Everybody can't be Eddie Guerrero. So stop holding that against Chavo.

There's no shame in not being as talented as Eddie Guerrero. 

There have been thousands of wrestlers to walk the earth in the last hundred years.  It's safe to say that many of them were not on Eddie Guerrero's level.  You're talking about a guy who was strong, athletic, super-charismatic, and able to match up with any wrestler in the world.  When he was alive, he was easily one of the five best wrestlers in the world.  Since guys like that don't grow on trees, people get that, since he was so great, there was no shame in not being able to live up to his standard.

Unless you're Chavo Guerrero, Jr.  Then, you just plain suck.

Chavo had the misfortune of being raised with Eddie Guerrero.  Had he grown up anywhere else in the world and become a wrestler, he'd be looked at respectably, and judged on what he can and can't do.  But because his last name is Guerrero, this guy has to live the rest of his life being told that he isn't Eddie.  If only his last name was Cruz.  Chavo Cruz might have been a world champion by now, or at the very least, a TNA World Champion. 

All that's ever said about Chavo on the internet is that he isn't as good as Eddie and that he's getting by based on his name.  To be fair, everything said about everyone on the internet just as negative, but when it comes to Chavo, I'm like, "You're taking it too far, internet.  You're talking about him like you're talking about President Obama."  The guy just can't do anything right. 

So he isn't charismatic as Eddie.  So he doesn't move like Eddie.  So he isn't the wrestler that Eddie was.  Who the fuck is?  You know who else wasn't Eddie Guerrero?  AJ Styles.  Or Rey Misterio, Jr.  Or Big Show.  Or Christian.  But no one's rubbing their noses in the fact that they aren't some other guy.  Except maybe Christian.  I mean, Edge was so much bigger than him. 

But folks do it to Chavo because they share the same name.  All the while overlooking the fact that he's pretty damn good himself.  No, he's not Eddie, but he's a guy that also has good, fast-paced, exciting matches.  And he's stuck next to fucking Hernandez.  The internet is so fixated on hating Chavo for not being Eddie that they're overlooking the fact that he's teaming with Hernandez and still manages to pull good matches out of his ass.  Now that is talent.  When was the last time Eddie had to carry a shit partner like that?

The internet:  "When he teamed with Chavo." 

Me:  "Well, I guess I kind of walked right into that one, didn't I?"

Except that Eddie didn't have to carry Chavo through those matches.  No one did.  It ain't like he was Erik Watts, a clear case of nepotism.  Chavo carried his weight, held his own, whatever cliche you want to use to describe someone who does their part.  Chavo was one of the "Smackdown Six," and for once, he wasn't just "Eddie's nephew" something like that, where he could be dismissed.  He was on equal ground with everyone else.  And was just as big a part of those matches as Edge or Rey Misterio, Jr. or [REDACTED] or Kurt Angle.  Or, yes, even Eddie Guerrero.  Go back and watch those matches.  World titles be damned; Chavo Guerrero, Jr. can wrestle.

It's safe to admit it to yourself, Internet.

How to Fail at Comforting Others: A True Story

One of my old co-workers died recently and I was really at a loss for words. Not because we were particularly close or anything, because we weren't. In fact, we didn't get along at all. But I was real cool with her son, whom I also worked with, and so i wanted to say something supportive to him and a couple of other people who worked there. And that's when i realized i had nothing prepared for such an occasion. 

When you're a socially awkward person like I am, you have to prepare for the moment when the world forces you to interact with others, sometimes on an emotional level.  For those who are personable and likeable, you probably won't understand, since you're able to use words to express what is in your heart.  But for those of us who spend a dangerous amount of time inside their own heads, preparation is necessary.  Usually, I have some stock phrases that i keep on call for certain situations. One of the worst feelings is to be caught out there, fumbling over your words when someone speaks to you in the hallway.  By the time you come up with something, the person who spoke to you is already around the corner, thinking what a rude asshole you are. 

So you have to prepare for that mundane interaction by coming up with a variety of responses in the event that someone does speak to you.  If you're particularly anal, you might write them down or rehearse them in the mirror, so you can get used to saying them without spitting in anyone's face.  Me, I like to imagine each scenario, where I'm able to effortlessly rattle off the response to each greeting.  My timing is always perfect, and sometimes, I even give the double point to the person walking by.  Yes, even in my imagination, I'm lame.

Anyway, you might have some go-to jokes or sarcastic comment that usually works in a variety of situations.  You might have a self-effacing comment for that person who asks how your day is going.  "I can't call it," works when you're around black people.  I don't even know what that means. 

But I got nothing for when someone dies. Nothing.  I wish I could be that person who always has the right thing to say in moments like that; the person who can console an entire room of people with just the sound of his voice.  That's the kind of person who talks people out of killing themselves, or influences people to turn their lives around.  They're like the opposite of a high school football coach. 

Me, I'm the one in the back of the room with his head down, precisely because I don't want to make eye contact and be forced to speak.  I know I don't have anything to add, so why make this gathering awkward for all of us?  Just leave me back here to draw my pictures of Spider-Man fighting the Ultimate Warrior. 

I genuinely struggle with all kinds of sad or sentimental moments. You'd think someone who wrote all the time would be better at that sort of thing, but it seems I'm only good with being critical, sports, movies, and mockery.  The worst part is, I can't even do those in spoken word form. Sadly, technology hasn't evolved to the point where I can use a keyboard to speak all of my words for me.

I know most people don't even have to think about this sort of thing in sad situations like death, because they have religion to lean on.  They can regurgitate any number of Bible quotes at a moment's notice, and all of them are the right thing to say, because they're almost identical.  "Trust God, it's His will, I'm praying for you (almost always a lie), He's right on time," and much, much, more.  It's like Time-Life's "Most Pious Greatest Hits Collection."

Not to say that they don't mean it or it isn't heartfelt, but no real thought is going into that.  They're just saying something they heard someone else say.  People have been saying those exact things to each other for literally the last 1500 years.  But that's the goal, I think.  You want something that will resonate with people, but no one has the time to think up something that good every single time something tragic happens.  So, plagiarism works, too.  The Bible is a large book with tiny words, and the majority of people who claim that they've read it haven't actually read it.  So you're in the clear, even if you decide to make up something that sounds Bible-ish.  Really, just say that the Lord has been there for you like he was for Methuselah, and people will just nod and say "Amen," never realizing that God killed Methuselah before the Great Flood so he wouldn't have to die with everyone else.  So uplifting. 

Sadly, I'm not religious, so I have to think up my own material.  And there's my problem.  What do you say to someone who's lost their mother?  I mean, I care, and I hurt for him, even if we haven't spoken in years.  I don't want to lie and tell him I'm praying for him (because I'm not), but he and his family are in my thoughts.  How do I get that across in one or two sentences that will hopefully help him through a trying time?

Because I don't think Kardashian jokes are going to go over well in that circumstance.

Some guy named Kevin Jackson is a partisan hack

Thanks to Twitter, this blog entry came to my attention, and I just couldn't resist.  It was attributed to Joe the Plumber, because most people who saw it came across it on his blog.  But there's no way a boob like that could be this articulate.  This wrong, yes, but not this articulate.  So I responded to the blog, FJM-style.  The unedited article can be found here.  The original post is in bold.  My comments are in regular text. 

Admit it. You want a white Republican president again. 

This is gonna go well.

Now before you start feeling like you’re a racist, understand you are not. Wanting a white Republican president doesn’t make you racist, it just makes you American. 

Naturally.  Everyone knows that this is the natural order of things.  Only wanting a black President makes you racist, which is why all of us black people voted for him.  We're all so racist.

In the pre-black president era, criticizing the president was simply the American thing to do. An exercise of one’s First Amendment right. Criticism had nothing to do with color, because there had never been a black president, or at least one whom people recognized as black. So to criticize the president meant that you didn’t like his policies. 

Yeah, all of those signs of President Obama as a witchdoctor or a monkey that Teabaggers held up were just the extra gravy to drive home the point of their valid criticism.  Definitely not racist.
 

The election of a recognized black president was not supposed to change anything. In fact, it was supposed to (1) ease any perceived racial tensions, and (2) allow the government to focus on legislating without race. So America would be more free than ever to discuss the issues. 

And yet, that damn Obama let his blackness get in the way.  Making all of these good white folks mad that he's black and President by being black AND President.  So racist.  How dare he?


Not the case. And that is why having a white Republican president is best for the country. Consider that nobody is ever accused of being racist for disagreeing with white presidents.

Unless you're Rev. Al Sharpton, Rev. Jesse Jackson, Cynthia McKinney, Dr. Cornel West, Tavis Smiley, Roland Martin, Tupac, all of the Black Panthers, Malcolm X, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., or any black commentator who isn't a Republican.  But go on. 

Mexicans disagreed with most white Republican presidents over America’s immigration policy. Many deranged Mexicans believe we should open the country up to them, some saying that much of America belongs to Mexico anyway. They are not called racists. 

Probably because they didn't say anything racist.  


Liberal blacks have disagreed with most Republican presidents since Eisenhower, yet these blacks are not considered racists. 

Clearly, you're not familiar with #WhiteTwitter. 
 
In fact, when blacks had sanity and disagreed with the policies of racist white Democrat presidents, nobody accused black people of being racists. 

Probably because, back then, people still knew what the word "racist" meant.
 
Fighting for one’s civil rights was not racist then, nor is it racist now. Blacks (and Republicans) were on the side of righteousness, when they disagreed with the racist policies of Andrew Johnson, and adopted by every Democrat president since. 

