I just got done watching "2 Girls, 1 Finger," the just-as-disgusting companion piece to "2 Girls, 1 Cup." This is going to be my reaction video.
I'm not going to sit here and ask what is wrong with our society, because I know what's wrong with it: It's fucked up. We like shit like this, watching people do the most ridiculous things for our amusement or horror or whatever the case may be. This is who we are and it's not my place to judge, because I just got done seeking out and watching a video where two girls are vomiting and shitting in each other's mouths. What can I really say to anyone? "You're sick for watching that video?" I just got done watching a second version of it. The saddest part of this isn't that two girls are doing this to each other; it's that watching it isn't even a unique or even extraordinary experience for me anymore. Two girls vomiting and shitting in each other's mouths is old hat.
So the question I'm here to ask is, "Where do we go from here?" How do we top this? Because I don't know how much worse it can get. There is a series of videos featuring two girls vomiting and shitting in each other's mouths. Somehow, I don't think that this is the future that the inventor of the video camera had in mind. I think if he knew that a common use of his greatest creation was capturing the sickest, most depraved events that one can imagine for personal entertainment, I think he might have had a few drinks before lighting the whole thing on fire and trying to invent something else.
I mean, let's recap: You have "scat" videos (these fall under that category. Yes, happens so frequently that there's an actual name for it), there's also videos of the BME Pain Olympics (which I will not watch), bestiality videos, Jackass, people accidentally hurting themselves, "Faces of Death," "Banned From TV," and a host of sports injuries videos, starring Joe Theismann. Which means the next way to top all of this is, naturally, eating the feces of other animals. For all I know this has already been a feature of "Faces of Death."
How much worse is it going to get? Are we going to have videos of people fellating their dead relatives before devouring their carcasses? How about people eating fresh roadkill right off the street? Someone really trying to shove a human head inside their own ass? I really don't know where it's all leading, but it's just a matter of time before we really have game shows like "The Running Man" or "The Condemned." We are part of a voyeuristic culture that enjoys the pain, misery, and outlandishness of others without having to actually deal with any of the repercussions, which I suppose is only natural. We laugh at these things, show our friends, turn it off and go about our day. It's safely inside the computer screen, so it's almost like they're not real people. And certainly, they're not going to give us their real names so we can find out where they live. The ones who eat shit are never getting kissed by a well-adjusted person ever again.
Is this stuff wrong? Because I don't go to church, I don't believe it's my place to say if it's wrong or not, and frankly, that's not really the point to this. I'm just asking the question. Is it funny? Hell, yeah, it's funny, because I can't believe someone's fucking crazy enough to do that shit. Just when I thought the kid who lit himself on fire after seeing it on "Jackass" was the dumbest motherfucker alive (actually, that stunt killed him), there's a group of four women apparently competing for a title that the rest of us didn't even care to know existed: "Best at making the audience throw up."
But who can we blame for it? Who can we blame for our escalating voyeuristic desires; we who enjoy the horrific injuries and blatant stupidity? That's easy.
Bob Saget and "America's Funniest Home Videos." Let the picketing commence.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Stop bitching about Obama's Black support
Why does it matter if Black people are only voting for Obama because he's Black? We're only 12% of the population. And we're not like right-wing conservatives, who are small in number but loud and annoying; a good number of that 12% doesn't even vote. So since we're so shallow and uninformed, it's not like the remaining 88% won't have the power to drown us out. After all, the same people who gripe about this are the same well-informed voters who are supporting Sarah Palin just because she said some combination of the following words and phrases: Republican, Bible, Iraq, abortion, overturn Roe V. Wade, family values, terrorists, small government, free market, guns.
I just wonder what the gripe would have been if Hillary would have won the nomination and still have been beating McCain in the polls. Probably the old one were we always vote for Democrats, even though modern-day Republicans are generally opposed to anything that Black people want to do that doesn't involve "getting over" slavery. How Black people vote shouldn't even really be an issue, because there's never been a danger of us electing a President on our own. If there ever was, there would also have been history books with a reference about the "assassination of Presidential candidate Dick Gregory in 1968."
