Week 3 - I Hate DeAngelo Hall

We need to find out of football players would be allowed to play with a ball gag in his mouth. And the test player for this revolutionary football gear should be DeAngelo Hall.

DeAngelo Hall has been the starting right cornerback for Atlanta for about four years now. He’s made multiple Pro Bowls. He is allegedly one of the premier defensive backs in the NFL. But damned if I can’t figure out how or why that is.

Outside of being really fast, I’ve never been able to figure out what exactly makes him special. He claims to be the next Deion Sanders, but his coaches have had so little faith in him that he’s never been allowed to cover his man straight up. He’s been burned by so many receivers that even Ray Buchanan doesn’t respect him. Deion Sanders put so much fear in the quarterback that he wouldn’t even throw to that side of the field. DeAngelo Hall gets challenged every game.

No one is afraid of DeAngelo Hall. So what is it that he does well?

He runs his mouth. That’s what he does well. So well, in fact, that the gaping hole in his face was the single biggest reason why the Falcons lost today.

Listen, no one is fooled into thinking that this is a good Falcons team. There are holes at every single position on the field. Everything has to break perfectly for the Falcons to score a touchdown, let alone win a game. So if the Falcons have a seven-point lead and have finally managed to slow down the Panthers sub-par run game, the last thing the Falcons need is 45 yards in penalties.

But DeAngelo Hall is supremely confident, so he must have thought that his team needed to jump some extra hurdles more than they needed a win, because after having a pretty decent game covering Steve Smith (Hall had held Smith to 0 catches and only 4 attempts), Hall decided to give up three straight penalties to the Panthers and as a result, turn an almost certain punt into a touchdown.

The first penalty was a pass interference call that was actually a pretty smart play. Hall was beaten, and Smith clearly would have scored had he caught the ball. So Hall grabbed him to prevent giving up the touchdown. I would have given him a pass on that one, if he hadn’t done this…

If you’re going to commit a personal foul, don’t do it five feet away from an official, directly in his line of sight. One would think that would be common sense, but when your name is DeAngelo Hall, common sense doesn’t always come into play. It’s why a player of his caliber bites on every fake thrown his way by receivers. So he shoved Steve Smith and the ref called him for a personal foul. But it wasn’t over.

While Bobby Petrino was jawing with the refs about whether or not it was a personal foul (the ref said that Hall hit Steve in the head; the replay clearly showed that he did no such thing), Hall was still jawing with Smith. While another ref was breaking that up, he called unsportsmanlike conduct on Hall.

Seven points later, Hall was still running his mouth on the sidelines.

Now, if this was a good team, it probably wouldn’t have been that big a deal, but when you’re the Atlanta Falcons, converting on third down in an uphill battle. If this was a good team, a tie ball game in the third quarter wouldn’t have been a crucial moment. But when you’re the Atlanta Falcons, a tie game means you’re 3 to 7 points away from an insurmountable lead.

Hall’s three penalties and the following touchdown put the momentum squarely in Carolina’s hands. After that, the Panthers run game was flat-out unstoppable, and back-up quarterback David Carr was moving the team downfield. Before you know it, the Panthers had scored again, and that put the game out of reach. You know, because the Falcons suck.

The field goal that put them up 27-17 was just icing on the cake.

But hold! Doth mine eyes deceive me? Art thine noble Falcons making a run? Michael Jenkins catcheth a pass, and another! Warrick Dunn, showeth how fleet of foot he is by repeatedly evading capture! Joey Harrington bloweth the game not! Might the Falcons earn a down of touch?

I say thee nay! I don’t know why I’m talking like this, but the Falcons had to settle for a field goal with four minutes to go. Again, for a good team, this would just put them within seven, giving them a realistic chance to tie or win the game. But this is the Falcons. The game was over in the third quarter, when the Panthers went up by seven. My dad and I were debating on whether or not to change the channel. More important things were on other channels, like what the Cash 3 was today. THAT was an uncertainty. The end of the Falcons game had stopped being in doubt long ago.

Who can we thank for this? DeAngelo Hall, the brave soul who should be the first player to play an entire game with his unbroken jaw wired shut. Thanks a million DeAngelo! Or really, just thanks 45.

And to think, I was really wondering what I was going to say about this game. Just when I decided to not write anything, DeAngelo Hall decided that he was going to save me from not having a chest pains and an anger stroke for the day. I appreciate it, buddy. My doctor bills will be waiting for you at your agent’s office, along with a complimentary roll of duck tape to wrap around your mouth just before game time.