There are 14 NBA teams that are sitting at home and watching the actual good teams (except for that pretender Indiana...how the hell do they win?) play in the playoffs. Some of these teams have been pretty bad for a while, and while some of them seem to finally be heading the right direction (Atlanta...trust me, I'm not a loon...I just actually watch their games), some of them don't seem to have a clue what direction they should be heading in (Philly, Minnesota, Boston, New York). Since a lot of their GMs seem to be as smart as people who send money to TV evangelists or still watch BET regularly, I thought I'd give them a little help, or at the very least, tell them why their team is sitting at home right now.
New York: Oh, yeah. I had to start here. This team is so bad at this point, you're probably just better off firing everybody. Isiah, LB, the players, the owner, the YES Network, everybody. How did it get this bad? Actually, it was bad three years ago. How did it get this worse?
As a Bulls fan, I actually take some joy out of watching my hated rivals suffer, but it's past the point of incompetence now. It's not even funny anymore. As far as moves that need to be made, the only way this team can be fixed is through time travel. You have to travel back to about...1997 or so and stop the Knicks for signing Allan Houston to that $100 million deal. That was the beginning of the end, right there. Somehow, I believe that if not for that, none of the other stupid moves would have been made, including hiring Isiah as GM.
Philadelphia: It's time to show Billy King the door. It was time to show him the door years ago, when he showed the world he had no idea how to put a team around Allen Iverson. People always knock Iverson, but when has he ever had another good player on his team? He once had a young Jerry Stackhouse, who should have still been at UNC and an old Chris Webber, who's too little, too late. Other than that, he's had to carry the Sixers by himself. People say that Iverson couldn't share the court with another superstar player, but anyone who was watching Iverson play in international games (if they were actually facing the TV) could see that he would pass the ball if he had someone to pass to. And personally, I wouldn't have hired Maurice Cheeks as coach, because I see him as a soft coach. If he wasn't, he would have run the Sixers offense through Webber instead of Iverson. So that's someone else who should be shown the door, but all this talk of trading Iverson is the talk of a crazy person.
Boston: I would never listen to Danny Ainge about anything, ever. For those who don't remember the 80s, Danny Ainge was a little while guy, about the size of Michael J. Fox, who would run around and make everyone on the opposing team (and in the stands...or at home, watching TV) grab him by the scruff of his neck and kick him in the jimmy. Just an all-around, irritating person. Nowadays, he's running the Celtics and can't seem to decide if he wants to go with young players or build around Paul Pierce. He's pretty much doing the same thing as Billy King in Philly or Kevin McHale in Minnesota: waffling. They all know that they've got a big-time superstar on their rosters and they have no idea how to build around them. So, they rely on the draft, hoping to luck up and get the next big thing, only their superstars are too good to let the season be a total disaster. They wind up getting mid to late round draft picks, because the team isn't good enough to make the playoffs, yet it's not bad enough to get a high pick. So, they're stuck drafting high school players or unknowns because all the superstars are already gone. That only leaves one thing: stupid or pointless trades. And Mr. Ainge, along with Mr. McHale, perpetrated the most pointless trade this season by exchanging Ricky Davis for Wally Szczerbiak. It's not a trade that makes you mad or makes you laugh, it's a trade that makes you stare at the sports ticker and wonder why, because you can't imagine how this trade is going to make either team better. If you can't pick a side that's getting the better end of the deal, then you, my friend, have a pointless trade.
Minnesota: Kevin McHale has had a decade to get Kevin Garnett deep into the playoffs and has failed miserably every time. Now, for those first 7 years, KG defied Satan McHale's odds and willed them in, anyway, and in the 8th, it looked like McHale finally learned how to assemble a team. That team made the Western Conference finals. Then, they refused to resign Sam Cassell (who, in retrospect, they should have paid) and Latrell Sprewell (one of the three stupidest players of 2005) for the money they were asking and instead of trading them in the 9th season, they just let them hang around and make that the worst season for KG since he got in the league. At least, until this season. This one's the worst now.
I don't see how hard it is to build a team around a dominant post player. The Spurs have been doing it for almost 20 years. Orlando is doing it now. The Lakers do it every five years, almost by accident. Why can't Kevin McHale do it now? I do it all the time, just sitting in the bathroom. You've already got the dominant center/power forward. That was the hard part. Next step? Get a good point guard. They had one in Terrell Brandon, but when he retired, I guess they just gave up, because they haven't had another good one since. Then, get a defensive minded guard or forward. After that, everything else just falls into place.
Golden State: Hire a coach who has balls. Huge balls. Like the ones Billy King swore he had when he said Iverson and Webber were going to act right. See, a coach who's groinally endowed isn't going to take any crap from players like Baron Davis. Davis needs someone to put a boot to his ass and tell him things like "Baron, pass the ball. It's not going anywhere. You'll get it back eventually." or "No, Baron, you don't have to score ALL the points. You have teammates who can do that." He needs teammates who will say to him, "Baron, you need to stop acting like a lil' bitch." Therefore, he needs to get traded to Miami, because Pat Riley or Shaquille O'Neal ain't having it.
Portland: Stop drafting high school players, you stupid motherfuckers. You need to win NOW, not in four years when these players will actually be good. Your owner's about to sell the team because he's losing money hand over fist. Darius Miles and Zach Randolph are NOT the guys who are going to keep things steady until the cavalry arrives.
All the other teams seem to be moving in the right direction or have recently made a move that's actually promising, like Toronto hiring Bryan Colangelo as their GM, or Seattle hiring Bob Hill as coach (this is the man who was stabbed in the back by the current coach of the Spurs, Gregg Popovich). I'm still waiting for Indiana to implode and it seems to be on the verge of finally happening. Denver is probably going to do the same thing. Hopefully, teams like my Beloved Bulls or the Hometown Hawks will be right there to pick up the pieces.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Whatever I'm Pissed About Now...
Memo to the Bush Administration:
It's easier to fight a war when you have people to fight it. I dunno, I just thought you might wanna consider that before you lay those huge balls of yours on the table when it comes to this Iran situation. Oh, oh, oh...and one more thing...support of the people would be good, too, because then you might have more people...y'know...volunteering? To help you, I mean...not picket in the streets in protest.
When generals start speaking out against the Secretary of Defense (who didn't earn his title, mind you), you might wanna take note of that, too, because unless Mr. Rumsfeld can actually do the jobs of these people, he might wanna shut his ass up. He talks way too much for a person who won't be found when the shit goes down. You might as well hire a bum and a drunk to head up the White House Cleanliness Division.
Then again, this sort of thing is nothing new for the Bush Administration. I've never seen a group of people hire so many unqualified people for government positions. That's like that Bolton guy, who they wanted to be UN Ambassador, even though he's an known xenophobe. They don't hire people to do the job, they hire people so their friends can have jobs. Because their friends were clearly hurting for money. Seriously, who can live off a six-figure salary these days? And stock options? Why, golden ceilings and televisions that can see into the future don't come cheap! And surely they can't be expected to pay for their own shit. And that's where YOU come in, Mr. and Mrs. American Taxpayer. And you must be convinced to give these people a job, so you don't complain about your president giving them free money. Or at least your elected officials. Who will also be given money for their efforts.
And since you put them all in office, that makes all of you stupid. You could have at least voted for me like I wanted you to. I would have least been up front with you when I gave people with names like "Pooh," "Milkdud" and "Colonel Freek'n Bitches" jobs. No, they're not qualified to wage war on a foreign country. Then again, that's not why they got hired. No, they got hired because they make me laugh...and because they match the furniture I'm having put in the Lincoln Bedroom.
It's easier to fight a war when you have people to fight it. I dunno, I just thought you might wanna consider that before you lay those huge balls of yours on the table when it comes to this Iran situation. Oh, oh, oh...and one more thing...support of the people would be good, too, because then you might have more people...y'know...volunteering? To help you, I mean...not picket in the streets in protest.
When generals start speaking out against the Secretary of Defense (who didn't earn his title, mind you), you might wanna take note of that, too, because unless Mr. Rumsfeld can actually do the jobs of these people, he might wanna shut his ass up. He talks way too much for a person who won't be found when the shit goes down. You might as well hire a bum and a drunk to head up the White House Cleanliness Division.
Then again, this sort of thing is nothing new for the Bush Administration. I've never seen a group of people hire so many unqualified people for government positions. That's like that Bolton guy, who they wanted to be UN Ambassador, even though he's an known xenophobe. They don't hire people to do the job, they hire people so their friends can have jobs. Because their friends were clearly hurting for money. Seriously, who can live off a six-figure salary these days? And stock options? Why, golden ceilings and televisions that can see into the future don't come cheap! And surely they can't be expected to pay for their own shit. And that's where YOU come in, Mr. and Mrs. American Taxpayer. And you must be convinced to give these people a job, so you don't complain about your president giving them free money. Or at least your elected officials. Who will also be given money for their efforts.
And since you put them all in office, that makes all of you stupid. You could have at least voted for me like I wanted you to. I would have least been up front with you when I gave people with names like "Pooh," "Milkdud" and "Colonel Freek'n Bitches" jobs. No, they're not qualified to wage war on a foreign country. Then again, that's not why they got hired. No, they got hired because they make me laugh...and because they match the furniture I'm having put in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Scrubs
The funniest thing on TV right now has to be Scrubs. I love Scrubs. If I could, I would mount Scrubs like a thick and busty woman and make love to its bosom and then when I was done, I would propose marriage to it. And kiss it. After I wiped it mouth off, because I was making love to its bosom. The bottom line is, I like Scrubs.
That is all.
That is all.
Monday, April 10, 2006
The Gospel According to Thaddeus 4/10/06
I've decided that every so often I'm going to do this, really because I enjoy doing it. Just me and my opinion on random topics that it wouldn't make sense to write a whole blog entry about when I can sum it up in just a few sentences.
...The Masters Tournament?
No opinion at all. Not because I'm uniformed, but more like because i don't care. This whole thing got a lot less interesting when the controversy about Hootie Johnson not letting women into the club at Augusta National died down. I still fail to understand how a private club can be forced to let someone in. They call them "private" for a reason. Should the Black Panthers have been forced to accept white people?
...Scientology?
Does anyone even know what these people believe? I assure you, it's no more or less ridiculous than believing that a man can rise from the dead, manipulate the molecules of water, fish, and bread, or that an omnipresent force has nothing better to than to listen to you whine.
...Petey Williams' finisher, the Canadian Destroyer?
It's not that good of a wrestling move if the opponent is doing more work to pull the move off than you are.
...Cynthia McKinney's run in with the cops?
Man, this security guard probably makes an hourly wage. Let him do his job. Because the sooner he confirms your identity, the sooner you can get done doing what you have to do so you can make your appointment at the hair salon, which you clearly missed.
...Kobe Bryant?
Just so I don't miss another 81 point outburst, I've been watching the Lakers every chance I get. Whats been funny is watching Lamar Odom try to keep Kobe from getting the ball. Arent they on the same team? Kobe could be standing next to Odom, wide open, and Odoms going to try to force a pass to Kwame Brown in the low postand Browns not even looking at him. He wont even pass the ball back to Kobe during the lay-up drill for fear that he wont see it again. Im looking forward to the tell-all book that Lamar Odom puts out after he gets traded. This will happen after Odom football passes the ball right into Kobes face from about two feet away.
...Terrell Owens?
Of all the teams he could have signed with, it HAD to be the Cowboys.
...Keyshawn Johnson?
Of all the teams he could have signed with, it HAD to be the Panthers.
...Canadian wrestlers?
You know guys, there are other submission finishers besides the sharpshooter.
...Yahoo Customer Service?
Can I really complain about their customer service if I didn't buy anything?
...X-Men: The Last Stand?
From the trailer I saw on TV last week, this will probably be the best one of the three. Then again, I might just be thinking that because I don't like Bryan Singer. Only thing I can argue with so far is the casting of Juggernaut. Know who they shoulda got? "The Next Big Thing" Brock Lesnar.
...Batman?
He spent 2005 taking foot to ass. I can't argue with that. I'm glad to see it because comic book fans worldwide have made me detest Batman. Prior to this, things had gotten so ridiculous with him that I was waiting for him to change his name to Super-Batman.
...XBox 360?
It doesn't bother you that Microsoft just hit you up for $300 just back in 2001?
...Katie Holmes' "silent birth?"
Seriously, why do you care? This is about as newsworthy as Paris Hilton. Someone please tell me why this is controversial. All I know about this entire situation is that Tom Cruise is a fucking loon.
...American Idol?
Okay, I admit to watching some of it this year. And I'm secure enough in my manhood to say that Chris Daughtry is dreamy. There's your winner right there, folks.
...personalized license plates?
All I ask is that the plate either has some meaning or is funny. If the best you can do is to tell me what kind of car it is, that's $300 you could have lit cigars with or blown on coke and hookers. Listen, I know I'm not the smartest guy out there, but I'm just unretarded enough to look a foot and a half to the left or right to read what kind of car it is myself.
...bad drivers?
They're lucky I'm not rich, because if I was, I'd ram my car into theirs every chance I got, laws and public safety be damned. Hell, I'm rich. I can afford it. Rich people can afford to be unrepentant.
...Ron Artest?
It was almost like in 2005, he competing with Terrell Owens to see who could be the bigger jackass. In this exclusive interview with Ron Artest, he confirms that this was, in fact, the case:
"Terrell Owens, you think youve done some stupid shit? Well, you cant even begin to compare to the levels of stupidity that Im striving for this year. Not only am I going to do what you did, in ruining my teams championship hopes, but Im gonna take it a step further, with this (shows his misspelled record label name Tru Warier cut into the back of his head)! Dont forget, yall, the albums coming soon! In response to questions about using an out of style haircut for promotion, These CDs arent gonna sell themselves and I wont let a thing like fashion or intelligence stand in my way of a platinum plaque," he was quoted as saying before the wood-selling CD was released.
...WWE's Hall of Fame ceremony?
Never, NEVER, give the Blackjacks a live mic again.
...the R&B scene?
I'm might be showing my age, but remember the days when you could tell the R&B singers and rappers apart?
..."The Jesus Papers?"
Well, it's bound to piss off a lot of Christians, which means I'll definitely read it. Something must be wrong with me, because I shouldnt find so much humor in something that can completely destroy the underpinnings of someones faith.
...The State of the Union address?
He wanted to talk about the dangers of human-animal hybrids. Im not fucking kidding. I'll bet suddenly a boring zombie like John Kerry doesn't sound so bad anymore, between this goof and a homicidal Vice-President.
...Flavor of Love?
I wont watch it. I tried, but I couldnt go a full two minutes before I had to change the channel due to something stupid happening. Might as well have Flavor Flav do his best coon act on live TV. People talk about shows that set black folks back, but this one actually does it. For those people out there who say that Flavor Flav is a smart brother and talk about how deep hes supposed to be, I present this show as evidence to the contrary. CHUCK D was deep. Flavor Flav is a fucking clown.
...The Boondocks?
They should make Samuel L. Jackson a permanent cast member. Hes the only reason I even liked the episode I saw. Well, him and Charlie Murphy. Imma send this bitch a smiley face. Bitches like smiley faces.
...immigration reform?
What part of illegal immigrant is confusing you people? Youre already committing a crime just by being here. If you were justified in your actions, you wouldnt have to run when the INS van rolls up. Youre lucky white people havent started shooting you in the streets.
...The Masters Tournament?
No opinion at all. Not because I'm uniformed, but more like because i don't care. This whole thing got a lot less interesting when the controversy about Hootie Johnson not letting women into the club at Augusta National died down. I still fail to understand how a private club can be forced to let someone in. They call them "private" for a reason. Should the Black Panthers have been forced to accept white people?
...Scientology?
Does anyone even know what these people believe? I assure you, it's no more or less ridiculous than believing that a man can rise from the dead, manipulate the molecules of water, fish, and bread, or that an omnipresent force has nothing better to than to listen to you whine.
...Petey Williams' finisher, the Canadian Destroyer?
It's not that good of a wrestling move if the opponent is doing more work to pull the move off than you are.
...Cynthia McKinney's run in with the cops?
Man, this security guard probably makes an hourly wage. Let him do his job. Because the sooner he confirms your identity, the sooner you can get done doing what you have to do so you can make your appointment at the hair salon, which you clearly missed.
...Kobe Bryant?
Just so I don't miss another 81 point outburst, I've been watching the Lakers every chance I get. Whats been funny is watching Lamar Odom try to keep Kobe from getting the ball. Arent they on the same team? Kobe could be standing next to Odom, wide open, and Odoms going to try to force a pass to Kwame Brown in the low postand Browns not even looking at him. He wont even pass the ball back to Kobe during the lay-up drill for fear that he wont see it again. Im looking forward to the tell-all book that Lamar Odom puts out after he gets traded. This will happen after Odom football passes the ball right into Kobes face from about two feet away.
...Terrell Owens?
Of all the teams he could have signed with, it HAD to be the Cowboys.
...Keyshawn Johnson?
Of all the teams he could have signed with, it HAD to be the Panthers.
...Canadian wrestlers?
You know guys, there are other submission finishers besides the sharpshooter.
...Yahoo Customer Service?
Can I really complain about their customer service if I didn't buy anything?
...X-Men: The Last Stand?
From the trailer I saw on TV last week, this will probably be the best one of the three. Then again, I might just be thinking that because I don't like Bryan Singer. Only thing I can argue with so far is the casting of Juggernaut. Know who they shoulda got? "The Next Big Thing" Brock Lesnar.
...Batman?
He spent 2005 taking foot to ass. I can't argue with that. I'm glad to see it because comic book fans worldwide have made me detest Batman. Prior to this, things had gotten so ridiculous with him that I was waiting for him to change his name to Super-Batman.
...XBox 360?
It doesn't bother you that Microsoft just hit you up for $300 just back in 2001?
...Katie Holmes' "silent birth?"
Seriously, why do you care? This is about as newsworthy as Paris Hilton. Someone please tell me why this is controversial. All I know about this entire situation is that Tom Cruise is a fucking loon.