Putting all of that aside, there are a lot of us voting for Obama because of his stance on issues, not because our matching skin tones count as accessories when we go out. Just for the record, when I chose to support Obama, it wasn't because I was against McCain. It was because I like a lot of his ideas. I like John McCain; I just like Barack Obama more. Well, I liked the John McCain that was around before he sold his soul to Cheney, like a conscious rapper looking for a record deal. Today's John McCain does things like select inexperienced women that don't know how to do anything except alienate people as his running mate. So my support of Obama didn't make me vote for him automatically. I wasn't going to vote for him at all at first, because of my desire to help break the two-party system's grip on our nation's government. Then,I listened to a string of his speeches, and I gotta tell ya...that man could inspire a legless man to walk again.
To assume that we're all voting for Obama because he's Black is actually insulting, much like when white people "compliment" Black people by saying, "You speak so well." And just like we're capable of stringing together sentences without sounding like we stepped out of (random example of "urban" cinema), we're also smart enough to decide which candidate we'll support based on the issues. It's not like we supported him for ridiculous reasons like promising to put the Rebel shield back on the Georgia State flag, or because I'm a Born-Again Christian who believes in the death penalty. He's a brilliant man with a clear vision of what America should be, and it happens to be a vision I share, more or less. And to tell you the truth, if Jesse Ventura had decided to run, I don't know if I'd even be voting for Obama. Seriously.
Weren't the failed candidacies of Al Sharpton and Carol Moseley-Braun in 2004 (or Alan Keyes in general) proof enough that we don't just blindly support Black candidates? Let's find a new issue to gripe about. I can't believe people are STILL talking about this.
I just wonder what the gripe would have been if Hillary would have won the nomination and still have been beating McCain in the polls. Probably the old one were we always vote for Democrats, even though modern-day Republicans are generally opposed to anything that Black people want to do that doesn't involve "getting over" slavery. How Black people vote shouldn't even really be an issue, because there's never been a danger of us electing a President on our own. If there ever was, there would also have been history books with a reference about the "assassination of Presidential candidate Dick Gregory in 1968."
Putting all of that aside, there are a lot of us voting for Obama because of his stance on issues, not because our matching skin tones count as accessories when we go out. Just for the record, when I chose to support Obama, it wasn't because I was against McCain. It was because I like a lot of his ideas. I like John McCain; I just like Barack Obama more. Well, I liked the John McCain that was around before he sold his soul to Cheney, like a conscious rapper looking for a record deal. Today's John McCain does things like select inexperienced women that don't know how to do anything except alienate people as his running mate. So my support of Obama didn't make me vote for him automatically. I wasn't going to vote for him at all at first, because of my desire to help break the two-party system's grip on our nation's government. Then,I listened to a string of his speeches, and I gotta tell ya...that man could inspire a legless man to walk again.
To assume that we're all voting for Obama because he's Black is actually insulting, much like when white people "compliment" Black people by saying, "You speak so well." And just like we're capable of stringing together sentences without sounding like we stepped out of (random example of "urban" cinema), we're also smart enough to decide which candidate we'll support based on the issues. It's not like we supported him for ridiculous reasons like promising to put the Rebel shield back on the Georgia State flag, or because I'm a Born-Again Christian who believes in the death penalty. He's a brilliant man with a clear vision of what America should be, and it happens to be a vision I share, more or less. And to tell you the truth, if Jesse Ventura had decided to run, I don't know if I'd even be voting for Obama. Seriously.
Weren't the failed candidacies of Al Sharpton and Carol Moseley-Braun in 2004 (or Alan Keyes in general) proof enough that we don't just blindly support Black candidates? Let's find a new issue to gripe about. I can't believe people are STILL talking about this.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
That's it: Sarah Palin is a complete imbecile
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, in a desperate attempt to completely torpedo the McCain-Palin ticket, publicly stated that Barack Obama cannot be trusted because he's "palling around with terrorists." One can only assume that either she's throwing a temper tantrum because of the way she got handled by Joe Biden on Thursday or that Karl Rove personally wrote her speech.
Earlier in the day, the McCain campaign announced that they were going to get tougher on Obama, beginning with attacks on his character, through the Swiftboat-style attacks used on John Kerry used in 2004. I guess these attacks will be remembered for their complete lack of truth. The next attack is going to reveal how Barack has supplanted Lex Luthor as the Legion of Doom's leader in their ongoing battle with the Superfriends. I mean, since we're just pulling stuff out of the sky.
But really, this is how you want to play this? Barack Obama is fraternizing with terrorists? Jesus Christ, woman, do you really want to go here?
