Week 5 - The Week Everything Goes Crazy

A shameless bite from PTI: A melancholy Happy Trails to Dolphins’ QB Trent Green. Green was knocked unconscious by a knee to the head in the Dolphins-Texans game. Green has likely suffered his second concussion in a year, and at 37 years old, has likely played his last game in the NFL. All of this is speculation at this point, as the game is still being played at the time of this writing, and while I hope I’m wrong, if I were a betting man (and I’m much too poor to be), I’d give anyone odds that we’ll never see Trent Green on the field again.

I heard Tony Kornheiser reading the above in my head. I wish Kornheiser could be in my head under better circumstances. No, that’s not gay at all. Time to find out where we messed up, Stat Boy!

The Cleveland Browns teased us this week by having Brady Quinn put his helmet on and warm up on the sidelines, before sending Derek Anderson back out to be slaughtered by the Patriots. Coach Romeo Crennel was overheard saying “Sike your mind,” to Brady Quinn.

The Patriots only won by 17 points. Man, they suck. Also, the Patriots just crushed the Bengals on Monday and stomped the Browns today. The Browns dropped 56 points on the Bengals. Is there any team in the league with a defense worse than the Bengals? Can Atlanta schedule them in as a late season replacement?

Even though Pittsburgh fell hard and fast after winning the Super Bowl, does anyone else think that Antwan Randle-El regrets bolting for the Redskins? I wonder what Plaxico Burress thinks about all this.

Did anyone ever sign Reche Caldwell? I don’t know, but then again, I don’t really care.

Week 5 – The Week That Everything Goes Crazy.

I’ve always noticed that everything changes in Week 5. It doesn’t matter how well or poorly you did in the first four weeks. I’ve seen 0-4 teams make the playoffs and I’ve been 4-1 teams completely collapse. But there’s always some feel good story that comes out of this. I was hoping it was going to be Atlanta. They seemed to be making progress…and then they went to Tennessee and confronted the Ghost of Falcons’ Past.

Watching Vince Young snap off a couple of runs against the Falcons helped me understand what it’s like to have your secondary shaken out of their shoes. It also cemented in my soul that I’m never going to get over Michael Vick. And neither is the Falcons’ run game, apparently, because the run game is so bad that we’re depending on the pass game to move the chains.

This wouldn’t be a problem if the offensive line was actually in the business of protecting their quarterback. I have to ask these guys…do you want Chris Redman in the game, because as of right now, that’s your alternative. Byron Leftwich isn’t ready yet, and Michael Vick is on house arrest. D.J. Shockley’s leg still hasn’t been reattached, so right now, it’s Harrington or nothing.

Just as soon as I wrote the above sentence, Byron Leftwich entered the game. This is why no one comes to me for their football analysis.

It didn’t really matter, though, because the protection still wasn’t there, and instead of Joey Harrington getting all flustered by the pressure and under throwing the ball, Leftwich was overthrowing the ball. At least he was trying to move the ball downfield, though. There was a tangible difference in the atmosphere when Leftwich took the field, though. I don’t know what it was, but it was like the sun got brighter and there were pixies sprinkling their pixie dust all over everything. Sure, the Falcons still didn’t get a first down, but it felt like they would.

In fact, this was one of the worst games I’ve ever seen the Falcons play. To tell the truth, the Titans are not that good, but how bad does a team have to be to force five turnovers and still lose? How bad does a team have to be to be practically handed the ball on the goal line and still fail to score?

Can we trade the entire offensive line? Is that possible? Is the offensive line at USC or Oklahoma doing anything right now?

Sigh…I am not looking forward to hearing from my cousin about this. Her husband got them tickets to the game, and couldn’t be bothered to get a ticket and plane fare for me. They’re so selfish. But it’s just a matter of time before she rubs this in my face, mainly because I made the mistake of talking trash too early. I mean, I am a Falcons’ fan and any hope that we had of talking trash here ended in a Virginia courtroom. I really should know better than this.

So this week, I don’t hate DeAngelo Hall, who actually played well. I don’t hate Michael Jenkins, because the interception he caused wasn’t entirely his fault. I don’t hate Lewis Sanders, because he got yanked from the game early. No, my hatred this week is focused squarely on the offensive line. Dammit, guys…if you keep giving up the line of scrimmage, the terrorists win.

What’s even sadder than all of this is the fact that there’s still hope for the playoffs, because the NFC South is the worst division in the league. The Saints are now 0-5, the Panthers and Bucs are both like, 2-3. I don’t know what their records are because I can’t handle watching that many bad teams. For God’s sake, the Panthers and Saints couldn’t manage to score more than 16 points against each other.

Overall, the league as a whole just isn’t very good right now. There’s only about three good teams in the entire NFL right now, the Patriots, the Colts, and a healthy mix between the Packers and the Steelers, because I don’t fully trust either one of those teams. And maybe the Cowboys. What is wrong with the NFL right now? Seattle’s not good, Philadelphia can’t seem to get it together, Rex Grossman has single-handedly destroyed the Bears, the Bengals have never heard of the word “defense,” and no one will ever take the Lions seriously again.

And in a league that’s this bad, the Falcons still can’t manage a two game winning streak, not even against a mediocre Titans team. When does basketball season start?