...American Idol?
Okay, I admit to watching some of it this year. And I'm secure enough in my manhood to say that Chris Daughtry is dreamy. There's your winner right there, folks.
...personalized license plates?
All I ask is that the plate either has some meaning or is funny. If the best you can do is to tell me what kind of car it is, that's $300 you could have lit cigars with or blown on coke and hookers. Listen, I know I'm not the smartest guy out there, but I'm just unretarded enough to look a foot and a half to the left or right to read what kind of car it is myself.
...bad drivers?
They're lucky I'm not rich, because if I was, I'd ram my car into theirs every chance I got, laws and public safety be damned. Hell, I'm rich. I can afford it. Rich people can afford to be unrepentant.
...Ron Artest?
It was almost like in 2005, he competing with Terrell Owens to see who could be the bigger jackass. In this exclusive interview with Ron Artest, he confirms that this was, in fact, the case:
"Terrell Owens, you think youve done some stupid shit? Well, you cant even begin to compare to the levels of stupidity that Im striving for this year. Not only am I going to do what you did, in ruining my teams championship hopes, but Im gonna take it a step further, with this (shows his misspelled record label name Tru Warier cut into the back of his head)! Dont forget, yall, the albums coming soon! In response to questions about using an out of style haircut for promotion, These CDs arent gonna sell themselves and I wont let a thing like fashion or intelligence stand in my way of a platinum plaque," he was quoted as saying before the wood-selling CD was released.
...WWE's Hall of Fame ceremony?
Never, NEVER, give the Blackjacks a live mic again.
...the R&B scene?
I'm might be showing my age, but remember the days when you could tell the R&B singers and rappers apart?
..."The Jesus Papers?"
Well, it's bound to piss off a lot of Christians, which means I'll definitely read it. Something must be wrong with me, because I shouldnt find so much humor in something that can completely destroy the underpinnings of someones faith.
...The State of the Union address?
He wanted to talk about the dangers of human-animal hybrids. Im not fucking kidding. I'll bet suddenly a boring zombie like John Kerry doesn't sound so bad anymore, between this goof and a homicidal Vice-President.
...Flavor of Love?
I wont watch it. I tried, but I couldnt go a full two minutes before I had to change the channel due to something stupid happening. Might as well have Flavor Flav do his best coon act on live TV. People talk about shows that set black folks back, but this one actually does it. For those people out there who say that Flavor Flav is a smart brother and talk about how deep hes supposed to be, I present this show as evidence to the contrary. CHUCK D was deep. Flavor Flav is a fucking clown.
...The Boondocks?
They should make Samuel L. Jackson a permanent cast member. Hes the only reason I even liked the episode I saw. Well, him and Charlie Murphy. Imma send this bitch a smiley face. Bitches like smiley faces.
...immigration reform?
What part of illegal immigrant is confusing you people? Youre already committing a crime just by being here. If you were justified in your actions, you wouldnt have to run when the INS van rolls up. Youre lucky white people havent started shooting you in the streets.
The Word On John Cena
At Wrestlemania, supposed "face" champion John Cena was booed out of the building in a manner befitting a person who broke Hulk Hogan's neck, anally raped The Rock in the middle of the ring, then pissed all over the first five rows before lighting the building on fire. Seriously, i haven't seen anyone hate a single wrestler this much before...and he was pandering to the crowd! This is coming from someone who remembers "Die Rocky Die." At least The Rock had that fortunate knee injury that took him off TV for a few months. John Cena should be cursing his two good knees right about now.
It wasn't always like this for John Cena. Why, when he first came out, he was met with indifference...ALL the time. And they tried. Boy, did they try...but when you've got a generic wrestler in powder blue trunks come out, with average wrestling talent and no gimmick to speak of...well, what do you expect?
So, like all big stars of the 90s, after realizing that this crap wasn't gonna work, they let him be himself on TV and THAT's what caught on. He came out in throwbacks, jeans and sneakers, rapping his way to the ring (and he was actually pretty good...back then). He was a heel, and one that was steadily talking sh*t. This is the time when anyone who's a Cena fan became a Cena fan. Anyone who claims that they were a Cena fan before this might have confused him with Randy Orton or Orlando Jordan or pretty much anyone who was coming out of OVW at the time. Seriously, who could tell these guys apart, what with their lack of gimmick and identical move sets? I swear, there were about 15 wrestlers in the WWF at the time who were exactly the same.
Anyway, Cena was becoming the hottest thing in wrestling in 2004, so the management decided to make him the big sh*t in 2005. And this is where it all went wrong.
First, they turned him back face, which isn't so bad in itself. I don't really like when they do this, because they wind up taking the edge away from the character. Or to put it another way, they cut off his balls. It didn't happen so much with Stone Cold Steve Austin, but it did with The Rock (and they turned on him, too) and it did during the Triple H Experiment. Sometimes it works out (Mankind became a completely new character and gave his career new life) and sometimes it doesn't (i.e. John Cena, or else I wouldn't be writing this).
Now, when you look at John Cena, what do you see? Well, I'll tell you what I see: Marky Mark. Seriously. And this is before Christian said it on TV. And did people like Marky Mark? No, not anyone who stood up to piss. Well, that's pretty much what you're dealing with in Cena. So you got a lack of respect from the men in the audience. Also, he doesn't talk sh*t like he used to. It was funny, it was mean, it was raw. When he came out, there was no jumping around like a damn fool, trying to get the crowd up. He had that hip-hop swagger. And people loved it, even though they weren't supposed to. Well...you also had that group who hate to see white boys act black. They got a word for that, that I don't like to use, because if figure if you say that one, you're basically calling black people the other word. But that's something for another day.
Now, the swagger's gone. He's coming out hyped, trying to rally the crowd to his side (and they don't). Instead of being the asshole he was before, now he's TRYING to pop the crowd and it shows. Basically, he's acting like he left his balls in the locker room. And the fans (the male ones, anyway) don't like it. See, this might be a sexist statement, but the women who watch wrestling, overall, are not too discriminating when it comes to wrestling talent. If they think the guy is HOT, then that's generally enough for them. For instance, The Rock was the SOLE reason why black women across America would even consider watching wrestling and when HE was gone, THEY were gone.
Right now, Cena's got the 13-17 female demographic on LOCK, but their dads and older brothers hate this guy. Who do you think is louder? So far, those guys are getting heard. Now, the guys might be considered to be haters for booing this "hot" guy (the women think the guys are jealous), but the guys are looking at him and thinking "this guy f*cking sucks. I doubt even Flair could get a good match outta him." On the flipside, those girls and those kids are buying his merchandise. So, while you're making money hand over fist with this guy, he's getting booed out the building (Wrestlemania was the worst...and that's the biggest stage in wrestling...not a good sign).
Now, you had a guy, who's good looking and charasmatic, pandering extra hard to a Chicago crowd by playing up their Chicago Mob/Al Capone history, going against the biggest heel in wrestling for the last 6 years, in Triple H and he STILL got booed? Well, buddy, you're just in a no-win situation. So what do you do? I think I got the answer.
Now, most people are just suggesting that you turn him back heel again. I was, too...until I thought about it for a minute. I remembered Diesel, a former WWF Champion, who was a face champion, complete with sh*t-eating grin. He was once a heel who was turned face after the fans got a glimpse of his personality. Basically, this guy is a f*cking fool. One of the funniest wrestlers I've ever seen. And when they turned him face, they took all that away. So when he lost the title, he got on TV and talked about when he won the title and how the management told him to smile. Diesel...a 7-foot monster, capable of crushing just about any man in the ring...smiling. And no, it didn't work. The crowd didn't turn on him, but his reign as champion didn't set the world on fire, either. And Diesel said that he was never comfortable with that. And he wrapped up by saying, basically, that you're either with him or against him, and if you're with him, he'll slap your hand, but if you're against him...f*ck you. Well, that's my own embellishment, by the point is made. And he was basically what's known as a "tweener." Not really heel, not really a face. He was played up more as a heel, though. Two years later, the same thing happened with Stone Cold Steve Austin. He just never got on TV and made any declarations. The crowd was already cheering him, so they just made Bret Hart a heel while he was fighting Austin. After that, he just kept fighting heels, while doing his same ol' thing.
That's the road that needs to be taken with Cena. At the very least, it would give him his edge back, and maybe, just maybe...he'd stop that damn smiling. And get his swagger back. Cuz dammit, thugs don't smile. Or jump around like damn fools. Except maybe D-12...but they suck.
It wasn't always like this for John Cena. Why, when he first came out, he was met with indifference...ALL the time. And they tried. Boy, did they try...but when you've got a generic wrestler in powder blue trunks come out, with average wrestling talent and no gimmick to speak of...well, what do you expect?
So, like all big stars of the 90s, after realizing that this crap wasn't gonna work, they let him be himself on TV and THAT's what caught on. He came out in throwbacks, jeans and sneakers, rapping his way to the ring (and he was actually pretty good...back then). He was a heel, and one that was steadily talking sh*t. This is the time when anyone who's a Cena fan became a Cena fan. Anyone who claims that they were a Cena fan before this might have confused him with Randy Orton or Orlando Jordan or pretty much anyone who was coming out of OVW at the time. Seriously, who could tell these guys apart, what with their lack of gimmick and identical move sets? I swear, there were about 15 wrestlers in the WWF at the time who were exactly the same.
Anyway, Cena was becoming the hottest thing in wrestling in 2004, so the management decided to make him the big sh*t in 2005. And this is where it all went wrong.
First, they turned him back face, which isn't so bad in itself. I don't really like when they do this, because they wind up taking the edge away from the character. Or to put it another way, they cut off his balls. It didn't happen so much with Stone Cold Steve Austin, but it did with The Rock (and they turned on him, too) and it did during the Triple H Experiment. Sometimes it works out (Mankind became a completely new character and gave his career new life) and sometimes it doesn't (i.e. John Cena, or else I wouldn't be writing this).
Now, when you look at John Cena, what do you see? Well, I'll tell you what I see: Marky Mark. Seriously. And this is before Christian said it on TV. And did people like Marky Mark? No, not anyone who stood up to piss. Well, that's pretty much what you're dealing with in Cena. So you got a lack of respect from the men in the audience. Also, he doesn't talk sh*t like he used to. It was funny, it was mean, it was raw. When he came out, there was no jumping around like a damn fool, trying to get the crowd up. He had that hip-hop swagger. And people loved it, even though they weren't supposed to. Well...you also had that group who hate to see white boys act black. They got a word for that, that I don't like to use, because if figure if you say that one, you're basically calling black people the other word. But that's something for another day.
Now, the swagger's gone. He's coming out hyped, trying to rally the crowd to his side (and they don't). Instead of being the asshole he was before, now he's TRYING to pop the crowd and it shows. Basically, he's acting like he left his balls in the locker room. And the fans (the male ones, anyway) don't like it. See, this might be a sexist statement, but the women who watch wrestling, overall, are not too discriminating when it comes to wrestling talent. If they think the guy is HOT, then that's generally enough for them. For instance, The Rock was the SOLE reason why black women across America would even consider watching wrestling and when HE was gone, THEY were gone.
Right now, Cena's got the 13-17 female demographic on LOCK, but their dads and older brothers hate this guy. Who do you think is louder? So far, those guys are getting heard. Now, the guys might be considered to be haters for booing this "hot" guy (the women think the guys are jealous), but the guys are looking at him and thinking "this guy f*cking sucks. I doubt even Flair could get a good match outta him." On the flipside, those girls and those kids are buying his merchandise. So, while you're making money hand over fist with this guy, he's getting booed out the building (Wrestlemania was the worst...and that's the biggest stage in wrestling...not a good sign).
Now, you had a guy, who's good looking and charasmatic, pandering extra hard to a Chicago crowd by playing up their Chicago Mob/Al Capone history, going against the biggest heel in wrestling for the last 6 years, in Triple H and he STILL got booed? Well, buddy, you're just in a no-win situation. So what do you do? I think I got the answer.
Now, most people are just suggesting that you turn him back heel again. I was, too...until I thought about it for a minute. I remembered Diesel, a former WWF Champion, who was a face champion, complete with sh*t-eating grin. He was once a heel who was turned face after the fans got a glimpse of his personality. Basically, this guy is a f*cking fool. One of the funniest wrestlers I've ever seen. And when they turned him face, they took all that away. So when he lost the title, he got on TV and talked about when he won the title and how the management told him to smile. Diesel...a 7-foot monster, capable of crushing just about any man in the ring...smiling. And no, it didn't work. The crowd didn't turn on him, but his reign as champion didn't set the world on fire, either. And Diesel said that he was never comfortable with that. And he wrapped up by saying, basically, that you're either with him or against him, and if you're with him, he'll slap your hand, but if you're against him...f*ck you. Well, that's my own embellishment, by the point is made. And he was basically what's known as a "tweener." Not really heel, not really a face. He was played up more as a heel, though. Two years later, the same thing happened with Stone Cold Steve Austin. He just never got on TV and made any declarations. The crowd was already cheering him, so they just made Bret Hart a heel while he was fighting Austin. After that, he just kept fighting heels, while doing his same ol' thing.
That's the road that needs to be taken with Cena. At the very least, it would give him his edge back, and maybe, just maybe...he'd stop that damn smiling. And get his swagger back. Cuz dammit, thugs don't smile. Or jump around like damn fools. Except maybe D-12...but they suck.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
My birthday
While I know this thing isn't all encompassing, I just wanted to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday today. A lot of you who have been around for previous birthdays know that I haven't been that enthusiatic about my birthday in recent years (basically, because i hate the idea that I HAVE to get older). And even though I still downplayed my birthday this year, like always...I have to admit that I was touched by the messages and phone calls and e-mails and the comments on my page. I would say that I was getting choked up, but I'd be lying, mainly because I am incapable of expressing emotion, but if I could, you'd get a picture of a me, glowing from the inside out, because I've got such good friends. I love all of you and thank you.
Except those of you who didn't say anything. You fucking suck. Same goes for those of you who made an "old man" joke of some sort. If that leaves anyone, anyone at all, my original statement still stands. And yes, I said that I love you guys.
Aw, screw you guys.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
A Small Prediction...
The Lakers are playing The Rockets.
Kobe Bryant has 12 points with about 5 minutes left in the half.
Kobe is being guarded by Luther Head.
Luther Head was touted as Illinois' best defensive player last year.
Kobe is going to drop 40 on this kid today.
Let's see how correct I am in about two or three hours.
The time is 16:26 (4:26PM).
Follow up:
Kobe scored 43. The time is 14:07 (2:07PM). The next day.
Kobe Bryant has 12 points with about 5 minutes left in the half.
Kobe is being guarded by Luther Head.
Luther Head was touted as Illinois' best defensive player last year.
Kobe is going to drop 40 on this kid today.
Let's see how correct I am in about two or three hours.
The time is 16:26 (4:26PM).
Follow up:
Kobe scored 43. The time is 14:07 (2:07PM). The next day.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
F*** Jake "The Snake" Roberts
Just got back in the house...check this out...
Okay, yesterday I was over at Stone Mountain running (well, more like walking) up the mountain. It's a pretty common thing to do here for exercise. As I was leaving, I saw none other than Jake "The Snake" Roberts, who lives in Stone Mountain. After a few minutes and trying to decide whether or not I should even say anything to him, I walked over to him and introduced myself, and just talked to him in general about wrestling, training and whatnot. He seemed annoyed at first, but lightened up as the conversation went on. He noticed my size and asked if I had any interest in becoming a wrestler. I told him that I trained some a couple of years ago, but I never finished after the drama that went down at my school. I kinda glossed over it, because it's too long of a story for smalltalk. I said that I'd still like to do it if the opportunity for training came up. He said that he was good friends with some people over at NWA Wildside in Corellia, which is about 30 miles away from here. He said he'd be there tomorrow morning for a couple of hours, because he'd be working a show there later on in the week and he wanted to check out the talent. He said he'd go over some things with me and see about gettng me set up with some training.
So today, i went down there and met some of the guys there. Saw a guy I used to train with at WWA4, Jay Fury, who's burning up the indy circuit right now. I got in the ring with Jake and this is where things took a turn for the worse. He started yelling and screaming whenever I didn't do something fast enough or exactly how he wanted it. When he'd show me a hold, he'd sneak a punch into my ribs grind my face into the mat, you know, real dirty stuff. I was just taking it at first, because this is wrestling. This is just how things go. It's no big deal.
Then, when I was getting up off the mat, this man hit me in the temple with his knee. It was kinda stiff, but i sold it. You're always taught to sell, even in practice. While I'm laying on my back, he jumps on top of me, pins me down and puts his hands around my neck and starts talking shit about he could kill me right now and how no one could do anything about it because he's Jake "The Snake" Roberts. He looked real wound up, but i thought he was just acting. I didn't think anything of it...until he slapped me.
He started laughing and got up. Needless to say, I was PISSED. As he got up, I pushed him back and swung on Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Next thing I know, we were scrapping. I was fighting with Jake "The Snake" Roberts! Some of the other wrestlers broke us up, and being the new guy, I was thrown out. Jay came outside with me to calm me down and while we were out there, Jake came after me again, and this time he had a gun! He was grabbed again and pulled back inside before he could do anything. A couple of minutes later, Bill Behrens, the promoter, came out to talk to me and talked to me, telling me about how they aren't using Jake in their shows anymore because of this and that he'd heard that Jake cleaned up, but apparently that wasn't true and this and that...he asked me to leave, because they needed to get Jake out of there and I was parked next to Jake. I was pissed, but I left.
Can you believe that shit? If any of you ever see that man Jake Roberts, anywhere, I want you to call him a bitch to his face. And let him know that if I ever see him again, it's gonna be a misunderstanding. I just felt the need to get all that out. Something else I just gotta say...April Fool's.
Gotcha...or not.