This is that part where Republicans forget what happened to their party in the 1960s.  Just willingly oblivious to the reasons why black people vote Democrat these days.  Always bringing up history until this decade. Then, they're all MARTIN LUTHER KING AND THE ABOLITIONISTS WERE REPUBLICANS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE????

Never has a black person been called racist, because they didn’t like one of the white presidents’ policies. Blacks were just exercising their First Amendment rights to speak freely. Blacks have disagreed with policy positions of about every Republican president in the modern era, including those who have helped them. 

See?  They just can't figure out why black people have been against Republicans since the 60s.  COINTELPRO was in your best interests, black people!
 
Take Reagan for example.

SAINT Reagan.  #fixed

Reagan ushered in a veritable Renaissance for blacks, as Fox News showcased. And the Reagan record? African-American columnist Joseph Perkins has studied the effects of Reaganomics on black America. He found that, after the Reagan tax cuts gained traction, African-American unemployment fell from 19.5 percent in 1983 to 11.4 percent in 1989. Black-owned businesses saw income rise from $12.4 billion in 1982 to $18.1 billion in 1987—an annual average growth rate of 7.9 percent. The black middle class expanded by one-third during the Reagan years, from 3.6 million to 4.8 million. 

Feel free to discount any impartiality in that block of text just because Fox News was cited as the source.

But, I would ask, what were the unemployment and income numbers for white people during the same time?  Because unless theirs were stagnant during the same period, I would just call that "general economic improvement," and not something he did specifically for black folks.  Just something we happened to benefit from.  Like welfare.  But please, continue giving Reagan this verbal handjob.      
 
Real Politics reports Obama’s statistics as follows: Median family income for black Americans has declined a whopping 10.9 percent during the Obama administration…This decline does not include losses suffered during the financial crisis and the recession that followed, but it instead measures declines since June 2009, when the recession officially ended. That’s not the only bad news for African-Americans. The poverty rate for blacks is now 25.8 percent. The black labor force participation rate, which rose throughout the 1980s and 1990s, has declined for the past decade and quite sharply under Obama to 61.4 percent. The black unemployment rate, according to Pew Research, stands at 13.4 percent. Among black, male, high school dropouts, PBS’ Paul Salmon reports, the unemployment rate is a staggering 95 percent. That report was from 2011, and it’s gotten worse since then. Facts don’t lie. 

Yes, like the fact that you're suggesting President Obama did this on purpose.


Yet blacks want to put Obama on Mt. Rushmore and hang Reagan in effigy. The only way you can argue with those stats is if you are a racist. 

He's the first black President.  That is pretty historic.  All he had to do was not fling his own poop at foreign dignitaries to lock down a Rushmore spot. 

And I argued with those stats, but I already knew I was a racist, because #WhiteTwitter told me so.  You know, that bastion of racial harmony. 


Truth be told, most Liberal blacks are racists. Nobody wants to discuss it, because racism by black Liberals has been sanctioned by the Left, even encouraged. 

I don't even know where this bullshit comes from.  So much wrong here, and yet, all of it remains a Republican talking point.

For instance, just because damn near all black people vote Democrat doesn't mean they're "liberals."  And almost all the black people I know vote Democrat, but they don't hate white people.  They might get angry with them, and truthfully, sometimes it's hard not to, but they don't hate white people.  
 
Black racists get a pass, as black race-baiters are unchallenged on the most idiotic ideas and statements. MSNBC’s Touré said that using the word “angry” to describe Obama is racist. Juan Williams of Fox News said that mentioning the Constitution is racist, and the list goes on. But it gets worse. These Lefty racists do a far bigger disservice to blacks and America in general, as they rationalize Obama’s (and the Left’s) inability to create opportunity. 

And there it is.  "Voting for Democrats only hurts black people."  If only we were smart enough to look past all of the racist comments and behavior that come from Republicans to see that they're what's best for us. And I'm not even a Democrat.  I'm just anti-Republican. 

When their policies wreak havoc, they pose insane arguments. They say that Republicans are trying to starve people by reducing the welfare rolls that Liberals have happily increased by 16M Americans. Race-baiting, poverty-pimp Al Sharpton argued recently to keep 3M known deadbeats on welfare. 

Not like there's any particular reason why 16 million people needed to hop on food stamps.  No, the "liberals" just wanted them there.  You know, to bribe them into voting for Democrats.  Of course. 



Black racists don’t complain when black people are marginalized and insulted with policies that dumb down black America, like the lessening of academic standards. They are fine telling black youths that those youths are less smart than all other ethnic groups. 

I've never heard of a black kid saying that they were told that they weren't as smart as other ethnic groups.  Not unless that black kid was reading a report from the Heritage Foundation, a right-wing think tank that swears that black people are dumber than white people.  I know you know who they are, because Fox News cites their research all the time. 

Certainly no future ramifications from that policy, said nobody ever. These same racists allow for black children to be cheated in education and ultimately, opportunity, as their enablers—guilty white Liberal racists—turn a blind eye. 

Yeah, Republicans haven't played a part in the reduction of education standards at all, what with their desire to get everyone into private schools, fire public school teachers, bust unions, cut funding, add religion to science classes, rewrite history books to remove references to slavery and Civil Rights, as well as the horrific disaster called "No Child Left Behind," that has continued to ruin education for the last decade.  But keep telling us how "liberals" are so bad for education.

I long for the days of a white president, because under white presidents, at least black people had pride. Liberals have stolen pride from blacks, and they have no intention of giving it back. At least if we had a white president, black people might have a shot of regaining a modicum of respect. 

Yeah, we had so much pride under those first 40 Presidents.  Slavery and Jim Crow just helped us build character, right?


© 2013 Kevin Jackson – The Black Sphere, LLC – All Rights Reserved

Giving him all the credit for his bullshit, because I couldn't be this blind if I tried.

Ben Affleck as Batman isn't worth an anger stroke

Watching the internet unravel after Ben Affleck was announced to play Batman was something to behold. Seeing millions of allegedly grown ass people lose their shit over a guy dressing up in a rubber suit was a memorable moment in the history of nerddom, right behind "The Dark Knight Returns," "everyone in America pretending to be nerds," and "guys being able to pull girls with superhero shirts on."  Except this was truly entertaining, and I thank you.

I guess I just never really understood that level of anger over something that I don't own or can't control. Sure, I've had differences with movie creators over things, because who the fuck reads that Catwoman script and thinks that their work is done?  Also, my hate for Joel Schumacher's Batman movies was so great, I actually made an ex-girlfriend cry because she wanted me go see "Batman and Robin."  But even that was after we left the theater.  I at least had the decency to watch the movie before I shit on it so hard that I hurt a person's feelings. 

And really, at the time, announcing George Clooney at Batman actually provided some hope, until they said that Joel Schumacher was coming back, and thus began a two-year long campaign to never see that movie.  All of which was ruined opening weekend, when she begged me to go with her and her brother and sister.  We went to see that fucking movie, and now, we're no longer together.  I'm not saying the two events are related, but that was a really shitty movie. 

Anyway, freaking out on that level based on announcements has never made sense to me. Especially considering how wrong fandom tends to be.

By now, everyone's been reminded of how wrong they were about Michael Keaton as Batman in 1989, and Heath Ledger as the Joker in 2008.  Even those didn't bother me at all, because in 1988, when they revealed Michael Keaton, I thought it was pretty cool that Mr. Mom would be Batman.  Keep in mind, I was 10, and still considered Garfield comics to be a prime reason to read the newspaper.  And when Heath Ledger was announced as the Joker, I really didn't mind, because every announcement came with the disclaimer that they were going for something different.  Which they did.  And everybody was happy.

No, I'm not comparing Batfleck to Heath Ledger's Joker, but it's not like it's a fuck up that you can see coming a mile away.  It's not like it's Jessica Alba as the Invisible Woman or Keanu Reeves as John Constantine or every painful second of "X3: The Last Stand."  Some people are horribly miscast at times or are generally bad actors, and this isn't one of those times.  Now, that's the kinda stuff that fans should get upset about, but there you are, helping "Fantastic Four" make enough money for a sequel.  And instead, y'all wanna get mad about Idris Elba playing Heimdall in the Thor movie.  Look, Heimdall could have been played by Macho Man Randy Savage, and he still would have just stood there and been irrelevant.  That's why they were fine with turning him black.

Everyone has been bringing up all that old shit, like "Gigli" and "Daredevil, but Ben Affleck wasn't what was wrong with those movies.  You can see it if you watch them without actively hating Ben Affleck.  They were bad because of the people in charge of making them, and in the case of Mark Steven Johnson, writer/director of "Daredevil," he's proven that he was the problem when he made "Ghost Rider."  That guy is desperately trying to tell you to keep him away from the set of your movie.  That guy's directed five movies with an average Metacritic score of 5.6.  On Rotten Tomatoes, he has a 32.75% fresh rating.

I don't know what went wrong with "Gigli," though, because the guy who wrote and directed that also directed "Beverly Hills Cop" and "Midnight Run."  No one could have seen that coming.  But sure, it's Ben Affleck's fault that the fourth friend in the Hangover flicks was allowed to copy Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man" and call it acting.

