I hate filling up on gas. I hate going to get my oil changed. I hate even checking my oil. It's a fucking chore. As a lazy American, I would be most appreciative to be able to stop doing this. I want a car that I don't have to look at or think about until it's time for me to turn it on or file a police report about it's burglary. Currently, I'm just wasting time that I could be using to watch [Random D-List Celebrity Reality Show X]. But oh no, we have the profits of our corporate overlords to think about.

Oil, and everything else surrounding it is a pain in the ass. But everyone is convinced that the world will collapse into shambles if we stop using it, proving that advertising and lobbying are far more effective than facts and truth will ever be. It's why so many of us think that Kendra Wilkinson is actually famous for something.

The only benefit to buying oil that anyone can think of is that it's miles cheaper than anything else we can replace it with. And that's true, as far as I know. But at the same time, the use of oil not only harms the planet (and us, by proxy, until we can abandon this shithole for Mars), is a national security threat (see; all American involvement in the Middle East, ever), is also expensive (see; current gas prices), and is currently destroying the Gulf of Mexico (see; BP and Halliburton's latest plot to kill us all).

Plus, I'm just sick of buying it. I don't buy it because I want it, I buy it because I have to get to work and that's much easier to do when I don't have to push my car down Highway 78. I don't get a choice in the matter; it's either buy gas or start walking. And anyone who lives in Metro Atlanta knows that's not really an option.

Oil and gas are not market leaders because consumers demand it, they're market leaders because moonshine and whiskey will tear up your engine worse than when you eat at Krystal's. Trust me, if people could lube their engines with Vaseline, godless sodomites would have to find a new deviant hobby because that shit would sell the fuck out.

And yeah, it's cheaper, but since when was cheaper better? Cheaper is awesome when it comes to the DVD bin at Wal-Mart or sending our astronauts into space, but some of the more expensive alternatives to oil and gas simply don't have the side-effects that oil and gas do. Iran can't jack up the price of, say, hydrogen cells, because that shit will be made here in America, or at worst, China. And since they already own more than half of America anyway, it won't change our day-to-day lives at all. Except when they rename this place, "The Glorious Revolution of Amero-China." Coming in 2012.

Also, there won't be any bus fumes to inhale or potential oil leaks that lead to yet another political dramatization known as a "Congressional hearing" that's used in place of any actual problem solving.

Will it be expensive to change over to something else? Yes. But when have Americans ever been concerned about price? DVD players were upwards of $1000 dollars when they came out and they still flew off store shelves. We have a sneaker industry that releases yearly editions of shoes that start at $200 and they always sell out. Let's not pretend that our country is a model of frugality. We have rim rental shops in America. And they are profitable.

Besides, basic economics says that the more people buy stuff, the cheaper it gets. I got a D in economics and I know that. If the price point for the PS3 wasn't too high, then I'm sure we'll adjust when it comes to not using gas in our cars anymore.

Simply put, it's time to stop the bullshit. Other than various holy books, the internal combustion engine is about the only thing older than 50 years that we still use. We're just holding onto it because we're used to it; like your spouse that you're truly sick of looking at. Plus, it makes really cool growling sounds. It's hard to pass that up for something that will probably sound like an electric fan, but it's time. Time to let petroleum go. It's dirty and it doesn't taste very good. It's doing nothing but causing problems. Many of which end with an explosion.