The Whining

I'm gonna regret wasting that great title on this trifle of a blog entry.

The purpose of this resurgence of blogging on my part was supposed to teach me discipline, something I've never had before.  To write even when I'm exhausted, or hungry, or whatever.  When it's time to write, it's time to write.  Well, I've fucked that all the way up.  But I have learned that when I'm stressed or anxious or going through anything emotional, I can't write.  And I can't write because I can't focus.  So, there's that. 

I haven't written in days.  I've thought about it.  I've wanted to.  I've even sat down at the computer or with an open notebook and prepared to write.  And didn't do shit. 

I take that back.  I did brainstorm a little the other day and came up with a short Superman story I want to write.  So I did accomplish writing a few paragraphs.  But I don't really count that. Still, I guess my question is, how do the professionals deal with this sort of thing?  They probably just sit down and power through it, I'm guessing.  Then again, that's why they're the professionals.  I'm just sitting here on my laptop, pretending to be a writer.  I'm full of all these doubts about whether or not I can even do it, so I guess in my case, it's easy to get knocked off of my game. 

Boy, this is personal. 

Not too personal, though.  I mean, I'm not going into the causes of what brought me to this point, because that would make me the sort of person who's too stupid to realize that they shouldn't be putting their personal business on the internet.  But I think it's okay if I talk about this stuff, because it's part of my learning experience. 

I want to get better.  I will get better.  And I've learned some things in these past few days that will make me better. 

I have to suck it up, no matter what it is, and write.  And if something is preventing that from happening, then I need to get away from that distraction so I can write.

It's my own fault, really.  I allowed it to happen.  So, all I can do is pledge to myself not to let it happen again.  And if I fail that time, try again.  And keep trying until I get it right.