That's right, the guy who spent the first Hangover stuck on the roof.  That guy.  Oh, and it was also Ben Affleck's fault that Jennifer Lopez's pussy monologue got through multiple edits.  Fuck, that was a painful movie to watch.  #butitwasntBenAfflecksfault

Right now, it's the cool thing to say that stuff, or talk about how you aren't going to see Superman/Batman or Batman/Superman or Batman vs. Superman, or Superman: The Quest for Peace, whatever they're going to call it.  But the more I think about it, the more I get excited about the idea of Ben Affleck as Batman.  And I'm the guy that everyone expects to be hyper-critical of everything (Man of Steel sucked, fuck you).  Because, like Matt Damon said, "He's not playing King Lear."  Except I've never seen that, so I'll go with the guy who played Gollum in "Lord of the Rings."  But he's been playing Bruce Wayne for the better part of his career, and since he already has the chin, all he has to bring for Batman is a better Batman voice than Christian Bale.  Preferably one that he can use when speaking meaningful dialogue.

But think about that:  All he has to work on for the next year is choosing a good Batman voice.  As long as he doesn't try to get creative or make him British, he's already won.  Honestly, I'm more worried about the writer and director.  Those people made made Superman an emo hobo and a killer. At the same damn time.  For all we know, these jokers might have Batman dancing or enjoying life.  I really don't know what to expect.

Even if you don't agree with this casting decision, why get mad?  If it fails, they will know, probably before opening weekend is over, that they made a mistake.  Not only that, you just spent two years hoping it failed so you could be right.  But if it succeeds, then you've just spent the previous two years being upset and wrong about something.  It's a no-win for you.  And most importantly, you had no effect on it either way.  You were angry, wrong, and irrelevant.  But if you sit back and just wait for it, you'll only be one of those things.

Keep On Being Cunty: The Guide to Being Alone Forever

If you're one of these women who likes to repost those pictures and statuses about how proud you are to be a difficult woman, you go fuck yourself right now. 

So, lemme get this straight:  You're a pain in the ass.  You're moody.  You're difficult.  You're selfish.  You know all of these things about yourself, aren't trying to change any of them, and you still think you're worth the effort?  Get the fuck outta here, because nowhere in that list did you say you were gonna cook or give massages or give the bomb head or anything.  You didn't say that you were smart or interesting, either.  I hope you didn't think that your personality was going to make time spent with you "worth it," because you've already established you're a piece of shit.

If this is your description of yourself and you're single, I hope you're able to figure out that you're the reason why.  It's not because no man is worthy of your charms or whatever princess-fantasy-bullshit lie you tell yourself.  Oh, so only a worthy or deserving man will put up with you long enough for you to reveal your true nature?  What, are you supposed to be Excalibur, waiting for the king to pull you out of the stone?  You must be as stupid as that fantasy sounds. 

As a rule of thumb, you should try to be a good person before you meet the person you want to be with.  But you haven't done that, because you'd rather keep on being all cunty.  The reason for that is simple:  It's because you're a horrible human being.  And people who are horrible human beings are generally called words like "bitch" or "cunt."  They don't call you that because they're sensitive, either.  They do it mostly because you're a bitch.  Or a cunt.  Trust me, you've earned that vile description.  Now, maybe I'm stupid, but I'm trying to figure out how those qualities mean that you deserve a man at all, even a shitty one.

No one likes those types of people, especially not a man who faces the prospect of spending his life being infected with your presence.  See, to land a man, you should be someone he can stand to be around without a social lubricant of some sort in his system.  In short, if he can't pass the drug test at his job before he comes to see you, you probably need to work on your personality.  Or he's got a drug problem.  But there's a 45-55% chance that it's you.

No man wants to deal with that all the time.  Yes, women like to argue, because right or wrong, you'll continue to do it, like a robot that was programmed to do one thing.  You seem to thrive on arguing and drama, even if it doesn't involve you, which is why reality TV is still a thing.  We're not built like that.  We expect the argument to stop at some point, which is why we forget that you're still upset during that lull in the action.  We think it's over, not realizing that you're on the other side of the bed, still thinking about it.  You're over there plotting and we're trying to decide which ESPN we're going to watch for the rest of the night.  We're just not built for that. 

It makes no sense to us why you would want to be a hard ass about everything, because the more time you're trying to test or manipulate us, that's time wasted that we could have been doing something productive.  For instance: 

You could have been playing each other in Ms. Pac-Man.  You could have been coloring.  You could have been playing "What A Fool Believes" on repeat.  Or you could have been making sweet, sweet love.  That's right, you could have been balls deep in the throes of passion right now, but you had to try to see how much abuse he was willing to take from you.  And for what?  Are you planning on being like that forever?  Answer carefully, because it leads right into my next question:  "What man would want to marry a woman who still throws temper tantrums?"  There's only two ways that relationship could end, one of them is probably a murder-suicide.  The other is an anger stroke.  Happiness is nowhere in the equation. 

And to find out that you were doing it on purpose the whole time?  I hope you drown in your own vomit.

I really shouldn't have to tell you this, but you're going to have to grow up.  Learn to play well with others.  Share.  Smile.  Be a pleasant person.  Everyone likes pleasant people.  Especially men who might want to marry you.  And if you're not able to do that, you better be able to fuck really well.  That's your only hope.  Don't even expect that your good looks (if you have them, because ugly chicks are bold these days, too) will get you over.  You will get older at some point, and wrinkle creams can't do anything about sagging breasts. 

Feel free to keep on being cunty, though.  It's just that more often than not, you'll be doing it alone.  Although there are always suckers out there. 

Where did women get that idea that this was acceptable behavior in the first place? I know one of those pictures filled with this sage advice has been attributed to Marilyn Monroe.  I don't know if she actually said that stupid shit, but then, who wouldn't want to be just like Marilyn Monroe?  Who wouldn't want to be a homewrecker carrying on secret relationships with the most famous man on the planet and his brother.  That's it, ladies; just keep reaching for the stars.  

Yes, Jay-Z is a role model, too.

You can't dictate who another race's role models should be.  I know it's hard for some white conservatives to understand, but you can't tell black people that their role models need to meet your approval.  Well, you can, but we're going to ignore you.  No matter how much you think Condoleezza Rice would be better for black youth than Jay-Z, you don't get to make that decision.  If it were up to you, do you really think Superfly would have taken hold in the 70s like it did? 

Pretty random topic, right?  Well, I had a conversation with a lady on Twitter today about this exact thing.  I should have been focused on my work, but this was way more interesting.  Because what kind of person tells me (as an example, just to make this sentence work) that my role model isn't good enough for them?  You've got to have some big balls, lady. 

Why shouldn't a kid look up to Jay-Z?  The man is rich and famous, and since kids are stupid and shallow these days, that's really all they need to know.  But he was a drug dealer, that lady said, and drug dealing rappers who glorify drug dealing are not worthy of role modelhood.  I'm paraphrasing, because she was way more long-winded.  Also, in my mind, she was wagging her finger at me.  "Tut, tut," I think she said.

On the surface, she might be right.  After all, these are the things that they say about Jay-Z on Fox News, and we all know they're never wrong.  At least they picked someone who has rapped about the drug game, unlike the time they went after Common.   But yes, Jay-Z did sell drugs - almost 20 years ago.  And if the crux of your argument against rappers being role models is something one used to do 20 years ago, you've lost the argument before it even started.  I mean, if you picked Nicki Minaj for this debate, I would have agreed with you, unless the goal was for your kids to become clowns.  It would have nothing to do with her drug history, because I don't know if she did or didn't.  I just wouldn't want my kids to act like that.

Also, let's not start digging into the past of some of these conservative heroes, because I won't even need to leave the decade before I get a hit.  But we're talking about Jay-Z.

Anyway, he's changed his life since those days.  Yeah, he got a little stabby there at one point, but all in all, he's turned things around.  You don't see him getting into fights or arrested for marijuana or gun possession.  He built companies, bought others, run other companies, sold those companies, and built more.  He's produced movies.  He was a minority owner of a sports team, and now, he's a sports agent.  A guy that was a drug dealer from Brooklyn.  Now, he's got an art film out on HBO and had Samsung buy his album to give away for free.  He's married to the biggest singer on the planet.  He can call the President.  What about his life doesn't make him a role model? 

What, the music?  You can disagree with the music all you like, but the life story shows people that no matter where you are, no matter what your circumstances, you can change them, and you can get out.  However, since you brought up the music, well, for one, I know you haven't listened to any of it.  Jay-Z had exactly two albums about drug dealing, and one of those was actually about a movie.  The other one was about why you shouldn't become a drug dealer.  All of his other albums were about being rich, famous, and sex with women.  Money, cash, hoes, in essence.  And the time he shot his brother.  And that one song about his mom.

So ever since that first album, Jay-Z has rapped about his life after he stopped being a drug dealer.  If you're going to accuse him of something, at least know what you're talking about.  Now, if you want to get on him for misogyny?  Fine, he probably wasn't the best on gender relations.  Cussing too much?  You got me there.  Defending the use of the n-word?  We'd be on the same side.  I think he's got a lot to be proud of, though.  He has a creative mind, a hard-working individual, and knows his business.  So if anyone is going to get through to some of these kids, it would be him.  They can't say he hasn't been where they've been.  

That's not to knock Condoleezza Rice, because she's a role model as well.  She's a positive woman who came up during segregation, played all kinds of musical instruments, taught at Stanford, advised two Presidents, and was appointed to the Cabinet; fields that are almost always dominated by men.  No shade on Condi at all, even if she does have Bush's stink on her.  But to cast Jay-Z aside because of the decisions he made in his past is really discounting his value.  Not only that, I guess black people just accept flawed individuals more easily than white conservatives do.  One of the benefits of so many of us going to jail, I guess.

