Why CBS shouldn't air sports

It's bad enough that CBS has the most boring NFL pregame show anywhere. Yes, even more boring than NBC, and they've got Bob Costas and Cris Collingsworth. I can't even name a prime-time show that CBS airs now that King of Queens is off.

Just being boring isn't enough, though. Now, they've got to show us that they're inept.

I don't know who the genius was who thought that one station could juggle two separate games and make everyone happy, but at some point, the intelligence that God gave birds has to kick in, right?

North Carolina had things with Gonzaga in hand, probably three...maybe four minutes into the game. Meanwhile, Kansas and Michigan State were close throughout. It hadn't occurred to me that I might want to see anything in the Kansas/Michigan State game in the first half, because I wanted to see North Carolina. I've been a Tarheels fan for a long time.

But when the second half started running down and Kansas and Michigan State were still tied up, I expected CBS to switch back over to their game, because it was coming down to a close finish. You know, the kind of situation where legendary highlights are made. Big shots, hustle plays, important rebounds; the stuff that they'll replay 20 years from now.

CBS chose to keep showing UNC/Gonzaga. UNC spent the whole second half leading by 20. I really don't think we were going to miss anything.

The six minute mark goes by in the Kansas/Mich. St. game. Four minutes. Two minutes. We're still looking at Carolina while the score is knotted at 60 in the other game. Finally, Michigan State goes up by two in a big play that I'll have to turn to ESPN to see. My bracket is taking another hit and I can't even see why.

It's not like Gonzaga had closed to within five points or the other game was the Grizzlies and the Clippers. It was another tournament game, and it had a better finish than the one that I was stuck with.

Finally, at the 36 second mark, CBS switches back to Kansas/Mich. St. Not only that, right when they switch, a timeout is called and they start to go to commercial. Thankfully, for us, they decide to let us watch the timeout. For those who were wondering about the nailbiter we switched from, Carolina's was still up by 20.

Kansas is at the line to shoot free throws. First free throw is good. Second free throw might have been good, but we'll never know, because CBS had to hurry up and get back to that back-and-forth UNC/Gonzaga game. That's right, they switched back in the middle of the free throws at brought Kansas to within one. Because CBS didn't want us to miss UNC closing in on a 30 point lead.

It doesn't even matter what happened next, because I'm fairly certain that CBS doesn't want me to see it anyway. I can't remember if I even saw the end of the game because I blacked out after those free throws. My brain was saving me from an anger stroke. Good look, brain.

I just know that in the end, Michigan State won. It would have been nice to see it.

I hate you, CBS. Next time, just play quietly in the corner while the big boys at ESPN or Fox do show you how to broadcast sports.

Why Barack-etology is a good thing

I really don't think that the free world is an anymore trouble than it already is if Barack Obama takes some time out to fill out a bracket for ESPN. Really, if some real damage was going to go down, it was going to happen regardless of that missing half hour. Hell, I bet he spends more time than that in the bathroom.

Actually, I'm more impressed that this man can find the time to be this knowledgable about college basketball while rebuilding the economy, getting us out of Iraq, curing cancer, walking on water, all the stuff that he does. It's not like he's falling behind on things. If he was turning in his budgets late and missing press conferences because he was copying someone else's notes at the last minute, the complainers might be onto something. But he's getting everything done, so why are we bothering him? If anything, we should be impressed with his time-management skills.

Most of us can't even make it to work on time every day and we're worried about what he's doing.

At the very least, this helps him relate to people more, because it shows that he's just as sports-crazy as the rest of us. The only difference between me and Barack Obama right now is that he has the respect and admiration of a nation and I picked California to beat Maryland against my better judgment. Really, at the time of this writing, I'm doing better than he is.

Republicans are just jealous they didn't think of this kind of thing first, because George W. Bush or Sarah Palin would kill for this kind of publicity. Barack Obama filling out his bracket on ESPN or actually getting upset that OUR Beloved Bulls were getting beat by the Washington Wizards are the kinds of things that will endear us to him. When he leaves office, assuming his presidency isn't a complete disaster, this sort of thing will make us think about him and smile. Truly the People's President, Barack Obama.

Bush, on the other hand, we forgot about him while he was still sitting the White House. And this guy owned the Texas Rangers once upon a time. But he was so busy clearing brush off of his ranch in Crawford that he forgot to show us what a real guy he was. People always talked about what a great guy he was, but we never saw it. Maybe if he had publicly done things like this, we would have looked at him a little differently. I'm not saying we would have supported all of his policies, because I just don't think that repealing our civil liberties was a smart idea. But maybe, just maybe, we wouldn't have looked at him like he had no idea what was going on in the real world.

Bush's friends always talked about Bush being "the kind of guy you could have a beer with," but we never really saw it. In one 10-minute segment, Barack showed us that he IS that guy, because even though he's meeting with the Prime Minster of Russia while we're breaking our back for some boss that we don't like, we know that at 11 PM, when SportsCenter comes on, our President is just another sports-obsessed boob. Just like us.