Okay, yesterday I was over at Stone Mountain running (well, more like walking) up the mountain. It's a pretty common thing to do here for exercise. As I was leaving, I saw none other than Jake "The Snake" Roberts, who lives in Stone Mountain. After a few minutes and trying to decide whether or not I should even say anything to him, I walked over to him and introduced myself, and just talked to him in general about wrestling, training and whatnot. He seemed annoyed at first, but lightened up as the conversation went on. He noticed my size and asked if I had any interest in becoming a wrestler. I told him that I trained some a couple of years ago, but I never finished after the drama that went down at my school. I kinda glossed over it, because it's too long of a story for smalltalk. I said that I'd still like to do it if the opportunity for training came up. He said that he was good friends with some people over at NWA Wildside in Corellia, which is about 30 miles away from here. He said he'd be there tomorrow morning for a couple of hours, because he'd be working a show there later on in the week and he wanted to check out the talent. He said he'd go over some things with me and see about gettng me set up with some training.
So today, i went down there and met some of the guys there. Saw a guy I used to train with at WWA4, Jay Fury, who's burning up the indy circuit right now. I got in the ring with Jake and this is where things took a turn for the worse. He started yelling and screaming whenever I didn't do something fast enough or exactly how he wanted it. When he'd show me a hold, he'd sneak a punch into my ribs grind my face into the mat, you know, real dirty stuff. I was just taking it at first, because this is wrestling. This is just how things go. It's no big deal.
Then, when I was getting up off the mat, this man hit me in the temple with his knee. It was kinda stiff, but i sold it. You're always taught to sell, even in practice. While I'm laying on my back, he jumps on top of me, pins me down and puts his hands around my neck and starts talking shit about he could kill me right now and how no one could do anything about it because he's Jake "The Snake" Roberts. He looked real wound up, but i thought he was just acting. I didn't think anything of it...until he slapped me.
He started laughing and got up. Needless to say, I was PISSED. As he got up, I pushed him back and swung on Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Next thing I know, we were scrapping. I was fighting with Jake "The Snake" Roberts! Some of the other wrestlers broke us up, and being the new guy, I was thrown out. Jay came outside with me to calm me down and while we were out there, Jake came after me again, and this time he had a gun! He was grabbed again and pulled back inside before he could do anything. A couple of minutes later, Bill Behrens, the promoter, came out to talk to me and talked to me, telling me about how they aren't using Jake in their shows anymore because of this and that he'd heard that Jake cleaned up, but apparently that wasn't true and this and that...he asked me to leave, because they needed to get Jake out of there and I was parked next to Jake. I was pissed, but I left.
Can you believe that shit? If any of you ever see that man Jake Roberts, anywhere, I want you to call him a bitch to his face. And let him know that if I ever see him again, it's gonna be a misunderstanding. I just felt the need to get all that out. Something else I just gotta say...April Fool's.
Gotcha...or not.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
No Jokes Here
One look at the world today will show you your religions have failed.
Religion will not save us, you know. The world needs to see that there will never be a one world religion. There will be no one faith that "shows us the light." Why? Because you're all wrong. Your religions don't teach you to live in peace with others. Your religions don't teach you about love and togetherness. Your religions don't teach you about tolerance. Funny how the three major religions, all of which come from the "Holy Land," are the biggest perpetrators of violence against each other. That doesn't sound like "peace," "love," or "tolerance." Your also religions don't teach you about thinking for yourselves. Maybe it's time you started.
That's the only thing that will save us. The realization that there is no "us" and "them." We are all one here. The understanding that these labels you place on yourselves only limit who you are and who you can become. The knowledge that you are human FIRST and Christian, Jew, Muslim, conservative, liberal, Democrat, Republican, American, German, Russian, whatever...second.
These labels don't tell anything about who a person is, yet you give so much power to them, as if the fact that a person says he's Christian means that he's more trustworthy than someone who isn't. Just because you're both Christians doesn't mean he won't screw you over. Yet, these meaningless labels influence so many of your decisions without getting to the root of who that person is. It's why George W. Bush is in the White House. It's why the Ku Klux Klan is still active. It's the reason behind "white flight," or why people watch Arabs on the plane or why the young black male is STILL the most feared person in America. And knowing your attachment to these labels, it's makes you so much easier to exploit and manipulate. You fall so easily into the trap.
When are you going to wake up? It's just us here, regardless of what you believe in. This has nothing to do with God or whoever. It has everything to do with us. We have to make things right down here, because no being in the sky is going to do it for us. And when we die, it's not really going to matter what religion you were, or political party, or nationality, or anything like that. Who you were and what you did will. Who am I? I'm human. Let's start with that.
Religion will not save us, you know. The world needs to see that there will never be a one world religion. There will be no one faith that "shows us the light." Why? Because you're all wrong. Your religions don't teach you to live in peace with others. Your religions don't teach you about love and togetherness. Your religions don't teach you about tolerance. Funny how the three major religions, all of which come from the "Holy Land," are the biggest perpetrators of violence against each other. That doesn't sound like "peace," "love," or "tolerance." Your also religions don't teach you about thinking for yourselves. Maybe it's time you started.
That's the only thing that will save us. The realization that there is no "us" and "them." We are all one here. The understanding that these labels you place on yourselves only limit who you are and who you can become. The knowledge that you are human FIRST and Christian, Jew, Muslim, conservative, liberal, Democrat, Republican, American, German, Russian, whatever...second.
These labels don't tell anything about who a person is, yet you give so much power to them, as if the fact that a person says he's Christian means that he's more trustworthy than someone who isn't. Just because you're both Christians doesn't mean he won't screw you over. Yet, these meaningless labels influence so many of your decisions without getting to the root of who that person is. It's why George W. Bush is in the White House. It's why the Ku Klux Klan is still active. It's the reason behind "white flight," or why people watch Arabs on the plane or why the young black male is STILL the most feared person in America. And knowing your attachment to these labels, it's makes you so much easier to exploit and manipulate. You fall so easily into the trap.
When are you going to wake up? It's just us here, regardless of what you believe in. This has nothing to do with God or whoever. It has everything to do with us. We have to make things right down here, because no being in the sky is going to do it for us. And when we die, it's not really going to matter what religion you were, or political party, or nationality, or anything like that. Who you were and what you did will. Who am I? I'm human. Let's start with that.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
A Quick Word On The Oscars...
Just a quick comment on The Oscars...
First off, let me state that I didn't watch it. My sister called me to let me know that 'It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" won an Oscar...and I'm really not sure how I feel about it. She told me that Three 6 Mafia performed the song (cuz they wrote it) and that all the black people in the crowd were loving these moments (and apparently, there weren't a lot of black people).
On the one hand, I'm glad that it was a rap song that won it. For better or for worse, this music is the music of my generation, and specifically, my demographic. And overall, I don't know which is more monumental: a rap song winning an Oscar or Halle and Denzel winning a few years back. Let's face it...black people were going to do that eventually, not to take anything away from what they've accomplished. It's just that no one ever thought a rap song would win an Oscar. Ya just didn't see it coming. So, I'm proud for my people. Black people doing good. We need to see more of that. On the other hand...
...the song was called "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp," and I just have to question why THIS song had to be the one to win the Oscar and it had to be THESE black people who wrote and performed it. Has it been so long since "Tear Da Club Up," "Yeah, Ho," and "Gang Sign In His Face" came out?
Now, if I have to explain why I'm questioning it, you're either not black or not very smart. Of all the black movies with rap songs in them over the last 30 years, THIS was the breakthrough song?
I saw "Hustle & Flow." It was a movie that was way better than I thought it would be. I was actually inspired by the story and I don't really get inspired by much. The movie shows you to stick with it. It's never too late to follow your dreams. Uplifting damn movie. The song fits within the context of the movie, but when you take the movie away, it's just another song on the radio. The movie makes the song more than what it actually is, cuz let's face it, I heard better songs about pimpin' from Big Boi, back when he was pretending to be something he wasn't.
Then again, maybe that's the point. To have a song that's integral to the movie, so intertwined with the movie that each is a lesser product without the other. A song that helps you feel what the characters onscreen are feeling, and a song that you can't imagine being replaced by any other at that point in the movie. A song that instantly recalls in the listener's mind what was happening on screen at the moment the song was played.
You know, "Hoochie Mama" did the same thing for "Friday" and it didn't get an Oscar.
First off, let me state that I didn't watch it. My sister called me to let me know that 'It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" won an Oscar...and I'm really not sure how I feel about it. She told me that Three 6 Mafia performed the song (cuz they wrote it) and that all the black people in the crowd were loving these moments (and apparently, there weren't a lot of black people).
On the one hand, I'm glad that it was a rap song that won it. For better or for worse, this music is the music of my generation, and specifically, my demographic. And overall, I don't know which is more monumental: a rap song winning an Oscar or Halle and Denzel winning a few years back. Let's face it...black people were going to do that eventually, not to take anything away from what they've accomplished. It's just that no one ever thought a rap song would win an Oscar. Ya just didn't see it coming. So, I'm proud for my people. Black people doing good. We need to see more of that. On the other hand...
...the song was called "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp," and I just have to question why THIS song had to be the one to win the Oscar and it had to be THESE black people who wrote and performed it. Has it been so long since "Tear Da Club Up," "Yeah, Ho," and "Gang Sign In His Face" came out?
Now, if I have to explain why I'm questioning it, you're either not black or not very smart. Of all the black movies with rap songs in them over the last 30 years, THIS was the breakthrough song?
I saw "Hustle & Flow." It was a movie that was way better than I thought it would be. I was actually inspired by the story and I don't really get inspired by much. The movie shows you to stick with it. It's never too late to follow your dreams. Uplifting damn movie. The song fits within the context of the movie, but when you take the movie away, it's just another song on the radio. The movie makes the song more than what it actually is, cuz let's face it, I heard better songs about pimpin' from Big Boi, back when he was pretending to be something he wasn't.
Then again, maybe that's the point. To have a song that's integral to the movie, so intertwined with the movie that each is a lesser product without the other. A song that helps you feel what the characters onscreen are feeling, and a song that you can't imagine being replaced by any other at that point in the movie. A song that instantly recalls in the listener's mind what was happening on screen at the moment the song was played.
You know, "Hoochie Mama" did the same thing for "Friday" and it didn't get an Oscar.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Samoa Joe sucks. Here's why.
There might be three of you out there who have heard of Samoa Joe, the Internet Wrestling Community's latest crotch to nuzzle. He's a decent enough wrestler, I guess. There's been some moaning about him almost signing with "The E (WWE)," and there's been speculation about whether or not he'd make it there. I say no and here's three good reasons why:
1. He wrestles too stiff.
2. He doesn't sell.
3. He's a bland Samoan with man-boobs.
Fact: Wrestling is entertainment. We're all grown here. I think we all know that...although I didn't want to admit it to myself, even into my teens. I mean...the suplex can really hurt someone! At any rate, the point here is, these guys are pretty big, yet they're not supposed to be hurting each other. Yes, there is some degree of pain (and I can speak on that personally), but it's not a real fight. So, either no one let Samoa Joe in on this fact or he's the biggest 12 year old the world has ever seen. This man hits people like he doesn't realize that he's in the middle of a homoerotic play-fight with other sweaty men. Now, most of his fans don't understand that shit hurts. They also don't care because they've never seen the inside of a ring and they've never had to stand there and let someone punch or kick them in the face and trust that person to not break their orbital bone. Personally, I don't see The E letting some no name Samoan beat up on all their stars like that and I don't see the holy trinity of Paul, Michael, and Mark (Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and The Undertaker) letting this guy stiff the shit out of them at any given time. Especially considering one of them has a barely working leg and plastic surgery in his nose to protect, one of them has a back held together by willpower and chewing gum, and one of them has hips so fragile that he could break one of them getting slapped on the ass at the strip club.
So, it's either change your style or forget about getting pushed, because The E isn't about to risk losing one of it's stars that its spent years building up to injury just so Joe can pretend that he never learned to protect his opponent. That's strike one.
Now...I've seen this guy wrestle a few times and never once have I seen this guy sell. Well, I take that back...he sells...like his name was Goldberg. See...one of the main points of wrestling is to make your opponent look good. How do you do that? By selling their offense. I guess he figures the best way to sell is to ignore the fact that his opponent just hit him in the face with the butt of a gun, or an axehandle. The funny thing to me is that the IWC loves Samoa Joe, even though he doesn't sell, yet when The Undertaker does it, he's an evil individual who's holding down the young talent, even though not selling is, you know...an inherent part of his character, being dead and all.
Now, do you really think that Triple H is gonna let this guy get away with no-selling his offense? How many times do you think he's going to be allowed to shrug off a chokeslam from The Undertaker? Yeah, you guessed right if you said "they'll set him up to take the fall for their steroid abuse before they let him do that." Strike two.
Lastly...now, look, I'm not saying you have to be in phenomenal shape to do this, although it helps. And Lord knows I'm the last person that should be allowed to criticize the shape someone's in, but dammit, he's just plain fat. The difference between me and him is that I know to keep my shirt on. The rolls in his man's stomach are made for drug smuggling.
Plus, he's got man-boobs. So does Ric Flair. The thing is...Ric Flair's like sixty years old. What sixty year old man hasn't begun to sag? There's only one...and his name's Hulk Hogan. And Hulk Hogan made his go away through strength, determination, and a $5500 check to Julio's Transmission Repair and Pectoplasty. So Ric Flair's okay with me. We love Ric Flair. Meanwhile, Joe's like...25 years old and engaging in regular physical activity. He's actually gained weight since he's come out. At this rate, he's going to be about 400 pounds by the age of 30. So you've got a fat Samoan with no charisma. You need to get some attention on him...might as well put him in a thong. It worked wonders for Rikishi and Yokozuna, remember? And they really tried with Rikishi...oh, how they tried. The E pushed him and pushed him, and even though he'd spent the previous two years dancing with two white guys who were a bigger embarrassment to hip-hop than K-Kwik and The Road Dogg. They gave him a huge heel push and took out all the stops...they said he hit Stone Cold Steve Austin with a car, they had him turn on his cousin, The Rock, and yet and still...no one took him seriously as a heel. You know why? Because he was a grown man in a thong, you retard.
This is Samoa Joe's WWE future. Get in shape, or else you'll have angles as stupid as Rikishi's to look forward to. And you're far more intimidating, although I can't tell if that's intensity or just a lack of charisma. That kinda stuff held Benoit back for years. And the WWE will always take a less talented guy who's in shape over a fat wrestling prodigy. That's why Chris Masters has a job and, Vic Grimes is begging for change on the side of the interstate. Strike three.
So until Joe decides to change a few things about himself, he's always going to be small time. Even if WCW was still around, they'd never let him hobnob with the stars. That's why Guerrero, Benoit, and Jericho abandoned the place. He would have been adored in ECW, but no one was making any real money there, because Paul E. sucked as a business man. That just leaves The E, and everyone changes when they go to The E. Resistance is futile. Or...you can resist, but you'll always be an Indy wrestler. And right now, Samoa Joe is probably the best Indy wrestler there is. That's not necessarily a good thing, either. Just ask Christopher Daniels.
1. He wrestles too stiff.
2. He doesn't sell.
3. He's a bland Samoan with man-boobs.
Fact: Wrestling is entertainment. We're all grown here. I think we all know that...although I didn't want to admit it to myself, even into my teens. I mean...the suplex can really hurt someone! At any rate, the point here is, these guys are pretty big, yet they're not supposed to be hurting each other. Yes, there is some degree of pain (and I can speak on that personally), but it's not a real fight. So, either no one let Samoa Joe in on this fact or he's the biggest 12 year old the world has ever seen. This man hits people like he doesn't realize that he's in the middle of a homoerotic play-fight with other sweaty men. Now, most of his fans don't understand that shit hurts. They also don't care because they've never seen the inside of a ring and they've never had to stand there and let someone punch or kick them in the face and trust that person to not break their orbital bone. Personally, I don't see The E letting some no name Samoan beat up on all their stars like that and I don't see the holy trinity of Paul, Michael, and Mark (Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and The Undertaker) letting this guy stiff the shit out of them at any given time. Especially considering one of them has a barely working leg and plastic surgery in his nose to protect, one of them has a back held together by willpower and chewing gum, and one of them has hips so fragile that he could break one of them getting slapped on the ass at the strip club.
So, it's either change your style or forget about getting pushed, because The E isn't about to risk losing one of it's stars that its spent years building up to injury just so Joe can pretend that he never learned to protect his opponent. That's strike one.
Now...I've seen this guy wrestle a few times and never once have I seen this guy sell. Well, I take that back...he sells...like his name was Goldberg. See...one of the main points of wrestling is to make your opponent look good. How do you do that? By selling their offense. I guess he figures the best way to sell is to ignore the fact that his opponent just hit him in the face with the butt of a gun, or an axehandle. The funny thing to me is that the IWC loves Samoa Joe, even though he doesn't sell, yet when The Undertaker does it, he's an evil individual who's holding down the young talent, even though not selling is, you know...an inherent part of his character, being dead and all.
Now, do you really think that Triple H is gonna let this guy get away with no-selling his offense? How many times do you think he's going to be allowed to shrug off a chokeslam from The Undertaker? Yeah, you guessed right if you said "they'll set him up to take the fall for their steroid abuse before they let him do that." Strike two.
Lastly...now, look, I'm not saying you have to be in phenomenal shape to do this, although it helps. And Lord knows I'm the last person that should be allowed to criticize the shape someone's in, but dammit, he's just plain fat. The difference between me and him is that I know to keep my shirt on. The rolls in his man's stomach are made for drug smuggling.