The fact that he sold drugs, grew up in a fatherless home, shot his brother, and still managed to become what he is today is what makes him a role model.  His life is the life that a lot of kids of all colors see every day.  He's not pushing the drug life on kids, he's shining the light of redemption.  And if you can't see that, then I don't have anything else for you.

Don Lemon was right. Yeah, you already knew.

Don Lemon said some real stuff on CNN the other day and folks got pissed.  They were suddenly butthurt for a number of reasons, but I wouldn't know what most of them are, because I try to keep ignorant bullshit out of my timeline.  I just know what I didn't like about it, but we'll get to that later.  First things first, though:  Don Lemon was right.  And if you disagree, you're probably part of the problem.  Because who can argue with shit like pulling your pants up or finishing high school? 

He didn't even say "go to college."  Just get a diploma.  Be more respectful.  Don't throw trash on the ground.  Simple, basic things.  He's not telling you to cure sickle cell, and be grateful he didn't, because if you're fighting him this hard on proper pants height, imagine how rough the discussion on nucleopeptides is going to be.

He basically said on TV what many of us have said to each other:  "You look like an asshole wearing your pants like that."  "Hey, stupid.  Read a book."  "I ain't nobody's 'nigga.'"  What, because he's on CNN, he's not supposed to say it?  Well, would it make you feel better if I said it?  I don't have a show on CNN, but if you reread this paragraph, you can still get the message. 

Seriously, y'all.  You wanna go to war over "pull your pants up," "finish high school," and "stop littering?"  Get the fuck outta here.  If you're worried about Don Lemon looking down on you for that, if it helps you feel better, I'm broke and I still look down on you for at least two of those.  You're fighting the wrong battle here.  Instead of being mad at Don Lemon, how about you get mad at some math problems?  How about you go to war against that dropout rate? 

I guess some people are feeling like he was judging them, but if you couldn't finish high school and don't have a good excuse, you probably should be judged.  Still, he wasn't judging you, he was telling you that you can do better.  I'm not saying that we don't all make mistakes (I swear, a bunch of y'all don't need to be parents.  Can't you just give your kids to someone else?  Because under your care, you're just creating the next generation of criminals.), but it doesn't mean you can't make a better life for yourself.

If you have kids, would you want them walking around like that?  If the answer is "yes," you probably weren't going to read this anyway, and probably would have given up after I said, "nucleopeptides."  But for the rest of you, I'm sure that you have higher goals for your kids than an appearance on WorldStar. 

It's not even about trying to look good for white people, because there are plenty of black folks who have been screaming this shit for years.  Lots of us are just embarrassed by what we see now.  I know I am.  Hell, I was embarrassed 15 years ago, when Bill Cosby said it.  And the same folks that complained about him are probably the same ones complaining now.  Lemme guess, you don't want anyone messing with your food stamps, either.  But this has got nothing to do with white people.  Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm tired of seeing young black men on the news for home invasion. 

But maybe that's what people don't like, that he said it in front of the white people.  Well, we've proven that saying it in private doesn't help, because look at where we are now.  I'm sure Bill Cosby and Don Lemon weren't the first people to try to give you some advice.  If you weren't listening either of those two times, then what else are people supposed to do?  No one's asking you to save the world, but can you stop going to jail?  Is that too high a bar for you to reach?  Are repeat visits really necessary, or did you not take in the entire experience the first time? 

The only problem I have with Don Lemon is that he said, "Bill O'Reilly is right."  It almost de-legitimized everything that followed, because Bill O'Reilly is never right.  It's like siding with the cast of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."  You're agreeing with terrible people who are only looking out for their own self interests 100% of the time.  Bill O'Reilly doesn't give a shit about anything that black people do unless they're on his set, and only after security has patted them down.  This is the same asshole who told Marc Lamont Hill that he looked like a drug dealer.  This is the same asshole who said that he was "shocked" that the black staff at Sylvia's, a restaurant in Harlem, could speak without cursing. 

I'm probably not the best example of that right now, but who gives a fuck with Bill O'Reilly thinks about black people?  He didn't have shit to say about black-on-black crime until (like every other right-winger in America) it became a talking point, because they were sick of people talking about Trayvon Martin.  Fuck Bill O'Reilly and anyone who looks like him. 

That's the only mistake Don Lemon made.  He did Bill O'Reilly a favor, one that will never be returned.  I get that he was trying to make a point, and he wanted to show that he was actually fair and balanced, but there are plenty of other non-hate filled people to use as an example.  It doesn't even matter if Bill O'Reilly was right (and I will never say that he was).  Don Lemon sided with one of the worst human beings in America.  Otherwise, I would have taken up for Don Lemon from the start. 

The best I can do for him now is say that calling him an "Uncle Tom" is extreme.  He's not an "Uncle Tom," because it's not like he's Crystal Wright (she's like "Aunt Ruckus," if you're unfamiliar).  Again, he wasn't wrong, and it didn't hurt me.  If anything, I deal more with the fallout of that stuff, because when someone sees me, they expect me to be like the stereotype they've heard about, and I'm in my mid-30s.  Like it or not, we're viewed as a group, and that's hurting us way more than he is.  He has a job, a platform, and isn't an embarrassment.  What do you bring to the table? 

So Don Lemon shouldn't lose his "black card," or "hood pass," or whatever the fuck we're calling it now because you're sensitive about your life choices.  Are his suggestions going to fix all of Black America's problems?  Of course not; no one's stupid enough to think that.  But if we can't even respect each other enough to stop calling ourselves "nigga," how are we going to fix the bigger stuff? 

A White Conservative Educates Me About BET

After a discussion with a white conservative today, some things have come to my attention about BET, and it's purpose that I was not aware of.  I'd like to thank you, Ryan Cracka (@RyanCracka on Twitter), for opening my eyes.

It was always my belief that, for all of its faults (and there are many), BET was created to fill a void in the black community.  At the time of its creation, there was no programming that was controlled by black people.  With the exception of "Soul Train," the shows that did star black people back then were created, controlled, and owned by white people.  In addition, we are only 12% of the population.  Even if we managed to get a show on the air, every black person in America would have to watch it to keep it from getting canceled, which is impossible, unless the show is called "Good Times."  So that means for a show featuring black people to stay on network TV, white people had to like it, too.  It's the reason why almost everything from "Living Single" to "My Wife and Kids" got canceled. 

This is all stuff I believed. 

I also believed that BET wasn't created out of hate for white people, like so many white conservatives think, because that would be a breathtaking level of stupidity.  Watching TV to make white folks mad?  I'm pretty sure they would have taken us up on that.  I guess we'd just give that James Evans glare to the TV, and they'd keep running the world, guilt-free.

My thinking was that it's a numbers game.  It's harder for black people to get and sustain a show on TV that doesn't have white support, because our 12% is smaller than their 55%.  So, instead of fighting to get shows on channels that won't support them, why not start a channel just for us?  I figured white conservatives would like that, considering how much they talk about us not being self-sufficient.  Some might wonder, though, "What's wrong with having shows that cater to everyone?"  The answer is, "nothing."  But I believed that a black channel would be good, because we don't always like the same stuff, which is why there wasn't a large influx of black people watching "Friends." 

(Yes, I know, there were black people watching "Friends."  But usually, they were the only ones in their entire family and circle of friends who were.  Seriously, anyone know two black people that watched "Friends?"  The first time, not reruns.)

So, that's why there was a need for BET, or so I thought.  Black people wanted to watch stuff with black people in it, and white people didn't always want to deliver.  And it isn't because of racism that we don't always have shows.  It's economics.  I didn't understand all of this backlash, because no one give Latinos this kind of grief about their channels, and that's probably because no one understand what the fuck they're saying on Telemundo.  Hell, they have their own cable packages that include Spanish Disney Channel, Spanish ESPN, and Spanish CNN.  If we had our own Disney Channel, they'd probably riot. 

That what I was thinking.  But thanks to Ryan Cracka, I see the truth now. 

. @ThadOchocinco No, Thad. It comes from a fallacy - instilled by The Left - that we want to exclude you in the first place. #Colorblind
— Ryan (@RyanCracka) July 21, 2013

Brainwashing.  The only logical explanation.  And if I know anything, it's that a guy named "Ryan Cracka" is gonna have his finger on the pulse of Black America.  He continues: 

. @ThadOchocinco You are likely smart enough. But conditioning and brainwashing are poweful tools even against smart people.
— Ryan (@RyanCracka) July 21, 2013

He couldn't finish educating me, because he said I was putting words in his mouth.  I was only trying to interpret his words into a form that I could use, because we're not smart enough to figure out shit on our own.  Here I was thinking that black people wanted to see themselves represented in television, media, and politics, but that's crazy talk.  The simple answer is obviously 30 to 40 years of training freethinking human beings to succumb to the will of your political enemies in an attempt to gain voter loyalty.  Obviously. 

The best part is, it's not even our fault.  It's Nancy Pelosi's fault, evidently.  Or, uh...George Soros, I guess.  Whoever keeps getting that thoughtful Sean Hannity so worked up.  I would be more familiar with Fox News, but I've been brainwashed to segregate myself by watching BET.  In fact, I gotta wrap this up, because there might be some reruns of "The Game" on.

And only conservatives care enough about us to fight this injustice.  After all, you don't see them taking on Asians or Indians for segregating themselves, and they've been doing it for longer than America's been in existence.  So, the next time you see a Republican on TV using coded language like "thugs" or "welfare queens," trying to roll back voting rights, editing all of the slavery out of history books, or cutting spending for funding at HBCUs, just remember that they're doing it for you, to make things fair for everybody.  Because once we all hit rock bottom, we're going to look up and see the white conservatives standing over us again.  Just like they think it should be.

