The Return of Flavor Flav

Flavor Flav is trying to get a show on TV where he goes back to school to get a diploma, because you can never have too many disruptive niggas in the classroom.

I know that this could turn out to be a positive thing. Flavor Flav is a public figure who might influence someone finish school. He dropped out in the 10th grade, and at the age of 50, has decided to get a high school diploma. On the surface, it sounds positive.

But let's be real. Flavor Flav, after traveling around the world, living the life of a famous music star, selling millions of records, starring in a rather successful reality series or two, and fucking thousands of women despite a face that looks like something that was lost under the refrigerator...after he's done doing all of that, has decided that school is an important priority. Really?

And it's such a high priority that he wants to air his high school adventures on VH-1, home of the groundbreaking "Flavor of Love." Groundbreaking in the same way that "2 Girls 1 Cup" is groundbreaking: You get to see that society hasn't quite hit rock bottom yet.

I really want to be positive about this, but it's Flavor Flav. No one expects anything intelligent from him, because he's fucking Flavor Flav. He wears a giant clock around his neck and has a mouth full of gold teeth. Expecting intelligence here is like expecting him to be a positive example of black manhood. And while I'm sure it'll help keep his own kids in school, I can't see anyone else saying to themselves, "I need to finish this paper, because if Flav can do it, so can I."

I want to believe that Flav will be an attentive student, who will dedicate himself to his studies and turn a brand new corner in his life. But I'm not that fucking dumb. That would make for some boring-ass TV, watching him be a functioning member of society. It's gonna be a half-hour of a 50 year old man continuing to set back Black America by being a clown again. Only this time...he's a CLASS clown. Zing.

As corny as that last line was, I'm willing to bet money that it was uttered at some point during the pitch meeting.

But what can he really say to kids? "Stay in school, so you can go far in life?" Ain't nobody trying to hear that from him. They'll look at him and think, "Didn't you have three seasons of a show based around women trying to fuck you, Mr. 10th Grade education?" Everything he's ever done appeals to what teenage boys want to do in life. I'd rather he just shut up and not say anything to the kids about staying in school. His existence destroys his argument and I've never known him to be eloquent enough to try to convince people otherwise. This is a man who's most famous quote is, "Yeah, BOYYYYYY!!!!" Not exactly Winston Churchill, you know? No one's gonna listen to him unless their goal in life is to go from "drug addict" to "STD minefield," and live to tell the tale.

So let's just call it what it is: A desperate attempt to stay relevant. If it was really about the education, he would have just done it and not tried to build a reality show around it. The only reason why this even came up is being his AutoTune-career didn't quite take off like he'd hoped. As proof that I'm not making this up...here.