Plus, he's got man-boobs. So does Ric Flair. The thing is...Ric Flair's like sixty years old. What sixty year old man hasn't begun to sag? There's only one...and his name's Hulk Hogan. And Hulk Hogan made his go away through strength, determination, and a $5500 check to Julio's Transmission Repair and Pectoplasty. So Ric Flair's okay with me. We love Ric Flair. Meanwhile, Joe's like...25 years old and engaging in regular physical activity. He's actually gained weight since he's come out. At this rate, he's going to be about 400 pounds by the age of 30. So you've got a fat Samoan with no charisma. You need to get some attention on him...might as well put him in a thong. It worked wonders for Rikishi and Yokozuna, remember? And they really tried with Rikishi...oh, how they tried. The E pushed him and pushed him, and even though he'd spent the previous two years dancing with two white guys who were a bigger embarrassment to hip-hop than K-Kwik and The Road Dogg. They gave him a huge heel push and took out all the stops...they said he hit Stone Cold Steve Austin with a car, they had him turn on his cousin, The Rock, and yet and still...no one took him seriously as a heel. You know why? Because he was a grown man in a thong, you retard.
This is Samoa Joe's WWE future. Get in shape, or else you'll have angles as stupid as Rikishi's to look forward to. And you're far more intimidating, although I can't tell if that's intensity or just a lack of charisma. That kinda stuff held Benoit back for years. And the WWE will always take a less talented guy who's in shape over a fat wrestling prodigy. That's why Chris Masters has a job and, Vic Grimes is begging for change on the side of the interstate. Strike three.
So until Joe decides to change a few things about himself, he's always going to be small time. Even if WCW was still around, they'd never let him hobnob with the stars. That's why Guerrero, Benoit, and Jericho abandoned the place. He would have been adored in ECW, but no one was making any real money there, because Paul E. sucked as a business man. That just leaves The E, and everyone changes when they go to The E. Resistance is futile. Or...you can resist, but you'll always be an Indy wrestler. And right now, Samoa Joe is probably the best Indy wrestler there is. That's not necessarily a good thing, either. Just ask Christopher Daniels.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
The Once and Future Babcock
If you can walk in the rain without drowning, then you too, can be an NBA General Manager.
Apparently, the only requisites for consideration is that you have the sense that God gave birds and that you once held a basketball. Doesn't matter if you were humping it or drooling on it. Just hold it for a few seconds and you can apply. After you successfully navigate the dangerous rain, of course. All you need is a team owner dumb or desperate enough to take a chance on you.
Earlier today, New York Knicks General Manager Isiah Thomas traded Penny Hardaway and Trevor Ariza to the Orlando Magic for Steve Francis. I'm not knocking him for getting Hardaway off his roster, because even though he's one of my all-time favorite players, the man wasn't going to get them anywhere closer to .500 when he has the arthritis of an 80 year old man in his knees. And Trevor Ariza apparently fell out of favor with coach Larry Brown, who's been hailed as the savior (following previous saviors, Isiah Thomas and Stephon Marbury...and Latrell Sprewell...and Allan Houston). Forget his promsing talent or anything crazy like that. Who needs talent when you've got the highest payroll in sports to match the second to worst record in the league? Yes...and i take great joy in saying this...even the Hawks are better.
But I'm not knocking Isiah for trading them. I'm knocking him for taking on the EXACT SAME PLAYER as his starting point guard, Stephon Marbury! No one who isn't already suffering from a near-fatal head injury would have made that trade. There are only three people in the world who would have made a trade as stupid as that. Two of them are named "Babcock." The other actually did it earlier today. His name is Isiah Thomas.
I just don't understand what Isiah is trying to do up there. So you actually manage to get rid of an expiring contract (Hardaway's is up this year), only to take on one that's even higher for more years. And you take on a player who does all the same stuff your starting point guard already does (including shoot too much, dribble too much, not play enough defense, suck up your salary cap, and go around not being a real point guard). Not to mention, you just got done drafting the same player, only you left him in the dryer too long (5'9" Nate Robinson...Slam Dunk Thief...I mean, Champion). And then there's Jamal Crawford, who got traded from the Chicago Bulls for turning into the player that Marbury and Francis already are! AND, AND, AND...didn't Thomas just trade valuable inside presence (Antonio Davis) for yet another shoot-first point guard in Jalen Rose? That did just happen two weeks ago, didn't it?
Salary cap room? Bah! Draft picks? Take 'em, cuz he's completely sold on Rasho Nesterovic's and Greg Ostertag's upside! And under Isiah's watch, consistent, solid performances (Michael Sweetney) only get you traded for the exact same player, only fatter, less consistent, a worse rebounder and more risky (Eddy Curry and his heart that could stop beating with one well-placed elbow to the chest)! But, hey...Curry's got potential!
...five years into his playing career. But I digress.
You know what? Maybe I'm the one with the head injury. And if not, maybe i should get one so I can get paid to pretend that this is a game of NBA Street, where I can trade players with not a whit of thought about chemistry...sharing the ball...player variety...DEFENSE...need I go on? It's really not THAT hard to put an NBA team together and it's not that hard to identify a stupid trade when you see one. You know what a good trade would have been? If he could have swindled Philly into taking Hardaway and Ariza for Allen Iverson. What does a bad trade look like? The one your dumb ass just got done making.
Thank you for continuing to give me things to write about, Isiah Thomas. Your spectacular failures in the front office since retirement from the NBA are far more interesting. The only thing that would be more interesting is the inside dirt on WHY owner James Dolan hired you AFTER you bought the CBA and caused it to fold inside of a year...which happened after you ran the expansion Toronto Raptors and fired the first coach, who actually got them a pretty good record, so you could hire your boy, who sank them like they were wearing concrete boots. And who can forget the time you coached a promising Indiana Pacers team into mediocrity, after Larry Bird got done taking the same team to the NBA Finals...and directly before Rick Carlisle can within a game of doing the exact same thing?
You've been going down in flames since the moment you got to New York. I can't wait to see how all this ends. And how much further in debt you're going to put this team. Does anyone know if there's some sort of record of the highest payroll for a team in last place? Whoever's on top, Isiah's determined to take you over, winning records and fan attendance be damned.
Ralph Sampson's knees haven't worked right since 1987. He's well into his 50's. I heard Isiah wanted to sign him to a six-year deal for $50 million.
Apparently, the only requisites for consideration is that you have the sense that God gave birds and that you once held a basketball. Doesn't matter if you were humping it or drooling on it. Just hold it for a few seconds and you can apply. After you successfully navigate the dangerous rain, of course. All you need is a team owner dumb or desperate enough to take a chance on you.
Earlier today, New York Knicks General Manager Isiah Thomas traded Penny Hardaway and Trevor Ariza to the Orlando Magic for Steve Francis. I'm not knocking him for getting Hardaway off his roster, because even though he's one of my all-time favorite players, the man wasn't going to get them anywhere closer to .500 when he has the arthritis of an 80 year old man in his knees. And Trevor Ariza apparently fell out of favor with coach Larry Brown, who's been hailed as the savior (following previous saviors, Isiah Thomas and Stephon Marbury...and Latrell Sprewell...and Allan Houston). Forget his promsing talent or anything crazy like that. Who needs talent when you've got the highest payroll in sports to match the second to worst record in the league? Yes...and i take great joy in saying this...even the Hawks are better.
But I'm not knocking Isiah for trading them. I'm knocking him for taking on the EXACT SAME PLAYER as his starting point guard, Stephon Marbury! No one who isn't already suffering from a near-fatal head injury would have made that trade. There are only three people in the world who would have made a trade as stupid as that. Two of them are named "Babcock." The other actually did it earlier today. His name is Isiah Thomas.
I just don't understand what Isiah is trying to do up there. So you actually manage to get rid of an expiring contract (Hardaway's is up this year), only to take on one that's even higher for more years. And you take on a player who does all the same stuff your starting point guard already does (including shoot too much, dribble too much, not play enough defense, suck up your salary cap, and go around not being a real point guard). Not to mention, you just got done drafting the same player, only you left him in the dryer too long (5'9" Nate Robinson...Slam Dunk Thief...I mean, Champion). And then there's Jamal Crawford, who got traded from the Chicago Bulls for turning into the player that Marbury and Francis already are! AND, AND, AND...didn't Thomas just trade valuable inside presence (Antonio Davis) for yet another shoot-first point guard in Jalen Rose? That did just happen two weeks ago, didn't it?
Salary cap room? Bah! Draft picks? Take 'em, cuz he's completely sold on Rasho Nesterovic's and Greg Ostertag's upside! And under Isiah's watch, consistent, solid performances (Michael Sweetney) only get you traded for the exact same player, only fatter, less consistent, a worse rebounder and more risky (Eddy Curry and his heart that could stop beating with one well-placed elbow to the chest)! But, hey...Curry's got potential!
...five years into his playing career. But I digress.
You know what? Maybe I'm the one with the head injury. And if not, maybe i should get one so I can get paid to pretend that this is a game of NBA Street, where I can trade players with not a whit of thought about chemistry...sharing the ball...player variety...DEFENSE...need I go on? It's really not THAT hard to put an NBA team together and it's not that hard to identify a stupid trade when you see one. You know what a good trade would have been? If he could have swindled Philly into taking Hardaway and Ariza for Allen Iverson. What does a bad trade look like? The one your dumb ass just got done making.
Thank you for continuing to give me things to write about, Isiah Thomas. Your spectacular failures in the front office since retirement from the NBA are far more interesting. The only thing that would be more interesting is the inside dirt on WHY owner James Dolan hired you AFTER you bought the CBA and caused it to fold inside of a year...which happened after you ran the expansion Toronto Raptors and fired the first coach, who actually got them a pretty good record, so you could hire your boy, who sank them like they were wearing concrete boots. And who can forget the time you coached a promising Indiana Pacers team into mediocrity, after Larry Bird got done taking the same team to the NBA Finals...and directly before Rick Carlisle can within a game of doing the exact same thing?
You've been going down in flames since the moment you got to New York. I can't wait to see how all this ends. And how much further in debt you're going to put this team. Does anyone know if there's some sort of record of the highest payroll for a team in last place? Whoever's on top, Isiah's determined to take you over, winning records and fan attendance be damned.
Ralph Sampson's knees haven't worked right since 1987. He's well into his 50's. I heard Isiah wanted to sign him to a six-year deal for $50 million.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Swagger Jacker?
Jay-Z is such a biter. Let's face it. I think it's time to call a spade and spade. He calls himself "YOUNG Hova." He CLEARLY stole the word "YOUNG" from Young MC. And the letters "J" and "Z" were taken from Sesame Street.
There's been a lot of talk about Jay-Z over his career (well, since Biggie died) and whether or not he's a biter. Oh, he recites so many of Biggie's lines...oh, he took a line from Snoop, oh, he bit from this person, that person...who gives a damn?
First, Biggie was his friend and he's done more to keep that friend's name in the street than any one of these people who claim Jay is a biter. Being one of the most influential rappers ever, that's a pretty big deal. Personally, i see it as an homage to Biggie, not stealing from him. Or to Tupac. Or to Snoop. Or to Slick Rick. It's not like back in the day, when rap was still in it's infacy and there were just a handful of rappers around. It's not like Big Bank Hank from the Sugarhill Gang supposedly stealing an entire verse from Grandmaster Caz and passing it off as his own at a time when there were like...six rappers and they all lived in the same borough of New York.
Today, there's history to draw from and rappers today will take a line from another rapper and spin it off into a brand new verse, or take that line and change it, but the cadence is the same so it evokes the memory of that old verse. It's like inside jokes for hip-hop heads. Those who know the history will get it.
So to me, it's not a big deal. And if it is a big deal, then so is Snoop remaking "Lodi Dodi" or that CD "In the Beginning....There was Hip-Hop," where there were like 15 remade hip-hop classics by other rappers. The positive to all of this is, when it comes out where that line or song came from, people who love hip hop will either be reminded of the original song or those who don't know will want to hear it. And I think remembering the history of hip-hop is very important. Hip-Hop as a whole is treated as disposable music, and that so many classics get forgotten as soon as they leave the charts...well, that's a pretty bad thing.
What is a big deal is when you got someone like Cam'ron calling Jay-Z out on biting, when he's done the exact same thing in his songs. For anyone who's heard "Swagger Jacker," just know that there's a song circulating with Cam'ron doing the exact same thing. I think Cam's just mad because no one's quoting his nursery school rhymes, while Jay-Z's multiplatinum rap career took him from the Marcy Projects to the top spot at Def Jam. Sounds like hating to me.
To bottom line this, though...I'm not really concerned about supposed biting in hip-hop. And neither is anyone else. People just hate Jay-Z, which is fine. If they were really so concerned about biting, then where was the outrage when your current favorite rapper, 50 Cent took a verse from Tupac and recited it, almost verbatim in a diss track about Ja Rule and Irv Gotti? He wasn't creative enough to make the verse his own, like Eminem did, so he just recited the verse and said "G-Unit" and added more cuss words. So don't turn a blind eye to one and condemn the other. That makes you a hypocrite. And a hater. Like Cam'ron. And I'm sure all of you are better rappers than he is.
There's been a lot of talk about Jay-Z over his career (well, since Biggie died) and whether or not he's a biter. Oh, he recites so many of Biggie's lines...oh, he took a line from Snoop, oh, he bit from this person, that person...who gives a damn?
First, Biggie was his friend and he's done more to keep that friend's name in the street than any one of these people who claim Jay is a biter. Being one of the most influential rappers ever, that's a pretty big deal. Personally, i see it as an homage to Biggie, not stealing from him. Or to Tupac. Or to Snoop. Or to Slick Rick. It's not like back in the day, when rap was still in it's infacy and there were just a handful of rappers around. It's not like Big Bank Hank from the Sugarhill Gang supposedly stealing an entire verse from Grandmaster Caz and passing it off as his own at a time when there were like...six rappers and they all lived in the same borough of New York.
Today, there's history to draw from and rappers today will take a line from another rapper and spin it off into a brand new verse, or take that line and change it, but the cadence is the same so it evokes the memory of that old verse. It's like inside jokes for hip-hop heads. Those who know the history will get it.
So to me, it's not a big deal. And if it is a big deal, then so is Snoop remaking "Lodi Dodi" or that CD "In the Beginning....There was Hip-Hop," where there were like 15 remade hip-hop classics by other rappers. The positive to all of this is, when it comes out where that line or song came from, people who love hip hop will either be reminded of the original song or those who don't know will want to hear it. And I think remembering the history of hip-hop is very important. Hip-Hop as a whole is treated as disposable music, and that so many classics get forgotten as soon as they leave the charts...well, that's a pretty bad thing.
What is a big deal is when you got someone like Cam'ron calling Jay-Z out on biting, when he's done the exact same thing in his songs. For anyone who's heard "Swagger Jacker," just know that there's a song circulating with Cam'ron doing the exact same thing. I think Cam's just mad because no one's quoting his nursery school rhymes, while Jay-Z's multiplatinum rap career took him from the Marcy Projects to the top spot at Def Jam. Sounds like hating to me.
To bottom line this, though...I'm not really concerned about supposed biting in hip-hop. And neither is anyone else. People just hate Jay-Z, which is fine. If they were really so concerned about biting, then where was the outrage when your current favorite rapper, 50 Cent took a verse from Tupac and recited it, almost verbatim in a diss track about Ja Rule and Irv Gotti? He wasn't creative enough to make the verse his own, like Eminem did, so he just recited the verse and said "G-Unit" and added more cuss words. So don't turn a blind eye to one and condemn the other. That makes you a hypocrite. And a hater. Like Cam'ron. And I'm sure all of you are better rappers than he is.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
The NBAs 60 Greatest Players
Okay, so I'm looking at TNT right now and they're picking the next 10 to add to the NBAs 50 Greatest Players. The official list done by the NBA back in 1996 was pretty controversial in itself. In my mind, I thought the whole list was a sham because Shaquille O'Neal made the list and Dominique Wilkins didn't. People thought I was a hater at the time because I thought Shaq shouldn't have made it. And I'll argue anyone into the ground, through the crust, and down into the pits of Hell that Shaq shouldn't have been on that list. Even if Dominique STILL didn't make it, Shaq shouldn't have been on it. I would get into it, but that's not why I started this today. Aw, hell...I'll do it anyway. To bottom line all this, Shaq wasn't a great center yet. All he did was go to the low block and dunk. That's it. Fuck you and him if you disagree. If they made this list today, Shaq would be on it, though. And I'll argue anyone back through hell and into China on that point.
Anyway, what set me off on this tangent was just the suggestion that Gary Payton deserves to be added to the next 10. He'll probably be a Hall-of-Famer. Sure. That's fine. But to me, Gary Payton...I mean, anyone who saw those really good Sonics teams play knows that Gary Payton was the sidekick to the STAR that was Shawn Kemp. So basically...if Gary Payton makes it, then dammit, Shawn Kemp should be on it. When Seattle went to the Finals against the Bulls (and you KNOW I was watching) they got there on the back of Shawn Kemp.
Gary Payton has played in two NBA Finals. He's had two opportunities to play on the big stage. Once with Seattle in 1996 and once with the Lakers in 2004. And he has not had a memorable performance either time. In fact, not only has he been unremarkable in the Finals, he hasn't SHOWN UP at all. You know who showed up in 1996? Shawn f'n Kemp. You know who showed up in 2004? Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant (he showed up a little too much, if you know what I mean). Now, unless my spelling is really bad, neither of those names is Gary Payton.
You know what we really need? Okay, okay...what I really need? I need to get on one of these TV shows so I can argue these guys down about some of this ridiculous stuff they say. Gary Payton being a great player...Stephon Marbury being a great player...Emmitt Smith being better than Barry Sanders...Cal Ripken, Jr.'s streak being anything other what you're supposed to do...Mike Martz deserving to be a head coach instead of the career offensive coordinator that he is...why Michael Vick never needs to stay in the pocket...So basically, let's do this: let's get me a job on TV or radio or something, where I can tell these fools the way it really is.
You know what's impressive? Christian getting a good match out of Goldberg. Get me a job.
Anyway, what set me off on this tangent was just the suggestion that Gary Payton deserves to be added to the next 10. He'll probably be a Hall-of-Famer. Sure. That's fine. But to me, Gary Payton...I mean, anyone who saw those really good Sonics teams play knows that Gary Payton was the sidekick to the STAR that was Shawn Kemp. So basically...if Gary Payton makes it, then dammit, Shawn Kemp should be on it. When Seattle went to the Finals against the Bulls (and you KNOW I was watching) they got there on the back of Shawn Kemp.
