Vandalism: The Eighth Deadly Sin

As further proof that we are being governed by people who are quite possibly missing a chromosome, I submit this to you:

In New York, a mother was cited by the police because of the horribly offensive graffiti that her 6-year old daughter vandalized the front stoop of their home with. Reports say that as a result of this vandalism, the surrounding homes became crack houses within the hour and crime skyrocketed to record levels.

What did the prepubescent terror, first-grader Natalie Shea, use to completely crush Brooklyn's property values? That’s right, Crayola brand colored chalk. Their entire lineage should be put in jail for this.

It doesn’t matter that the girl’s previous pictures of unicorns and flowers were washed away the next time it rained. This time, she could possibly be using chalk that could last for two, or even three extra rainstorms.

Thank Giuliani that he trained the populace of New York so well in these troubled times, to completely overreact to the actions of our neighbors. In this case, it was, in fact, a neighbor who complained about the lasting effect such non-permanent defacings would have on their community. According to a number of biographies on Osama bin Laden, this is exactly how he got started on the path to global terror. As we all know, sidewalk doodling is a gateway crime that leads directly to planting bombs.

Adolf Hitler was known to scribble on the walls of his childhood home as a child. That’s the reason why he learned to be a house painter; so he could feed his addiction for destruction, while at the same time, learning the skills that would allow him to evade capture. Viewing these facts, it’s quite easy to link these actions with his later atrocities, such as genocide and invading France.

So thank that meddling neighbor who called the police who were enforcing the anti-graffiti laws written by Rudolph Giuliani. Because these people chose to be a bother, and the cops decided to forego any semblance of critical reasoning before writing the ticket, we’ve squashed one criminal or terrorist career before it even starts.

When questioned about this ticket, the girl’s mother said that she's just have to wash the chalk away faster in the future. She also panicked and screamed that she doesn't harbor terrorists and that she'll inform the authorities next time her child gets on the school bus with overly sharpened pencils. After all, we must blow things completely out of proportion or the terrorists win.