Rob Parker is a goddamn idiot

Yes, it should come to no surprise to anyone that Rob Parker is a goddamn idiot.  As ESPN's premier sad sack (he reminds me of Grady from Sanford and Son), I've dreaded seeing him on TV for years and have wondered why they keep bringing him back.  I'd rather have a show with two Bill Plaschkes than one with Rob Parker.  He's not funny, witty, or insightful; He really just keeps talking until someone smarter interrupts him. 

And that's usually what happens, because it's not like he brings anything important to the conversation.  But the day he wants to talk about the "cornball brother," that's the time Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith pick to be like, "No, wait, I want to hear this."

It was stupid and ignorant, but not for the reasons that many might think.  White folks, I appreciate your sensitivity in this matter (Fantastic, I sound like Skip Bayless), but Rob Parker isn't a racist.  At least, not against black folks.  I dunno how he feels about white folks.  If you feel he is, I'm not about to defend him, because fuck that guy.  But his words came from a place that a lot of black people like me have had to deal with.  Those of us who have dared to step away from the group know his mindset all too well.

When I was growing up, I was always put to the side because of how I spoke, how I liked to read, and the things I was into.  I couldn't (and still can't) dance.  I liked rock and heavy metal.  I read comic books.  I didn't dress the same as everyone else, I wasn't particularly into sports, The Color Purple, breakdancing, whatever.  I did my own thing.  And because of that, I was labeled as a "black/white kid," I was "corny," I was "lame."  I had a hard time making friends with black kids because our mindsets were so different.  So, a lot of my friends wound up being white and I stuck out, no matter who I was with  

To white people, this might not be a big deal, but with black people, we all tended to fit into a similar mold.  We were supposed to be united as a people, which is understandable, considering our history.  Look, when you're a segregated people with limited educational options in a hostile nation, you're probably going to have similar interests. 

It's something a lot of us deal with to this day.  Dating outside the race aside, black Republicans know what it's like to be called a sell-out for having a different viewpoint.  Black atheists don't even have the acceptance of black Republicans, because too many of us just assume that we're all Christians.  It's still kind of strange to see black people even riding skateboards.  Really, when it comes to black people who live outside the norm, crackheads and gay people rank higher than Republicans and atheists.  Despite the best efforts of Pharrell and Lupe Fiasco, skateboards are still written off as "white folks shit," just like "having sex in scary movies," and "investigating where the noise is coming from." 

So, Robert Griffin III isn't dealing with anything new.  He's just of a higher profile.  If he is different from the norm, it'll be a good thing, because as an athlete, he's already forcing change.  He's free to do his thing, because it's not like someone's actually going to write him off as a "cornball."  Not while he's rich and famous.  So, if he's into something weird, it's more likely to be accepted, and that can only help some kid coming up who's feeling left out.  In a post-RGIII world, that kid might not be cast aside as a lame or a cornball.  People might be like, "Hey, RGIII does that, too," and give this kid a chance.

And regardless of what he's into, he's still gonna be black.  He's just being his own man.  And these days, it really doesn't matter.  Tiger Woods' insatiable love of white women, proper speaking voice, or complete disavowal of his African roots didn't stop black folks from supporting him.  And it's not like melanin washes off.  What people like Rob Parker don't get is that, it doesn't matter what music we listen to or who we date or who we vote for.  I might not be in the NAACP, but I'm just as black as the next man.  I just happen to have on a "Ranger Danger" t-shirt.

Just because we have common roots doesn't mean we are all identical.  It's not like we all have a direct line to the projects, where our blackness can be verified.  I don't know a single person in the projects.  But I'm still black.  Cultures change, and whether or not our "blackness" meets Rob Parker's standards is irrelevant.  When did a baseball writer become the arbiter for "blackness," anyway?

See, he's got me doing it, too.  Such an asshole. 

Tree-Related Players. Seriously.

Because ESPN's "Who's Now" competition just didn't scrape the bottom of the barrel enough.

On the 6PM edition of SportsCenter, they usually have a list of something related to a prior story. It's never anything hard-hitting, but it'll usually be a fun fact of some sort. "Sports franchises that should just give it up," or "Most yards against the Lions." Something like that. "Every fight that ever broke out in the NBA Playoffs."

But sometimes, they come out with a list that just screams, "An intern we're not retaining put this list together," or "You should have seen the lists that chose not to run." Wednesday's list was one of those.

Players with tree-related names. With a list that bad, you'd think they were going out of business soon. But here's the list:

Reggie Bush.

Tiger Woods.

Charles Oakley.

Michael Crabtree.

Ryan Leaf.

I don't know if it's worse that they made the list or that I remembered it, but I'm sharing it with all of you, in case you missed it. I can't believe they forgot Tree Rollins. The title is right there in his name. Next list: "Unfortunately named players," starring Dick Butkus, God Shammgod, and a Black girl named Ivory Latta.