Gary Payton has played in two NBA Finals. He's had two opportunities to play on the big stage. Once with Seattle in 1996 and once with the Lakers in 2004. And he has not had a memorable performance either time. In fact, not only has he been unremarkable in the Finals, he hasn't SHOWN UP at all. You know who showed up in 1996? Shawn f'n Kemp. You know who showed up in 2004? Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant (he showed up a little too much, if you know what I mean). Now, unless my spelling is really bad, neither of those names is Gary Payton.
You know what we really need? Okay, okay...what I really need? I need to get on one of these TV shows so I can argue these guys down about some of this ridiculous stuff they say. Gary Payton being a great player...Stephon Marbury being a great player...Emmitt Smith being better than Barry Sanders...Cal Ripken, Jr.'s streak being anything other what you're supposed to do...Mike Martz deserving to be a head coach instead of the career offensive coordinator that he is...why Michael Vick never needs to stay in the pocket...So basically, let's do this: let's get me a job on TV or radio or something, where I can tell these fools the way it really is.
You know what's impressive? Christian getting a good match out of Goldberg. Get me a job.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
The Most Brilliant Thing I've Ever Heard
"See, if the Haves gave the Have-Nots half of what they have, then the Haves would still be the Haves, but the Have-Nots would be the Have-Somethings."
Redd Foxx as Fred Sanford. Think on that, you greedy motherfuckers.
Redd Foxx as Fred Sanford. Think on that, you greedy motherfuckers.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Josh McRoberts is the next Kurt Rambis
Why are comparisons in sports so bad?
I fail to see the negatives. If I told you Adam Morrison was a great 6'10" forward from Gonzaga with crazy range, you'd stare at me blankly. If I told you Adam Morrison was the next Larry Bird, I'd suddenly have your attention. It's not like I'm saying that J.J. Redick (wrong size and type of game) or Rudy Gay (BLACK) is the next Bird. It's a white player with a very similar game and when you see him play, you put it together yourself.
It seems like every year, a player comes out who draws comparisons to another player who has come before and every year, people complain that we shouldn't do this. It's never going to stop because it's basic human nature to do this. Whaddya call it...association? If you see a player in a sport do things that remind you of another player you've seen before, you're going to automatically link the two. True, there have been times when the comparison made no sense (I still don't know how Harold Miner as "Baby Jordan" got started), but there are a lot of times where the comparison matches.
The first time I saw Kobe Bryant play, it was the worst case of "Single White Female" given life. This man looks like he studied Michael Jordan all the way down to his walk and mannerisms. Anyone who disagrees is clearly delusional. The only difference between these two mens' games is the fact that Kobe has hair on his head and Michael revolutionized sports advertising. That's about it.
So it's natural that I associate the two. Same height, same weight, same kind of player, same killer instinct. What's wrong with that? I'm not making up stuff to make the comparison fit...it's all right in front of you. What's wrong with comparing LeBron James and Magic Johnson? Two 6'10" point guards that make spectacular passes? Who else am I going to associate LeBron James with? World B. Free?
Vince Carter and Dominique Wilkins? Two 6'7" supertalents who can both jump out of the gym. Shaquille O'Neal and Wilt Chamberlain? Two massive 7 foot centers who were completely unguardable. Even though he hasn't shown the same defensive commitment, Lamar Odom draws Scottie Pippen comparisons all the time, because they are of similar build and skill set. It has given the Lakers a direction to push Odom into. The Lakers even hired Pippen to coach Odom. And Odom's no stranger to comparisons, because in high school, he was touted as the next Magic Johnson.
Some people think it's lazy to do this. I say it's the easiest way to get my point across. No one ever complains about this in music or TV or movies. No one ever says, "You shouldn't compare The Flintstones to the Honeymooners," even though one clearly aped the other. No one ever says, "You shouldn't compare Ja Rule, DMX, and 50 Cent to 2Pac," even though they are obvious clones (maybe the rappers in question don't like it...but fuck 'em. They shouldn't suck so bad). The thing is, until these players get their own identity, it's just going to be like this. They're going to have the identities of others thrust upon them. Hell, I compare my own nephew's game to Allen Iverson's. If you saw him play, you would, too. When growing up, no matter what you're into, you always imitate those you look up to. Until you get experienced enough to stand on your own, it's what you do. Ask any professional at anything and he or she always had someone they molded themselves after. Who didn't spend hours on the court trying to relive those Michael Jordan highlights?
Don't tell anyone, but I still do it. The six three pointers against Portland in the 92 Finals. It always sticks with me.
Some have brought up the racial aspect. White players are always compared to Bird, black players are always compared to...well, everyone else. There's nothing wrong with that, either. For one, it's no secret that the NBA and white America both want a great white player. Since Bird retired, college ball has been the last home of the dominant white player. Okay, except for Dirk Diggler. Everyone's looking for the next Larry Bird. The point, though, is that people wouldn't compare unless they were simliar. No one ever put Brent Barry and Michael Jordan together. "But they're both athletic two-guards!" the idiots say. Yeah, but nothing about skinny, pasty white Brent Barry ever made me think, "man, if that isn't the second coming of MJ." You put together what's similar. Even kids who haven't yet learned bladder control know that.
So don't feel bad when the analysts tell you you're wrong for comparing players. Tim Legler and Bill Walton are just mad that no one's comparing anyone to them.
I fail to see the negatives. If I told you Adam Morrison was a great 6'10" forward from Gonzaga with crazy range, you'd stare at me blankly. If I told you Adam Morrison was the next Larry Bird, I'd suddenly have your attention. It's not like I'm saying that J.J. Redick (wrong size and type of game) or Rudy Gay (BLACK) is the next Bird. It's a white player with a very similar game and when you see him play, you put it together yourself.
It seems like every year, a player comes out who draws comparisons to another player who has come before and every year, people complain that we shouldn't do this. It's never going to stop because it's basic human nature to do this. Whaddya call it...association? If you see a player in a sport do things that remind you of another player you've seen before, you're going to automatically link the two. True, there have been times when the comparison made no sense (I still don't know how Harold Miner as "Baby Jordan" got started), but there are a lot of times where the comparison matches.
The first time I saw Kobe Bryant play, it was the worst case of "Single White Female" given life. This man looks like he studied Michael Jordan all the way down to his walk and mannerisms. Anyone who disagrees is clearly delusional. The only difference between these two mens' games is the fact that Kobe has hair on his head and Michael revolutionized sports advertising. That's about it.
So it's natural that I associate the two. Same height, same weight, same kind of player, same killer instinct. What's wrong with that? I'm not making up stuff to make the comparison fit...it's all right in front of you. What's wrong with comparing LeBron James and Magic Johnson? Two 6'10" point guards that make spectacular passes? Who else am I going to associate LeBron James with? World B. Free?
Vince Carter and Dominique Wilkins? Two 6'7" supertalents who can both jump out of the gym. Shaquille O'Neal and Wilt Chamberlain? Two massive 7 foot centers who were completely unguardable. Even though he hasn't shown the same defensive commitment, Lamar Odom draws Scottie Pippen comparisons all the time, because they are of similar build and skill set. It has given the Lakers a direction to push Odom into. The Lakers even hired Pippen to coach Odom. And Odom's no stranger to comparisons, because in high school, he was touted as the next Magic Johnson.
Some people think it's lazy to do this. I say it's the easiest way to get my point across. No one ever complains about this in music or TV or movies. No one ever says, "You shouldn't compare The Flintstones to the Honeymooners," even though one clearly aped the other. No one ever says, "You shouldn't compare Ja Rule, DMX, and 50 Cent to 2Pac," even though they are obvious clones (maybe the rappers in question don't like it...but fuck 'em. They shouldn't suck so bad). The thing is, until these players get their own identity, it's just going to be like this. They're going to have the identities of others thrust upon them. Hell, I compare my own nephew's game to Allen Iverson's. If you saw him play, you would, too. When growing up, no matter what you're into, you always imitate those you look up to. Until you get experienced enough to stand on your own, it's what you do. Ask any professional at anything and he or she always had someone they molded themselves after. Who didn't spend hours on the court trying to relive those Michael Jordan highlights?
Don't tell anyone, but I still do it. The six three pointers against Portland in the 92 Finals. It always sticks with me.
Some have brought up the racial aspect. White players are always compared to Bird, black players are always compared to...well, everyone else. There's nothing wrong with that, either. For one, it's no secret that the NBA and white America both want a great white player. Since Bird retired, college ball has been the last home of the dominant white player. Okay, except for Dirk Diggler. Everyone's looking for the next Larry Bird. The point, though, is that people wouldn't compare unless they were simliar. No one ever put Brent Barry and Michael Jordan together. "But they're both athletic two-guards!" the idiots say. Yeah, but nothing about skinny, pasty white Brent Barry ever made me think, "man, if that isn't the second coming of MJ." You put together what's similar. Even kids who haven't yet learned bladder control know that.
So don't feel bad when the analysts tell you you're wrong for comparing players. Tim Legler and Bill Walton are just mad that no one's comparing anyone to them.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Larry Bird, The Best Player of the 80s
He was the ultimate white player on the ultimate white team in the ultimate white city in a time when the white player was quickly becoming obsolete. The white player in basketball was supposed to be over and done with. This was the black man's game now.
Thing is, no one told Larry Bird.
I was a kid when Larry Bird was showing his ass all over the NBA. At that time, I was a Sixers fan, because my dad was a Sixers fan. I wasn't really watching basketball then. I didn't find out about the Celtics/Sixers rivalry until I got much older. I didn't have any Larry Bird memories. All I know is I couldn't stand Larry Bird or the Boston Celtics. As a kid, we'd talk about how the Boston Celtics were the ugliest team in basketball (and they were)...I mean, come on...they had a black man with freckles!
No one liked Bird or the Celtics outside of Boston. Everywhere I went, I never heard a positive word about Bird's Celtics. Mostly from black people. Why didn't we like him? Because for all our black dominance of the NBA, we couldn't stomach the fact the best player in the NBA was a white guy and that he took his white team to the championship on a regular basis.
See, all our heroes in the NBA at that time were flashy players. Players who represented US. Dr. J, Magic Johnson, Dominque Wilkins. There was no way anyone could beat these guys. Except Larry Bird, who dominated them all, lit up the scoreboard in their faces and won championships over ALL of them. Magic Johnson was a great point guard and the ultimate winner of the 80s.
But there was one player who could go toe-to-toe with him and it was Larry Bird. And when those two went at it, even though it was never said, it was always a racial thing. Even if you didn't like the Lakers, you wanted Magic to beat Larry. I mean, come on...the guy's white. You can't let that white boy beat you, Magic. He wasn't just white. He was white and slow. White and awkward. White and ugly. He was ugly, his game was ugly. It didn't flow. It didn't come natural like ours did. He couldn't jump. He had an ugly left handed shot. He wasn't Magic, he wasn't Doc and he wasn't Nique. He wasn't Bernard King. He wasn't Isiah Thomas. He didn't do any of the stuff that the black players did. He just won. The nerve of that guy.
Even after watching Larry Bird go shot-for-shot with Dominique in Atlanta in the playoffs, or watching Larry routinely eliminate the Sixers from the playoffs, we still couldn't admit to ourselves that the best player in the NBA was white. Had Larry's career lasted a few more years, we probably would have justified the belief that the best player in the NBA was black. Maybe. Michael Jordan was coming up just as Bird was going down. Bird was still managing to win, though...even if his back didn't work anymore. Unfortunately for us, Michael never really got the chance to beat the Celtics in the playoffs.
The most hated player and the most hated team in the league were hated because they were both white. It just wasn't right, dammit. Not the fact that they were hated over their skin color...it wasn't right because white players shouldn't be dominating a black sport.
Well, now we should be used to it. We pretty much are used to it, because people love Dirk Nowitzki. Dirk Diggler, we call him. And he comes from a place even whiter than French Lick, Indiana or Boston. Germany. And that place is as white as it gets. And coming along through the college ranks are Duke's J.J. Redick (the most hated player in college athletics) and Gonzaga's Adam Morrison (the heir apparent to Larry Bird).
J.J. Redick is probably the deadliest shooter in the nation and Adam Morrison is the best player in college basketball. They don't get nearly the amount of hostility that Larry Bird seemed to get in the 80s (well, Redick does...but his comes mostly from other white people...and UNC fans). I guess we've finally learned to admit to ourselves that white people can play this game, too.
And now we can admit to ourselves that the best player in the 80s was Larry Bird. Except in Philly. It'll probably never happen there.
If you don't believe Larry Bird was the best (in the 80s), then name me one better. Go ahead. I dare you.
Thing is, no one told Larry Bird.
I was a kid when Larry Bird was showing his ass all over the NBA. At that time, I was a Sixers fan, because my dad was a Sixers fan. I wasn't really watching basketball then. I didn't find out about the Celtics/Sixers rivalry until I got much older. I didn't have any Larry Bird memories. All I know is I couldn't stand Larry Bird or the Boston Celtics. As a kid, we'd talk about how the Boston Celtics were the ugliest team in basketball (and they were)...I mean, come on...they had a black man with freckles!
No one liked Bird or the Celtics outside of Boston. Everywhere I went, I never heard a positive word about Bird's Celtics. Mostly from black people. Why didn't we like him? Because for all our black dominance of the NBA, we couldn't stomach the fact the best player in the NBA was a white guy and that he took his white team to the championship on a regular basis.
See, all our heroes in the NBA at that time were flashy players. Players who represented US. Dr. J, Magic Johnson, Dominque Wilkins. There was no way anyone could beat these guys. Except Larry Bird, who dominated them all, lit up the scoreboard in their faces and won championships over ALL of them. Magic Johnson was a great point guard and the ultimate winner of the 80s.
But there was one player who could go toe-to-toe with him and it was Larry Bird. And when those two went at it, even though it was never said, it was always a racial thing. Even if you didn't like the Lakers, you wanted Magic to beat Larry. I mean, come on...the guy's white. You can't let that white boy beat you, Magic. He wasn't just white. He was white and slow. White and awkward. White and ugly. He was ugly, his game was ugly. It didn't flow. It didn't come natural like ours did. He couldn't jump. He had an ugly left handed shot. He wasn't Magic, he wasn't Doc and he wasn't Nique. He wasn't Bernard King. He wasn't Isiah Thomas. He didn't do any of the stuff that the black players did. He just won. The nerve of that guy.
Even after watching Larry Bird go shot-for-shot with Dominique in Atlanta in the playoffs, or watching Larry routinely eliminate the Sixers from the playoffs, we still couldn't admit to ourselves that the best player in the NBA was white. Had Larry's career lasted a few more years, we probably would have justified the belief that the best player in the NBA was black. Maybe. Michael Jordan was coming up just as Bird was going down. Bird was still managing to win, though...even if his back didn't work anymore. Unfortunately for us, Michael never really got the chance to beat the Celtics in the playoffs.
The most hated player and the most hated team in the league were hated because they were both white. It just wasn't right, dammit. Not the fact that they were hated over their skin color...it wasn't right because white players shouldn't be dominating a black sport.
Well, now we should be used to it. We pretty much are used to it, because people love Dirk Nowitzki. Dirk Diggler, we call him. And he comes from a place even whiter than French Lick, Indiana or Boston. Germany. And that place is as white as it gets. And coming along through the college ranks are Duke's J.J. Redick (the most hated player in college athletics) and Gonzaga's Adam Morrison (the heir apparent to Larry Bird).
J.J. Redick is probably the deadliest shooter in the nation and Adam Morrison is the best player in college basketball. They don't get nearly the amount of hostility that Larry Bird seemed to get in the 80s (well, Redick does...but his comes mostly from other white people...and UNC fans). I guess we've finally learned to admit to ourselves that white people can play this game, too.
And now we can admit to ourselves that the best player in the 80s was Larry Bird. Except in Philly. It'll probably never happen there.
If you don't believe Larry Bird was the best (in the 80s), then name me one better. Go ahead. I dare you.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Rick Majerus/Rudy Gay
In one of those classic TV moments, ESPN College Basketball analyst Rick Majerus was speaking in reference to the merits and talent of Connecticut shooting guard Rudy Gay:
"You know, I'm not a big Gay guy..."
Whether or not Majerus realized exactly what he just said, Steve Lavin started snickering right on camera. You just can't make this stuff up.
"You know, I'm not a big Gay guy..."
Whether or not Majerus realized exactly what he just said, Steve Lavin started snickering right on camera. You just can't make this stuff up.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Kamala Sings...
Jesus F'n Christ. Kamala, the Ugandan Giant has put out a CD. Yeah, I'll let that sink in. And no, I'm not making that up.
I'm pretty sure a good number of you out there know who Kamala is. For anyone who has ever watched wrestling, you have probably caught a glimpse of a black man with a gut that hangs over his waistline in a skirt with a painted face and two stars painted on his man-boobs and a crescent moon on the aforementioned gut. As a means of emotional expression, he'd dance around and slap his stomach. He was last mentioned on TV in 2002, being mocked by The Rock. Well, that was the last time I cared to see him. Or see any reference of him.
Not since "Macho Man" Randy Savage put out his rap CD of songs basically devoted to calling out Hulk Hogan to at long last, "settle the score,(incidentally, I've been watching wrestling for a good 20-plus years and I've NEVER seen Savage pin Hogan...I'd say the score has long since been settled) has the wrestling industry had an embarrassment of this magnitude. Seriously. When all the steroid and cocaine related deaths and criminal trials and anytime Jake Roberts' name is mentioned on TV...when the dust has settled on all of that...THESE are the moments the general public remembers and will throw in MY face when it comes up that I like wrestling. Yes...Macho Man's voice that sounds like he swallowed a mug of broken glass and hot sauce, coming through the radio bellowing, "HOGAN!!! BE A MAN!!!!" And apparently, the humiliation isn't over because Kamala is going to SING...and it will only get worse if he actually gets airplay. As proof that I am not making this up (although I'm hoping that SOMEONE is), you can check it all out for yourself at http://www.thegiantkamala.com/.
