Sometimes, I have thoughts on things that I can't or don't want to stretch into a full length blog post. So because I don't have Twitter, those thoughts will wind up here.
What do I think about...
...Byron Scott's firing? "I'd be lying if I said I was on top of what's going on with the New Orleans Hornets, but I guess it can't hurt to fire your coach instead of getting a reliable shooting guard and frontcourt help for your team. Anything's possible."
...LeBron's promise not to talk about free-agency? "I understand that you're used to people doing whatever you say, but reporters are a different breed. They have no problem with making you angry OR being ignored."
...Stephen Jackson? "You're not portrayed as a "bad guy," you ARE one. Like the media needed to work at ruining your image. It's pretty easy to figure out when someone's sabotaging their own team. So congrats on speeding the trade process along, Stack Jack. I bet teams are lining up to get you on their team."
...Antoine Walker's gambling debts? "I guess $110 million dollars just doesn't go as far as it used to."
...LeBron and D-Wade playing together? "Whoever signs them should be able to afford as many as two other players to fill out the roster, before resorting to D-League players for the entire season."
....The NFL's $20,000 fine of Chad Ochocinco? "He got fined $20,000 for holding a dollar that wasn't even his. The NFL is about as humorless as Michael Wilbon. That shit was funny."
...Ron Artest's chances of flipping out this season? "If it does happen, look for it to happen against the Denver Nuggets. Two teams that don't like each other, one of which is really physical and they have Kenyon Martin? It's like God wants to see a repeat of what happened in Detroit."
...Shaq playing for the Cavaliers? "I said in June that it wasn't smart to saddle a team that's DYING to run with another big, slow center. That was before the trade even happened. I also said that bringing back Ricky Davis would have been smarter, before comparing them to an guy dating a girl out of his league. I stand by my words."
...the Yankees winning the World Series? "At least for one year, that joke about the eight year old kid in New York who's never seen a Yankees' championship will stop."
...the Denver Nuggets? "I just think it's funny how everyone completely wrote them off as title contenders this season, even though they gave the Lakers their toughest test in last year's playoffs."
...a possible Saints/Vikings NFC Championship game? "The Saints better hope that Adrian Peterson dies before kick-off, because the gash he's gonna run through their defense will leave porn stars in awe."
...UFC 106? "I thought Brock Lesnar had mono. Shouldn't they have stopped promoting that fight weeks ago?"
...the NBA's rule that players on the bench must stay seated? "Everyone knows that the people who sit courtside are there for the photo op. Like I'm supposed to believe that "Random Starlet No. 34" cares about seeing the game."
...the start of the NBA season? "We're nine games in and I've already seen three of the nastiest dunks I've ever seen in my life."
...the Patriots loss to the Colts? "I'm pretty sure ESPN is lobbying Congress to make all criticism of Bill Belichick illegal."
...the Atlanta Falcons? "They're like the Elixir of Life for dead offenses. Your team having problems with their timing? The Falcons will fix it...the experience of live game speed, without the size of fully grown defensive backs."
...the Oklahoma City Thunder? "Who? I don't recognize that name or city. You better call them by their real name."
...the Chiefs win over the Raiders? "Beating the Raiders shouldn't even count as a full win. They should only get like, half a win for that. It's like beating someone at 'Madden,' but they're not actually holding the controller, because you locked them outside and they can only scream the controls through the glass."
Showing posts with label MLB. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MLB. Show all posts
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Barry Bonds' Indictment: Is it all worth it?
Minutes after Barry Bonds was indicted on federal perjury and obstruction of justice charges, ESPN had a statement from the President of the United States on this matter. Doesn’t matter what he said, but I know he didn’t respond to the Jena 6 situation that quickly. Shows where his priorities lie.
The equation for the Bush’s concern level would read:
Baseball > Black Americans’ Ongoing Struggle for Racial Equality.
But anyway...
