Week 7 - Welcome to Jobber City

“No problem, New Orleans. Glad we could help you look like a decent team again.”

That’s the mentality of what’s known in professional wrestling as “enhancement talent,” otherwise called the “jobber.”

What is a jobber? A jobber is a guy whose sole duty is to go out there and lose, yet somehow make the other wrestler look as dominating as possible in the process, or “do the job” as they say behind the curtain. A jobber is usually a guy you’ve never heard of and aren’t likely to ever see again, unless he’s jobbing for another wrestler. Jobbers don’t beat name wrestlers and jobbers never move up the ladder. When you’re a jobber, you’re a jobber for life.

The Atlanta Falcons have historically played the role of “jobber” in the world of football. If you’re looking to keep that win-streak going, want a nice bump to your stats, or just need a win to keep your season from completely imploding, you should pray that the Falcons are next on your schedule. You’re almost guaranteed a win.

In wrestling, some of the best jobbers have been the ones who made you believe that they could actually win the match. It adds a layer of suspense and drama to a match that ordinarily wouldn’t have been there. You become sucked into the idea that this upstart, S.D. Jones, could somehow take down Ted Dibiase. Jones even gets some offense in. Then Jones goes for his finisher, misses, and Dibiase escapes with the win.

And even though wrestling isn’t real, and you knew the ending to this match when you noticed that they didn’t even bother to give S.D. Jones a real introduction, for about two minutes, you thought S.D. Jones might win. That’s exactly what happened today during the Falcons’ game.

Byron Leftwich was named the starter this week and brought with him a huge set of balls, because even though he was cut by Jacksonville and has never played a full season in his career, he entered the game with supreme confidence. He was already sucking us in.

The defense held up well, like always, but it was Leftwich who provided the drama. His drives were impressive, capped by a touchdown late in the second quarter. The offense was playing better than they had all season. They were taking it to last season’s NFC South division winner, the New Orleans Saints, in the Superdome. For the first time all season, Falcons fans had hope.

But then came the point in the match where the established wrestler weathers the hot start by the jobber and takes control. Only in this case, it was by injuring Byron Leftwich and killing the sole hope that any Falcons’ fan had of winning this game. I was personally deflated by this, because it’s almost as if God doesn’t want the Falcons to have any sunshine on their faces this season.

We lost Michael Vick. We lost Matt Schaub. We lost D.J. Shockley before the season even started. We had gotten out from under Joey Harrington, who to his credit had played well this season, but no one’s going to be inspired by a quarterback with the soft, doe eyes that Harrington has. Just when we had been given our best chance to win, Leftwich had been taken away with a sprained ankle. It’s the same as when Jim Powers missed his dropkick because Mr. Perfect held onto the ropes.

The Saints followed that up with a touchdown. You could almost hear fans across Atlanta throwing things at the TV when Joey Harrington ran back onto the field. Or at least the Falcons fans who had bothered to keep watching the game. We all knew what was coming down. Mr. Perfect was about to go to teach Jim Powers a lesson.

Only it didn’t happen that way. Harrington completed a few passes and the team kept moving the chains. They looked just good enough to make me believe that Harrington could hold on just long enough to secure the win. Let’s face it: This Saints team isn’t the same team that won the NFC South last year. They were 1-5 and were getting blown out left and right. The Saints had just won their first game last week. We could take these guys, right?

I honestly felt that way until the blown snap that lost 16 yards for us. After that, it was game over. Mr. Perfect had snuck in his PerfectPlex and that was all she wrote for the Falcons.

“Pin me, pay me,” that’s the Job Squad motto. The Falcons had just given the Saints their first win streak of the season and resurrected any hopes the Saints had of rallying and saving their season. The Falcons made the Saints look a little better before “putting them over.” That’s what a jobber does. The Falcons have had decades to practice their craft, and they are among the league’s top jobbers.

The Hawks are also jobbers. The Thrashers have never made the playoffs. The Braves have returned to the Job Squad after a run at the top of the card. The Falcons have never strayed too far from the bottom. When leagues have had discussions about retracting their teams, Atlanta’s teams are always mentioned. And why not? It’s not like they’re ever in danger of turning the corner. It’s our duty to make all the other teams look better than they really are. Someone’s gotta do it, right?

Welcome to Atlanta. This is Jobber City.