I haven't listened to any of the samples yet, but I dunno...any CD that has his face on the cover isn't going to make me rethink playing that Brian McKnight CD when I want to set the mood. I could be wrong. Maybe he can sing. Maybe it's a very touching, moving, sensual, or sexy CD.
But I doubt it. I wouldn't put money on it going platinum. For fans of Kamala, don't look for the Kamala World Tour '06 to kick off next summer. And should I be wrong about that (and from a pure humor standpoint, I'm kinda hoping I am), don't expect a pile of panties all over the stage when you go to the shows. Then again, Teddy Pendegrass was STILL getting panties thrown at him, even after he was confined to a wheelchair. No one ever accused Jeffrey Osborne or Alexander O'Neal of being lookers, either...but they GTD*, too.
And finally, to drive my personal humiliation home (in addition to him being a black wrestler that I was ALWAYS embarrassed by)...the mailing address for your check or money order to be sent to is in Mississippi. Claude Jevemus.
At least John Cena has SOME talent. With the long list of musical wrestlers out there, (K-Kwik, Road Dogg, Chris Jericho, Honky Tonk Man), I never thought I'd see this name added to the list. Then again, Macho Man's on there. I guess all bets are off. What's going to be next?
Keep your eyes peeled for the much-anticipated Greg "The Hammer" Valentine/Ultimate Warrior collabo, coming to a National Guard Armory near you. Funky Fresh in '06 fo' you SUCKAZ....
* - Got The Draws, for the uninitiated.
I'm pretty sure a good number of you out there know who Kamala is. For anyone who has ever watched wrestling, you have probably caught a glimpse of a black man with a gut that hangs over his waistline in a skirt with a painted face and two stars painted on his man-boobs and a crescent moon on the aforementioned gut. As a means of emotional expression, he'd dance around and slap his stomach. He was last mentioned on TV in 2002, being mocked by The Rock. Well, that was the last time I cared to see him. Or see any reference of him.
Not since "Macho Man" Randy Savage put out his rap CD of songs basically devoted to calling out Hulk Hogan to at long last, "settle the score,(incidentally, I've been watching wrestling for a good 20-plus years and I've NEVER seen Savage pin Hogan...I'd say the score has long since been settled) has the wrestling industry had an embarrassment of this magnitude. Seriously. When all the steroid and cocaine related deaths and criminal trials and anytime Jake Roberts' name is mentioned on TV...when the dust has settled on all of that...THESE are the moments the general public remembers and will throw in MY face when it comes up that I like wrestling. Yes...Macho Man's voice that sounds like he swallowed a mug of broken glass and hot sauce, coming through the radio bellowing, "HOGAN!!! BE A MAN!!!!" And apparently, the humiliation isn't over because Kamala is going to SING...and it will only get worse if he actually gets airplay. As proof that I am not making this up (although I'm hoping that SOMEONE is), you can check it all out for yourself at http://www.thegiantkamala.com/.
I haven't listened to any of the samples yet, but I dunno...any CD that has his face on the cover isn't going to make me rethink playing that Brian McKnight CD when I want to set the mood. I could be wrong. Maybe he can sing. Maybe it's a very touching, moving, sensual, or sexy CD.
But I doubt it. I wouldn't put money on it going platinum. For fans of Kamala, don't look for the Kamala World Tour '06 to kick off next summer. And should I be wrong about that (and from a pure humor standpoint, I'm kinda hoping I am), don't expect a pile of panties all over the stage when you go to the shows. Then again, Teddy Pendegrass was STILL getting panties thrown at him, even after he was confined to a wheelchair. No one ever accused Jeffrey Osborne or Alexander O'Neal of being lookers, either...but they GTD*, too.
And finally, to drive my personal humiliation home (in addition to him being a black wrestler that I was ALWAYS embarrassed by)...the mailing address for your check or money order to be sent to is in Mississippi. Claude Jevemus.
At least John Cena has SOME talent. With the long list of musical wrestlers out there, (K-Kwik, Road Dogg, Chris Jericho, Honky Tonk Man), I never thought I'd see this name added to the list. Then again, Macho Man's on there. I guess all bets are off. What's going to be next?
Keep your eyes peeled for the much-anticipated Greg "The Hammer" Valentine/Ultimate Warrior collabo, coming to a National Guard Armory near you. Funky Fresh in '06 fo' you SUCKAZ....
* - Got The Draws, for the uninitiated.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Quick Hit On Our Alleged War
Could someone please tell George W. Bush that the only way that the USA can win this war is to kill everyone in the region? It's hard to win hearts and minds when people are running at you with bombs. I think it's pretty safe to say that a good number of troops in the area realize that. Sure we want to support them and I think it's safe to say that everyone does. It's the alleged leadership that we don't support. There is no "Blame America First" crowd. There's a "Blame Bush" crowd, though. There's a crowd of people out there who realize that being in Iraq has nothing to do with the supposed "War on Terror." And when are you people going to realize that you can't wage war on a concept? How do you beat an enemy that isn't in a centralized location? That's like the War on Drugs. How did that one go for you? But, like the War on Drugs, there are too many people making money off of this (or very soon will be). The War on Terror will never end. It creates an atmosphere of fear because you never know where these terrorists will strike next. But don't stop spending money, because when you do...the terrorists win. And when you create that atmosphere of fear, people will listen to any mongoloid who claims to have a plan. And here is your mongoloid. America, I introduce to you...George W. Bush.
by Thad...who said long ago that nuclear weapons should have been dropped on this region decades ago...including Israel...cuz they're not helping anything. Yeah, I said it. And take out France and Eastern Canada while you're at it.
by Thad...who said long ago that nuclear weapons should have been dropped on this region decades ago...including Israel...cuz they're not helping anything. Yeah, I said it. And take out France and Eastern Canada while you're at it.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Bow Wow vs. Will Smith
I know Will Smith probably doesn't even care, but I do.
Bow Wow was recently interviewed by XXL and he made the following comments (emphasis mine):
”But to me, honestly Will wasn’t like a real rapper.”
”He was more like a gimmick. Then he zapped in to get a TV show, and it was on and poppin’. Then after that he was in Hollywood. So things came easy for him. With me, I’m a rapper. I ain’t with the whole colorful cornball type things. That’s just not my style.”
”Will [Smith] can act, but he does more of those blockbuster Hollywood movies, which I wanna do. But also I wanna do it like Denzel-movies that really mean something. I feel like I can definitely be better than him.”
Someone out there might read this and wonder what I'm so upset about. It's true, they might say. Will Smith did a lot of corny shit in his rap career, they might say. And he did. It's true. It's not like "Parents Just Don't Understand" or "I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson" are serious hip-hop fodder. No one's riding to "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" or "Boom! Shake The Room."
My thing is, who the hell is Bow Wow to say anything about Will Smith? This boy was literally shitting his diapers when Will Smith came out. Back in 1987, it was a different hip-hop world. When Will Smith came out (as the Fresh Prince), rappers weren't afraid to smile and dance and have fun. Rappers weren't so image conscious and everyone wasn't a fake gangster. Everyone was colorful back then...or am I the only one who remembers Cross Colours? It was okay to be silly back then. That's why you had acts like Kid N Play or Biz Markie or Kwame or DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. Every one of them is considered corny now, but back then...it was just different.
To say that Will Smith wasn't a real rapper is a slap in the face. Wasn't he the first rapper to receive a Grammy? Didn't he pave the road that so many rappers commonly drive their Bentleys down today? How many other rappers have had such a successful television show? How many other rappers have had such a successful movie career? Let's recap...first rapper to win a Grammy (and I don't think they even had a hip-hop category back then), first rapper to have a successful television show (if I remember correctly), executive producer credit on said show, first rapper to have a successful movie career (because the Fat Boys aren't still getting royalty checks for "Disorderlies.") It can be argued that Kid N Play did it first, but the minute Kid N Play tried to play characters not named Kid N Play, their film career was over (see "Class Act").
Will Smith also gets paid $20 million dollars a picture and has had very few busts at the box office. And really, it was just Wild, Wild, West. Will Smith has continued to reinvent himself time and time again, to keep up with modern day trends, and i know this because more than a few people liked that song "Miami" he did and yes, some of them were black. "Switch" and "Will 2K" were hits and even "Wild, Wild, West" got heavy rotation when it was out (and personally, I like that song). He's one of the few rappers from the late 80s who is still relevant now. It's Will Smith and LL Cool J. And LL's career finally ended right after "Luv U Better" stopped getting airplay (and even LL used to make silly songs back then...or am I the only one who remembers "Milky Cereal" and "Big Ol' Butt?")
And I don't care what anyone says, the ultimate summer anthem is STILL "Summertime."
And for those who get on Will Smith for his subject matter, let me say this...Will Smith is one of a small group of rappers who can rap about having money, because he really has money. Not made up money. Not money that still has to be paid back to the record company. And he doesn't feel the need to wear "bling," because like REAL rich people, he doesn't have to.
And he's married to Jada Pinkett. I'm jealous beyond words. But I digress.
Now, let's get to this...Bow Wow. First things first, he got in with his name beiing a spinoff of another rapper's name. Way to be your own man, kid. Bow Wow's not even real words. That's onomatopoeia. And does he have a hit that Da Brat didn't write? His best selling album was his first, it went double platinum and Da Brat wrote every word of it. The follow up went platinum and Da Brat wrote that one, too. The title of his movie debut, "Like Mike" is an excellent metaphor for his music career, "Like Snoop Dogg and Da Brat."
You can't call yourself a rapper if you don't write your own lyrics. Puffy knows this, that's why he doesn't call himself a rapper. And for a kid who calls himself "Bow Wow" to call another person corny...that's takes gall. The unmitigated kind.
I can't believe the nerve of this guy who's never put out an album without a ghostwriter, who's never had a song that was played the next year, let alone a certifiable classic. He talks about Will Smith, yet Will Smith put him on the Wild, Wild, West soundtrack. Yeah, Bow Wow sounds really grateful. Will Smith was the first rapper to successfully do a lot of the things these rap cats are trying to do now. Everyone out there is trying to follow in Will Smith's footsteps, from DMX to Bow Wow and most of them can't get a good show, let alone a good movie. I'm not gonna lie and say that he's a great rapper, but he's certainly a pioneer in hip-hop and deserves to be respected. Especially by someone who'll be forgotten by the time he can grow a full beard.
Bow Wow was recently interviewed by XXL and he made the following comments (emphasis mine):
”But to me, honestly Will wasn’t like a real rapper.”
”He was more like a gimmick. Then he zapped in to get a TV show, and it was on and poppin’. Then after that he was in Hollywood. So things came easy for him. With me, I’m a rapper. I ain’t with the whole colorful cornball type things. That’s just not my style.”
”Will [Smith] can act, but he does more of those blockbuster Hollywood movies, which I wanna do. But also I wanna do it like Denzel-movies that really mean something. I feel like I can definitely be better than him.”
Someone out there might read this and wonder what I'm so upset about. It's true, they might say. Will Smith did a lot of corny shit in his rap career, they might say. And he did. It's true. It's not like "Parents Just Don't Understand" or "I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson" are serious hip-hop fodder. No one's riding to "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" or "Boom! Shake The Room."
My thing is, who the hell is Bow Wow to say anything about Will Smith? This boy was literally shitting his diapers when Will Smith came out. Back in 1987, it was a different hip-hop world. When Will Smith came out (as the Fresh Prince), rappers weren't afraid to smile and dance and have fun. Rappers weren't so image conscious and everyone wasn't a fake gangster. Everyone was colorful back then...or am I the only one who remembers Cross Colours? It was okay to be silly back then. That's why you had acts like Kid N Play or Biz Markie or Kwame or DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. Every one of them is considered corny now, but back then...it was just different.
To say that Will Smith wasn't a real rapper is a slap in the face. Wasn't he the first rapper to receive a Grammy? Didn't he pave the road that so many rappers commonly drive their Bentleys down today? How many other rappers have had such a successful television show? How many other rappers have had such a successful movie career? Let's recap...first rapper to win a Grammy (and I don't think they even had a hip-hop category back then), first rapper to have a successful television show (if I remember correctly), executive producer credit on said show, first rapper to have a successful movie career (because the Fat Boys aren't still getting royalty checks for "Disorderlies.") It can be argued that Kid N Play did it first, but the minute Kid N Play tried to play characters not named Kid N Play, their film career was over (see "Class Act").
Will Smith also gets paid $20 million dollars a picture and has had very few busts at the box office. And really, it was just Wild, Wild, West. Will Smith has continued to reinvent himself time and time again, to keep up with modern day trends, and i know this because more than a few people liked that song "Miami" he did and yes, some of them were black. "Switch" and "Will 2K" were hits and even "Wild, Wild, West" got heavy rotation when it was out (and personally, I like that song). He's one of the few rappers from the late 80s who is still relevant now. It's Will Smith and LL Cool J. And LL's career finally ended right after "Luv U Better" stopped getting airplay (and even LL used to make silly songs back then...or am I the only one who remembers "Milky Cereal" and "Big Ol' Butt?")
And I don't care what anyone says, the ultimate summer anthem is STILL "Summertime."
And for those who get on Will Smith for his subject matter, let me say this...Will Smith is one of a small group of rappers who can rap about having money, because he really has money. Not made up money. Not money that still has to be paid back to the record company. And he doesn't feel the need to wear "bling," because like REAL rich people, he doesn't have to.
And he's married to Jada Pinkett. I'm jealous beyond words. But I digress.
Now, let's get to this...Bow Wow. First things first, he got in with his name beiing a spinoff of another rapper's name. Way to be your own man, kid. Bow Wow's not even real words. That's onomatopoeia. And does he have a hit that Da Brat didn't write? His best selling album was his first, it went double platinum and Da Brat wrote every word of it. The follow up went platinum and Da Brat wrote that one, too. The title of his movie debut, "Like Mike" is an excellent metaphor for his music career, "Like Snoop Dogg and Da Brat."
You can't call yourself a rapper if you don't write your own lyrics. Puffy knows this, that's why he doesn't call himself a rapper. And for a kid who calls himself "Bow Wow" to call another person corny...that's takes gall. The unmitigated kind.
I can't believe the nerve of this guy who's never put out an album without a ghostwriter, who's never had a song that was played the next year, let alone a certifiable classic. He talks about Will Smith, yet Will Smith put him on the Wild, Wild, West soundtrack. Yeah, Bow Wow sounds really grateful. Will Smith was the first rapper to successfully do a lot of the things these rap cats are trying to do now. Everyone out there is trying to follow in Will Smith's footsteps, from DMX to Bow Wow and most of them can't get a good show, let alone a good movie. I'm not gonna lie and say that he's a great rapper, but he's certainly a pioneer in hip-hop and deserves to be respected. Especially by someone who'll be forgotten by the time he can grow a full beard.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
My take on...
Every so often, I have some partial thoughts about different things going on in the world. Here's what I think about certain people in the sports world. My take on....
...Michelle Wie.
I don't remember her ever proving she could beat her fellow 14-year olds, let alone a grown man. Let me know if she ever starts dominating her peers. She better do it quick before she ruins her confidence and her career. That can only lead to the cover of Hustler, where she'll get paid just enough to keep her heroin addiction going for three more months.
...Sean Salisbury:
The man was a quarterback for what, two and a half weeks back in 1994? He's full of good advice that he himself could have used back during his playing day. Maybe if he had taken some of it, he would have been, y'know...relavant. Gus Frerotte was one his peers and I remember him. Why couldn't I remember Sean Salisbury?
...Kobe Bryant:
There's absolutely nothing wrong with playing EXACTLY like Michael Jordan, except in Queens, where they call that "holding his dick in public."
...Magic Johnson:
Magic Johnson doesn't have HIV, unless HIV's secret side-effect is to make you gain weight. You know who really has HIV? Larry Bird. The man started deteriorating as soon as Magic made his annoucement.
...Michael Wilbon (from PTI):
He wants to hard to be recognized for being edgy and mean and so tough on these sports guys. He wishes he could be viewed as the angry black man, but we all know that's not the case. His righteous indignation from atop his moral high horse is so cute, though. He's probably married to a white woman.
...Tony Kornheiser (from PTI):
I love this man. He deserves an entertaining co-host. I was hoping Stephen A. Smith would have gotten it, but he's decided that a studio audience was the way to go.
...Stephen A. Smith:
I believe he passionately HATES Kevin Frazier (the old host of the NBA stuff on ESPN), which is why he's the OLD host of the NBA stuff on ESPN.
...Tom Jackson (ESPN football analyst):
Few things in life are funnier than the look on this man's face when Michael Irvin or Steve Young dare to challenge the all knowing wisdom of Tom Jackson. Whenever he gets upset at them, you can almost see him wistfully look back to the days when it was just he and Chris Berman...alone. It's almost like when the slaves would start identifying with the slavemaster. I expect his name to become Tom Berman by this time next year.
...Shannon Sharpe:
He was an great tight end (the gayest thing I've said since last Wednesday), but when was the last time YOU were able to get a job because your brother was good-looking and well spoken?
...Phil Jackson:
I want to fuck his wife. I settled for paying him money for his book.
...Terrell Owens:
If I had paid full price for my jersey I'd be really pissed at him for making it so I can't wear it again for a while.
...Emmitt Smith:
I could have gotten 2000 yards a season with that offensive line. Note that as soon as they were gone, you didn't hear a word out of Emmitt Smith. Hell, Warrick Dunn is good for at least a G and he's got a terrible offensive line. If Barry Sanders had Emmitt Smith's line, he would have rushed for 4000 yards a season.
...Barry Sanders:
The greatest running back I've ever seen. Broke more ankles than Kathy Bates and half the time, he was the only one on the field with a Lions jersey on. Certainly, no one was blocking for him. If I were him, I'd hate Emmitt Smith. In fact, I do hate Emmitt Smith.