You bleeding assholes.

Paula Deen is full of lard-laced shit: One Man's Opinion

If it was just about the fact that Paula Deen said the n-word, I probably wouldn't care at all.  I mean, she's just some old Southern woman who bleeds butter.  Aesthetically, there's no difference between her and Honey Boo Boo's mom.  So not only do I not care that she said that word, I would call her a liar if she tried to say she didn't say it.  White people, for whatever reason covet that word.  It isn't about freedom or fairness.  I just think they want to be allowed to call us "niggers" again.  Seriously.

Everything Paula Deen said lines up with that.  For one, I don't believe that she said the word once, 30 years ago, after the highest of high pressure situations.  If you're thinking about racial hatred during a time like that, then you're thinking about that shit all the time.  The rest of us are thinking shit like, "I hope I get to see my family again," or "Am I wearing clean underwear?" 

Also, her brother is an unrepentant racist, if the lawsuit against Paula Deen is to be believed.  Not only did she allow him to be said unrepentant racist around a business that she was funding, she allegedly turned a blind eye to it.  Allegedly.

So yeah, let's not act like she has a problem with the word being said.  All those histrionics about the word making her physically ill is just bullshit.  You can always tell when someone is lying about this kind of stuff when they claim that it hurts them physically.  "Hearing these young boys call each other that word is just like a sledgehammer to my uterus."  Look, I'm actually black and hearing the word doesn't cause me any physical pain.  In fact, it probably should, seeing how it pertains to me and my race.

Then, in interviews, she tried to put a positive spin on slavery, which is kind of like TRYING TO PUT A POSITIVE SPIN ON SLAVERY. What the fuck is wrong with you, you gravy-filled wench?  Who in their right mind would try to convince people that slavery in America was a family environment?  Slavery in America was probably the worst type of slavery ever, because it was a business.  Slaves were no longer people, they were commodities.  There was no light at the end of the tunnel; no time where slaves could expect to be freed.  Slaves were worked until they died.  And they weren't even treated as human beings.  At best, they were considered to be really smart pets.  Maybe I shouldn't expect her to know that, since none of it was written on a slab of bacon.

Now, I know that people like to think of their dogs as family members in 2013, but that concept is a recent, American creation that's maybe 20 years old.  Before that, it was a common training practice to shove your dog's nose in his own piss to housebreak him.  And during slavery times, slaves weren't considered much better than dogs.  And this greasy diabetes machine expects me to believe that her family treated their slaves as family?  Yeah, until one of them learned to read.  Then, they'll be hung or beaten to death for their insolence.  That's exactly how we treat our family when they try to educate themselves.

And as a final insult, she wanted to have a plantation style wedding with black men dressed up as slave waiters.  Because, why the fuck not?  All of the family should be invited to the wedding, but some of them have to work and not make eye contact with anyone else, because the other family members will take it as a personal insult.  I guess we were supposed to be honored by that or something.  I'm almost certain that there wouldn't have been any black guests invited.  It would only confuse Paula's brother when he decided to assault the help and saw black people sitting down or smiling. 

But what am I supposed to think when someone not only tries to blunt the blow of slavery, but then thinking that making it a wedding theme is a good idea?  When people deny the Holocaust, they're considered batshit crazy.  For example, two well-known Holocaust deniers are Mel Gibson's dad and Former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  Neither is known for his credibility on any topic, including "gravity" or "if the earth is round."  But this deep-fried asshole can say "slaves = family" and then try to recreate the experience.  And you wonder why Wal-Mart got rid of her.  Wal-Mart.  And that's a company that would still be selling you lead lined Chinese breakfast cereal if they hadn't gotten caught doing it. 

So, no, I don't believe that she only said it once 30 years ago.  I believe she's said it lots of times in the years since.  I'm not a person who believes that every white person who says the word is racist, because that's stupid, considering how many "down white boys" there are out there who are ignorant as hell.  I do think that they are disrespectful, and just don't care about the effect that word can have. All they care about is their own wants.

Of all of the words in the history of speech, that's the one they want to use.  The really fucked up one.  They could have chosen "titmouse," or "resplendent," but no, "nigger" is the one they want, since I know these assholes don't read.  So, since this means so much to you, ignorant white folks (I know all white people don't want to say it, and for that, I thank you), let's make a deal:  You can say the word as much as your ignorant heart sees fit, and in exchange, I get to bust out your fronts with a lead pipe.  Deal?  

Watching Hoarders hits a little too close to home

I need a psychiatrist to explain to me why I always start throwing out crap whenever I watch Hoarders.

I don't even watch that show regularly, but whenever I turn it on and see someone find a dead cat buried until a mountain of trash in the hallway, or a bathroom that looks like someone opened their ass cheeks and sprayed all over the walls, I have to stop whatever I'm doing and clean something.  It never fails. 

Last time I did this, I threw out a bunch of stuff in my closet that I had forgotten was even there.  None of that stuff was hurting anyone in the back of my closet, and since it's already packed tight, there was no need to even worry about it.  It wasn't going anywhere.  Well, not after I saw someone tear up their carpet to reveal the inner mold carpet underneath.  I found a computer in my closet.  A computer.  And threw that shit in the trash. 

I found that computer, an old laptop, hundreds of video tapes, a box of old computer wires, a DVD player that didn't work, a VCR that didn't work; okay, I didn't find it.  I knew it was there, but like those people, I kept it for whatever reason.  I had plans for it, I was going to fix it and use it, I was saving it for a rainy day, shit like that.  And none of that is true, because I'm lazy.  I'm not fixing a damn thing, or paying anyone else to do it, because the means I gotta get up and take it to the person who is industrious enough to fix it. 

This isn't even the first time I've done it.  Last time I watched Hoarders, I threw out a bunch of books, paper, two more unused computers that I planned to fix, and cleaned out my junk drawer.  That's right, I had four unused computers in here at one time.  Who the hell keeps that many unused computers around?  I have a one-bedroom apartment, not a workshop in my garage.  And say I did fix them.  What was I going to do with them?  They were all old as shit.  The reason why they were unused is because they were all too old to upgrade. 

Maybe I do this because I fear becoming one of these people.  It's not like I don't have the packrat gene.  I've always liked keeping everything.  And every so often, when my room got to the point where it looked like one of those houses on TV, my mom would give me about three hours to get my shit organized.  I would fail, because I was easily distracted and overly sentimental about scrap paper with superheroes scribbled on it.  My mom would come in about an hour early with a garbage bag, because she could see that I was just wallowing in my own filth, and throw out everything.  If I wasn't using it, it was gone. 

Eventually, I would move out and I was free to keep all the useless junk I wanted.  And I did.  I mean, it was organized, to some degree, because I could bring over females and they would actually take their shoes off.  I didn't keep a nasty house, just a cluttered one. 

Then, they put that show on the air.  And not only that, I actually started visiting houses like those as part of my job.  Those people have a million excuses for why their houses look like that.  "Oh, you just caught me in the middle of cleaning up."  "Oh, we're just getting back from vacation."  "It's the kids, they won't clean up." "I can't stop the cats from pissing everywhere."  No matter how damaged their homes were, there was an excuse for why it was like that.  Like I'm stupid or something.  If there's a well worn path through the chaos, then that means you always live like this. 

One lady couldn't even give an excuse.  She just sat on a chair in the hallway and stared at the mountain of stuff that filled up her living room.  Another lady was basically just like, "fuck it, just step on my mattress, because I have nowhere else for you to stand."  The excuses all sounded just like the ones I gave my mom, and worse yet, the ones I told myself.  Except those last two ladies.  They had just given the fuck up.

So watching Hoarders or being in those houses made me itch.  Seriously.  I felt like I needed to clean up something, so I didn't wind up being buried in garbage.  While it's funny to watch some sad sack on TV talk about how they had to buy a hot plate for the living room because they couldn't get into their kitchen anymore, it is a fear of mine to wind up like that, dying alone in my house because no one could get to me.  So if I was still at work, I'd clean out my truck.  I had to do something to prove to myself that even though I'm a packrat, I'm not like them.  I can't be like them.  I refuse to be like them. 

Okay, so maybe I don't need the psychiatrist to explain it.  The truth is, I'm a giant pussy.

The Whining

I'm gonna regret wasting that great title on this trifle of a blog entry.

The purpose of this resurgence of blogging on my part was supposed to teach me discipline, something I've never had before.  To write even when I'm exhausted, or hungry, or whatever.  When it's time to write, it's time to write.  Well, I've fucked that all the way up.  But I have learned that when I'm stressed or anxious or going through anything emotional, I can't write.  And I can't write because I can't focus.  So, there's that. 

I haven't written in days.  I've thought about it.  I've wanted to.  I've even sat down at the computer or with an open notebook and prepared to write.  And didn't do shit. 

I take that back.  I did brainstorm a little the other day and came up with a short Superman story I want to write.  So I did accomplish writing a few paragraphs.  But I don't really count that. Still, I guess my question is, how do the professionals deal with this sort of thing?  They probably just sit down and power through it, I'm guessing.  Then again, that's why they're the professionals.  I'm just sitting here on my laptop, pretending to be a writer.  I'm full of all these doubts about whether or not I can even do it, so I guess in my case, it's easy to get knocked off of my game. 

Boy, this is personal. 

Not too personal, though.  I mean, I'm not going into the causes of what brought me to this point, because that would make me the sort of person who's too stupid to realize that they shouldn't be putting their personal business on the internet.  But I think it's okay if I talk about this stuff, because it's part of my learning experience. 

