Your phone book thinks you're stupid

The cover of my phone book actually says, "Please do not use while operating a motor vehicle." I decided to heed the advice, not because of my glaring lack of X-Ray vision or because I depend on my phone book to keep me out of life-threatening situations, but instead because my brain is so full of knowledge that I know not to casually leaf through the phone book while I'm driving.

When did we become a world of idiots? If I actually need a warning to let me know that I shouldn't sprinkle rat poison on my pancakes because it's 1000% more fatal that powdered sugar, or that the air around me will eventually run out if I wear a plastic bag on my head, I'm in worse trouble than warnings on innocuous, everyday objects will be able to save me from.

I'm assuming that this is being done because corporations are allergic to being sued, like most people, but this is a pretty overkill reaction. Sure, that women who claimed not to know that scalding hot coffee burns got over, and so did the family of the robber who was killed by a booby trap set by the guy who was repeatedly robbed, but I don't think anyone, anywhere would say, "You're right. It's the phone company fault that you drove your car into a shopping mall. They shouldn't have made that phone book of theirs such a page-turner that you couldn't help but continue to read it, even when you supposed to be operating a 2,000 pound vehicle moving at a high rate of speed."

Do you know anyone who would seriously try to sue someone over this? Do you know a lawyer who would tell this person that they would take their case on any other day besides April 1st? If you do, I need to you do me a favor: Put them behind the wheel of a larger, even faster vehicle, like a light-rail train or a space shuttle, turn it on and give them another phone book. Maybe the next time they allow themselves to be completely distracted by the most boring book in Creation, they'll take themselves out in the process.

Corporations of America...we're not all stupid. I know we've fallen in love with texting while we're driving and shows that feature people hurting themselves for advertising dollars, but seriously...stop putting messages like this on your products. If there really is someone out there who'll fall into the tempting trap that is eating pop rocks and dynamite because they want a bigger explosion in their mouth, all the warnings in the world aren't going to keep them from blowing themselves up. And chances are, they're probably not smart enough to sue you, anyway. Assuming they live through it. Let's all pray that they don't.