...Vince Carter:
Tim Legler declared this man's career was over. I've never met VC, but I knew he still had it just from the four games I saw him in over the last three years before the trade. You'd think Tim Legler would understand how Vince was feeling, seeing as how he NEVER played on a winning team.
...Penny Hardaway:
I believe the man could still give you 15 and 9. But he'll never get the chance because Stephon Marbury clutches the ball so tightly to his bosom you'd think his crack stash was in there.
...Frank Thomas:
The minute he stopped being productive, the White Sox got good. That has got to sting a little.
...Tom Brady:
Much like Mr. Smith, with a line like that, even Sean Salisbury could give you 300 yards and 4 touchdowns a game. This is probably the most overrated quarterback in history. He's a good quarterback, but you're seeing now that he doesn't will his team to victory. I've seen Brett Favre get a sub-par team into the playoffs (last year's Packers). Brady doesn't seem too up to the job. He's the beneficiary of a well timed injury and the most balanced football team EVER. And also the Bush Administration's rigging of the 2002 Super Bowl.
...Drew Bledsoe:
Inventor of the Tom Brady Voodoo Doll and probably has tried to cut Tom Brady's brake lines more than once. Those years he was exiled to Buffalo were brutal. I forgot he was still playing.
...College Football:
The most worthless sport ever in human history. I'm still upset that Nebraska and Penn State never got to play in 1994. Turned me completely off to college football.
...College Basketball:
Now THAT'S how you decide a champion! Unfortunately for me, it won't be North Carolina this year. Two times this year, I'm going to be on the brink of tears. Both times, Duke will be on the floor against UNC.
...Scott Norwood:
Jay Feely's performance on Sunday made Scott Norwood smile just a little.
...Craig Kilborn and Keith Olbermann:
It's time for the prodigal sons to return. They need to save Dan Patrick. That man is so bitter and cynical these days that I think it's time for an intervention.
...The Philadelphia Eagles:
I knew letting Duce Staley leave would bite them on the ass.
...Steve Mariucci:
Probably got fired for trying to end the "Joey Harrington Experiment." I swear, Harrington must have embarrassing pictures of Matt Millen in his house. Matt Millen must have embarrassing pictures of the Lions' owner in his. Doesn't Matt Millen look like the dad from Varsity Blues?
...USC:
Due to the farcical nature of College Football, USC is as credible a champion as Triple H.
...Michelle Wie.
I don't remember her ever proving she could beat her fellow 14-year olds, let alone a grown man. Let me know if she ever starts dominating her peers. She better do it quick before she ruins her confidence and her career. That can only lead to the cover of Hustler, where she'll get paid just enough to keep her heroin addiction going for three more months.
...Sean Salisbury:
The man was a quarterback for what, two and a half weeks back in 1994? He's full of good advice that he himself could have used back during his playing day. Maybe if he had taken some of it, he would have been, y'know...relavant. Gus Frerotte was one his peers and I remember him. Why couldn't I remember Sean Salisbury?
...Kobe Bryant:
There's absolutely nothing wrong with playing EXACTLY like Michael Jordan, except in Queens, where they call that "holding his dick in public."
...Magic Johnson:
Magic Johnson doesn't have HIV, unless HIV's secret side-effect is to make you gain weight. You know who really has HIV? Larry Bird. The man started deteriorating as soon as Magic made his annoucement.
...Michael Wilbon (from PTI):
He wants to hard to be recognized for being edgy and mean and so tough on these sports guys. He wishes he could be viewed as the angry black man, but we all know that's not the case. His righteous indignation from atop his moral high horse is so cute, though. He's probably married to a white woman.
...Tony Kornheiser (from PTI):
I love this man. He deserves an entertaining co-host. I was hoping Stephen A. Smith would have gotten it, but he's decided that a studio audience was the way to go.
...Stephen A. Smith:
I believe he passionately HATES Kevin Frazier (the old host of the NBA stuff on ESPN), which is why he's the OLD host of the NBA stuff on ESPN.
...Tom Jackson (ESPN football analyst):
Few things in life are funnier than the look on this man's face when Michael Irvin or Steve Young dare to challenge the all knowing wisdom of Tom Jackson. Whenever he gets upset at them, you can almost see him wistfully look back to the days when it was just he and Chris Berman...alone. It's almost like when the slaves would start identifying with the slavemaster. I expect his name to become Tom Berman by this time next year.
...Shannon Sharpe:
He was an great tight end (the gayest thing I've said since last Wednesday), but when was the last time YOU were able to get a job because your brother was good-looking and well spoken?
...Phil Jackson:
I want to fuck his wife. I settled for paying him money for his book.
...Terrell Owens:
If I had paid full price for my jersey I'd be really pissed at him for making it so I can't wear it again for a while.
...Emmitt Smith:
I could have gotten 2000 yards a season with that offensive line. Note that as soon as they were gone, you didn't hear a word out of Emmitt Smith. Hell, Warrick Dunn is good for at least a G and he's got a terrible offensive line. If Barry Sanders had Emmitt Smith's line, he would have rushed for 4000 yards a season.
...Barry Sanders:
The greatest running back I've ever seen. Broke more ankles than Kathy Bates and half the time, he was the only one on the field with a Lions jersey on. Certainly, no one was blocking for him. If I were him, I'd hate Emmitt Smith. In fact, I do hate Emmitt Smith.
...Vince Carter:
Tim Legler declared this man's career was over. I've never met VC, but I knew he still had it just from the four games I saw him in over the last three years before the trade. You'd think Tim Legler would understand how Vince was feeling, seeing as how he NEVER played on a winning team.
...Penny Hardaway:
I believe the man could still give you 15 and 9. But he'll never get the chance because Stephon Marbury clutches the ball so tightly to his bosom you'd think his crack stash was in there.
...Frank Thomas:
The minute he stopped being productive, the White Sox got good. That has got to sting a little.
...Tom Brady:
Much like Mr. Smith, with a line like that, even Sean Salisbury could give you 300 yards and 4 touchdowns a game. This is probably the most overrated quarterback in history. He's a good quarterback, but you're seeing now that he doesn't will his team to victory. I've seen Brett Favre get a sub-par team into the playoffs (last year's Packers). Brady doesn't seem too up to the job. He's the beneficiary of a well timed injury and the most balanced football team EVER. And also the Bush Administration's rigging of the 2002 Super Bowl.
...Drew Bledsoe:
Inventor of the Tom Brady Voodoo Doll and probably has tried to cut Tom Brady's brake lines more than once. Those years he was exiled to Buffalo were brutal. I forgot he was still playing.
...College Football:
The most worthless sport ever in human history. I'm still upset that Nebraska and Penn State never got to play in 1994. Turned me completely off to college football.
...College Basketball:
Now THAT'S how you decide a champion! Unfortunately for me, it won't be North Carolina this year. Two times this year, I'm going to be on the brink of tears. Both times, Duke will be on the floor against UNC.
...Scott Norwood:
Jay Feely's performance on Sunday made Scott Norwood smile just a little.
...Craig Kilborn and Keith Olbermann:
It's time for the prodigal sons to return. They need to save Dan Patrick. That man is so bitter and cynical these days that I think it's time for an intervention.
...The Philadelphia Eagles:
I knew letting Duce Staley leave would bite them on the ass.
...Steve Mariucci:
Probably got fired for trying to end the "Joey Harrington Experiment." I swear, Harrington must have embarrassing pictures of Matt Millen in his house. Matt Millen must have embarrassing pictures of the Lions' owner in his. Doesn't Matt Millen look like the dad from Varsity Blues?
...USC:
Due to the farcical nature of College Football, USC is as credible a champion as Triple H.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Blind Patriotism
I know these are all old issues, but it was on my mind last night. Screw you. This is MY blog.
Last time I checked, blind patriotism is for idiots. Things like that lead to police states and unquestioned lords and masters of the world. Is that what you want?
It was a scary time when people accused others of not being patriotic when they dared question His Holiness George Dubya, the Second. Am I the only person who heard about the phenomenon that was McCarthyism?
For those who would tell me that I should love it or leave it (in reference to the USA...usually white people do this), if I didn't love it, I wouldn't care what others do to it. I criticize it because I love it. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else in the world, but the state that this country (and the world) is in right now scares me. People who think that you shouldn't be criticizing the country or whatever else clearly can't take criticism well. Either that, or they're doing something they have no business doing.
Look at it like this, if your friends or your family was doing something wrong, you'd tell them they were wrong, right? You know, to look out for them; to keep them out of trouble. Or as the brothers used to say, "off the illa path." Nah, I'm the stupid one. Turns out you were really just anti-family and friends, because you dared have the temerity to have an alternate viewpoint.
For those who believe that I should fight for my country's freedom...you're absolutely right. I should. And when we went into Afghanistan, I was 100% in support of it. You figure, if Osama's the one who really did it, and you know he's in Afghanistan, it doesn't make too much sense to look for him in, say....Cambodia. You should probably go to Afghanistan. If they had drafted me to go there, I would have been upset, but I would have understood.
But...don't tell me that I should go to Iraq and fight. Much like Vietnam, it's a skirmish that people can't even find a competent defense for anymore. Everyone wants to get out of there now. Personally, I believe Bush should have been impeached for it and Cheney thrown in jail, because I know that if I had done something like that, I would have been impeached at the least and most certainly would have been thrown in jail.
You people wanted Clinton's head for getting some head, but you let this clown slide on getting us involved in a war against a country that was no threat to its neighbors, let alone a country about 6000 miles away and about 50 times greater in size.
Eddie Guerrero died last week of heart troubles, but Dick Cheney is still alive and kicking. God bless the Devil that Cheney sold his soul to.
Last time I checked, blind patriotism is for idiots. Things like that lead to police states and unquestioned lords and masters of the world. Is that what you want?
It was a scary time when people accused others of not being patriotic when they dared question His Holiness George Dubya, the Second. Am I the only person who heard about the phenomenon that was McCarthyism?
For those who would tell me that I should love it or leave it (in reference to the USA...usually white people do this), if I didn't love it, I wouldn't care what others do to it. I criticize it because I love it. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else in the world, but the state that this country (and the world) is in right now scares me. People who think that you shouldn't be criticizing the country or whatever else clearly can't take criticism well. Either that, or they're doing something they have no business doing.
Look at it like this, if your friends or your family was doing something wrong, you'd tell them they were wrong, right? You know, to look out for them; to keep them out of trouble. Or as the brothers used to say, "off the illa path." Nah, I'm the stupid one. Turns out you were really just anti-family and friends, because you dared have the temerity to have an alternate viewpoint.
For those who believe that I should fight for my country's freedom...you're absolutely right. I should. And when we went into Afghanistan, I was 100% in support of it. You figure, if Osama's the one who really did it, and you know he's in Afghanistan, it doesn't make too much sense to look for him in, say....Cambodia. You should probably go to Afghanistan. If they had drafted me to go there, I would have been upset, but I would have understood.
But...don't tell me that I should go to Iraq and fight. Much like Vietnam, it's a skirmish that people can't even find a competent defense for anymore. Everyone wants to get out of there now. Personally, I believe Bush should have been impeached for it and Cheney thrown in jail, because I know that if I had done something like that, I would have been impeached at the least and most certainly would have been thrown in jail.
You people wanted Clinton's head for getting some head, but you let this clown slide on getting us involved in a war against a country that was no threat to its neighbors, let alone a country about 6000 miles away and about 50 times greater in size.
Eddie Guerrero died last week of heart troubles, but Dick Cheney is still alive and kicking. God bless the Devil that Cheney sold his soul to.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Civil Liberties
On ESPN today, there's a report about fans at NFL games complaining and suing because they don't want get patted down before they enter the stadium. To these people I say, shut the fuck up.
For the last three and some change years, people have been complaining about airport security (it's been really bad here in Atlanta). To these people I also say, shut the fuck up.
This is what you wanted, America. Don't get mad about it now. You put those jokers in Congress and you put that retard back in office. You supported that administration when he started pushing the Patriot Act. It was okay for authorities do whatever they wanted to root out those evil Arab bastards. It wasn't until they started searching YOU that YOU started complaining. I don't wanna hear it. Just shut up.
Why, they're just doing what they have to do to keep the peace. Remember that when they're tapping your phone or kicking your door in.
For the last three and some change years, people have been complaining about airport security (it's been really bad here in Atlanta). To these people I also say, shut the fuck up.
This is what you wanted, America. Don't get mad about it now. You put those jokers in Congress and you put that retard back in office. You supported that administration when he started pushing the Patriot Act. It was okay for authorities do whatever they wanted to root out those evil Arab bastards. It wasn't until they started searching YOU that YOU started complaining. I don't wanna hear it. Just shut up.
Why, they're just doing what they have to do to keep the peace. Remember that when they're tapping your phone or kicking your door in.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Stephon Marbury
Stephon Marbury is the best point guard in the NBA.
Bitch, please.
Stephon Marbury isn't the best point guard in the state of New York. Isiah Thomas could step on the court TONIGHT and be a better point guard. Larry Brown, replaced hips and all, could show Marbury a thing or two about being a point guard. Penny Hardaway can still manage a team better than Marbury. I'd pick whoever's starting at St. John's this year over Marbury. I'll even go so far as to say that if they took the train over to Brooklyn, they could find a better point guard in the middle of some streetball game.
He isn't the best point guard even amongst shooting guards and small forwards. Who does this guy think he is? And why does this man have fans? Now let's be fair: I don't know anything about this guy outside of what he does on the court. He might be a nice guy. When it comes to his game, though...this guy is overrated.
If he's so good, why have I never seen this man on a winning team? He's not like Mitch Richmond. Mitch was a great shooting guard who never had a serviceable team built around him, let alone a winning team. Marbury, on the other hand? He didn't make GA Tech any better when he was there. When he got to Minnesota, he was practically giftwrapped a future championship when he teamed with Kevin Garnett. He was traded to New Jersey where he would eventually team with Richard Jefferson and Kenyon Martin, yet the team languished in the East's cellar...until Marbury was traded. Then, that same team went to the NBA Finals with new point guard Jason Kidd. His new team, the Phoenix Suns, had Shawn Marion and Penny Hardaway and would draft Amare Stoudamire. This team would languish in the West's cellar and struggle to make the playoffs before Hardaway and Marbury were traded to the Knicks. That Suns team wouldn't do anything at all until the next year...when new point guard Steve Nash signed there. Then that exact same team would win 62 games and go to the Western Conference Finals.
Does that sound like a winner to you? Sure, he's talented, but he's never made anyone else better. In fact, I have a personal belief that his ball-hogging has ruined the latter part of the career of Penny Hardaway. His style of play has never benefitted anyone other than himself, and he's the point guard! It's his JOB to make others better! Some people might say, "but he's a scorer!" or "he's never had good players around him; he doesn't have anyone to pass to!"
That's a load of crap. I present exhibit A: Allen Iverson. Drafted the same year and at two inches shorter, this man dominated the league in scoring and carried a team of no-names to the NBA Finals in 2001. He was/is also a shoot first point guard who didn't make anyone better, but he was always a dominant scorer. So he was moved to shooting guard and somehow began to make guys like Aaron McKie and Eric Snow better from that position, by drawing defenses and finding the open man. Last year, he was moved back to point guard and had his best season, as he had good players around him and while they struggled, they got better as the season went on. This year, he's putting up insane points and assists numbers in this early season, and helping Chris Webber resurrect his career (he's looked better here than he has in about two or three years) and helping Al2 (Andre Igoudala) blossom into a star in his own right.
Allen Iverson had NO good players around him, and willed his team to the Finals. Why can't Marbury do that? You know why? Because he's not as good as advertised. He's not a dominant scorer (he's a good scorer, though) and he doesn't always find the open man. He doesn't draw defenses because you know that he's not that great of a shooter so you can play off of him and when he drives to the basket, he's going to force something stupid, rather than find the open man (like a real point guard). He's the ultimate me-first player in the NBA and represents almost everything that I find wrong with today's game. Yes, he's got deadly handle with the ball, but what NY point guard doesn't? Yeah, he's quick, but so is Nate Robinson. There's nothing exceptional about his game, especially now, since he doesn't dunk anymore.
So if you have a guy who doesn't make his teammates better, doesn't put up an overwhelming amount of points, doesn't will his team to victory, doesn't pass, doesn't even do anything spectacular to give the fans a reason to watch...what's the point in even playing him? And why has no one ever called him out on claiming to be the best PG in the NBA? Especially when Jason Kidd and Steve Nash still draw breath. Two men who took his old teams (in their entirety) deep into the playoffs. And he has the nerve to suggest that HE'S the best? The best at what? Has he ever played on a winning team?
Surprisingly, yes. Once in 2003-04. Phoenix won 53 games. And Minnesota was 25-25 in the lockout season. He only played 18 of those games before he was shipped to New Jersey, though. Terrell Brandon would take over at PG the next season and they'd start their streak of consecutive playoff appearances. I completely forgot about that one.
Is it all worth it, New York? Personally, I would have kept Charlie Ward.
Bitch, please.
Stephon Marbury isn't the best point guard in the state of New York. Isiah Thomas could step on the court TONIGHT and be a better point guard. Larry Brown, replaced hips and all, could show Marbury a thing or two about being a point guard. Penny Hardaway can still manage a team better than Marbury. I'd pick whoever's starting at St. John's this year over Marbury. I'll even go so far as to say that if they took the train over to Brooklyn, they could find a better point guard in the middle of some streetball game.
He isn't the best point guard even amongst shooting guards and small forwards. Who does this guy think he is? And why does this man have fans? Now let's be fair: I don't know anything about this guy outside of what he does on the court. He might be a nice guy. When it comes to his game, though...this guy is overrated.
