Friday, April 10, 2009
If I Did It: The Michael Vick Edition
Michael Vick is being paid $600,000 to appear in a documentary. There is also word that he wrote a book while he was in jail and he's looking for a publishing deal. There are those who will be upset that he's looking to bank on his misfortunes. Those people need to shut up, because it's not like PETA and the ASPCA didn't make a truckload of money off of him already.
Michael Vick is millions of dollars in debt, about to be released from jail, and resigned to working a $10 an hour construction job (cheap promotion for the company, because they're not putting a backhoe in his hands) because there's no guarantee that he'll be let back in the NFL. Roger Goodell said that Vick is "going to have to demonstrate to the larger community — not just to the NFL community and to me — that he has remorse for what he did and that he recognizes mistakes that he made," which is code for "I want to see this [expletive deleted] dance for the American public," because public admittance and jail time just isn't demonstration enough.
So the fact that Vick is going to do these things is fine by me. That construction gig isn't going to pay off anything, so why not do the documentary and book? If he's smart, he'll try for a reality show that shows him playing with dogs all the time. Puppies can rehab anyone's image and America's idiots still believe that reality shows are real. He's going to need something to do until the he lands that UFL contract.
Would they prefer that Vick get out there and sell drugs or steal cars, because selling his name and image and banking on the fact that controversy sells is the only way he's getting out of this. Does anyone have the number for the company that's selling the Michael Vick chew toy? Make sure you send it to him, because I'm sure he'd be willing to endorse it at this point.
I don't think anyone in America is going to pass up $600,000 for the opportunity to walk around all day and have people point cameras at them. Some people are worried about the harm this could do to Michael Vick's image, because chances are, he won't have final cut approval on the movie. He's already been to jail for killing dogs. He's inspired people to picket places where he wasn't even going to be (Falcons' training camp, the NFL offices). He's lost endorsements, houses, cars, and his job.
I really don't think that his image can take that much more of a hit. Unless the documentary exposes his reliance on the power of Satan, I don't think he'll drop down any further in the judgmental eyes of America. And really, is there anyone who's really planning to go see this? It's not like it's going to be the redemptive and heartwarming tale of a lovable loser on his way back up. If that were the storyline, I'd go buy my tickets now. Truth to tell, we could probably use a positive story like that right about now.
It's most likely going to be something that will allow PETA supporters to bask in his misery. Watching him get the run around from his parole officer or digging holes at work or stressing about his bills, because if we've learned nothing from any of this, it's that Michael Vick KILLED DOGS and we should never forget it. Grow up, people.
If I want to watch senseless negativity, I know where Fox News is on my cable rotation.
So let him do his movie and book. If rappers can build careers on pretending to be criminals, why not give an actual criminal a shot at it?