Legal Abortions: The Lesser Evil

The Human Life Amendment (H.R. 536) is being proposed as an amendment to the Georgia Constitution, which would define a life at the point of conception as a person. The passing of this amendment would automatically make Roe vs. Wade irrelevant, making abortion illegal, at least in Georgia.

Basically, if you live in Georgia, get your abortions while you can, because something this vague has an excellent chance of passing, even though it grants protection to what's essentially a virus or a symbiote, something completely incapable of independent life. But that's not the real issue here.

The anti-abortionists will have finally found a way to win, but what will that victory mean? At first glance, it just seems like abortion would just be illegal. All those "planned parenthood" clinics all over the country that are killing babies on the government's dime would have to cut all that noise out. But would that be the end of abortion in America?

The short answer is "no." The long answer is "Man, hell no."

How naive do you have to be to think that the law or a court case being overturned would get rid of abortion? The law can't even get rid of bootleg movies. Remember the Prohibition? All that did was make people rich and get Irish Catholics elected President.

All that's going to happen, should abortion ever be outlawed, is that black market sales of abortions will skyrocket. That's all. Everyone that really wants one will get one, like hookers. It doesn't matter what the churches or pro-lifers want. This is America, the land of supply and demand. If you want it, it can be had. Someone will always be willing to cut a baby out of you, albeit for a higher price, if it's illegal. Sterilization and continued health, not guaranteed.

Pro-lifers should just let this one go, because all it's going to do is make things worse. Much like the choice that the Catholic Church had to make with the fight against AIDS vs. the fight against protection against AIDS, sometimes you gotta pick the lesser of two evils. Yeah, you might get rid of legal abortions, but you just opened the floodgates for very illegal ones. I know pro-lifers have good intentions, but aside from being extremely annoying and judgmental people, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. And in this case, so is the road to bacterial infection.



Sure, in a perfect world, there would be no need for abortions. But we don't live in that world, because people won't stop humping each other. In this flawed world of ours, we have to have realistic solutions to the problems that we face, like attacking terrorists with bombs instead of flowers or canceling reality TV shows instead of watching them.



Attacking abortion isn't solving the problem. It's just a symptom of a greater problem, the root of which is unprotected sex, something almost impossible to solve because people seem to really hate condoms. And while we might not always agree when our 17-year-old daughter says, "I want an abortion," if they were to do it, would you prefer that they went to a place that's all legal and clean, or go behind your back and hit up Dr. Craig, the Back Alley Practitioner?



Really, you'd be impressed to see what Dr. Craig can do with a minimum of actual training and a lack of time, due to the planned police raid at his "office."



Whether abortion is right or wrong can be argued from here to eternity, and I don't have the time or energy to do that. But until we actually decide the rightness or wrongness of it, let's at least agree to keep it where we can see it and regulate it. Making it illegal won't necessarily make it all better.



Except for Dr. Craig. Business has been kind of slow lately.

A Teddy Bear Named Mohammed

A British teacher in the Sudan has been arrested for letting her class of 7-year-olds name a teddy bear "Mohammed." The sentence for this crime can be 40 lashes, a year in prison, or a fine. This comes on the heels of a Saudi woman who was sentenced to six months in jail for allowed herself to be gang raped. After all, how dare this woman carry her well-covered vagina into a car with a man who wasn't a relative?

Muslims....can you see at all why the rest of us don't want to live under your Islamic Sharia law?

If I can get 40 lashes for mistakenly calling an inanimate object "Mohammed," or jail time for not being able to make other people control their own sexual urges, then I'll just ride this "Capitalistic White Devil Society" thing out. What other laws do you guys have over there that the less insane parts of the world haven't even considered yet? Is peeing on the seat punishable by castration? Is the punishment for drinking out of the carton having your house burned down?

At least America has laws that I can understand, like how you're not supposed to shoot people or stop at red lights. For lazy people like myself who require laws that don't make studying religious texts a pre-requisite, the land of the Great White Satan is the place to be. I can even understand why the Japanese once (and sometimes still do) prefer death to dishonor. I mean, I'd never do it because whatever happened, I'm sure I'd get over it, but if they want to jam a sword in their stomachs, more power to them. But getting offended at me for accidentally showing the bottoms of my shoes is ridiculous.

Apparently, the first commandment for Muslims is "Thou shalt overreact to all things non-threatening."

Allah loves us so much that he'd send the Prophet Mohammed (peace be unto him, because I don't want him using his otherworldly powers to destroy me) to saddle us with a legal system that doesn't allow for anything enjoyable, reasonable, logical, or sensible. It's like the Bible times 1000. It was named "Sharia" to take the edge off of it, because "Sharia" sounds like it might have sunshine and flowers in it. The first name they used was "The Anti-Common Sense Laws of Bloody Destructor Pain."

The charge for the "Satan's Insidious Teddy Bear Plot of 2007" relates to "insulting religion and inciting hatred." They're so right about that, because nothing makes me want to put a brick through the nearest skull than a plush stuffed animal.

It can soothe a child after their current nightmares, right before inciting the riot that sets off their next round of nightmares. Yea verily, the teddy bear is a versatile creation.

Maybe I just don't understand, because I'm an unbeliever, a heathen, AND an infidel. Perhaps something is lost in the translation between those who believe in God so much that they'd imprison a recently raped woman and my evil, hate-filled, Hell-bound brain. I just can't imagine that a God who claims to love us all would want me punished for naming inanimate objects "Mohammed," but is okay with exploding lunatics killing people in his name.

I think I'm going to start naming some of my things "Mohammed" to see how quickly I get struck down or my apartment gets burned down by easily offended Muslims in their quest for justice. When I get home, the first thing I'm going to do is turn on the Mohammed and watch some Mohammed. Then I'll look in the Mohammed to see if I have any Mohammed to drink, right before I turn on my X-Mohammed and play some Mohammed games.

Should I die in the next 24 hours, you'll know that this experiment didn't go well.

If any Muslims out there happen to read the above paragraph, please let me know how offended you were on a scale of 1 to Mohammed. If the rating is anything greater than negative one trillion, then it is further proof to me that somewhere in the Qur'an is a passage that says that you're not allowed to know that I'm joking. Clearly, there isn't one in there that tells you when your leaders are being stupid.