If he's so good, why have I never seen this man on a winning team? He's not like Mitch Richmond. Mitch was a great shooting guard who never had a serviceable team built around him, let alone a winning team. Marbury, on the other hand? He didn't make GA Tech any better when he was there. When he got to Minnesota, he was practically giftwrapped a future championship when he teamed with Kevin Garnett. He was traded to New Jersey where he would eventually team with Richard Jefferson and Kenyon Martin, yet the team languished in the East's cellar...until Marbury was traded. Then, that same team went to the NBA Finals with new point guard Jason Kidd. His new team, the Phoenix Suns, had Shawn Marion and Penny Hardaway and would draft Amare Stoudamire. This team would languish in the West's cellar and struggle to make the playoffs before Hardaway and Marbury were traded to the Knicks. That Suns team wouldn't do anything at all until the next year...when new point guard Steve Nash signed there. Then that exact same team would win 62 games and go to the Western Conference Finals.
Does that sound like a winner to you? Sure, he's talented, but he's never made anyone else better. In fact, I have a personal belief that his ball-hogging has ruined the latter part of the career of Penny Hardaway. His style of play has never benefitted anyone other than himself, and he's the point guard! It's his JOB to make others better! Some people might say, "but he's a scorer!" or "he's never had good players around him; he doesn't have anyone to pass to!"
That's a load of crap. I present exhibit A: Allen Iverson. Drafted the same year and at two inches shorter, this man dominated the league in scoring and carried a team of no-names to the NBA Finals in 2001. He was/is also a shoot first point guard who didn't make anyone better, but he was always a dominant scorer. So he was moved to shooting guard and somehow began to make guys like Aaron McKie and Eric Snow better from that position, by drawing defenses and finding the open man. Last year, he was moved back to point guard and had his best season, as he had good players around him and while they struggled, they got better as the season went on. This year, he's putting up insane points and assists numbers in this early season, and helping Chris Webber resurrect his career (he's looked better here than he has in about two or three years) and helping Al2 (Andre Igoudala) blossom into a star in his own right.
Allen Iverson had NO good players around him, and willed his team to the Finals. Why can't Marbury do that? You know why? Because he's not as good as advertised. He's not a dominant scorer (he's a good scorer, though) and he doesn't always find the open man. He doesn't draw defenses because you know that he's not that great of a shooter so you can play off of him and when he drives to the basket, he's going to force something stupid, rather than find the open man (like a real point guard). He's the ultimate me-first player in the NBA and represents almost everything that I find wrong with today's game. Yes, he's got deadly handle with the ball, but what NY point guard doesn't? Yeah, he's quick, but so is Nate Robinson. There's nothing exceptional about his game, especially now, since he doesn't dunk anymore.
So if you have a guy who doesn't make his teammates better, doesn't put up an overwhelming amount of points, doesn't will his team to victory, doesn't pass, doesn't even do anything spectacular to give the fans a reason to watch...what's the point in even playing him? And why has no one ever called him out on claiming to be the best PG in the NBA? Especially when Jason Kidd and Steve Nash still draw breath. Two men who took his old teams (in their entirety) deep into the playoffs. And he has the nerve to suggest that HE'S the best? The best at what? Has he ever played on a winning team?
Surprisingly, yes. Once in 2003-04. Phoenix won 53 games. And Minnesota was 25-25 in the lockout season. He only played 18 of those games before he was shipped to New Jersey, though. Terrell Brandon would take over at PG the next season and they'd start their streak of consecutive playoff appearances. I completely forgot about that one.
Is it all worth it, New York? Personally, I would have kept Charlie Ward.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Celebrity Deaths
Eddie Guerrero died on Sunday and I got pretty upset about it. I wasn't openly sobbing or anything, although I did shed a tear or two. I was depressed at work and Tuesday morning, when I came home, I couldn't bring myself to watch the Raw episode dedicated to him. It's 1:30 am, Wednesday morning and I still haven't watched it. I'm not ready.
Why is that? I've never met Eddie Guerrero. I've seen him in person once, but that was from about 50 yards away and he was busy kicking the crap out of Chris Jericho. I've never spoken with him, but I have seen him cut a lot of wrestling promos over the years. He's never heard any of my opinions, though.
Yesterday, I was thinking about it all. Why do we feel such a closeness with celebrities? We don't really know these guys behind closed doors, although in a lot of cases, after they're gone their friends say all kinds of kind words about them. In Eddie's case (hell, I even refer to him by his first name, like he's my boy), no one has yet to say a bad word about him. Not even the Honky Tonk Man, and that guy has dirt on everyone and isn't afraid to let the world know about it.
We can't really hang out with them, because celebrities tend to be busy people. Even if you bump into them at a club or bar or something, chances are you won't get to have an involved conversation with them. They've got beer to drink, people to flirt with, lawsuits to fight...basically, they've got shit to do and if even if they weren't busy, they just don't know you. These are people who tend to be private with their personal lives and with good reason. The National Enquirer's mission is NOT to show the world that Brad Pitt's heart is filled with cuddly puppies and butterflies.
It just baffled me that I was so upset over the death of a person I'd never even had a conversation with. Logically, this just doesn't make sense to me. I mean, I know who he was and what he did and things like that, but...he wasn't a family member. He wasn't a friend. If I walked past him on the street, he wouldn't know who I was from you. I remember when Kurt Cobain died and my peers (well, white folks my age) were killing themselves because he was dead. It just didn't make sense to me why they'd do that. He wouldn't do it for them. All he was was a person who made music and spoke in a voice that those kids could understand and relate to when no one else could or would. Well, maybe that's it. Maybe he made them feel like they weren't alone in the world and when he was gone, suddenly they were alone again. With his death, they didn't have that person who understood what they felt inside or what they were going through. Not that Eddie and I have the same experiences or he knows what I'm going through, but to me, as a wrestling fan, he gave me inspiration and excitement and humor and drama and his heart and his soul.
Professional artists or athletes give you parts of their inner being when they create or perform. I read someone saying that when it's done right, wrestling is an artform. Eddie Guerrero was one of the best artists the world has ever known. Watching him in the ring drew emotions out of me. When he's do something underhanded and get away with it, he'd give this mischevious grin and it made me give the same grin, like we shared an inside joke that no one else knew about. When he "quit" WCW on Nitro, I felt some of his anger when he cut his promo, because we both knew he was capable of more than he was allowed to do. Even when he was bad, he was hard to hate and when he was good, we loved him even more. Through his actions in the ring, we caught some of his true personality and we felt a connection to him. The more we saw him, the closer to him we felt. Now that he's gone, our lives feel that much more empty.
And since we won't get to see him perform anymore, that's why we feel that we've lost a friend. I guess.
Why is that? I've never met Eddie Guerrero. I've seen him in person once, but that was from about 50 yards away and he was busy kicking the crap out of Chris Jericho. I've never spoken with him, but I have seen him cut a lot of wrestling promos over the years. He's never heard any of my opinions, though.
Yesterday, I was thinking about it all. Why do we feel such a closeness with celebrities? We don't really know these guys behind closed doors, although in a lot of cases, after they're gone their friends say all kinds of kind words about them. In Eddie's case (hell, I even refer to him by his first name, like he's my boy), no one has yet to say a bad word about him. Not even the Honky Tonk Man, and that guy has dirt on everyone and isn't afraid to let the world know about it.
We can't really hang out with them, because celebrities tend to be busy people. Even if you bump into them at a club or bar or something, chances are you won't get to have an involved conversation with them. They've got beer to drink, people to flirt with, lawsuits to fight...basically, they've got shit to do and if even if they weren't busy, they just don't know you. These are people who tend to be private with their personal lives and with good reason. The National Enquirer's mission is NOT to show the world that Brad Pitt's heart is filled with cuddly puppies and butterflies.
It just baffled me that I was so upset over the death of a person I'd never even had a conversation with. Logically, this just doesn't make sense to me. I mean, I know who he was and what he did and things like that, but...he wasn't a family member. He wasn't a friend. If I walked past him on the street, he wouldn't know who I was from you. I remember when Kurt Cobain died and my peers (well, white folks my age) were killing themselves because he was dead. It just didn't make sense to me why they'd do that. He wouldn't do it for them. All he was was a person who made music and spoke in a voice that those kids could understand and relate to when no one else could or would. Well, maybe that's it. Maybe he made them feel like they weren't alone in the world and when he was gone, suddenly they were alone again. With his death, they didn't have that person who understood what they felt inside or what they were going through. Not that Eddie and I have the same experiences or he knows what I'm going through, but to me, as a wrestling fan, he gave me inspiration and excitement and humor and drama and his heart and his soul.
Professional artists or athletes give you parts of their inner being when they create or perform. I read someone saying that when it's done right, wrestling is an artform. Eddie Guerrero was one of the best artists the world has ever known. Watching him in the ring drew emotions out of me. When he's do something underhanded and get away with it, he'd give this mischevious grin and it made me give the same grin, like we shared an inside joke that no one else knew about. When he "quit" WCW on Nitro, I felt some of his anger when he cut his promo, because we both knew he was capable of more than he was allowed to do. Even when he was bad, he was hard to hate and when he was good, we loved him even more. Through his actions in the ring, we caught some of his true personality and we felt a connection to him. The more we saw him, the closer to him we felt. Now that he's gone, our lives feel that much more empty.
And since we won't get to see him perform anymore, that's why we feel that we've lost a friend. I guess.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Eddie Guerrero
Eddie Guerrero died today.
I really don't know what to say about all of it. One of my favorite wrestlers has died today. Obviously, I was shocked and shaken by it. He was only 38.
I was really hoping that it was a misprint or something. This had happened before. I remember when the internet had proclaimed that Viscera had died a few years ago. Clearly, that wasn't the case as he's on TV right now. Sure, WWE.com was reporting this, but they've unintentionally posted things before, too.
I was also hoping that it wasn't due to a drug overdose or something like that. Eddie has had problems with that sort of thing before. He got fired from the WWF, went to rehab, cleaned himself up and came back. He won the WWE title. He had been sober for about four years now. As a wrestling fan, we've had to deal with this sort of thing a few times, most notably, Brian Pillman, who also died in a hotel room in Minneapolis, hours before a big show. The thing with Eddie is that he's a favorite with many. He's one of the best in the world. And he cleaned himself up, changed his life, came back to wrestling and rose to greater heights than ever. Casual fans had begun to recognize what the hardcore fans had known all along. Eddie Guerrero is one of the best wrestlers they'd ever seen. I remember when Eddie came to the WWF in 2000, with Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, and Perry Saturn. I said then that Benoit would win the title and Eddie would be the guy who deserved to have it, but wouldn't get it. Out of that group of four great wrestlers, I felt he would be best of the four. I feel that he has been, to this day.
As far as the drugs go, I guess I just don't want the cause of death to be a drug overdose. I can deal with something natural. I can digest that. But I don't want one of my favorites to have died a junkie. And to think that he might have done that after all he'd been through angers me. Writing this, it's starting to dawn on me that it's been bothering me all day. I teared up as I typed those words, "died a junkie." Over the last few years, I've grown to hate junkies in wrestling. Another of my favorites died a few years ago of a drug overdose, Curt Hennig. When that happened, it barely fazed me. He knew the risks when he put that shit in his body and he suffered his fate. I miss him, but...that was his choice. I don't want to be mad and cold and uncaring with Eddie like I was with Curt. And I guess that's what hurts, that I might have to be.
After learning of his death, I decided to watch my tape of Smackdown. I work nights, so I have to tape wrestling, but I hadn't watched Smackdown regularly in a year or so. But out of the blue, I decided to tape it this past Friday, just to see what was going on. I planned to tape over it on Monday. Now that tape has a new meaning, because it contains Eddie's last televised match. And it wasn't a great match. He seemed to be a little disinterested in what was going on. It was Smackdown, though. He was wrestling Ken Kennedy. I didn't expect it to be Guerrero/Mysterio all over again. It has a funny ending, though, where he banged a chair against the mat when the ref wasn't looking, but he could hear it. Just before the ref turned around, he tossed the chair to Kennedy and dropped to the mat, feigning unconsciousness. The ref saw the scene and disqualified Kennedy. Eddie Guerrero won his last match.
I don't even know where i'm going with all of this. I guess I don't really need to have a point. One of my favorites has just died. It turns out that a lot of fans are hoping that he didn't die of an overdose, just like me. Some are saying that wrestling doesn't need another drug related wrestling death. I'm not worried about that. Wrestling is going to be okay either way. I just don't want people dragging Eddie through the mud, because that's what's coming if it was drugs involved and because he's so young, that's very likely. I'm still going to miss seeing Eddie Guerrero either way. His talents in the ring, his humor, his charisma. One of my all-time favorites, since 1997.
I've been with you since you and DDP were feuding over the Battlebowl ring. The match with Rey Misterio, Jr. at Halloween Havoc is one of the best I've ever seen. I bought Rey's DVD just to have that match. I always thought the LWO was one of the lowest points of your career. So was that car accident you were in. I just wanted you to be okay, and although it was selfish of me, I wanted to see you wrestle again. I was just glad you weren't dead. When the Revolution came around, to me it was just another point where you were underutilized. You made a grown man jump around like a schoolgirl in his dorm room when you delivered the frogsplash to Road Dogg on Raw for the first time. Then, when you injured your elbow on Smackdown...man, that sucked. I was pissed at you when got fired from the WWF, but I was in the house when you came back and attacked Jericho on Raw and I think I was one of maybe five people who recognized you through your dyed hair. I wanted you to beat the crap out of that guy who came in the ring during the ladder match. I was really glad to see you let the mullet go. I didn't even bother watching No Way Out because I didn't think the "E" would really let you go over Brock Lesnar. And I'll always remember seeing both you and Benoit in the ring with the championship belts, because it was a day that i never thought I'd see. And that brings me to today, because it was a day that i never expected to see. Goodbye, Eddie.
I really don't know what to say about all of it. One of my favorite wrestlers has died today. Obviously, I was shocked and shaken by it. He was only 38.
I was really hoping that it was a misprint or something. This had happened before. I remember when the internet had proclaimed that Viscera had died a few years ago. Clearly, that wasn't the case as he's on TV right now. Sure, WWE.com was reporting this, but they've unintentionally posted things before, too.
I was also hoping that it wasn't due to a drug overdose or something like that. Eddie has had problems with that sort of thing before. He got fired from the WWF, went to rehab, cleaned himself up and came back. He won the WWE title. He had been sober for about four years now. As a wrestling fan, we've had to deal with this sort of thing a few times, most notably, Brian Pillman, who also died in a hotel room in Minneapolis, hours before a big show. The thing with Eddie is that he's a favorite with many. He's one of the best in the world. And he cleaned himself up, changed his life, came back to wrestling and rose to greater heights than ever. Casual fans had begun to recognize what the hardcore fans had known all along. Eddie Guerrero is one of the best wrestlers they'd ever seen. I remember when Eddie came to the WWF in 2000, with Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, and Perry Saturn. I said then that Benoit would win the title and Eddie would be the guy who deserved to have it, but wouldn't get it. Out of that group of four great wrestlers, I felt he would be best of the four. I feel that he has been, to this day.
As far as the drugs go, I guess I just don't want the cause of death to be a drug overdose. I can deal with something natural. I can digest that. But I don't want one of my favorites to have died a junkie. And to think that he might have done that after all he'd been through angers me. Writing this, it's starting to dawn on me that it's been bothering me all day. I teared up as I typed those words, "died a junkie." Over the last few years, I've grown to hate junkies in wrestling. Another of my favorites died a few years ago of a drug overdose, Curt Hennig. When that happened, it barely fazed me. He knew the risks when he put that shit in his body and he suffered his fate. I miss him, but...that was his choice. I don't want to be mad and cold and uncaring with Eddie like I was with Curt. And I guess that's what hurts, that I might have to be.
After learning of his death, I decided to watch my tape of Smackdown. I work nights, so I have to tape wrestling, but I hadn't watched Smackdown regularly in a year or so. But out of the blue, I decided to tape it this past Friday, just to see what was going on. I planned to tape over it on Monday. Now that tape has a new meaning, because it contains Eddie's last televised match. And it wasn't a great match. He seemed to be a little disinterested in what was going on. It was Smackdown, though. He was wrestling Ken Kennedy. I didn't expect it to be Guerrero/Mysterio all over again. It has a funny ending, though, where he banged a chair against the mat when the ref wasn't looking, but he could hear it. Just before the ref turned around, he tossed the chair to Kennedy and dropped to the mat, feigning unconsciousness. The ref saw the scene and disqualified Kennedy. Eddie Guerrero won his last match.
I don't even know where i'm going with all of this. I guess I don't really need to have a point. One of my favorites has just died. It turns out that a lot of fans are hoping that he didn't die of an overdose, just like me. Some are saying that wrestling doesn't need another drug related wrestling death. I'm not worried about that. Wrestling is going to be okay either way. I just don't want people dragging Eddie through the mud, because that's what's coming if it was drugs involved and because he's so young, that's very likely. I'm still going to miss seeing Eddie Guerrero either way. His talents in the ring, his humor, his charisma. One of my all-time favorites, since 1997.
I've been with you since you and DDP were feuding over the Battlebowl ring. The match with Rey Misterio, Jr. at Halloween Havoc is one of the best I've ever seen. I bought Rey's DVD just to have that match. I always thought the LWO was one of the lowest points of your career. So was that car accident you were in. I just wanted you to be okay, and although it was selfish of me, I wanted to see you wrestle again. I was just glad you weren't dead. When the Revolution came around, to me it was just another point where you were underutilized. You made a grown man jump around like a schoolgirl in his dorm room when you delivered the frogsplash to Road Dogg on Raw for the first time. Then, when you injured your elbow on Smackdown...man, that sucked. I was pissed at you when got fired from the WWF, but I was in the house when you came back and attacked Jericho on Raw and I think I was one of maybe five people who recognized you through your dyed hair. I wanted you to beat the crap out of that guy who came in the ring during the ladder match. I was really glad to see you let the mullet go. I didn't even bother watching No Way Out because I didn't think the "E" would really let you go over Brock Lesnar. And I'll always remember seeing both you and Benoit in the ring with the championship belts, because it was a day that i never thought I'd see. And that brings me to today, because it was a day that i never expected to see. Goodbye, Eddie.
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