Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Sarah Palin says "morbid obesity = freedom."

What the fuck, Sarah Palin? Who the hell bitches about fighting obesity?

It's an argument so pointless that fuck anyone who supports her on any level. Yes, I meant it just how I said it. Going the other way on an issue like that, whatever the reason, is like going against smiling. Or puppies. How can't you support children losing some weight? They're having strokes on their way to sixth period. I bet if the choices for Sarah Palin were, "support the First Lady" or "inject these fat kids with AIDS," she'd argue that AIDS would help them lose weight faster than MASSIVE GOVERNMENT OVERSIGHT. So fuck that ditzy broad.

All she's doing is avoiding talking about the actual topic, which is our national muffintop epidemic. And she's not even doing it right. If you want to complain about government intrusion in our lives, then take on a fight that makes sense, like how the TSA is trying to see us naked and touch our privates.

The First Lady isn't handing out a government mandate to ban anyone from deep frying chocolate chip meatloaf. And she's not spreading propaganda that claims that eating McDonald's is the same as swearing allegiance to Comrade Stalin. She's just making a suggestion to parents who might not know that starving their kids is probably a better food option than the Double-Down Sandwich.

Parents have to ward off negative influences that surround their kids at a higher rate than any other time in history. They have to compete with things like Lady Gaga and her meat panties, Harry Potter's Satanic Magic School (a very REAL concern!), Jersey Shore's detailed instructions on how to contract hepatitis, boys are trying to bang girls, hot teachers and Catholic priests are trying to bang boys; it's a real crazy world out there.

But when someone comes at parents with some information they can actually use, now this chick has a problem. Well, fuck you, Sarah Palin. Where was all of this concern when No Child Left Behind was failing on every level? Where was she when schools were (and still are) laying off teachers left and right? She probably didn't know about it, because her stupid ass can't read and "Waiting for Superman" hadn't come out yet.

Michelle Obama isn't out there trashing food companies or trying to sue them for killing Americans (although it wouldn't hurt if someone did). Encouraging people to stop eating before breathing becomes a difficult endeavor is in no way a negative thing, no matter how Fox News tries to paint it. If the problem is that it's someone associated with the government is saying our kids need to eat better, get over it. Two things: If it was the law to do what the First Lady said, then "Just Say No" would have worked, and second, if parents really knew what was best for their kids, we wouldn't have a generation of mini-sumo children.

Sure, some parents know what they're doing. But some of them should have been spayed or neutered well before puberty hit. Unfortunately, it's too late for that crucial surgery to take place, because now some of them have two or even six kids. If these people knew how to make positive choices for anyone, at least five of their kids wouldn't be here now. Clearly, they're lacking in that department. So the First Lady is trying to show some of them the light. She's not trying to convert anyone to another religion (although we know the secret Muslim is her is dying to do so), she's talking about fucking food.

Is it the government's job to make your kids eat better? No, but then again, only stupid people think that that's what they're doing. It also isn't the government's job to invade other countries so America "looks strong," but they do it. If your parenting is so suspect that it's threatened by a black woman who's only seen by most people through the TV, then you should probably put your kids up for adoption. Either way, she's only talking about putting down the fried ice cream sandwich burger and picking up the broccoli. Now, if you can't get on board with that, then really, what are you even here for?

Seriously, what positive has Sarah Palin brought to the world? Other than providing jokes for all of political satirists (because she is so spectacularly stupid), what positive ideas has she ever brought to the table? How has she tried to make life better for any Americans not named Sarah Palin?

By getting her untalented kid on Dancing With The Stars? Sure, Bristol got a check, but her presence made people talk about Dancing With The Stars even more than normal and that hurts America.

By adding to our catalog of terrible reality shows? All she did was expose how desperate The Learning Channel is after the Jon and Kate Plus Eight gravy train dried up.

Has she ever scribbled down an original thought that wasn't already spoken by the Republican leadership? Ever said anything that wasn't negative or hateful? Did she even write her own goddamn books? What does Sarah Palin do, other than piss me off?

Because if all she can do is sit on the sidelines and bitch about everyone else's efforts to try something different to change what's already going on, then she's no different than Newt Gingrich, Pat Buchanan, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, John Boehner, Mike Pence, Mitch McConnell, and all the rest of these crabby old men in the long line of people I'd like to piss on, as a show of my respect for them. And if you stand with her, you're even dumber than she is. And her level of dumbness is considerable.

In no uncertain terms, fuck that bitch. Thoroughly and completely.

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