Four years and millions of dollars were devoted to building a case against Barry Bonds. For that kind of persistence, one might think that Barry Bonds was a president-killing-child-rapist with ties to al-Qaeda. Or that he was plotting to overthrow the government and inject all of us with AIDS. Maybe he was caught putting crack and urine in the drinking water. But no, he’s being indicted for lying to the government and possibly paying his friend not to rat him out.
No, for real. I’m so sincere.
And should he be convicted, he could get up to 30 years in prison, for four counts of perjury (five years each) and one count of obstruction of justice (10 years). And what did Barry Bonds lie to a federal grand jury about? Did he lie about his involvement in the revelation of a secret agent’s true identity? Did he lie about our government’s reasons for invading a sovereign nation? Did he even cover up something that possibly involved bringing harm or death to another human being? No, he allegedly lied about whether or not he knew the stuff in the syringe in his butt was steroids. For all he knew, it could have been fruit juices or concentrated happiness.
And with that, one of America’s most hated human beings is going to go to trial. I say “one of” because O.J. Simpson still draws breath.
I’m actually curious to know what lies he allegedly told that are worth four counts of perjury. The only thing he was most likely asked about was whether or not he knowingly took steroids and how many lies can you really tell about that? Couldn’t they just whittle that down to one charge?
No, of course they couldn’t, because the government was bound and determined to get dangerous criminals like Barry Bonds into jail and off the streets where he could knowingly give someone incorrect directions to the grocery store or what time the results show for “Dancing With the Stars” is coming on.
Was all of this really necessary for a dishonest person? Look, no one’s saying that Barry Bonds didn’t do anything that he’s accused of doing. Certainly, I’m not defending his alleged *wink wink* steroid use and alleged lies told. What I’m saying is, was four years and millions of dollars to bring this man down really called for? He wasn’t the only one using steroids and he definitely wasn’t the only one lying to the government, but unless it was written in invisible ink, I don’t see Mark McGwire’s, Sammy Sosa’s, and Rafael Palmiero’s names anywhere on the indictment.
Do you know how many actual criminals the government could have brought down in four years? Imagine if this kind of persistence and focus had been applied to something that matters, like The War on Otherwise Innocuous Words or Lindsay Lohan’s War on Sobriety. In half that time, we’d be done waging war on concepts and Lindsay Lohan would be so drunk that she couldn’t even see anymore.
Seriously, it’s not like Bonds was giving away government secrets or was a threat to national security. He was covering his own ass about the level of horse piss in his veins, which ranks among things like “elected official lies about his love for cock in his mouth” or “Hypocrite Newt Gingrich has also cheated on his wife and lied about it” for importance in the court system. Everyone lies to the government. I lied once and told the government I lived somewhere where I didn’t so I could register my car in another state and not have to pass emissions. Should I spend four years of my life in jail for that? And should the government dedicate their lives to bringing me down?
Like I said, I’m not defending Bonds, but I am saying that all of this is overkill. How is this going to make the world safer for anyone? How is this even going to improve baseball? The man is 43 and about to retire, anyway. His records have already been set. He’s not selling steroids to anyone and everyone who wants to take steroids is already taking them. What is this really going to do? I guess since the home run record has already been broken and all of that money has already exchanged hands, it won’t hurt to go ahead and bring down the biggest name in baseball. Or is the timing of this only suspect to me?
I’m not even saying that he shouldn’t be in trouble, just that all of this effort isn’t worth the payoff. Putting Barry Bonds in jail isn’t going to even begin to clean up the drug problem in baseball. It’s not going to change anything. It’s like claiming that putting Mel Gibson in jail is the first step to ridding the world of alcoholism.
The equation for the Bush’s concern level would read:
Baseball > Black Americans’ Ongoing Struggle for Racial Equality.
But anyway...
Four years and millions of dollars were devoted to building a case against Barry Bonds. For that kind of persistence, one might think that Barry Bonds was a president-killing-child-rapist with ties to al-Qaeda. Or that he was plotting to overthrow the government and inject all of us with AIDS. Maybe he was caught putting crack and urine in the drinking water. But no, he’s being indicted for lying to the government and possibly paying his friend not to rat him out.
