There's always someone out there claiming that music is still good, you just have to go out there and find it. No, music is shit. Here's why.
Usually, when someone is complaining about that, they're talking about a time when they could turn on the radio or videos and not be completely repulsed by the gyrations of some tattooed 19 year old, or the repetitive house music beats that are passed off as music today. Maybe the subject matter of these kids is what does it, since everyone who is signed today is lauded as some voice of a generation and everyone is impressed because they write their own songs. But this is stupid, because what teenager has anything of worth to say? Think back to when you were 19 and those same idiot thoughts that you had are the same ones that these kids have, except theirs involve an iPhone.
The point is, radio acted as a gatekeeper to what was good. True, not everything good made it onto the radio, but you could trust the radio to play good stuff. You could listen to the radio have still have good taste in music. That isn't true today. After all, Kanye West is considered a deep lyricist. This foolishness has to stop.
And that's when that person from before would say that you have to find the good music. Therein lies the problem.
Finding the good music requires listening to all of the bad stuff to find the good stuff. And that shit is for suckers. Maybe you'll get to some through word of mouth, maybe you'll read about someone on the internet. But word of mouth and internet articles aren't dependable, because they are
the same ones telling me that Beyonce makes good music and I know in my
soul that this is a lie. And without radio play, you'll have to actually risk your mental state playing a bunch of artists that you don't know in a vain attempt to find something you like. That means I'm invariably going to wind up listening to a 2 Chainz song, and I don't think that's right.
I'm a 34 year old man. I no longer have the energy to give everyone a chance. I could do that when I was 24, and that's why I own a Memphis Bleek CD. And when you don't know an artist, that means you don't know what the single is, so you can't just jump right to the good stuff. The way my mind works, you have to start and the beginning and just listen until something grabs your attention. I like to give people a fair shot and I understand that not everyone is going to grab you right at the top. For instance, I'm a Jay-Z fan. Except for "Reasonable Doubt," I never play the first two songs on any of his CDs.
So unless you have infinite time and patience (I have neither), or you're into today's musical trends (I am not), you can't afford to get eight songs into a Big Sean mixtape before accepting that this kid is terrible. The last time I went into something cold and it worked out was when my friend Robert dropped Little Brother's "The Minstrel Show" onto my desk. That was 2006. And even that, it wasn't until "We Got Now" that they clicked with me. That's the last song on the CD. They were my favorite group and I devoured their entire catalog after that. But at the time, I had to go through 17 songs before they made an impression.
Now, maybe it's me, because I'm sure it didn't take 17 songs before people decided that they liked Little Brother. It didn't take me 17 songs to realize they were good. I knew that right off the top. But for that CD to get into me, where I had to hear it again and again? 17 songs. But that's what I'm looking for, something that I want to hear again and again. Anyone can do competent, non-offensive music, but I need for the music to leave an impression. I'm not the kind of person who plays music just to have sound in the room. I want to feel the music.
Since I can't invest in everything the way I want to and I can't trust the radio to play something that's good, I'm just kinda lost out there, occasionally discovering something new by accident. When I heard Murs or Hollyweerd for the first time, it was just dumb luck. That same dumb luck is what made me download Lil' Wayne's "Dedication 4," and that's a decision I regret every day. The best I can hope for is people around me who listen to good shit, and here lately, their record isn't looking very good.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
DeAndre Jordan's dunk was aiight. And that's it.
The other night, DeAndre Jordan brought down a lob pass on top of Brandon Knight, and Twitter went ape shit. I didn't see it, because I was unconscious, like other old men who can no longer stay up past nine. But the next morning, I read all of the tweets from the night before, with Bomani Jones most notably holding forth about about impressive the dunk was.
