Dion Waiters doesn't have to stand for the National Anthem, and neither do you

I swear, y'all get so touchy about the wrong shit.

There's a story going around that Dion Waiters, shooting guard for the Cleveland Cavaliers, declared that he isn't standing for the National Anthem anymore, because of his religious beliefs.  He's a Muslim, and as we all know, Muslims hate America.  Well, we would all know that if we all did the right thing and watched Fox News.  

And as you'd expect, there's a whole lot of people mad at him, because reacting without knowing reasons is so commonplace in America that you'd think it was in the Constitution.  To let the folks I saw online tell it, we should all be offended that he hates America so much, and that he should go play in the Middle East if he loves Islam so much.  Only the most measured and reasonable responses go on the internet.  It's not like he'd stand for the National Anthem over there, either.

Now, as an old man, it isn't the first time I've seen this.  I remember when Chris Jackson, later known as Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, of the Denver Nuggets (and hated Gulfport High School), did the same thing back in 1996, for the same reasons.  He eventually decided to stand and pray, as a way to, um...what's the word that means "meeting in the middle?"  Compromise.  You'll have to excuse me for forgetting the word, but it never happens in our culture anymore, so I haven't needed to remember it. 

But in the meantime, people went crazy, just like they're on the verge of doing now.  Insults, death threats, the whole nine.  And over the stupidest of reasons:  Over a song written by a slave owner who ironically didn't want his own freedom restricted.  And for a song about freedom, people out here sure are hell-bent on Dion Waiters not keeping his.

After all, it isn't a crime not to stand for the National Anthem.  It's a nationalistic custom that became codified, but no one ever goes to jail for this, and people refuse to stand for the National Anthem all the time.  Hell, I've personally refused to stand for the National Anthem before.  And it's not like there aren't things happening in America that give people reasons to feel like America isn't with them.  Dion Waiters is black and a Muslim.  Buddy's got a list.  

But he probably isn't doing it for those reasons, anyway (although he'd be justified).  It isn't some political statement that he's making.  Muslims simply believe (according to the Google research I did right before sliding into an endless vortex of Salon articles. There's one that explains why we have pubic hair. Pubic hair.) that they're not supposed to humble themselves or stand in veneration for anyone except Allah.  There's a lot I don't agree with when it comes to Islam, but I have no problem with that.  After all, they're trying to stay good with their omnipotent and eternal Creator, and you want to give them grief about a custom built up around a song written 200 years ago that'll probably be forgotten in another hundred.  When it comes to historical importance (from their perspective), you might as well be mad at them for not wanting to do the Schmoney Dance. 

And if you're a Christian (and most of you are claiming to be, because atheists really don't care that much), you probably should back up off all this anger, because your religion says something similar, all up in the Bible.  Yeah, revering this flag and song is tantamount to idolatry.  I'm an unrepentant heathen, and even I know that your God doesn't like that.  Come on now, you know that dude is jealous and angry.  You think he's gonna be reasonable about your nationalism?  I guess you could throw Romans 13:1 at me (Google it, like I did), but again, there's no authority that says you have to stand for the flag.  Just advisory rules that suggest how you observe the custom.  

Really, none of this means anything at all, because while Dion Waiters didn't stand for the National Anthem in Utah on Wednesday (he was still in the locker room), he did stand for it Friday night in Denver.  Waiters says that the story isn't true at all (might not even be a Muslim), and what's more likely is that he was pouting about being pulled from the starting lineup in Utah.  Waiters has been talking shit about how he should start from the minute LeBron said he was coming back to Cleveland, so I'm sure he wasn't happy about coming off the bench.  But I felt like I should address it, because I know how Americans like to overreact about meaningless things.  

It's what I get for insisting on reading the comments.  Never read the comments.

A Teddy Bear Named Mohammed

A British teacher in the Sudan has been arrested for letting her class of 7-year-olds name a teddy bear "Mohammed." The sentence for this crime can be 40 lashes, a year in prison, or a fine. This comes on the heels of a Saudi woman who was sentenced to six months in jail for allowed herself to be gang raped. After all, how dare this woman carry her well-covered vagina into a car with a man who wasn't a relative?

Muslims....can you see at all why the rest of us don't want to live under your Islamic Sharia law?

If I can get 40 lashes for mistakenly calling an inanimate object "Mohammed," or jail time for not being able to make other people control their own sexual urges, then I'll just ride this "Capitalistic White Devil Society" thing out. What other laws do you guys have over there that the less insane parts of the world haven't even considered yet? Is peeing on the seat punishable by castration? Is the punishment for drinking out of the carton having your house burned down?

At least America has laws that I can understand, like how you're not supposed to shoot people or stop at red lights. For lazy people like myself who require laws that don't make studying religious texts a pre-requisite, the land of the Great White Satan is the place to be. I can even understand why the Japanese once (and sometimes still do) prefer death to dishonor. I mean, I'd never do it because whatever happened, I'm sure I'd get over it, but if they want to jam a sword in their stomachs, more power to them. But getting offended at me for accidentally showing the bottoms of my shoes is ridiculous.

Apparently, the first commandment for Muslims is "Thou shalt overreact to all things non-threatening."

Allah loves us so much that he'd send the Prophet Mohammed (peace be unto him, because I don't want him using his otherworldly powers to destroy me) to saddle us with a legal system that doesn't allow for anything enjoyable, reasonable, logical, or sensible. It's like the Bible times 1000. It was named "Sharia" to take the edge off of it, because "Sharia" sounds like it might have sunshine and flowers in it. The first name they used was "The Anti-Common Sense Laws of Bloody Destructor Pain."

