The First Black President

Should Barack Obama become president (either this time around, or in the future), I want the asses of anyone who calls him “the first nigga president” kicked. Hard. I’ve never met the man, but he seems like a good guy and someone above being called a “nigga.”

Yeah, he might do it behind closed doors and he might let his friends call him that, but publicly speaking, just don’t do it. Whoever the first black president winds up being would instantly be vaulted into the upper echelon of black leadership. He (or she) would join names like Martin and Malcolm, historically speaking. I just think that someone who would be so important to black people would be too good to be called the same thing that you’d call the wino outside the liquor store or the guy you just caught trying to steal your car.

I know it’s going to be funny to comedians to call him or her “the first nigga president,” because that joke really killed when Bill was in office. You can almost see the jokes writing themselves. Cedric told most of them on “Kings of Comedy.” And a lot of comedians are going to brush off their old Bill material and adjust it to apply to whoever the first is. And that’s all good. Just don’t call him “nigga.” He deserves better…

…unless he proves to be a complete embarrassment to the presidency in general and black folks in particular. Then and only then, will it be okay to call him a “nigga.” Let’s face it, if you get caught getting high behind the White House or start going to state functions drunk, that’s pretty much how the word should be used. There’s no defense for you at that point. I mean, if you’re acting like a nigga, I guess we might as well go ahead and call you one. The first time you show up at the White House in anything with chrome rims or try to replace the Secret Service with your entourage, the first words out of my mouth are going to be “this nigga here.”

So let’s make a deal right now, first black president. I promise to get as many people as I can not to call you a “nigga president (white folks not included),” and you promise not to try to turn “state functions” into “cookouts,” or get in any fights with foreign leaders for stepping on your shoes. Let’s both do our part not to embarrass our race. Starting with you.