The Futility of the Sports Interview

Joey Harrington was recently asked about whether or not he's worried about losing his job as the Falcons' starting quarterback, since Byron Leftwich has been signed to back him up.

Harrington replied, "I don't worry about the things that are out of my control. The things I control are how I prepare and how I go out any play." Not really a shocker, is it?

It makes me wonder what these reporters expect him to say. After all, he's Joey Harrington, one of the most failed quarterbacks in the NFL today. He doesn't have any fans whose last names aren't "Harrington." He was so bad in Detroit, that he was kicked off of a Lions team that was even worse than he is. His name, these days, is synonymous with "sucktitude."

Of course, he knows that the countdown is on for his bench reunion, but he can't tell YOU that. After all, he's the leader on that field and he's got to convince 10 other guys on that offense that HE is the man. He's got to make that coach believe that he's not going to lose his job for making him the starter. He's got to keep a stadium full of fans (well, maybe half-full) from booing him after the first time he throws an interception. He can't do that and give the media honest answers at the same time.

Can you imagine what would happen if athletes started telling what they really thought to the media? I mean, more than Michael Strahan or Jeremy Shockey or Ron Artest do. Instead of the answer he gave, and the bravado and confidence he had to present, what if Joey Harrington said, "Dude, look...I'm f***ing scared. Game's over, man. It's just a matter of time now that Byron is here."

The sports world wouldn't know how to handle it. ESPN would be frantic, talking about how Joey Harrington has finally broken under pressure. The Falcons would probably have to cut him, because no one's going to follow a leader who they know is scared. The Falcons fans, well...fan, would boo him the second he took the field. The Sports Guy would continue to make hilarious jokes that would make my soul weep. And, of course, Sean Salisbury would go into a furious rage and beat John Clayton into a pile of body parts.

Can you imagine what would happen if athletes started giving honest answers all the time?

What if Jermaine O'Neal told what he really thought about Ron Artest back when Artest was still in Indiana? "Man, this n*gga is crazy. I can't wait for him to get traded. If he hadn't have been laid out on the scorer's table, that retard in the stands would have never thrown that cup, and I wouldn't have had to punch that fat slob in the face defending his stupid ass. Thanks for the suspension, Ron."

What if Derek Jeter truthfully spoke his mind about Alex Rodriguez last season? "Man, he need to stop actin' like a lil' bitch. He supposed to be the highest paid player in baseball and he's dropping pop flies at third base? F*** that. You makin' all this money, we need to be winning championships, period. If you so good, why the f*** are we losing to these sorry ass teams? You can tell him what I said. I wish his bitch ass would come over here. Step to me, A-Rod and I'll stick this rod [holds up a bat] straight up your sugar-sweet ass."

But, no...he didn't say any of that. But he had to be thinking it. Truth is, the sports world wouldn't know how to handle that level of truthfulness. It makes me wonder why we even have sideline reporters in the first place. It's not like they're going to get a hard-hitting interview while the player or coach is jogging to the locker room. You already know what you're going to get during the interview, because, hell...we were watching the game. We already know what went wrong.

Jim Gray: "Shaq, what do you think about how your team played in the first half?"

Shaq: "Well, my feet are hurting, so I can't really keep up with Yao on either end of the floor. Gary Payton's getting burned by Rafer Alston because he's roughly 129 years old. Flash is getting handled by Steve Francis. I don't think D-Wade can shake the defense that Steve is putting on him. We're gonna lose, man. They're kicking our asses. You see that score? I think I'm done for the night."

The truth is, the sports world doesn't want truth. Everytime the truth comes out in sports, people get upset. When Jeremy Shockey told the media what he really thought about Coach Tom Coughlin, everyone told him to shut up and play. When Shaq and Kobe stopped pretending to be in love, everyone told them to shut up and play. Everytime Barry Bonds opens his mouth, people complain about how mean he is. Kobe and his trade demands, Ron Artest and his incoherent ramblings, Terrell Owens talking about anything, or even the recent Donovan McNabb interview. In each one of those cases, the athlete in question was essentially told to shut up and play.

People complain about athletes never having anything on substance to say, but when one does give you some substance, you complain. Donovan McNabb has been blasted by every major media outlet for daring suggest that black quarterbacks are criticized more than white quarterbacks. Might be true, might not, but should we just automatically brush it all off because it's not what we want to hear? Isn't this what you wanted from your athletes? I thought Michael Jordan was wrong for not doing what Donovan just did?

The truth is, I'd love to see more interviews like the ones I just made up, or more like the one that Donovan gave. I want to know what my favorite players are really thinking and feeling. Even though we say we know it, these are real people, and sometimes real people need to get real stuff off of their chests. If you don't like it, f*** you, because it's real. At least someone would have the balls to say it.

But that's probably not what we're going to get. The status quo isn't going to change. Halftime will come and Jim Gray will run up to Shaq and ask, "Shaq, what do you think about how your team played in the first half?"

Shaq: "We just need to go out and play hard, and play strong and I need to just play hard and play strong and just play my game."

Jim Gray: "Thanks, Shaq. Good luck in the second half. Back to you, Marv."

Just in time for the commercial break. After all, it's what you're asking for.