So, I pulled it up. I figured it had to be amazing, right? Yea, verily; t'would be the nastiest dunk mine eyes had ever gazed upon and bards would sing it's praises for ages. After all, the cats on Twitter spent all night photoshopping Brandon Knight laid out beside Manny Pacquiao, with Simba trying to wake them up. Twitter had declared Knight dead. I caught a picture of DeAndre Jordan grimacing at what he'd done. Even he looked impressed. I was so ready to watch this video.
And I swear, y'all are too easily impressed these days.
It was a nice little dunk, but it wasn't worth all of that. Maybe my standards are too high, but a seven-footer dunking over at 6'2" point guard might as well have been Blake Griffin jumping over that car. I had a short Twitter exchange with Myth (author of Shadow Precinct, available on Amazon), and he said about Knight, "You thought you was about to block that shit?" And that's my point. He was never going to block that shit, not without cheating. Maybe if he pantsed Jordan or started making out with his girl in the stands or something like that. But that's about it. Otherwise, Jordan did what he was supposed to do, like how I used to jump over my cousins back before they were fully coordinated and I wasn't fat. There was only one way that it could have gone down. So what was so impressive about that?
I'mma need for DeAndre Jordan to go up over someone roughly his size, like Shaq over the majority of centers in the NBA in the 1990s. Otherwise, it's just bullying. And it's not Jordan's fault. What was he supposed to do, finger roll it because Brandon Knight didn't drink enough milk as a child? No, Jordan did what big men do; yam it over the faerie folk who shouldn't be in the paint to begin with. But folks were trying to gas up his head like he did something and he didn't. If that counts as an accomplishment, then so does that time I dominated all those 8th graders. Stop crying, Charlie's little brother. Shoving you after my crossover is part of the game.
and even though it says more about Detroit's defense than anything else, Brandon Knight did what he was supposed to do: He challenged the shot, even though no one would have blamed him for letting that one ride, because, c'mon; he's 6'2". That's like being a preemie in NBA circles. No, he couldn't stop it, but he tried to make Jordan work for it. Anything could have happened. He might have slapped the ball away, Jordan could have tripped over his corpse; anything. But he tried, which is more than I can say for Andrew Bynum. Bynum would have been thinking about race cars, then blown out his knee imagining himself getting out of the car.
But let's not act like something routine is supposed to be a special moment. It was aiight, like Lebron hurdling John Lucas III in a world where Vince Carter already jumped over Frederic Weis. After all, John Lucas III is bite size. What makes the impressive dunks impressive is that the outcome is in doubt, or in some cases, weren't supposed to happen at all. Kevin Johnson over Hakeem Olajuwon. Russell Westbrook over Omer Asik. Michael Jordan over damn near everybody. You mean to tell me that what DeAndre did is on the same level as something like Shawn Kemp over Antoine Carr?
Get the fuck outta here.
So, I pulled it up. I figured it had to be amazing, right? Yea, verily; t'would be the nastiest dunk mine eyes had ever gazed upon and bards would sing it's praises for ages. After all, the cats on Twitter spent all night photoshopping Brandon Knight laid out beside Manny Pacquiao, with Simba trying to wake them up. Twitter had declared Knight dead. I caught a picture of DeAndre Jordan grimacing at what he'd done. Even he looked impressed. I was so ready to watch this video.
And I swear, y'all are too easily impressed these days.
It was a nice little dunk, but it wasn't worth all of that. Maybe my standards are too high, but a seven-footer dunking over at 6'2" point guard might as well have been Blake Griffin jumping over that car. I had a short Twitter exchange with Myth (author of Shadow Precinct, available on Amazon), and he said about Knight, "You thought you was about to block that shit?" And that's my point. He was never going to block that shit, not without cheating. Maybe if he pantsed Jordan or started making out with his girl in the stands or something like that. But that's about it. Otherwise, Jordan did what he was supposed to do, like how I used to jump over my cousins back before they were fully coordinated and I wasn't fat. There was only one way that it could have gone down. So what was so impressive about that?
