Do I think that the ideal environment to raise a child with a mother and a father? Yes, I do. But that doesn't mean that I'm trying to stand in the way of people who want to do it another way, whether that be two mothers, two fathers, one father and a set of goldfish or being raised by wolves. I'm okay with just about everything that you can possibly do, because what's important is that the child is loved. I'm fine with all of that...except for polygamists. Truthfully, I think we just need to save these misguided men from themselves. That's too much estrogen for any one man to have to live with.
The math for this one just doesn't add up. I don't know why any rational person would think that having more women around makes life better. Sure, at the base level, it could be a good thing, because you've got a virtual concubine living in the house. As the saying goes, ain't no new pussy like new pussy. And with all of those women in the house, it's always like new, depending on the rotation. But on the flip side, you've got a virtual concubine living in the house. My back is hurting just thinking about having to pleasure eight women on a regular basis. Sorry, ladies...my sex drive just isn't that high.
Besides that, that's eight periods you have to deal with. At first, as they move in together, that's eight periods spread out across the month, until you're basically living with one long menstrual cycle. Then a funny thing happens; the cycles begin to synchronize with one another. So instead of dealing with a long month of periods, you have to deal with one giant period at one point in the month. Consequently, studies show that the number of periods under one roof is directly related to the number of times you will be found passed out drunk in your den. And that's not even counting when your daughters start growing up.
And who doesn't know a woman that isn't attention starved? If you have hobbies of any kind, you might as well go ahead and give that up along with any alone time, because with all of those women in the house, you're always going to have someone staring in your face. Your bathroom will be the last bastion of privacy for you, until the kids start walking.
Do you know how many pairs of stockings will be hanging in your shower? How much hair weave? How many times of day your home will smell like nail polish remover? And since none of these women have jobs, your light bill is gonna be sky high, because all they're going to do is watch their stories all day. Then, when you get home from working 16 hours to support them, they all want to tell you about their meaningless day at the same time. Next thing you know, you're passed out drunk in the den again, your living beaten into submission.
Do you really think that this is how God intended for you to live? Who knows, maybe he did, which would explain why he invented the sweet, sweet liquor that masks the pain of waking up every day to eight nagging voices trying to get you to paint the kitchen. Then again, if you have to completely destroy yourself to deal with your reality, you might want to rethink your perception of God's intentions. Because unless my theory on the God of the Bible is correct and he really is an omnipotent child who ruins your life in order to get you to choose him so he'll get a self-esteem boost, you shouldn't have to be three sheets to the wind to deal with your spouse. Even if there are eight of them.
I understand that it is a man's choice to marry eight women and move them all into one house, but while we also need to save these men from themselves, we also need to get these women to understand that they can get a better deal than this. Ladies, understand: There is someone out there for you. I seriously doubt that this person is so in love with you that he'll add you to his wife collection. Saying to someone, "Will you become my fifth wife," isn't love.
How low does your self-esteem have to be to buy into this? I don't care what the church claims God's will is, if you've got women's intuition, it's got to feel like a Spider-Sense with the Sinister Six around the corner when someone tries to pass this deal off to you. "Okay, you claim to love me. Your expression of that love is to make me another wife and move me into the house with your other wives, where you can sleep with all of us whenever you want to? Also, you get to add more wives at any time, further splintering the time that I get to be with you. Hmmm, I'll have to think about this. Alright."
What could these women possibly be getting out of this except more babies? They can't possibly be feeling as if there's love and devotion coming from the husband, because how devoted can a man who has seven other wives possibly be? I've never been one before, but I'm pretty sure the whole thing feels like being a prostitute, except that he's not making you walk street corners, unless it's to go out to the barn to get milk for his cereal. The real question here is, how do you know which one of the wives is his "bottom bitch?"
And let's not forget the kids in all of this, because seriously...are you encouraging your kids to live like this? 'Son, one day you're going to be able to pick and choose multiple wives with the ease that you select trading cards." And you expect them to be respectful towards women? "My darling daughter, I look forward to the day when your husband comes along to make you his seventh wife." Seriously?
Parents, there's a reason why some kids rebel against their parents. Some are just hardheaded, but others see through your bullshit. The boys might not argue so much, because let's face it, they're getting a sweetheart deal here from a sexual standpoint, and we all know that in a man's mind, sex can overcome a lot of problems. But the women are getting screwed and unless their head is nothing but a void that keeps their skull from collapsing, they can see that there's no real advantage for them to go through with this. Haven't you noticed that the people who keep escaping from these compounds are always women? You don't ever see men leaving these things, unless they only have one wife and they're trying to get away so they can live like sane people. The reason why that is? They're too busy living out all of the sexual fantasies that their repressed little minds could dream up. They're really not seeing the downside.
Maybe I'm really not seeing the point to any of this. After all, I am an outsider to the whole process, and I don't even go to regular church, let alone one in an isolated compound in Utah. Maybe they're doing it because people in the Bible did it. Two things, though: I don't know anyone in the Bible who actually did this (then again, I've yet to read the entire Bible), and I think it's time people stopped doing things just because people in the Bible did them. People in the Bible also stoned gays and lived for 800 years, but everyone seems to be lacking on those fronts because I've seen lots of gay people go unstoned.
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