The charge for the "Satan's Insidious Teddy Bear Plot of 2007" relates to "insulting religion and inciting hatred." They're so right about that, because nothing makes me want to put a brick through the nearest skull than a plush stuffed animal.

It can soothe a child after their current nightmares, right before inciting the riot that sets off their next round of nightmares. Yea verily, the teddy bear is a versatile creation.

Maybe I just don't understand, because I'm an unbeliever, a heathen, AND an infidel. Perhaps something is lost in the translation between those who believe in God so much that they'd imprison a recently raped woman and my evil, hate-filled, Hell-bound brain. I just can't imagine that a God who claims to love us all would want me punished for naming inanimate objects "Mohammed," but is okay with exploding lunatics killing people in his name.

I think I'm going to start naming some of my things "Mohammed" to see how quickly I get struck down or my apartment gets burned down by easily offended Muslims in their quest for justice. When I get home, the first thing I'm going to do is turn on the Mohammed and watch some Mohammed. Then I'll look in the Mohammed to see if I have any Mohammed to drink, right before I turn on my X-Mohammed and play some Mohammed games.

Should I die in the next 24 hours, you'll know that this experiment didn't go well.

If any Muslims out there happen to read the above paragraph, please let me know how offended you were on a scale of 1 to Mohammed. If the rating is anything greater than negative one trillion, then it is further proof to me that somewhere in the Qur'an is a passage that says that you're not allowed to know that I'm joking. Clearly, there isn't one in there that tells you when your leaders are being stupid.

Bill Keller To Islam: "Blow Up My House!"

It's a wonder this guy didn't get canceled sooner.

Florida televangelist Bill Keller had one of those infomercial shows where he got on TV and asked for money. I don't know that to be certain, because I don't watch crappy TV, but I've seen enough shows like it to be able to make an educated guess. He was paying for this airtime out of his own pocket and still got canceled. How messed up do you have to be to have your infomercial show canceled? Did this ever happen to the Juice Man?

I guess by saying the kind of stuff that makes Muslims burn down cities and blow themselves up, not that they need anymore of a reason to do that. This joker got on the air and said that Islam is a "1,400 year old lie from the pits of Hell." That's two American fast food restaurants and an American flag burning as I type this. You can almost hear the suicide bombers strapping the dynamite on.

He went on to call the Prophet Mohammed, a pillar of the Muslim faith, a "murdering pedophile." He clarified that statement by saying it was a "historical fact." He called the Holy Qur'an a "book of fables and a book of lies." It's all part of his "Bible-based" message. Because if the Bible taught us nothing, it's that all non-Christians are going to Hell.

I'll give him this: At least he didn't claim to be misquoted or taken out of context. He's sticking by his words. It's just that his words are the kind of thing that start wars. Millions of people throughout history have died for less than this. He also claims that he didn't intend to offend anyone. I mean, really...who could have seen this coming?

Keller claims that all he is doing is speaking "the truth," that Islam is a false religion and its followers are all going straight to Hell. That's all. He's got no "ill will towards Muslims." He's only calling the thing that defines them a sham. How sensitive do you have to be to take offense to that?

This isn't even the first time he's done something like this. In his effort to back up Al Sharpton, he said that "If you vote for Mitt Romney, you are voting for Satan!" Yeah, that's a message we can all get behind. During that tirade, he said that Mormon founder Joseph Smith was a "murdering polygamist pedophile." Notice the theme? Anyone central figures of competing faiths kill people and have sex with children. It's all in the Bible. How are you not getting this?

I can't wait to hear what he has to say about the Jews and Moses.

Other than Joseph Smith's claims to have been given some golden tablets containing the last gospel of Jesus Christ by an angel, who translated and took back said tablets, in the middle of nowhere with no eyewitnesses, I don't know much about Mormonism. All that stuff about Mormons actually worshiping Satan, even though they call him "Jesus," I don't know and truly don't care, mainly because I'm trying to live life by not being a pain. What I do know is that Joseph Smith's story, whether you believe it or not, is really funny. I think it's actually the story of how Captain Marvel got his powers.

But I want to ask Bill Keller this: Are you helping or hurting? Seriously. How is insulting the Muslim or Mormon faiths making things any better? I mean, the Mormons aren't likely to retaliate, because they don't really watch TV, but the Muslims, it seems at times, look for ways to be offended. And when they are offended, somehow things just catch on fire, like a South Park riot. In a time where thousands of Americans and Muslims are killing each other all the time, is this kind of rhetoric really called for?

You call what you're doing speaking "the truth," but to the Muslims, Mohammed is the truth. To the Mormons, what happened to Joseph Smith was the truth. You claim that you're just trying to save souls, and get people to see the light and turn to Jesus Christ, but the Mormons already are and the Muslims just don't believe Jesus is the son of God. But it's all the same God, right? And even if it isn't, do you really think that this is going to make people come around to your way of thinking? Are you trying to save souls or get killed? Because I'm kinda fuzzy on how saving souls works into your strategy.

It's almost like he's asking to get his house firebombed.

See, people like this are the reason why our world is in the state that it's in. These are the reasons why people don't trust Christians. This is why people like me tell everyone else that "religion is the most divisive force in human history." Stop doing stuff like this, Bill Keller, and anyone like him. Stop proving me right. I'm tired of being so damn right about you all the time. The worst thing that could happen is that people actually start listening and I gain a following. Then, I'll wind up just like you, hated and divisive, with a canceled show that I was paying for out of my own pocket.

Then again, I might be able to get that firebombing to go down. Actually, that doesn't sound so bad.