I want to get better.  I will get better.  And I've learned some things in these past few days that will make me better. 

I have to suck it up, no matter what it is, and write.  And if something is preventing that from happening, then I need to get away from that distraction so I can write.

It's my own fault, really.  I allowed it to happen.  So, all I can do is pledge to myself not to let it happen again.  And if I fail that time, try again.  And keep trying until I get it right.  

It's so easy to root against Lebron James

I don't think it's any secret to anyone who knows me that I'm rooting against the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals. Been rooting against them the whole time, even though it's been a fool's errand for most of the playoffs. And they're not really a hateable team, like Patrick Ewing's Knicks (or Carmelo's, for that matter) or the Bad Boy Pistons. Those teams were filled with assholes, top to bottom. And yet, even though i like most of the players on this team, i just find them so easy to hate collectively.

Maybe it's the fanbase, or maybe it's the way they came together, but there's something about this team that makes them fun to hate. It's more than just the fact that they're the best team in the league. San Antonio has been the best team in the league frequently, and they've never brought out the hate like this team has.

Most people would point to the Decision as the catalyst, and they'd be right to a degree, because that was one of top dick moves of this young millennium. When they're doing a retrospective of this century in 87 years, the Decision will be listed among the detritus. Granted, so will any number of Kanye West moments, but Lebron can't be expected to top someone who spends every waking moment perfecting his asshole craft.

But that blew over, for the most part, after Lebron shit the bed in the Finals. The next year, people were pulling for him again. This year, people seem to be back to rooting against him, but not with the anger like two years ago. And that's the part that i can't seem to figure out.

Because it isn't Dwyane Wade. He's pretty much universally loved and respected, despite his ex-wife's best efforts to paint him as an abusive father, as well as his suspect fashion choices. It isn't Chris Bosh, because everyone was pretty indifferent to him until the internet turned him gay. It isn't even Ray Allen, mostly because he benefits from two people on his old team being giant peckers. Could be Norris Cole, though. I can't stand Norris Cole.

That leaves us with Lebron, because in the end, it always comes back to Lebron. Thing is, he's almost impossible to hate, and i know because i know my way around some hate. I really tried to hate Lebron, but once he won his championship, and i saw the joy on his face, i couldn't help but be happy for him. That's the joy that i see in him in so many other moments, like that time he tackled that guy who won all that money hitting that half court shot. When i saw that, my campaign of hate was done. I was so disappointed, because i used to pride myself of being able to hold a grudge, even to the point of deteriorating health.

But right on cue, ESPN was there to gin up hate for him again. The comparisons to Michael Jordan started up, and this time, they were for real. ESPN was going to make this shit stick.

Thanks to the Worldwide Leader, it became very easy to root against Lebron again. Because those of us who saw Michael Jordan aren't going to allow ESPN to put Lebron's one title, won in an era as soft as a memory foam pillow, up against Jordan, who was beat to shit by those hated Knicks and Pistons on the way to six titles. Undefeated in the Finals. No disappearing acts. Not even allowing a Finals series to reach a seventh game. Even if Lebron won seven titles, they would never be as respected as Jordan's because of how he won those titles. But ESPN is brainwashing a younger generation into thinking they would be, because younger generations don't know shit. We have to correct that, because if that's what ESPN wants, then ESPN is a threat to intelligent thought everywhere.

Lebron is an amazing talent and player, but when this dude gets to Finals, he looks like he doesn't know what he wants to do out there. Too often, he wants to try to get others involved, even when there's no play to be made. But just the week before, when it was just the Eastern Conference Finals, he was dropping 40 on a team that was flailing desperately in an attempt to stop him. All of his greatest moments seem to come in the conference finals.

He's so talented, but that talent makes him maddening to watch sometimes, because he's probably never going to be the player he could be. As great as he is, he could be so much greater. This man should be dominating everyone, all day, erry day. With his physical gifts, the question of who's better between him and Jordan shouldn't even be asked anymore. And depending who you think is better, it isn't.

So Lebron, despite his personality and his physical gifts, makes it easy to root against him. Because championship or not, no one wants to see a pretender get elevated to legendary status. And if Miami loses to San Antonio this week, he's going to be exactly that.

Maybe this whole exercise about writing everyday is taking hold, because i didn't write yesterday, and the whole day, i felt like i should have. I guess this is the kind of self-torture that real writers have to deal with.

Even though i was traveling most of yesterday, attending a wedding, and hanging out with family, i still feel like i could have taken a few minutes in the shitter to write a few words. Well, maybe not, because i never found a few minutes to go in the shitter. Still, there was a nagging guilt hanging over me all day. Even today.

Technically, I haven't written for two days, because it's now after midnight. I don't really like this feeling of having failed to meet this obligation that i made. So all i can do is start over with it. This won't happen again.

Well, not for a long, long, time, anyway.

I Can't Believe I Rented It - Man of Steel

It's damn near impossible for me to talk about "Man of Steel" on the level that I want to without giving away spoilers.  I won't say if it's good or bad, because my friends say that I don't like anything, and I'm a harsh critic.  I'll just say, it's not unterrible, and I'm not even 100% sure what that means.  I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it, either.  I can say this, it's better than "Superman Returns," but that's not hard to do unless you're making "X-Men 3." But here's a quick, spoiler-free rundown of the movie.

1. Superman doesn't have taco meat.  Seriously, someone could have run the clippers over his chest before he put on the suit.

2. Lois Lane is no longer the dumbest investigative reporter on the planet.  I'll let you figure out what that means.

3. Also, she must have powers, too, because she somehow shows up everywhere Superman goes.  It's like she's Bruce Wayne after he gets out of that pit.

4.Y'know General Zod, if you had just gone next door and terraformed Mars, none of this would have ever happened.

5. People really shouldn't spend that much time saving themselves with a Superman flying around. 

6. It's like Superman is in a competition with Spider-Man to see who can ruin his own secret identity the fastest.

7. He throws punches this time. Unfortunately, for him, he isn't very good at it or most things.  As a result...

8. They beat the brakes off of Superman.  Seriously, they curbstomped his ass.  Rocky style.

"Man of Steel" does have some decent moments.  But they're surrounded by a bunch of changes to the Superman mythos that are either unnecessary or illogical.  And the movie never seems to be building towards anything.  But I guess that's just the hater talking.  The filmmakers seemed to be more concerned about making Superman relatable than making him super.  He's got all kinds of angst about being an outsider, so he's Emo Superman this time around, which I guess is a step up from Deadbeat Stalker Superman.

The movie was darker than the usual Superman movie, and felt like it should have been a sequel.  There are some emotional moments for the characters that would have had more weight if there had been a first part.  I guess they felt like they could get away with not building relationships between the characters, because we all know most of them and have a pretty good idea of how they would act.  But at the same time, they acted like they wanted to throw out the rule book and have a brand new Superman. 

To put it in nerd terms, they wanted to reboot "Star Wars," but throw on the ending of "The Empire Strikes Back."  That's the simplest way I can put it.

One thing they did do was make Jor-El interesting, for the first time ever.  I don't know why filmmakers keep holding onto Jor-El, because once he presses the button on the rocket, there really isn't any reason to ever bring him up again.  But he found his way into three Superman movies now, and multiple seasons of Smallville.  He still wasn't necessary, but there's stuff for him to do to justify paying Russell Crowe.  Jor-El was actually a human being in this, and has one of the best scenes in the movie.

The highest compliment I can pay to a movie is, "I can't wait to buy this on DVD."  For this one, I can wait.  It'll be on HBO sooner or later.  But it wasn't a bad flick.  It's just not a Superman flick, kinda like how "The Dark Knight Rises" wasn't really a Batman movie.  I guess that's why they called it "Man of Steel," so they can't get sued for false advertising.

Casting black actors as white characters is cool. Just not this time.

Just a heads up, this is probably gonna get a little nerdy.

So the word is that Michael B. Jordan, a young black actor, is in the running to play Johnny Storm, the Human Torch, in the next Fantastic Four movie. The Human Torch is white, so naturally, the comic book world has lost it's shit. 

Most people who don't read comics are probably like, "Good for him.  We need more black heroes."  Normally, I'd agree with those people, because I also think we need more black heroes.  Just not the kind who rhyme all of their dialogue, like they did when I was a kid.  More than that, I think we just need more positive and heroic black figures in these kind of movies.  It's important to see yourself represented in the media in a positive way.  Maybe if we had more of that, fuck ups like Benzino wouldn't be TV stars. 

I've actually written about this before, when I wrote about Miles Morales replacing Peter Parker as Ultimate Spider-Man.  Read it here, and tell me how good and smart I am.  Anyway, I explained why replacing white characters with black or Hispanic ones isn't that big a deal and won't cause the fall of the republic.  That change happened in 2011, and as best I can tell, Marvel is still in business.  If Fox goes through with casting Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm (I can't believe I haven't made a bigger deal out of his name), they're gonna keep being alright.  But I'm still gonna go the other way this time.

One of the big complaints about Miles Morales was that it felt like they were forcing a black character into that role, but that was stupid, because Marvel was killing off Peter Parker anyway.  Might as well throw a black man in there, because throwing in another white guy would be boring and expected. 

But forcing a character into a role is exactly what this feels like.