I'mma need for DeAndre Jordan to go up over someone roughly his size, like Shaq over the majority of centers in the NBA in the 1990s. Otherwise, it's just bullying. And it's not Jordan's fault. What was he supposed to do, finger roll it because Brandon Knight didn't drink enough milk as a child? No, Jordan did what big men do; yam it over the faerie folk who shouldn't be in the paint to begin with. But folks were trying to gas up his head like he did something and he didn't. If that counts as an accomplishment, then so does that time I dominated all those 8th graders. Stop crying, Charlie's little brother. Shoving you after my crossover is part of the game.
and even though it says more about Detroit's defense than anything else, Brandon Knight did what he was supposed to do: He challenged the shot, even though no one would have blamed him for letting that one ride, because, c'mon; he's 6'2". That's like being a preemie in NBA circles. No, he couldn't stop it, but he tried to make Jordan work for it. Anything could have happened. He might have slapped the ball away, Jordan could have tripped over his corpse; anything. But he tried, which is more than I can say for Andrew Bynum. Bynum would have been thinking about race cars, then blown out his knee imagining himself getting out of the car.
But let's not act like something routine is supposed to be a special moment. It was aiight, like Lebron hurdling John Lucas III in a world where Vince Carter already jumped over Frederic Weis. After all, John Lucas III is bite size. What makes the impressive dunks impressive is that the outcome is in doubt, or in some cases, weren't supposed to happen at all. Kevin Johnson over Hakeem Olajuwon. Russell Westbrook over Omer Asik. Michael Jordan over damn near everybody. You mean to tell me that what DeAndre did is on the same level as something like Shawn Kemp over Antoine Carr?
Get the fuck outta here.
Monday, March 04, 2013
Lebron James is on steroids. MAYBE.
Looks like Lebron James is on steroids. Maybe. Well, he's being linked to them. It was just a matter of time, because this NBA has escaped this drama for far too long.
This "suspicion" isn't because of some great leap in physical strength in Lebron. We all know he's looked like a 40 year old man since the tenth grade. So, let's not act like we can pinpoint an increase in head size like everyone did Barry Bonds. He doesn't run any faster or jump any higher, either. If you claim that this sort of stuff is proof against Lebron, you're basically spelling out your case for why you shouldn't be acknowledged.
Basically, Lebron was named in an interview with some ex-con who interviewed a chick who worked for a guy who's under investigation. She said that she dealt with some guy named "Mr. Phil," who picked up drugs for a guy named "LJ." Since no one knows if Larry Johnson has any friends at all, let alone any named Phil, she and the interviewer just assumed it was Lebron James, because his agent's last name IS Phil.
Still, this report doesn't surprise me at all. And it's not like I'm up on the ins and outs of steroids. Truthfully, I don't even care. The amount of money in my paycheck isn't going to change based on whether or not Lance Armstrong was loaded with bleach and horse piss when he was riding his bike. I am not so self-centered to believe that my not voting for Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire for the Hall of Fame somehow upholds the honor of fucking baseball. It's just something that happened to catch my attention, because of something I heard on a podcast.
Victor Conte was on the Joe Rogan Experience in October, and I learned more about what that crap does in those three hours than at any other time in my life. Victor Conte talked about what Lance Armstrong was likely taking and how he was getting away with it. We all know about the stuff that increases strength, and why baseball players and track stars would use it. Makes perfect sense. I never knew about the drugs that increase endurance, because like I said, I didn't care. I am not offended by the notion that professional athletes would cheat to win, because, of course they would. They're the most competitive people in the world. Michael Jordan cheated at goddamn checkers. So I never looked deeper into it.
The second Victor Conte mentioned drugs that increase endurance, drugs that change how the body processes oxygen, and all of that, the first person I thought of was Lebron James. Because that boy can run all day.
