On Marcus Smart, Jeff Orr, and Acting An Ass At Basketball Games

If you taunt, berate, out belittle athletes in games, it says a lot about how you view them. To you, they're not people. They're chattel. Hired entertainment. Dancing monkeys. They don't become real until they come onto the stands. Like Mos Def said, "The hardheaded always gotta feel it to believe it." 

A thorough, well-earned, ass-whooping will end a lot of this. The average fan really doesn't wanna risk the possibility that security will get there before they eat that two-piece.  It's all fun and games until that ass is getting tenderized. I think we all understand that most fans are pussy, even in this shit-talking, rude, and insulting environment we call "America in 2014."  Everybody talks, but almost nobody really wants to back it up, which is part of the reason why gun sales are up.  The threat of backing up shit-talk without a gun would eliminate all but the most "bout that life" fans from getting disrespectful. The people who want to fight would just have to become the hazard of doing business, I guess.

Still, we can't have that. Letting players to go after pieces of shit in the stands is a horrible business plan, because unlicensed dentistry in a public place isn't really a selling point.  No matter how right the player may be (I still think that Dikembe should have been allowed to punch that dude for calling him a monkey), that kind of stuff has to be deterred. Otherwise, players will think that it's normal to run in the stands and people will stop coming to games.  This isn't wrestling, where the fight coming into the stands is a good thing.  Patting the participants on the back will just make you part of the fight.  And the first time a totally innocent fan gets hit by a player, that fan will suddenly own a piece of the team and start making all the stupid trades that you and your friends talk about during flag football.  So what's the solution, then?

There isn't one. I think we all understand that human beings are terrible creatures, most of which don't deserve the basic decency that they think they're entitled to. I work in a field where all I do is deal with entitled, shitty, people who think they're better than me because I have on work boots.  I see it all the time.  You're condescending, arrogant, and rude.  Just look at how you act when you go to a restaurant, or heaven forbid, Wal-Mart.  You don't deserve any kindness, especially after you answered your phone in the movie theater.  Dear People of America: Generally speaking, you're pieces of shit.  Okay, you might not set car bombs, kick puppies, or use the n-word, but those aren't the only things you can do to be considered a terrible person. 

So expecting the paying customer to improve his own behavior is a fool's errand.  The leagues still need to get something in place to deal with this, because it's gotten ridiculous. Basically, the leagues (Really, just the NBA and college basketball, because it's no coincidence that the leagues where the players have weapons also have barriers between players and fans) need to empower players to get fans ejected.

Tell the players that if someone is getting out of line, they can pull a ref to the side, point the person out, the ref will eject the fan, and security will throw him out on his ass.  It should be that simple. I doubt the players would lie on fans, because they've got out things going on, like the game happening around them.  They don't have time to pick out fans to eject so you can confirm your victimization bias.  Truth is, do you know how big of an asshole you have to be to get the attention of someone on the court, let alone make them try to come after you?  And while the players run the risk of identifying the wrong person, after throwing down $1,000 on courtside tickets, the fans standing around the right person will make sure that they stand out.  Watching everybody turn into snitches will be part of the fun of a program like this.

And to get an athlete in the middle of a game so upset that they want to put their hands on you is hard to do.  I know, because I've tried, and I assure you, it takes more than effort and a big mouth.  When I was in college, my friend Mike and I used to sit courtside at our team's basketball games and go in on people.  To us, it was all in fun, but we were assholes, plain and simple.  It got to the point where it was secondary to the game.  We just wanted to insult people.  We felt like we were creating the homecourt advantage that Jackson State desperately needed (because we weren't getting better players any time soon).  And to show how stupid our asses were, we yelled at the referees more than anyone else.  The same referees that could have put us out at any time, and here we are, making fun of their shoes and pants. To their credit, they never reacted, and I know they heard us. 

They should have put us out. I would have. If it had been me, i would have tried to get is banned from the building. What we did was uncalled for.  Fun at the time, because we were stupid 20 year olds, but uncalled for.

So I get why people do it when they're young.  I wouldn't do that now, because I'm mentally well-adjusted.  You're supposed to grow out of this kind of shit, but the people who seem to wind up in these incidents now are all 40 and 50 year old men.  I guess it's empowering to feel like you can yell at these people and they can't do shit, but how emasculated do you have to be in your personal life to think that insulting rich athletes is a healthy outlet?  Who told you your dick was small, Jeff Orr?

Because it isn't about the money that they paid for tickets that makes people feel empowered to act like that.  Hell, we got in free to our games and we were practically standing on the court.  I think that making it about the money paid just gives them an excuse.  No, they're just shitty people.  I bet they treat wait staff at restaurants the same way.  It has nothing to do with the tickets.  There are hundreds of other people in that same section who paid just as much who didn't incite a player to jeopardize his paycheck, scholarship, or legal freedom just for the chance to crack them across the jaw. 

Knowing that, I won't blame Marcus Smart for shoving that asshole, because I've been that asshole. Jeff Orr had that coming, and probably more, just like i did. We can't keep going through life thinking that, just because someone is doing something for us, be it entertaining us or working on our behalf, rich or poor, that we can just treat them with disrespect.  You might think you're above them in that instance, but a fist to the face will put you on the same level real quick.  

Don't Worry: Isiah Can't Overpay College Players

You'd think people would have learned their lesson about putting Isiah Thomas in charge of things. His Indiana Pacers teams underachieved, he burned down the Continental Basketball Association, and, well, we all saw what he did to the Knicks. The mentality that it takes to give Jerome James $29 million or trade three draft pick and three players for "Sixth Helping" Eddy Curry, deserves to be questioned at every turn.

