An open letter to PETA

Dear fuckos,

The word is starting to come out that Michael Vick is unlikely to be indicted on dog-fighting charges. Should this event come to pass, I would just like to suggest that you apologize to this man for demanding that he be released from all of his endorsement deals (and his contract with the Falcons) without even waiting to see if he was going to be formally charged, let alone convicted of anything.

I’m tired of you, PETA. I’m tired of you going around bothering people over things that may or may not even be a big deal. This isn’t to say that Michael Vick couldn’t be guilty or that I even fully supported him during this time. But, I didn’t go door to door trying to get him booted out of places that have nothing to do with dog-fighting, or any sort of animal. The Falcons are the Falcons in name only. There aren’t really any birds on the team.

It just seems like you guys put the interests of animals in front of the interests of humans. I can understand wanting to protect those who can’t protect themselves, and I support that. I don’t think you should be allowed to kick puppies or put cats in the dryer, but I do believe that cow-tipping is funny. I don’t agree with hunting for sport, but I do believe that the idea of hunting being a humane practice is the most ludicrous thing I’ve heard of since PETA came out.

(Yes, hunters will tell you that hunting is humane, because it keeps the animals’ numbers manageable. Allegedly, it keeps them from being hit by cars or run over by tractors when developers come to town. And it’s better for you, because it keeps deer from wandering into your yard to eat your garbage. So next time you see a deer get hit by a car, just keep in mind that it would have been better for this creature that it was shot in the neck with a rifle instead.)

But there’s a line that should be drawn. And demanding that a man be fired from everything for dog-fighting has to be on the far side of that line. You need to rein it in some and be realistic about your goals. Because while animals have a right to life and deserve to be free from abuse, at the end of the day, they’re still animals and a few of them are going to end up on my plate. They call that the “food chain” and it’s a natural thing, whether PETA wants to believe it or not.

Thank you for your time, and please consider not being so damn annoying in the future.

TM