It would be one thing if it was a character like Heimdall, who was played by Idris Elba in the Thor movie, or when Kerry Washington played Alicia Masters in the other Fantastic Four flicks.  That was fine, and not because they're minor characters.  In fact, I'm cool with Laurence Fishburne playing Perry White in "Man of Steel," or Jamie Foxx playing Electro in the next Spider-Man, because making them black doesn't change the story.  You don't have to explain why this guy is black.  That's not the case with Johnny Storm. 

No, the word is that they're gonna say that Johnny Storm is adopted, and that's how his sister, Susan Storm, the Invisible Woman, is gonna still be white.  And that's the part that will bother fans the most.  They're changing the story, and not even for a good reason.  If you really want to make Johnny Storm black, then why not make his sister black, too, so you don't have to explain anything?  If you're gonna go there, then go all the way there.  Just be like, "They're black now.  And what?  Get used to it, because we're also gonna make Idris Elba the next James Bond." 

"Well, what if they introduced a brand new Human Torch who isn't Johnny Storm, but is still black?  Would that get those panties out of your ass?"  First of all, Straw Man, that was very rude.  But to answer your question, no, it wouldn't, but that's just because I don't think movies are the place for the director to experiment with "his vision."  That's how Superman became an emo stalker with bastard children.  Leave that shit to the comic books, where they can have another character come through and kill the mistake in the goriest way possible.

So just leave Johnny Storm white.  Not because Michael B. Jordan isn't a talented or even deserving actor, and not because I believe that white characters should stay white.  There will be other chances to piss off racists and bigots by trying to create a progressive comic book universe.  Like when they eventually cast Idris Elba as Iron Man.  Just let them come naturally instead of trying to shoehorn it in, like this one.

Not having a good cell signal is the worst thing ever

It enrages me to live in a city that doesn't have decent cell phone coverage.  Talk about first world problems, but there shouldn't be a single spot in the metro Atlanta area that isn't bathed in 4G.  Sweet, fast, cancer-causing 4G. 

See, the problem with technology is that it raises expectations. 

Now, back in 2003, I didn't even want a cell phone.  I was like, "I don't like talking on the phone, anyway. That's money that I could be spending on wrestling t-shirts."  But you know how that story ended.  My then-girlfriend would convince me to get one, because in those days, I was powerless against a pretty face.  You wouldn't believe the stupid decisions I made back then.  And thanks to those stupid decisions, nowadays, I cannot be swayed, much to my girlfriend's chagrin.  Pretty brown eyes or not, I'm not buying you a brand new shoe collection (Note: she doesn't really want a new shoe collectionOW STOP HITTING ME).

But in those suckerish days, I couldn't say no, and within four months, I was already on my second phone, because I couldn't take the first one outside of the county without losing all coverage. Two phones, and damn near $300.  And I didn't even want the thing. 

Even still, I figured I'd have that phone for the next 50 years.  Then, they introduced text messaging and I no longer had to pretend that I was interested in talking on the phone.  And 3G and 4G internet after that, which made it so I no longer had to leave the bathroom when I wanted to look up the names of those other three Thundercats on Wikipedia.  Just like that, I was in fat ass heaven. 

I didn't even want all of this crap originally.  But the phone companies kept making things better, and cheaper, and faster.  They made all of these promises in a world where I was happy being able to avoid all phone calls simply by walking outside.  Antisocial loners like me could vanish for hours or days at a time and no one thought it strange until bodies started being found by the police. 

Now, if I'm not connected to the grid during every waking moment, I feel like I missed something.  If I was made to choose being able to read Twitter every day and losing contact with some of my relatives forever, it would be Twitter all day.  I might not have been close to some of those relatives, but I need to know how Roland Martin is dealing with his six nieces.  I need to know what snarky response Bomani Jones is going to have for that stupid-ass question in his feed.  And what of the ongoing Jemele Hill/Michael Smith t-shirt war?  I AM RIVETED.

And you did this to me, phone companies.  Now that I have it, it needs to work all the time.

But that isn't the case, is it, T-Mobile?  It's 2013, we got folks talking about sending people to Mars, we got glasses that show the internet, motion activated video game systems...basically, we live inside the first 20 minutes of "Back to the Future Part II," and I can't even go to Lawrenceville without hitting a dead spot, can I, Sprint?  Twenty minutes outside of Atlanta, and I'm back to the Stone Age with no reliable 3G/4G coverage.  I'd understand if I was out in Winder, because civilized man has yet to reach out that far, but Lawrenceville has its own freeway, and two stadiums within spitting distance.  There should be a cell phone tower on every corner, like in every dystopian future. 

So someone needs to get this fixed, because one thing I do know: I don't want reliable coverage bad enough to have to pay Verizon every month. 

I need a quick favor. No, it's not money related.

Every day, i check the hits on my blog to see many people actually read what i wrote. I'm not gonna tell the numbers, but it's increased about 500%. That's not saying a whole lot, because i used to get about eight hits per post, unless i said something fucked up about a famous person. Okay, i won't tell all the numbers.

So for those of you who have been visiting when i post, i thank you. It sucks when you post something you actually think is good or funny, and no one ever sees it. Now, in hindsight, i realize that many of my old posts were rambling and self-indulgent. It happens.

But since I've got your attention, i want to keep it and hopefully, expand it. Since it's a blog, i can't physically grovel at your feet, but i can digitally suck up. And i can only do that by catering to you and kissing your asses. Metaphorically.

So please tell me, o wise and learned reader, what would you like to see me write about? Or what did you like for me to write about in the past? I'm not saying I'm going to gear everything to what you want (too many of you watch reality shows for me to do that), but I'm curious about what you guys expect from me.

I'm still gonna write about whatever catches my attention, but at least it won't surprise me when a post about Senate confirmation hearings gets 10 hits. Maybe I'll write more about what you want me to write about. I'm versatile.

Unless you want me to write about reality shows. That would mean I'd have to start watching them, and frankly, my remaining brain power can't take the abuse.

So leave your thoughts and ideas in the comments. And again, thanks for reading this time around.

This was a stupid idea.

I don't think i thought all of this through.

I mean, i wanted to start writing again and i wanted to do this boot camp thing, but at the same time? The only good thing about it is that the pain in my ancient and feeble bones gives me something to write about. Problem is, i don't ever feel like doing it. I'm so worn out that i can't be bothered to get on the computer. I'm doing this on my cell phone.

I love technology, because it allows me to maintain my lazy lifestyle while creating the appearance of being productive. I don't even have to type, because I'm using a Swype keyboard. Actually, even that's too much work, because i could have been using the voice transcriber the whole time. I'm such a sucker.

Anyway, i just didn't see this being that difficult, but what do i know about hard work? I spent my entire high school career drawing pictures of Spider-Man in class. Evidently, it ruined any hope i had of developing work ethic, but on the bright side, have you seen my Spider-Man?

I guess i have to turn over a new leaf at some point. Might as well be now, in my advanced years. Someone really should have warned me about the dangers of being lazy, besides my parents, teachers, and the few friends i had who were less lazy than me. I blame all of you for not getting through to me, because none of this is my fault. I'm still not mature enough to accept responsibility.

Side note: Don't tell my parents i said that. And if anyone does, i was just joking and you're a liar, you snitch.

I'm going to post fiction. Just not today.

Believe it or not, I'd like to write more than just blogs. 

I mean, I get a kick out of it and I'd slice at least two or three of your throats to get a paying gig doing this, because cable customers (yourselves included) are some of the most horrible people on earth.  But there are other things that go through my mind, and I'd like to get some of them down on paper.  I'm forever coming up with short stories, comic book ideas, movies, and who knows what else.  Some of them, I actually get to explore, but most of them remain unfinished, in my notebook. 

The purpose of the blog, at least for the time being, has been to develop some sort of discipline when it comes to writing.  I've asked all of you to help keep me on task, and some of you have really jumped on board with that.  I thank you.  But that's why some of these blogs have been  really, really shitty.  Writers are supposed to write, even when they have nothing to say.  In the past, I just wouldn't have written anything that day.  Or I might have written something that I wouldn't post.  My blog is littered with the remains of unfinished blogs about whatever half-baked thought I had that day.

I'm trying to get past all of that.  Not the blogs, those are fun.  I'm talking about the hangups I have about my own work, and my lack of discipline.  And at some point, what I'd like to do is actually post short stories on here sometimes, or at least excerpts of longer stories that I've worked on.  But I'll be honest with you, that idea scares the shit out of me.  It's one thing for me to post these silly blogs about something I read in the news.  It's another thing entirely to expose something that personal to the world.

I've shared a few things I've written in the past, and it was nervewracking to do that when I have.  I felt I needed the feedback, though.  I needed to know that someone thought I was good.  It's different from this blog, because when I started it, I was doing it for me.  Eventually, some people would tell me that I was good.  Even though I didn't write anywhere else but here (I did land spots at Collocue.com and  BlackSportsOnline.com once, though), I could see the improvement I was making.  Seriously, go back read the early blogs.  But only if you're ready to go to sleep. 

So, since I've started getting somewhat personal and serious in the blog since i began writing in it again, this is the next thing I'm putting out there.  I'm going to post something I've written one day.  I don't know when or what it will be, but just that I'm going to get brave and do it.  I'm not saying that this blog is going to become a space for fiction, because let's face it: At some point, Justin Bieber is going to do something that requires me to insult him and won't be able to help myself.  I usually save that stuff for Twitter, but he's begging for people to go in on him, and I don't want to let him down.  Follow me @ThadOchocinco, by the way.

I just have other things I want to write about and I'm going to do it here, as a test run.  I'm declaring it right now.  I just have to build up the courage first.

