Pacman and Rashard

Adam “Pacman” Jones was pulled over for having the wrong plates and insurance information on his orange Lamborghini in Nashville. I think Pacman Jones has truly lost it, because clearly he’s forgotten that he’s black. Let’s recap:

Pacman Jones is black.

Pacman Jones was driving an ORANGE LAMBORGHINI. In Nashville.

When you meet the first two qualifications, you should just go ahead and EXPECT that you’re going to get pulled over at some point. I can’t imagine that any cop in NASHVILLE is going to see an ORANGE LAMBORGHINI with a young black man behind the wheel (and when you’ve had as many run-ins with the cops as this particular black man, you’d expect them to know your face by now) and not decide to pull the car over. Is it right? No, it isn’t…but it should be expected, which is why the last part should never happen…

Pacman Jones was driving the car with the wrong plates and insurance information.

And that’s why he deserves to be called “stupid ass” to his face. Why couldn’t he pay someone to make sure he doesn’t do dumb shit like switch the plates from another car onto his ORANGE LAMBORGHINI IN NASHVILLE? Like they’re not going to run the plates of an ORANGE LAMBORGHINI IN NASHVILLE! It’s not like that’s a common car to see on the road anywhere in the world. It’s probably safe to assume that if the cops see one at all, they’re going to run the plates, even if you’re white. You know how rare it is to see one of those on the road?

See, Pacman…aside from the fact that you’re a grown man who lets people call him “Pacman,” just the fact that you keep getting caught up is just another reason why you’ll be sitting at home for the whole season. You’ll be lucky if they even let you come back. Hopefully, you’ll use this free time to better yourself, or smarten up a little. Because if you can’t figure out that strippers will actually try to keep the $80,000 that you’re showering them with, or that police are likely to stop an ORANGE LAMBORGHINI IN NASHVILLE, perhaps you don’t deserve the blessings that you’ve been showered with.

The Orlando Magic are going to start paying Rashard Lewis $126 million dollars. And that’s why the Orlando Magic aren’t going to compete for a championship anytime soon. They just made the dumbest big-money signing of the decade, even worse than the Celtics locking up the otherworldly talents of Brian Scalabrine.

They won’t teach Dwight Howard any post moves, and they’re actually paying Rashard Lewis $126 million dollars. This guy wasn’t the best player on the last team he was on, and he won’t be the best player on this one. He scored 50 points in a game against the Clippers three years ago and suddenly, everyone believes this guy is an elite player. Lemme tell you about Rashard Lewis. I’d rather have Corey Maggette, and Maggette wouldn’t have the audacity to ask for anything more than $10 million a year.

Hell, Tony Delk scored 50 points in an NBA game. Willie Burton scored 50 points in an NBA game. I don’t see anyone looking to give them $126 million dollars. Probably because no one knows who they are.

In the age that we live in, The Information Age, regardless of what the official record says, there will be thousands of witnesses who will report what they saw, oftentimes in direct contrast to the official record. Why do I bring this up? Because the NCAA has vacated all of Oklahoma’s wins and stats from the record books for the 2005 season. A couple of players working at a car dealership is what caused this to happen. They broke the rules and Oklahoma is punished. Justice is served. That’s all well and good. But doesn’t the NCAA understand the futility of vacating wins from the record books?

Even before the internet, I thought things like this were stupid, because if I was at a game that was “vacated” I don’t care what the records says, what I saw is what happened. While my opinion ultimately doesn’t matter, in this day and age, the internet has allowed that singular voice to band with others and become far more vocal (and more annoying). Too vocal to be ignored, which means that the wins that the NCAA doesn’t recognize will still be recorded and remembered. So what was the point?

Steve Francis has been paid $30 million dollars by the Portland Trailblazers to go away. I don’t know if one should be hurt by that or go celebrate. I mean, he just got $30 million dollars to go away…but on the flip side of that, someone was actually willing to pay him $30 million dollars not to show up. What does that say about you? How screwed up of a person are you when someone’s willing to give you enough money to buy a small country just to stay away from them? Most people just get a restraining order.