A British teacher in the Sudan has been arrested for letting her class of 7-year-olds name a teddy bear "Mohammed." The sentence for this crime can be 40 lashes, a year in prison, or a fine. This comes on the heels of a Saudi woman who was sentenced to six months in jail for allowed herself to be gang raped. After all, how dare this woman carry her well-covered vagina into a car with a man who wasn't a relative?
Muslims....can you see at all why the rest of us don't want to live under your Islamic Sharia law?
If I can get 40 lashes for mistakenly calling an inanimate object "Mohammed," or jail time for not being able to make other people control their own sexual urges, then I'll just ride this "Capitalistic White Devil Society" thing out. What other laws do you guys have over there that the less insane parts of the world haven't even considered yet? Is peeing on the seat punishable by castration? Is the punishment for drinking out of the carton having your house burned down?
At least America has laws that I can understand, like how you're not supposed to shoot people or stop at red lights. For lazy people like myself who require laws that don't make studying religious texts a pre-requisite, the land of the Great White Satan is the place to be. I can even understand why the Japanese once (and sometimes still do) prefer death to dishonor. I mean, I'd never do it because whatever happened, I'm sure I'd get over it, but if they want to jam a sword in their stomachs, more power to them. But getting offended at me for accidentally showing the bottoms of my shoes is ridiculous.
Apparently, the first commandment for Muslims is "Thou shalt overreact to all things non-threatening."
Allah loves us so much that he'd send the Prophet Mohammed (peace be unto him, because I don't want him using his otherworldly powers to destroy me) to saddle us with a legal system that doesn't allow for anything enjoyable, reasonable, logical, or sensible. It's like the Bible times 1000. It was named "Sharia" to take the edge off of it, because "Sharia" sounds like it might have sunshine and flowers in it. The first name they used was "The Anti-Common Sense Laws of Bloody Destructor Pain."
The charge for the "Satan's Insidious Teddy Bear Plot of 2007" relates to "insulting religion and inciting hatred." They're so right about that, because nothing makes me want to put a brick through the nearest skull than a plush stuffed animal.
It can soothe a child after their current nightmares, right before inciting the riot that sets off their next round of nightmares. Yea verily, the teddy bear is a versatile creation.
Maybe I just don't understand, because I'm an unbeliever, a heathen, AND an infidel. Perhaps something is lost in the translation between those who believe in God so much that they'd imprison a recently raped woman and my evil, hate-filled, Hell-bound brain. I just can't imagine that a God who claims to love us all would want me punished for naming inanimate objects "Mohammed," but is okay with exploding lunatics killing people in his name.
I think I'm going to start naming some of my things "Mohammed" to see how quickly I get struck down or my apartment gets burned down by easily offended Muslims in their quest for justice. When I get home, the first thing I'm going to do is turn on the Mohammed and watch some Mohammed. Then I'll look in the Mohammed to see if I have any Mohammed to drink, right before I turn on my X-Mohammed and play some Mohammed games.
Should I die in the next 24 hours, you'll know that this experiment didn't go well.
If any Muslims out there happen to read the above paragraph, please let me know how offended you were on a scale of 1 to Mohammed. If the rating is anything greater than negative one trillion, then it is further proof to me that somewhere in the Qur'an is a passage that says that you're not allowed to know that I'm joking. Clearly, there isn't one in there that tells you when your leaders are being stupid.
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