Great season, ya'll. Well, great playoffs, anyway. Some things happened that were completely unexpected (the Clippers being a good team) and some things happened that were par for the course (the Nuggets underachieving, the Warriors missing the playoffs...again). But I've got something to say to each and every one of the NBA teams this year. At least I think I do. If I don't have anything to say to you, I'll come up with something.
30. Portland. The worst team in the league. You shouldn't expect anything less from a team that employs Darius Miles and insists that Zach Randolph is an elite player. And the future doesn't look bright, because you can't see that far down the road. They keep drafting high school players. You're better off burning down everything and starting over.
29. New York. I have written more than enough about this team. But the drama persists, because they still haven't decided what they're going to do about Larry Brown. I have a suggestion: Get the fuck out of his way...and show Isiah the door. And trade most of the team, starting with Marbury. If no one will take his contract, you can always shoot him. I'm sure the contract is insured. There's only one positive thing that I can say about this team: At least they're not the absolute worst team in the league.
28. Atlanta. After a few years of having no hope, I can actually see some positive things going on there. Billy Knight is still irritating me, though, and Mike Woodson is likely to be fired soon. And there's still a whole lotta drama in that front office. But Josh Smith is improving by leaps and bounds every day. And they've got the number 5 pick in the draft. Joe Johnson is steady and Al Harrington is still good trade bait. With the right moves, the Hawks could be on their way. Just make sure Billy Knight isn't in the driver's seat. I mean, seriously...I wouldn't have drafted Marvin Williams over most anyone that was taken in the first round, let alone Chris Paul.
27. Minnesota. It's bad enough that Kevin Garnett has had to play most of his career in a place where it's almost a certainty that no one will see him play. But for 10 years, Kevin HcHale has wasted this man's talent so much that you'd think he had a vendetta against him. One of the top 10 players in the league and you couldn't get him not ONE good player to stand alongside him? Not even by accident? A draft pick...something? Just trade him...you can't do nothing with him.
26. Charlotte. Nothing really to say here. They're doing what expansion teams do at this stage: Lose and lose big.
25. Golden State. Stop hiring these damn college coaches. That's about as bad as drafting high school players. You need someone who can put Baron Davis in his place and Mike Montgomery is not the man to do it. That's why you still didn't make the playoffs, regardless of all the talent on this team.
24. Toronto. They fired Rob Babcock and hired Bryan Colangelo as general manager. They have a good young front line. Watch as this team fleeces some, stupider idiot team out of draft picks and good players. It'll probably be New York.
23. Houston. They have a good young center in Yao Ming, who's finally starting to get it together, partnered with one of the most dynamic scorers in the league. Unfortunately for them, that scorer is Tracy McGrady and has proven to be a fragile as peanut brittle. The plus to that is that it forced Yao to stand on his own and it worked. Then, he broke his foot. They can't win for losing. And they lost a LOT.
22. Boston. Too good to get a good draft pick, too bad to make the playoffs. Much like Minnesota, they're wasting Paul Pierce's best years on a youth movement with high schoolers that might not ever produce. Never thought I'd say it, but I'm sure they regret losing Antoine Walker and Gary Payton. How's that Al Jefferson/Kendrick Perkins combo working out for you, Danny Ainge?
21. Seattle. Well, at least Bob Hill is a head coach again. I hope he wins a championship, while standing on the back of that fraud, Gregg Popovich.
20. Orlando. On the verge of becoming a power in the East once again, thanks to Dwight Howard. And ironically, in a year when both Brian Hill and Penny Hardaway returned to Orlando. Of course, Hardaway was released the next day, but for about 12 hours, it felt like the good ol' days...back when Penny was getting Brian Hill fired. Only this time, it was the other way around.
19. New Orleans/Oklahoma City. As long as they make Chris Paul happy, they'll be alright. And good job, Byron Scott. Your team did far more than I ever thought they would.
18. Philadelphia. You might as well trade Allen Iverson. It's not like you've tried to get him help since he's been there. And he actually wanted to be in Philly. How do so many idiot GMs keep getting jobs? It's not hard to build around a superstar talent. It really isn't. And if it is, it can't be nearly as hard as these retards are making it.
17. Utah. This team has made it about as far as it's going to in its current form. Jerry Sloan can only get rose petals out of shit for so long. Nothing against Andrei Kirilenko. He's actually very good. The best power forward you've never heard of.
16. Milwaukee. They're in a prime position to make some noise in the East. All they need is a defensive swingman and for Andrew Bogut to keep developing like he is. TJ Ford has been deadly and Michael Redd seems to have forgotten that got his big contract LAST YEAR. You don't have to play so hard, big boy. You're already paid.
15. Sacramento. I never thought the Ron Artest/Peja Stojakovic deal would work out like it has. Artest anchoring a terrible defense actually made it good. It would have been better if Mr. and Mrs. Doug Christie were still in town, though. Even still, they almost toppled the Spurs in the playoffs. Let's not get crazy, though. Artest is still Artest. He might start off next season driving a car into the scorer's table or something.
14. Chicago. The Eastern Conference's scrappiest team. They won 9 out of 10 to make the playoffs, then beat Miami twice, including once at home. I am so proud of this team, especially after dropping that dead weight, Eddy Curry, and picking up a comparable player AND two first round draft picks (which are sure to be good, because the Knicks are SO bad). A big guard and a post player should be the order of the day. And to get Tyson Chandler on weight gainer. Maybe they could lipo Michael Sweetney and inject it in Tyson Chandler.
13. LA Lakers. Please, please, please...get off Kobe Bryant's dick. And for that matter, same with Kwame Brown...myself included. I really ran that guy down, but I was proud as hell to see him man up in the playoffs. Sure, he fumbled a few balls and he made some mistakes. But for the first time, he showed some of the promise that made him the number 1 pick in the draft. Here's hoping that he improves on what he showed against Phoenix. And for the first time, Lamar Odom didn't look like he wanted to hurl the ball into Kobe's face.
12. Indiana. It completely baffles me how this team keeps winning. I...I just don't get it. No backcourt players to speak of, soft inside. They shouldn't ever win games. And yet they do. I think my head is about to explode.
11. LA Clippers. Their best season in 30 years. There's a lot to like here. Sam Cassell, the old vet, hitting big shots and teaching this team how to win. And yes, he still looks like a bug. Elton Brand, MVP Candidate and walking 20-10. Shaun Livingston, the future of this franchise. Even Corey Maggette, who I still believe should have stayed in school, played well. And on top of all of that, on top of dominating the Lakers, on top of being the feel good story of the year, they made the second round of the playoffs and pushed Phoenix to 7 games. Everyone should be proud of this team.
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