One definition of "terrorist" is " one who terrorizes or frightens others." By that very definition, that would define Sarah Palin as a terrorist, because knowing that she has tried to ban books, knowing that she's against abortion, even in cases of rape or incest, knowing that she really believes that being across the street from Russia counts as foreign policy experience, knowing that she has the same "cowboy" mentality as George W. Bush, and knowing that she could conceivably wind up being the President of the United States, I'm way more afraid of her than I am of anyone that Barack Obama may or may not know. In fact, thanks to Palin's history of trying to get people fired for opposing her, I'll go on record as accusing her of "racketeering."
I can go on about people who "terrorize or frighten" me: Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, the LAPD, the NYPD, Sean Hannity supporters, people who want to swing dicks with Russia right now, Sumner Redstone, and whatever is keeping Al Davis alive...the list is pretty extensive.
We can chalk all that up under "semantics," though, because I'm not an idiot and I understand that none of the above people are actually terrorists; just terribly and painfully misguided. Let's talk about actual "terrorist associations." George W. Bush: Why isn't she railing against him? Everybody knows that he's friends with the bin Ladens. You might have heard of them before. One of them was involved in a dust-up of some sort a few years back. That "terrorist association" is what got the bin Ladens escorted from the country on Sept. 11, 2001, and I'd go so far as to say that "terrorist association" is the reason why we can't find Osama bin Laden right now.
Poppa George Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Ronald Reagan...we all know about their ties with Saddam Hussein in the 1980s, as well as Osama bin Laden and al-Qaida, during their battles with the Soviet Union in Afghanistan. And they're all Republicans, just like you. We know that's why you don't throw them under the bus, you partisan cheerleader. Let's not get into who associates with terrorists and who doesn't.
William Ayers, on the other hand, had charges against him dropped in 1974 and he turned himself in anyway in 1980, according to Reuters, CNN, and that bastion of accuracy, Wikipedia. Of course, "Faux News" left that part out of their report, because they're not a real news organization. I had never heard of the guy before, but thanks to Sarah Palin's desire to tear down Barack Obama because she doesn't even know what her own news sources are, I've discovered a person that I want to read up on, because he's got some interesting views. William Ayers is currently a professor of education at the University of Illinois in Chicago, not living in a cave in Afghanistan or a cabin in the woods of Montana. To tell you the truth, with his well-paying and respectable profession and loving family (wife, three kids, one adopted), he's really blowing it as a terrorist.
And as far as Barack's association with Ayers goes, apparently, they met a few times back when Barack was running for Senate and they happened to live in the same neighborhood. Yeah, they sound like blood brothers to me. According to the New York Times, "the two men do not appear to have been close. Nor has Mr. Obama ever expressed sympathy for the radical views and actions of Mr. Ayers, whom he has called 'somebody who engaged in detestable acts 40 years ago, when I was 8.' " In fairness, the full quote was "I was 8, you fucking retard."
These are the kinds of things that have proven to turn off voters in today's climate. People are sick and tired of the childish mudslinging, because really, who gives a rat's ass? Even though Palin claims to read everything, she must not have heard that voters were completely turned off in 2006 by negative campaigning. And really, last I checked, we were all Americans. There is no "other side." It's just us. Well, us and Knicks fans.
I know it was hard to tell, based on the schoolyard-level debating that Palin did on Thursday, but we're all adults here. Either she should admit that she can't talk about the issues because she doesn't know, or just go the hell back to Alaska. Grown-ups don't have the time to listen to her bring up stuff that ultimately doesn't matter, because if it did, George W. Bush's decades-long alcoholic haze and Bill Clinton's weed habit would have kept both of them out of the White House. Grow the fuck up.
Earlier in the day, the McCain campaign announced that they were going to get tougher on Obama, beginning with attacks on his character, through the Swiftboat-style attacks used on John Kerry used in 2004. I guess these attacks will be remembered for their complete lack of truth. The next attack is going to reveal how Barack has supplanted Lex Luthor as the Legion of Doom's leader in their ongoing battle with the Superfriends. I mean, since we're just pulling stuff out of the sky.
But really, this is how you want to play this? Barack Obama is fraternizing with terrorists? Jesus Christ, woman, do you really want to go here?