No, for real. I’m so sincere.
And should he be convicted, he could get up to 30 years in prison, for four counts of perjury (five years each) and one count of obstruction of justice (10 years). And what did Barry Bonds lie to a federal grand jury about? Did he lie about his involvement in the revelation of a secret agent’s true identity? Did he lie about our government’s reasons for invading a sovereign nation? Did he even cover up something that possibly involved bringing harm or death to another human being? No, he allegedly lied about whether or not he knew the stuff in the syringe in his butt was steroids. For all he knew, it could have been fruit juices or concentrated happiness.
And with that, one of America’s most hated human beings is going to go to trial. I say “one of” because O.J. Simpson still draws breath.
I’m actually curious to know what lies he allegedly told that are worth four counts of perjury. The only thing he was most likely asked about was whether or not he knowingly took steroids and how many lies can you really tell about that? Couldn’t they just whittle that down to one charge?
No, of course they couldn’t, because the government was bound and determined to get dangerous criminals like Barry Bonds into jail and off the streets where he could knowingly give someone incorrect directions to the grocery store or what time the results show for “Dancing With the Stars” is coming on.
Was all of this really necessary for a dishonest person? Look, no one’s saying that Barry Bonds didn’t do anything that he’s accused of doing. Certainly, I’m not defending his alleged *wink wink* steroid use and alleged lies told. What I’m saying is, was four years and millions of dollars to bring this man down really called for? He wasn’t the only one using steroids and he definitely wasn’t the only one lying to the government, but unless it was written in invisible ink, I don’t see Mark McGwire’s, Sammy Sosa’s, and Rafael Palmiero’s names anywhere on the indictment.
Do you know how many actual criminals the government could have brought down in four years? Imagine if this kind of persistence and focus had been applied to something that matters, like The War on Otherwise Innocuous Words or Lindsay Lohan’s War on Sobriety. In half that time, we’d be done waging war on concepts and Lindsay Lohan would be so drunk that she couldn’t even see anymore.
Seriously, it’s not like Bonds was giving away government secrets or was a threat to national security. He was covering his own ass about the level of horse piss in his veins, which ranks among things like “elected official lies about his love for cock in his mouth” or “Hypocrite Newt Gingrich has also cheated on his wife and lied about it” for importance in the court system. Everyone lies to the government. I lied once and told the government I lived somewhere where I didn’t so I could register my car in another state and not have to pass emissions. Should I spend four years of my life in jail for that? And should the government dedicate their lives to bringing me down?
Like I said, I’m not defending Bonds, but I am saying that all of this is overkill. How is this going to make the world safer for anyone? How is this even going to improve baseball? The man is 43 and about to retire, anyway. His records have already been set. He’s not selling steroids to anyone and everyone who wants to take steroids is already taking them. What is this really going to do? I guess since the home run record has already been broken and all of that money has already exchanged hands, it won’t hurt to go ahead and bring down the biggest name in baseball. Or is the timing of this only suspect to me?
I’m not even saying that he shouldn’t be in trouble, just that all of this effort isn’t worth the payoff. Putting Barry Bonds in jail isn’t going to even begin to clean up the drug problem in baseball. It’s not going to change anything. It’s like claiming that putting Mel Gibson in jail is the first step to ridding the world of alcoholism.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
2007 Summer Sports Scandal Wrap-Up
The soul-crushing grind that is the summer baseball season is almost at an end. School is in full swing, so stay-at-home parents are guaranteed a full eight hours of peace in their lives. The Fall TV Season has begun. The heat that melts Blockbuster videos and makes football players pass out has faded. The real sports are getting going and there’s a reason to watch SportsCenter once again. In my adult life, October has become one of my favorite times of the year to look forward to.
I don’t think people really understand how much I’ve grown to dislike the summertime, mainly because I associate it with baseball, the most boring sport I can think of without completely creating something in my head. To try to create a sport more boring than baseball would require a master at the art of boredom, sitting like a statue for hours on end to come up with a sport where two people finally settle the argument of who can sit like a statue for the longest.