He isn't the first player to play whole games or do multiple things on the floor or play great offense and defense. Kobe Bryant does that. But Kobe Bryant has always paced himself. And Kobe Bryant has looked tired. Lebron James never seems to get tired. Ever. He barely even sweats some games. Meanwhile, it's nothing new to see him be the first man down the floor on defense, get a steal, outrun everyone on the break, then get back first on defense again to block a shot. He's everywhere. And he does it every night. In every quarter of the game. I've been watching basketball since the 80s, and I can't remember seeing anything like it.
It could be that he's just in great shape. It could be that he's an athletic marvel. Those things are possible, because he's been doing things that seem impossible since high school. For instance, at 6'8" and 260 pounds, he's one of the fastest guys in the league. Even with a basketball in hand. You have to go back to young Jason Kidd to see comparable speed with the basketball. But you never see speed like that in a guy that size. So, maybe his endurance is just another thing that makes him a freak of nature. I'm fully prepared to accept that.
But if it turns out to be drugs, I won't be surprised. I'll be more surprised that Maverick and them let their meal ticket get caught.
This "suspicion" isn't because of some great leap in physical strength in Lebron. We all know he's looked like a 40 year old man since the tenth grade. So, let's not act like we can pinpoint an increase in head size like everyone did Barry Bonds. He doesn't run any faster or jump any higher, either. If you claim that this sort of stuff is proof against Lebron, you're basically spelling out your case for why you shouldn't be acknowledged.
Basically, Lebron was named in an interview with some ex-con who interviewed a chick who worked for a guy who's under investigation. She said that she dealt with some guy named "Mr. Phil," who picked up drugs for a guy named "LJ." Since no one knows if Larry Johnson has any friends at all, let alone any named Phil, she and the interviewer just assumed it was Lebron James, because his agent's last name IS Phil.
Still, this report doesn't surprise me at all. And it's not like I'm up on the ins and outs of steroids. Truthfully, I don't even care. The amount of money in my paycheck isn't going to change based on whether or not Lance Armstrong was loaded with bleach and horse piss when he was riding his bike. I am not so self-centered to believe that my not voting for Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire for the Hall of Fame somehow upholds the honor of fucking baseball. It's just something that happened to catch my attention, because of something I heard on a podcast.
Victor Conte was on the Joe Rogan Experience in October, and I learned more about what that crap does in those three hours than at any other time in my life. Victor Conte talked about what Lance Armstrong was likely taking and how he was getting away with it. We all know about the stuff that increases strength, and why baseball players and track stars would use it. Makes perfect sense. I never knew about the drugs that increase endurance, because like I said, I didn't care. I am not offended by the notion that professional athletes would cheat to win, because, of course they would. They're the most competitive people in the world. Michael Jordan cheated at goddamn checkers. So I never looked deeper into it.
The second Victor Conte mentioned drugs that increase endurance, drugs that change how the body processes oxygen, and all of that, the first person I thought of was Lebron James. Because that boy can run all day.
He isn't the first player to play whole games or do multiple things on the floor or play great offense and defense. Kobe Bryant does that. But Kobe Bryant has always paced himself. And Kobe Bryant has looked tired. Lebron James never seems to get tired. Ever. He barely even sweats some games. Meanwhile, it's nothing new to see him be the first man down the floor on defense, get a steal, outrun everyone on the break, then get back first on defense again to block a shot. He's everywhere. And he does it every night. In every quarter of the game. I've been watching basketball since the 80s, and I can't remember seeing anything like it.
It could be that he's just in great shape. It could be that he's an athletic marvel. Those things are possible, because he's been doing things that seem impossible since high school. For instance, at 6'8" and 260 pounds, he's one of the fastest guys in the league. Even with a basketball in hand. You have to go back to young Jason Kidd to see comparable speed with the basketball. But you never see speed like that in a guy that size. So, maybe his endurance is just another thing that makes him a freak of nature. I'm fully prepared to accept that.
But if it turns out to be drugs, I won't be surprised. I'll be more surprised that Maverick and them let their meal ticket get caught.
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