It's so easy to root against Lebron James

I don't think it's any secret to anyone who knows me that I'm rooting against the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals. Been rooting against them the whole time, even though it's been a fool's errand for most of the playoffs. And they're not really a hateable team, like Patrick Ewing's Knicks (or Carmelo's, for that matter) or the Bad Boy Pistons. Those teams were filled with assholes, top to bottom. And yet, even though i like most of the players on this team, i just find them so easy to hate collectively.

Maybe it's the fanbase, or maybe it's the way they came together, but there's something about this team that makes them fun to hate. It's more than just the fact that they're the best team in the league. San Antonio has been the best team in the league frequently, and they've never brought out the hate like this team has.

Most people would point to the Decision as the catalyst, and they'd be right to a degree, because that was one of top dick moves of this young millennium. When they're doing a retrospective of this century in 87 years, the Decision will be listed among the detritus. Granted, so will any number of Kanye West moments, but Lebron can't be expected to top someone who spends every waking moment perfecting his asshole craft.

But that blew over, for the most part, after Lebron shit the bed in the Finals. The next year, people were pulling for him again. This year, people seem to be back to rooting against him, but not with the anger like two years ago. And that's the part that i can't seem to figure out.

Because it isn't Dwyane Wade. He's pretty much universally loved and respected, despite his ex-wife's best efforts to paint him as an abusive father, as well as his suspect fashion choices. It isn't Chris Bosh, because everyone was pretty indifferent to him until the internet turned him gay. It isn't even Ray Allen, mostly because he benefits from two people on his old team being giant peckers. Could be Norris Cole, though. I can't stand Norris Cole.

That leaves us with Lebron, because in the end, it always comes back to Lebron. Thing is, he's almost impossible to hate, and i know because i know my way around some hate. I really tried to hate Lebron, but once he won his championship, and i saw the joy on his face, i couldn't help but be happy for him. That's the joy that i see in him in so many other moments, like that time he tackled that guy who won all that money hitting that half court shot. When i saw that, my campaign of hate was done. I was so disappointed, because i used to pride myself of being able to hold a grudge, even to the point of deteriorating health.

But right on cue, ESPN was there to gin up hate for him again. The comparisons to Michael Jordan started up, and this time, they were for real. ESPN was going to make this shit stick.

Thanks to the Worldwide Leader, it became very easy to root against Lebron again. Because those of us who saw Michael Jordan aren't going to allow ESPN to put Lebron's one title, won in an era as soft as a memory foam pillow, up against Jordan, who was beat to shit by those hated Knicks and Pistons on the way to six titles. Undefeated in the Finals. No disappearing acts. Not even allowing a Finals series to reach a seventh game. Even if Lebron won seven titles, they would never be as respected as Jordan's because of how he won those titles. But ESPN is brainwashing a younger generation into thinking they would be, because younger generations don't know shit. We have to correct that, because if that's what ESPN wants, then ESPN is a threat to intelligent thought everywhere.

Lebron is an amazing talent and player, but when this dude gets to Finals, he looks like he doesn't know what he wants to do out there. Too often, he wants to try to get others involved, even when there's no play to be made. But just the week before, when it was just the Eastern Conference Finals, he was dropping 40 on a team that was flailing desperately in an attempt to stop him. All of his greatest moments seem to come in the conference finals.

He's so talented, but that talent makes him maddening to watch sometimes, because he's probably never going to be the player he could be. As great as he is, he could be so much greater. This man should be dominating everyone, all day, erry day. With his physical gifts, the question of who's better between him and Jordan shouldn't even be asked anymore. And depending who you think is better, it isn't.

So Lebron, despite his personality and his physical gifts, makes it easy to root against him. Because championship or not, no one wants to see a pretender get elevated to legendary status. And if Miami loses to San Antonio this week, he's going to be exactly that.

...only if Bill Russell's number gets retired, too.

Why the fuck should the ENTIRE NBA retire Michael Jordan's number?

Look, I like Michael Jordan probably a little bit more than most. I've spent more money on his merchandise than anything else I've shown an interest in. I saw "Space Jam." If I wasn't so damned lazy, I would have been arrested more than once for stalking, and if he decided to go gay and wanted a piece of me, I probably wouldn't turn him down. Yes, he can have my anal virginity just because he's the GREATEST BASKETBALL PLAYER I'VE EVER SEEN.