The saddest part is, it would probably get a TV deal. Let’s face it, in a world where “The World Series of Poker” can get a deal and the “Rock, Paper, Scissors World Championship” was not only televised, but attended by thousands of people, there’s no doubt in my mind that “World Statue Battlers: Super Edition DX” would become a huge hit.
These are the things I think of during the summer, because there’s nothing to entertain me, and the world isn’t ready for my imagination to start wandering. For my own sanity, the time between the NBA Finals and NFL Preseason needs to get a little bit shorter. The thing is, only two months separates the two, but it feels like six, and I believe it’s getting longer every year. Is Bud Selig artificially extending the season and not telling anyone? How do I know that the season isn’t really 250 games long?
I guess it’s only fitting that the most boring sport in
This summer, the sports world seemingly lost its collective minds, and I don’t mean in the “
Thank you, Sports World Degenerates. Thank you for saving me from “Who’s Now?” The last thing I needed was a creepy Skip Bayless fantasizing about some underage girl on a CW show or Jessica Biel talking about anything that didn’t include being naked. I wouldn’t have made it throughout the summer if not for you and the following embarrassments:
Tim Donaghy Defeats the Scourge of Obscurity.
Above and beyond anything else in sports is the Tim Donaghy gambling scandal. It was so big, it took a nothing nobody like Tim Donaghy and put his name on the lips of sports fans worldwide. Even in a world where NBA refs Dick Bavetta and Joey Crawford enjoy a certain level of celebrity, I don’t think I ever heard the name “Tim Donaghy” until it came out of the mouth of an FBI agent. He’s going the right way for a book deal, and that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?
Why is it such a big deal? The bottom line is this, a professional sports league is only as credible as its referees. And when you have a referee that was not only gambling on games that he was officiating, but also had mob ties, your league has a problem. Now, he’s naming names of other referees who have gambled, not necessarily on games, but on dogs or in casinos. Pandora’s Box has been opened and the feds are about to slide into it, with no condom. I’ll let you think about that for a second.
Adam “Pacman” Jones in “How to Destroy Your Career.”
He’s had numerous run-ins with the cops. He throws money at strippers, asks for it back, and has the nerve to get upset when they refuse. He drives an orange Lamborghini around
Porn (2 to 1). Would you be surprised? I mean, it can’t get much lower than wrestling and rapping within a week of each other. Keep an eye on the back room of your local video store for “Pacman’s Pooter Patrol,” “Pacman Nibbles My Pellet,” “Gridiron Grinding,” and “Pacman, You’re A F***ing Slut.”
Sean Salisbury’s Reaction: Head explodes, just like that guy at the end of “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”
Professional Gambling (3 to 1). If he got involved in any gambling at all, it would be proof that all of this is a cry for help. With gambling being on center stage the way it is these days, I don’t think Pacman can help but get involved. He’s probably think it’s a good way to keep his name in the streets.
Sean Salisbury’s Reaction: Righteous indignation makes his eyes bleed every time someone brings up either Pacman or video games. Mean-spirited name-calling, claims to be embarrassed for Pacman, kicks John Clayton in the stomach in protest. Turns red in the face; veins in forehead and neck clearly visible.
Horse-Racing (7 to 1). No, not riding horses or even bankrolling a horse. I mean, going the Chad Johnson route and physically racing a horse. They’d go on tour to fairgrounds around the country and charge two bits a gander. People could bring their fastest horses out and put them up against Pacman. Every time he wins, he punches the horse in the face.
Sean Salisbury’s Reaction: His anger, being so pure that it could kill a man, would make him tear his shirt off and suffocate John Clayton in his gut before beating Clayton to death with his own arms.
The Dog-Stomping Adventures of Michael Vick.
Like sands through the hour glass, Michael Vick is going to be stuck in a contained space for a long time.
I held out hope that he’d find a way to get off, but every day, he gets closer and closer to the leg-shackles of destiny. His boys have allegedly sold him out, but I say “allegedly” in the same way that I say that R. Kelly “allegedly” had sex with a minor.