But that won't be a problem at Florida International University, where he's already pledged to give his entire first-year salary to the athletic department. It's almost as if he's trying to prove that he can do more for a basketball team than waste its money.

As we all know, college players don't get paid (publicly speaking), so joining the college game makes sense for a guy like Isiah. Legally, all he can offer is a scholarship and maybe a few other small perks. There's no hope of him outbidding Carolina for their third point guard and committing FIU to paying him $8 million dollars for the next four seasons. No, this job frees his mind from having to make decisions like that and allows him to do what he does best: Scout talent.

Remember, this is the same guy who drafted David Lee, Wilson Chandler, Nate Robinson, Trevor Ariza, and Renaldo Balkman. He clearly has an eye for talent. Just not assigning dollar amounts to it.

So despite his reputation of not knowing what the hell he's doing, Isiah Thomas should be able to attract some talent to this small school in Miami. After all, he's still Isiah Thomas, the ball player, and as much I've talked about his executive history, the promise of learning from one of the NBA's greatest champions will be too much for a lot of kids to pass up.

But when they get down there, how will they feel about his coaching? After all, that's the real question mark for this entire situation.

He's never been a great coach, and I'm not even talking about his time coaching the Knicks, because better coaches tried and failed. No one was getting that team to the playoffs, even if his name was Jesus A. Phil Jackson Riley-Krzyzewski, so I don't hold that against Isiah. But I do remember those Pacers teams of his.

After the 1999-2000 season, Larry Bird stepped down after three seasons as Pacers coach. They were fresh off of a Central Division title and their first trip to the NBA Finals, where they lost in six games to Shaq and Kobe. In Bird's three seasons, they set franchise record for wins and did no less than reaching the Eastern Conference Finals each season. Even though they were a veteran team and there was a lot of change made to the roster, they were still hopeful for the future. All they needed was the right coach to keep this thing rolling. Larry Bird suggested his assistant, Rick Carlisle, but Isiah Thomas ultimately got the job, probably because Donnie Walsh was distracted by Isiah's dimples.

They went 41-41 the next season, 42-40 in 2001-02, exploded to 48-34 in 2002-03. Each season, they lost in the first round of the playoffs. When Larry Bird became team president in 2003, he showed Isiah the door and gave Rick Carlisle the coaching job he should have had all along.

The Pacers finished the 2003-04 season at 61-21 and went back to the Eastern Conference Finals.

How will this translate to the college game? It remains to be seen. After all, coaches who completely bombed in the pros have been successful in college and I'm not even talking about actual good coaches like Rick Pitino or John Calipari. I'm talking about guys like Tim Floyd at USC or Leonard Hamilton's run at Florida State. Almost any half-wit coach can win in college if he's got good players. And FIU doesn't need to win the National Championship; they'll be happy with being over .500.

If nothing else, it should be entertaining, because there are way too many fine women in Miami for this not to be. But I think he will do well. Or at least, well enough to cause a controversy when he bolts to a bigger school.

Why CBS shouldn't air sports

It's bad enough that CBS has the most boring NFL pregame show anywhere. Yes, even more boring than NBC, and they've got Bob Costas and Cris Collingsworth. I can't even name a prime-time show that CBS airs now that King of Queens is off.

Just being boring isn't enough, though. Now, they've got to show us that they're inept.

I don't know who the genius was who thought that one station could juggle two separate games and make everyone happy, but at some point, the intelligence that God gave birds has to kick in, right?

North Carolina had things with Gonzaga in hand, probably three...maybe four minutes into the game. Meanwhile, Kansas and Michigan State were close throughout. It hadn't occurred to me that I might want to see anything in the Kansas/Michigan State game in the first half, because I wanted to see North Carolina. I've been a Tarheels fan for a long time.

But when the second half started running down and Kansas and Michigan State were still tied up, I expected CBS to switch back over to their game, because it was coming down to a close finish. You know, the kind of situation where legendary highlights are made. Big shots, hustle plays, important rebounds; the stuff that they'll replay 20 years from now.

CBS chose to keep showing UNC/Gonzaga. UNC spent the whole second half leading by 20. I really don't think we were going to miss anything.

The six minute mark goes by in the Kansas/Mich. St. game. Four minutes. Two minutes. We're still looking at Carolina while the score is knotted at 60 in the other game. Finally, Michigan State goes up by two in a big play that I'll have to turn to ESPN to see. My bracket is taking another hit and I can't even see why.

It's not like Gonzaga had closed to within five points or the other game was the Grizzlies and the Clippers. It was another tournament game, and it had a better finish than the one that I was stuck with.

Finally, at the 36 second mark, CBS switches back to Kansas/Mich. St. Not only that, right when they switch, a timeout is called and they start to go to commercial. Thankfully, for us, they decide to let us watch the timeout. For those who were wondering about the nailbiter we switched from, Carolina's was still up by 20.

Kansas is at the line to shoot free throws. First free throw is good. Second free throw might have been good, but we'll never know, because CBS had to hurry up and get back to that back-and-forth UNC/Gonzaga game. That's right, they switched back in the middle of the free throws at brought Kansas to within one. Because CBS didn't want us to miss UNC closing in on a 30 point lead.

It doesn't even matter what happened next, because I'm fairly certain that CBS doesn't want me to see it anyway. I can't remember if I even saw the end of the game because I blacked out after those free throws. My brain was saving me from an anger stroke. Good look, brain.

I just know that in the end, Michigan State won. It would have been nice to see it.

I hate you, CBS. Next time, just play quietly in the corner while the big boys at ESPN or Fox do show you how to broadcast sports.