And even I think NBA shouldn't retire his number.

Michael Jordan's not some revolutionary, transformative figure. Not for anything that matters, anyway. Yeah, if you work in marketing, he and David Falk probably wrote the book on sports marketing in the modern age. Yeah, if you work at Nike, you owe MJ and MJ alone for continued employment. David Stern, shoe collectors, and let's not forget how we owe baggy shorts and bald heads to Michael Jordan.

But this is a guy who wouldn't even comment on rush hour traffic in Chicago because it was too controversial for his image. The man jumped really high and threw a ball in a hoop real good. He didn't change the fucking world. Other than his dad being murdered and having to deal with Juanita's lawyer, he's never had hardships during his career. He's never rescued anyone from a bear or caught a plane on his back. There are no stories about him getting spit on by racists on his way to the games. And unless I'm forgetting the time he gained acceptance for Earth Creatures in the Congress of Space Monsters, he wasn't breaking any barriers. He didn't open up any lunch counters or blaze any social trails. It's not his fault that he played in the 1980s, but he's not exactly Jackie Robinson.

In my mind, for Jordan to get his number retired everywhere, he needed to do something revolutionary besides driving the price up on sneakers. His number's already retired in two cities, one of which he didn't even play for. I'd probably support baseball retiring Fernando Valenzuela's number before I'd support this. A statement like THAT says that HISTORY is not going to allow you to forget this person. "He might not have been the greatest, but he's still a big deal." Jordan is never going to be forgotten, because the NBA's marketing machine won't allow it. And it's not because he's a great guy, it's because he fed his nuts to Patrick Ewing in the playoffs each year.

Besides, who's to say that Russell's 6 (THE FIRST BLACK COACH) or Wilt's 13 isn't worthy of leaguewide retirement? What about Magic's 32 or Bird's 33 (two numbers worn by about 40% of the league)? The NBA might not have been there for Jordan if not for Magic and Bird. Maybe if Jordan had died while he was at the peak of his powers. MAYBE.

LeBron beating the drum on this, because everyone thinks of Michael Jordan when they see 23 (except for the fact that LeBron himself has already worn it for seven years) is decent of him, but of course, that's a new jersey everyone has to go buy. Pretty shrewd idea, and he comes off smelling like a rose because he's giving props to Jordan. Kobe just looked like he wanted to get over on people.

Still, I don't see it happening. If it does, that's cool, too. I don't want anyone to think I'm upset about the prospect. I just think it's a bit much. I thought the NBA was done nuzzling his balls after his Hall of Fame acceptance speech.

Lebron and Kobe vs. Michael

Kobe dropped a Madison Square Garden-record 61 points on the Knicks. LeBron dropped 52 points as part of a triple double on them two nights later. Impressive feats? Of course they are, because as bad as the Knicks are, I don't see Rafer Alston or Brian Scalabrine lighting them up. But better than Michael Jordan's "double nickel" game back in 1995? Not even close.

Yeah, I know, Kobe scored 61 points and I know LeBron had a triple double. I don't care about who was more impressive between the two of them, because they were playing the Knicks. But when Michael Jordan did it, playing the Knicks meant something.

It was March 24, 1995. It was a rivalry game back in the days when the Knicks and Bulls genuinely did not like each other. It was Madison Square Garden and it was Michael Jordan's fifth game back after a 16 month layoff. The Knicks went 55-27 that season. Patrick Ewing's Knicks were no pushover back then, unlike the Knicks of today, who are soft like a stripper's backside. Michael Jordan dropped 55 points against THAT team, fighting his own broken jumpshot. Kobe and LeBron did their damage against a gyrating ass.

Not even Wilt Chamberlain's 100 point game can say that. The Knicks team that he destroyed went 29-51...but he still scored 100 points. So I'll shut up on that, but let's keep Kobe and LeBron in perspective. It's impressive just from a sheer numbers standpoint, until you consider the competition. There wasn't any, at least not for them. Al Harrington? Tim Thomas? They might as well have been playing against their old high school teams, because they would have been just as effective.

So let's all just come back to reality before we start proclaiming these as more impressive performances.