And while it’s stupid to sell out the one person in your circle of friends who has any money, it’s also stupid to be involved in dogfighting in the first place or to keep criminal friends around where they can fuck it up for everyone.
Now, the best that Michael Vick’s legal team can do is try to assure that he’ll be able to get back into the NFL after he gets out of jail. What a waste. And there were whispers that fellow Virginia Tech Hokie DeAngelo Hall could be involved as well. The plot thickens, mainly because it simply won’t end.
Barry “Satan” Bonds and the Home-Run Record.
True enough, this has been a scandal for quite sometime, but this is the year when the skies fell, dogs started humping cats, and volcanoes started spewing milkshake, all at once. Everything went wrong when Barry Bonds passed Hank Aaron on the all-time home run list. Why is it such a big deal? Because Barry Bonds “allegedly” used steroids in his career, much in the same way that Dick Cheney is “allegedly” the Devil: We don’t have any proof of our accusations, but instead there’s just a general sense of dread whenever he enters a room. And baseball purists don’t like cheaters in their hallowed “sport” unless they’re Mark McGwire or Babe Ruth.
Don’t Forget About Hockey! Please!
Oh, yeah. Hockey has a gambling scandal, too. But it’s hockey, so no one cared. It involved a general manager or something and I think Wayne Gretzky’s wife. Hockey would have been shaken to it’s core if the lockout and revocation of major network TV deals hadn’t already done it. Truly, this was only a story because the NBA now has a gambling scandal. I would have never remembered this if not for Tim Donaghy…and a passing reminder on SportsCenter.
Hockey: a sport so un-famous that the name of its most famous player triggers my spellchecker. If Michael Jordan’s name was Cheesemaker Leeruangsri it wouldn’t trigger the spell check. Now, that’s fame. Oh,
Sunday, September 23, 2007
The Futility of the Sports Interview
Joey Harrington was recently asked about whether or not he's worried about losing his job as the Falcons' starting quarterback, since Byron Leftwich has been signed to back him up.
Harrington replied, "I don't worry about the things that are out of my control. The things I control are how I prepare and how I go out any play." Not really a shocker, is it?
It makes me wonder what these reporters expect him to say. After all, he's Joey Harrington, one of the most failed quarterbacks in the NFL today. He doesn't have any fans whose last names aren't "Harrington." He was so bad in Detroit, that he was kicked off of a Lions team that was even worse than he is. His name, these days, is synonymous with "sucktitude."
Of course, he knows that the countdown is on for his bench reunion, but he can't tell YOU that. After all, he's the leader on that field and he's got to convince 10 other guys on that offense that HE is the man. He's got to make that coach believe that he's not going to lose his job for making him the starter. He's got to keep a stadium full of fans (well, maybe half-full) from booing him after the first time he throws an interception. He can't do that and give the media honest answers at the same time.
Can you imagine what would happen if athletes started telling what they really thought to the media? I mean, more than Michael Strahan or Jeremy Shockey or Ron Artest do. Instead of the answer he gave, and the bravado and confidence he had to present, what if Joey Harrington said, "Dude, look...I'm f***ing scared. Game's over, man. It's just a matter of time now that Byron is here."
The sports world wouldn't know how to handle it. ESPN would be frantic, talking about how Joey Harrington has finally broken under pressure. The Falcons would probably have to cut him, because no one's going to follow a leader who they know is scared. The Falcons fans, well...fan, would boo him the second he took the field. The Sports Guy would continue to make hilarious jokes that would make my soul weep. And, of course, Sean Salisbury would go into a furious rage and beat John Clayton into a pile of body parts.
Can you imagine what would happen if athletes started giving honest answers all the time?
What if Jermaine O'Neal told what he really thought about Ron Artest back when Artest was still in Indiana? "Man, this n*gga is crazy. I can't wait for him to get traded. If he hadn't have been laid out on the scorer's table, that retard in the stands would have never thrown that cup, and I wouldn't have had to punch that fat slob in the face defending his stupid ass. Thanks for the suspension, Ron."
