Oklahoma Sen. Tom Coburn's chief of staff Michael Schwartz recently made a statement that was profound to him, and I assume, anyone else who's IQ is less than 85: "All pornography is homosexual pornography, because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards." The fact that he wasn't driven out of town for saying that shows that the state of Oklahoma really doesn't deserve to have things like books. It's not like they use them for anything, except leveling out their kitchen tables.
Then, he followed that statement up with, “Now, think about that,” because to his non-fully formed brain, that was a mind blowing statement. He continued with, “And if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants! You know, that’s a good comment, it’s a good point, and it’s a good thing to teach young people.”
Now, I don't know what 11 year old boys he knows, but when I was that age, my mission in life was getting my hands on a Playboy magazine. This inconvenient erection I kept getting needed to be put to use and since I didn't know any easy girls yet.
In fairness, though, before he said any of this, he said, "But it is my observation that boys of that age have less tolerance for homosexuality than just about any other class of people. They speak badly about homosexuality. And that’s because they don’t want to be that way. They don’t want to fall into it.” So I assume what he was getting at is, telling boys that porn is actually gay will make them want to stop looking at it.
Again, I don't know what 11 year old boys he knows, because when I was coming up, the threat of going blind and hairy palms couldn't keep boys from rubbing one out, and that was permanent physical disfigurement. I'm sure an 11 year old boy will take the risk when it comes to a shot at seeing a naked chick. Think about today's adolescents. Scaring them with "the gay" didn't work when we were trying to get their to pull their damn pants up.
Not only that, kids today (in fact, kids of all generations, ever) aren't as stupid as Michael Schwartz, despite the things that they watch on television.
Seriously, where's the logic in that? Think about it for a second. "Reading Playboy makes you gay." Just saying that with a straight face means that I don't have to respect you as a upright walking human being, because that's really, really, stupid. If you believe things like that, I feel as though I'm well within my rights to disrespect your intelligence. That combination of words doesn't even make sense, even if I'm joking. It's like being a Holocaust denier: While it's a talent to be able to make something that crazy make sense, it still doesn't add to your credibility.
I've known a lot of guys who look at porn, and none of them are gay. On the flip side, I've known a lot of gay guys, and the only porn they ever look at involves swordfights. If there was anything true about anything he said, wouldn't everyone I know be gay? And what does that say about my friends who have made their own porn? I guess they've gotten into bestiality by now, because the confusion of watching themselves have sex must make their brains shut off when their dicks get hard.
And the fact that Schwartz thinks that this was a keen observation says a lot about where he is in his mental development. I'm willing to bet that a good third of his brain doesn't get enough oxygen. Still, feel free to try to teach that to America's kids, Schwartz. It IS a good message to teach our young people, because even children need to laugh.
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