One definition of "terrorist" is " one who terrorizes or frightens others." By that very definition, that would define Sarah Palin as a terrorist, because knowing that she has tried to ban books, knowing that she's against abortion, even in cases of rape or incest, knowing that she really believes that being across the street from Russia counts as foreign policy experience, knowing that she has the same "cowboy" mentality as George W. Bush, and knowing that she could conceivably wind up being the President of the United States, I'm way more afraid of her than I am of anyone that Barack Obama may or may not know. In fact, thanks to Palin's history of trying to get people fired for opposing her, I'll go on record as accusing her of "racketeering."
I can go on about people who "terrorize or frighten" me: Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, the LAPD, the NYPD, Sean Hannity supporters, people who want to swing dicks with Russia right now, Sumner Redstone, and whatever is keeping Al Davis alive...the list is pretty extensive.
We can chalk all that up under "semantics," though, because I'm not an idiot and I understand that none of the above people are actually terrorists; just terribly and painfully misguided. Let's talk about actual "terrorist associations." George W. Bush: Why isn't she railing against him? Everybody knows that he's friends with the bin Ladens. You might have heard of them before. One of them was involved in a dust-up of some sort a few years back. That "terrorist association" is what got the bin Ladens escorted from the country on Sept. 11, 2001, and I'd go so far as to say that "terrorist association" is the reason why we can't find Osama bin Laden right now.
Poppa George Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Ronald Reagan...we all know about their ties with Saddam Hussein in the 1980s, as well as Osama bin Laden and al-Qaida, during their battles with the Soviet Union in Afghanistan. And they're all Republicans, just like you. We know that's why you don't throw them under the bus, you partisan cheerleader. Let's not get into who associates with terrorists and who doesn't.
William Ayers, on the other hand, had charges against him dropped in 1974 and he turned himself in anyway in 1980, according to Reuters, CNN, and that bastion of accuracy, Wikipedia. Of course, "Faux News" left that part out of their report, because they're not a real news organization. I had never heard of the guy before, but thanks to Sarah Palin's desire to tear down Barack Obama because she doesn't even know what her own news sources are, I've discovered a person that I want to read up on, because he's got some interesting views. William Ayers is currently a professor of education at the University of Illinois in Chicago, not living in a cave in Afghanistan or a cabin in the woods of Montana. To tell you the truth, with his well-paying and respectable profession and loving family (wife, three kids, one adopted), he's really blowing it as a terrorist.
And as far as Barack's association with Ayers goes, apparently, they met a few times back when Barack was running for Senate and they happened to live in the same neighborhood. Yeah, they sound like blood brothers to me. According to the New York Times, "the two men do not appear to have been close. Nor has Mr. Obama ever expressed sympathy for the radical views and actions of Mr. Ayers, whom he has called 'somebody who engaged in detestable acts 40 years ago, when I was 8.' " In fairness, the full quote was "I was 8, you fucking retard."
These are the kinds of things that have proven to turn off voters in today's climate. People are sick and tired of the childish mudslinging, because really, who gives a rat's ass? Even though Palin claims to read everything, she must not have heard that voters were completely turned off in 2006 by negative campaigning. And really, last I checked, we were all Americans. There is no "other side." It's just us. Well, us and Knicks fans.
I know it was hard to tell, based on the schoolyard-level debating that Palin did on Thursday, but we're all adults here. Either she should admit that she can't talk about the issues because she doesn't know, or just go the hell back to Alaska. Grown-ups don't have the time to listen to her bring up stuff that ultimately doesn't matter, because if it did, George W. Bush's decades-long alcoholic haze and Bill Clinton's weed habit would have kept both of them out of the White House. Grow the fuck up.
Freshly Squeezed O.J.
The economy is in shambles, we're stuck in Iraq, inflation and gas prices seek to ruin us all. But White America slept just a little better last night knowing that O.J. Simpson has been convicted on all counts in his armed robbery trial. His defense was pulped by the prosecution and the Juice will be getting pasteurized. Yes, I've got a million bad orange juice puns.
There was no other way that this was going to end and we all knew it before the ESPN ticker had gotten the words to the other side of the screen. "The Passion of the Christ" had a less telegraphed ending. Gravity is more unpredictable. White folks had never let that 1994 acquittal go and there wasn't a white person in America who didn't believe that O.J. didn't belong behind bars, so the writing was on the wall once we saw that all-white jury. O.J. shouldn't be allowed to run free after making a mockery of the justice system. That right is solely the province of white people. So the storyline going into the courtroom was pretty much the same one that the WWF had written for the Ric Flair's rematch with "Macho Man" Randy Savage: "You did it once. Now, let's see you do it again!" If Vince McMahon had been the judge, the verdict wouldn't have been more obvious.