What if Derek Jeter truthfully spoke his mind about Alex Rodriguez last season? "Man, he need to stop actin' like a lil' bitch. He supposed to be the highest paid player in baseball and he's dropping pop flies at third base? F*** that. You makin' all this money, we need to be winning championships, period. If you so good, why the f*** are we losing to these sorry ass teams? You can tell him what I said. I wish his bitch ass would come over here. Step to me, A-Rod and I'll stick this rod [holds up a bat] straight up your sugar-sweet ass."
But, no...he didn't say any of that. But he had to be thinking it. Truth is, the sports world wouldn't know how to handle that level of truthfulness. It makes me wonder why we even have sideline reporters in the first place. It's not like they're going to get a hard-hitting interview while the player or coach is jogging to the locker room. You already know what you're going to get during the interview, because, hell...we were watching the game. We already know what went wrong.
Jim Gray: "Shaq, what do you think about how your team played in the first half?"
Shaq: "Well, my feet are hurting, so I can't really keep up with Yao on either end of the floor. Gary Payton's getting burned by Rafer Alston because he's roughly 129 years old. Flash is getting handled by Steve Francis. I don't think D-Wade can shake the defense that Steve is putting on him. We're gonna lose, man. They're kicking our asses. You see that score? I think I'm done for the night."
The truth is, the sports world doesn't want truth. Everytime the truth comes out in sports, people get upset. When Jeremy Shockey told the media what he really thought about Coach Tom Coughlin, everyone told him to shut up and play. When Shaq and Kobe stopped pretending to be in love, everyone told them to shut up and play. Everytime Barry Bonds opens his mouth, people complain about how mean he is. Kobe and his trade demands, Ron Artest and his incoherent ramblings, Terrell Owens talking about anything, or even the recent Donovan McNabb interview. In each one of those cases, the athlete in question was essentially told to shut up and play.
People complain about athletes never having anything on substance to say, but when one does give you some substance, you complain. Donovan McNabb has been blasted by every major media outlet for daring suggest that black quarterbacks are criticized more than white quarterbacks. Might be true, might not, but should we just automatically brush it all off because it's not what we want to hear? Isn't this what you wanted from your athletes? I thought Michael Jordan was wrong for not doing what Donovan just did?
The truth is, I'd love to see more interviews like the ones I just made up, or more like the one that Donovan gave. I want to know what my favorite players are really thinking and feeling. Even though we say we know it, these are real people, and sometimes real people need to get real stuff off of their chests. If you don't like it, f*** you, because it's real. At least someone would have the balls to say it.
But that's probably not what we're going to get. The status quo isn't going to change. Halftime will come and Jim Gray will run up to Shaq and ask, "Shaq, what do you think about how your team played in the first half?"
Shaq: "We just need to go out and play hard, and play strong and I need to just play hard and play strong and just play my game."
Jim Gray: "Thanks, Shaq. Good luck in the second half. Back to you, Marv."
Just in time for the commercial break. After all, it's what you're asking for.
Harrington replied, "I don't worry about the things that are out of my control. The things I control are how I prepare and how I go out any play." Not really a shocker, is it?
It makes me wonder what these reporters expect him to say. After all, he's Joey Harrington, one of the most failed quarterbacks in the NFL today. He doesn't have any fans whose last names aren't "Harrington." He was so bad in Detroit, that he was kicked off of a Lions team that was even worse than he is. His name, these days, is synonymous with "sucktitude."
Of course, he knows that the countdown is on for his bench reunion, but he can't tell YOU that. After all, he's the leader on that field and he's got to convince 10 other guys on that offense that HE is the man. He's got to make that coach believe that he's not going to lose his job for making him the starter. He's got to keep a stadium full of fans (well, maybe half-full) from booing him after the first time he throws an interception. He can't do that and give the media honest answers at the same time.
