhaling bus exhaust.

I can't even pretend to write like everyone else does. I get lazy sometimes when I chat or text, and even then, I still write properly. At worst, I don't capitalize words, which is still a far cry from the broken English I read on a daily basis. In 100,000 years, when the alien archaeologists are picking through the remains of our failed society, the first thing they're not going to notice is how "the American tribe was a bunch of knuckle-dragging retards." But if they're anything like us, when they type it into their mento-computers, it'll read "dood americanz r stoopid rofl!!!"

There is truly no hope for the universe.