The sad part is that O.J. was stupid enough to allow himself to be put in this situation again. Doesn't matter than one of his accusers would testify that O.J. was set up. Like Michael Jackson, O.J. Simpson forgot he was black in America, so he thought that he could walk around like everything was sweet and because he beat a murder rap, everything else was no big deal. He got off from the big one: Killing two white people. He probably tried shooting himself just to see if the bullets would bounce off.
He seemed to have forgotten how mad white people were and continue to be when it comes to the O.J. trial. I argued with a girl last year who wasn't even old enough to remember it and she firmly believed that he should be burning in Hell right now. They all say that it doesn't matter of O.J. is black; it's all about justice. Then, they defend the cops that shot Shawn Bell or think that the Jena 6 were getting what they deserved.
O.J., listen to me: White people don't like to see black people get equal treatment in this country. I don't care what they say: When they get off, the whole thing was simply a misunderstanding that needed investigating to uncover the facts. When your black ass gets off, it's a miscarriage of justice.
Playing golf all day as part of your solemn vow to "find the real killers" is one thing. I guess you wanted to make sure that country clubs across America were safe as part of your plans to keep America safe. Sure, it was funny watching white people's heads explode, but they couldn't really do anything so you should have just quit while you were ahead. Actually trying to commit more crimes is just plain stupid, because you're not Nino Brown and even if you were, he's still going to jail for tax evasion, despite paying all of the money back.
So enjoy the life in prison that they're clearly going to stick you with, Orenthal. You're not getting out, because after 14 years of trying, they've finally gotten you where they want you. And let this be a lesson to other black people who think they're going to get off from crimes. If Michael Vick wasn't the wake-up call to you, then this verdict should be. I thought that "Never Forget" was the slogan attached to 9/11, but it seems that they were really talking about O.J. Simpson.
There was no other way that this was going to end and we all knew it before the ESPN ticker had gotten the words to the other side of the screen. "The Passion of the Christ" had a less telegraphed ending. Gravity is more unpredictable. White folks had never let that 1994 acquittal go and there wasn't a white person in America who didn't believe that O.J. didn't belong behind bars, so the writing was on the wall once we saw that all-white jury. O.J. shouldn't be allowed to run free after making a mockery of the justice system. That right is solely the province of white people. So the storyline going into the courtroom was pretty much the same one that the WWF had written for the Ric Flair's rematch with "Macho Man" Randy Savage: "You did it once. Now, let's see you do it again!" If Vince McMahon had been the judge, the verdict wouldn't have been more obvious.
The sad part is that O.J. was stupid enough to allow himself to be put in this situation again. Doesn't matter than one of his accusers would testify that O.J. was set up. Like Michael Jackson, O.J. Simpson forgot he was black in America, so he thought that he could walk around like everything was sweet and because he beat a murder rap, everything else was no big deal. He got off from the big one: Killing two white people. He probably tried shooting himself just to see if the bullets would bounce off.
He seemed to have forgotten how mad white people were and continue to be when it comes to the O.J. trial. I argued with a girl last year who wasn't even old enough to remember it and she firmly believed that he should be burning in Hell right now. They all say that it doesn't matter of O.J. is black; it's all about justice. Then, they defend the cops that shot Shawn Bell or think that the Jena 6 were getting what they deserved.
O.J., listen to me: White people don't like to see black people get equal treatment in this country. I don't care what they say: When they get off, the whole thing was simply a misunderstanding that needed investigating to uncover the facts. When your black ass gets off, it's a miscarriage of justice.
Playing golf all day as part of your solemn vow to "find the real killers" is one thing. I guess you wanted to make sure that country clubs across America were safe as part of your plans to keep America safe. Sure, it was funny watching white people's heads explode, but they couldn't really do anything so you should have just quit while you were ahead. Actually trying to commit more crimes is just plain stupid, because you're not Nino Brown and even if you were, he's still going to jail for tax evasion, despite paying all of the money back.
So enjoy the life in prison that they're clearly going to stick you with, Orenthal. You're not getting out, because after 14 years of trying, they've finally gotten you where they want you. And let this be a lesson to other black people who think they're going to get off from crimes. If Michael Vick wasn't the wake-up call to you, then this verdict should be. I thought that "Never Forget" was the slogan attached to 9/11, but it seems that they were really talking about O.J. Simpson.
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