Can you imagine what would happen if athletes started telling what they really thought to the media? I mean, more than Michael Strahan or Jeremy Shockey or Ron Artest do. Instead of the answer he gave, and the bravado and confidence he had to present, what if Joey Harrington said, "Dude, look...I'm f***ing scared. Game's over, man. It's just a matter of time now that Byron is here."
The sports world wouldn't know how to handle it. ESPN would be frantic, talking about how Joey Harrington has finally broken under pressure. The Falcons would probably have to cut him, because no one's going to follow a leader who they know is scared. The Falcons fans, well...fan, would boo him the second he took the field. The Sports Guy would continue to make hilarious jokes that would make my soul weep. And, of course, Sean Salisbury would go into a furious rage and beat John Clayton into a pile of body parts.
Can you imagine what would happen if athletes started giving honest answers all the time?
What if Jermaine O'Neal told what he really thought about Ron Artest back when Artest was still in Indiana? "Man, this n*gga is crazy. I can't wait for him to get traded. If he hadn't have been laid out on the scorer's table, that retard in the stands would have never thrown that cup, and I wouldn't have had to punch that fat slob in the face defending his stupid ass. Thanks for the suspension, Ron."
What if Derek Jeter truthfully spoke his mind about Alex Rodriguez last season? "Man, he need to stop actin' like a lil' bitch. He supposed to be the highest paid player in baseball and he's dropping pop flies at third base? F*** that. You makin' all this money, we need to be winning championships, period. If you so good, why the f*** are we losing to these sorry ass teams? You can tell him what I said. I wish his bitch ass would come over here. Step to me, A-Rod and I'll stick this rod [holds up a bat] straight up your sugar-sweet ass."
But, no...he didn't say any of that. But he had to be thinking it. Truth is, the sports world wouldn't know how to handle that level of truthfulness. It makes me wonder why we even have sideline reporters in the first place. It's not like they're going to get a hard-hitting interview while the player or coach is jogging to the locker room. You already know what you're going to get during the interview, because, hell...we were watching the game. We already know what went wrong.
Jim Gray: "Shaq, what do you think about how your team played in the first half?"
Shaq: "Well, my feet are hurting, so I can't really keep up with Yao on either end of the floor. Gary Payton's getting burned by Rafer Alston because he's roughly 129 years old. Flash is getting handled by Steve Francis. I don't think D-Wade can shake the defense that Steve is putting on him. We're gonna lose, man. They're kicking our asses. You see that score? I think I'm done for the night."
The truth is, the sports world doesn't want truth. Everytime the truth comes out in sports, people get upset. When Jeremy Shockey told the media what he really thought about Coach Tom Coughlin, everyone told him to shut up and play. When Shaq and Kobe stopped pretending to be in love, everyone told them to shut up and play. Everytime Barry Bonds opens his mouth, people complain about how mean he is. Kobe and his trade demands, Ron Artest and his incoherent ramblings, Terrell Owens talking about anything, or even the recent Donovan McNabb interview. In each one of those cases, the athlete in question was essentially told to shut up and play.
People complain about athletes never having anything on substance to say, but when one does give you some substance, you complain. Donovan McNabb has been blasted by every major media outlet for daring suggest that black quarterbacks are criticized more than white quarterbacks. Might be true, might not, but should we just automatically brush it all off because it's not what we want to hear? Isn't this what you wanted from your athletes? I thought Michael Jordan was wrong for not doing what Donovan just did?
The truth is, I'd love to see more interviews like the ones I just made up, or more like the one that Donovan gave. I want to know what my favorite players are really thinking and feeling. Even though we say we know it, these are real people, and sometimes real people need to get real stuff off of their chests. If you don't like it, f*** you, because it's real. At least someone would have the balls to say it.
But that's probably not what we're going to get. The status quo isn't going to change. Halftime will come and Jim Gray will run up to Shaq and ask, "Shaq, what do you think about how your team played in the first half?"
Shaq: "We just need to go out and play hard, and play strong and I need to just play hard and play strong and just play my game."
Jim Gray: "Thanks, Shaq. Good luck in the second half. Back to you, Marv."
Just in time for the commercial break. After all, it's what you're asking for.
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