This wiretapping bullshit

Everyone seems to be losing their shit over this NSA wiretapping thing.  I guess no one wants the government to listen to their phone sex sessions.  I should be bothered by this more than I am, I guess.  But I'm not.  Not really.  I mean, I saw this story already.  They did it on The Wire. 

They collected numbers and saw who folks were calling.  That kind of stuff.  Once they had reason to suspect someone was doing something, they got a warrant and listened to the pay phones.  So unless you're calling terrorists overseas, they're probably not even going to care who you're calling, let alone ever listen to your calls. 

Yes, they could do it at anytime.  But for what?  Do you know what you people talk about most of the time?  I promise you, your conversation about what happened on Scandal isn't going to help the government catch terrorists.  Your boyfriend probably doesn't want to listen to you talk about that bitch at work that you can't stand.  I doubt some intelligence analyst will be able to put up with it for longer than 15 or 20 minutes.  And let's not act like you people are really concerned about who's listening to your phone calls.  I listen to your phone calls all the time, in the store, when you're talking all loud about your personal business.  I didn't even need a wiretap to know that you're about to get evicted or that you stole $200 from your aunt. 

I'm not blaming President Obama for this, either, because it started before him, and it will continue after he's gone.  I guess he probably doesn't have to do it, but you'll all be mad as hell if you find out that something happened that could have been stopped by collecting phone numbers. I'm not saying I trust what the government is up to at all times, but think about what happens in the government.  Think about all of the stupid shit that these fuckers get caught doing.  The same government that gave Mexican drug lords guns and didn't put in trackers that lasted more than three months is the same one you're all worried about using health coverage and phone records to impose a totalitarian regime. 

If anything, be afraid of corporations doing shit.  They'll do anything to keep you spending money on their stuff.  The government needs you to have a certain level of productivity so they can keep collecting tax money.  Sure, they could turn on the people, but it's really not that likely. 

And even if they do, what are you really going to do about it?  I don't think you can do anything to prevent a drone strike. 

Being the best that I can be

I have a lot of favorite writers.  They're all better than me.  Now that we've established that, I'm still gonna do the damn thing.

For a long time, I had a hang up about that.  Basically, I'd compare myself to those who inspire me and found myself lacking.  Actually, who am I kidding?  I still do it.  I'm not gonna pretend that this sudden creative output on my end means that I'm magically healed.  The questions are still in the back of my mind.  For all I know, they'll be there forever.  When I do this, I'm not as funny as Seanbaby or Drew Magary.  I'm not as prolific as Bill Simmons or as profound as Ralph Wiley.  When I write stories, I'm not as inventive as Geoff Johns or Fred Van Lente. 

But that doesn't mean I should stop, either.  I can still bring something to the table. 

You'll never be satisfied if you're constantly comparing yourself to others.  You're on your own path, trying to make your own way and find your own voice.  Just because you feel that someone is better doesn't mean there's no place for you.  If that were the case, the only players who would have even tried to go to the NBA after Michael Jordan would have been Kobe and Lebron.  There's a whole league of other stars who are also great without being the greatest of all time. 

And who knows, you might one day become just as good or better than those you admire.  But you won't know until you try.

When I was growing up, I wanted to draw like Jim Lee.  Jim Lee is the best artist in the world, ever, as far as I'm concerned.  He's the one who defined the look of the X-Men for my generation.  Whenever I would draw the X-Men, they were based on his interpretations.  I'd try to use his techniques and poses and anything to try to get closer to his level.  Over the years, I got a little better, but never anything close to what he could do.  And that frustrated me.  By the time I reached college, my childhood dream of drawing comic books was dead.  By the time I reached my 30s, I had given up drawing altogether.  I had reached my limits, and drawing was no longer fun or relaxing.  It had become a constant struggle to get my ideas from my head onto the paper.

Then, one day, my girlfriend was looking through one of my old sketchbooks, and to her, I was amazing.  She told me that I should have never given up drawing to begin with and that, if I hadn't stopped, who knows what could have happened.

And that's the point:  Who knows?  No, I was never going to be Jim Lee, but that doesn't mean what I could do was worthless.  I'm probably not going to take up drawing again, besides the occasional doodling, but those lessons I can put towards the writing that I do now.

I have something to say.  It might have a lot of cusswords in it sometimes, but there's a message and point of view in there that is uniquely mine.  It can't be found anywhere else but right here.  And with some work, maybe that voice will be appreciated by others.  And I think that's true of anything.  

So if you have a dream and you're worried about how it stacks up to someone else's output, stop doing that to yourself.  You're just killing your own progress, because you're trying to be them instead of being the best you that you can be.  While you're knocking your own moves, because of a person who doesn't even know you're there, you're not appreciating exactly how good those moves are in their own right.

Bandwagon fans ruin the NBA Finals. And everything.

It's that time of year again.  The NBA Finals have started, and tons of people have come out of the woodwork to pretend like they've been watching basketball all along.  You know these people.  They haven't watched a game since Christmas (the Slam Dunk Contest doesn't count, and I know your attention span isn't long enough to watch the All-Star Game), and suddenly, they're Hubie Brown.  They expect you to trust their analysis when they don't even know who's on the Spurs roster this year.  This is the time of year when you get such insightful gems like, "I don't think Lebron James plays with enough heart."  Thank you, Skip Bayless.

They figure because they know a little something about the Miami Heat, that makes them a basketball aficionado.  It doesn't, assholes.  Knowing something about the Miami Heat is like knowing something about "Jersey Shore."  You didn't have to actually watch it to know who had herpes.  Everyone on that team is a star.  Three of the biggest names in the NBA are on there, along with Ray Allen, who everyone remembers from the Celtics, and Chris Andersen, whose tattoo turtleneck makes him look like a fucking clown.  The Heat are as much of a mystery as Dora the Explorer.  You're not impressing anyone with your encyclopaedic knowledge. 

If they wanted to impress someone, they'd tell us something about San Antonio.  If you're a true basketball fan, you'll know something about the NBA's least marketable team for the last 20 years.  Never before has a team been this successful while also being this boring.  The NBA would rather have the Milwaukee Bucks in the Finals, because at least Brandon Jennings will have a wild haircut.  Now, the bandwagoners are like, "Oh, yeah, I know them.  They're boring as hell."  And that's how I know they don't watch, because San Antonio has been pretty entertaining since Popovich remembered that Tony Parker isn't 47 years old, like Tim Duncan.  Just because Tony Parker looks like he's thinking about ruining another marriage when he's on the floor doesn't mean that they can't hold your attention. 

I'd rather the bandwagoners not watch sports at all, then show up at the end, like half of the people watching the Super Bowl.  They know they'd rather watch "Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta," so who are they trying to fool?  Their half-hearted interest is actually ruining everything, because they're the ones who made sports owners add concerts to every sporting event.  Because for them, the two best teams battling at the end of a hard-fought tournament for league supremacy isn't enough.  The greatest players in the world locked in competition isn't enough of a lure. 

But horseshit like Beyonce performing at halftime?  Suddenly, it just became appealing.  "OMG!  Do you think she lost all the baby weight?"  That's all it takes for all the men in the room to want to jam that beer bottle into their wrists.  At least until Beyonce actually appears on screen.  Then, they can talk about that baby weight or how Kim Kardashian is a whore all they want to, because no one is listening. 

So thanks a lot, bandwagon fans and idle spectators.  The league's desire to keep your interest instead of maintaining ours got Jessica Simpson booed at the Rose Bowl.  I hope you're happy.

They can't all be winners: Thad talks about Fast Six

Disclaimer:  I know this isn't my best work, but my purpose for doing this is to try and get in the habit of writing every day.  Just keep that in mind.  In fact, you're better off not even reading this.  I promise. If you leave now, you can still catch the second segment of The Colbert Report.

I don't care what you people say, I refuse to believe that Fast Six is a good movie.

Oh, sure, I'll eventually watch it, because it's just a matter of time before Starz airs it.  I'll watch it then and not a minute sooner. That's how I saw Fast Five, and I think that worked out well, because I didn't spend a dime to watch it.  In fact, because of my job, I actually paid less to watch it than people who actually pay for Starz.  And even though I wasted about three hours of my life (it took me two times to get all the way through it) watching Paul Walker and Vin Diesel continue being two of the most boring actors alive, I don't regret it at all.  No, that's a lie.  I do regret it.

All of the action sequences in the world couldn't make that movie good.  You'd think that they would have learned that after XXX. But they didn't, because they keep making Fast & Furious movies, and worse than that, they keep putting Tyrese in them.  For that reason alone, I wonder how these movies keep getting made.  As ridiculous as the decision was to make Tyrese an actor, I want know who thought he made a believable tough guy.  I feel like I should have been in the room when that decision was made, because I remember that Coke commercial.  As a general rule, I try to stay away from movies with Tyrese in them.  The only reason why I saw Transformers was because I knew I was going to trash it later.

So, it's already got three shitty actors working against it.  If the writing of Fast Five is any indicator, in between scenes of cars going fast or cars going around corners or whatever the fuck, they'll just stand around between those scenes and pretend to be fully fleshed out characters.  That's the kind of shit writing that has The Rock forgetting that he spent the whole last movie trying to take these motherfuckers to jail.  The whole point of him being in the movie was to catch these guys, and the two times he could have arrested them, he got his ass kicked, or let them go, because they murdered another guy who was also a piece of shit...I guess?  And that was after they spent the last 20 minutes causing catastrophic property damage.  Hurricanes have ravaged this land less than they did, and this fool lets them walk away.  You know what, I'm not gonna try to make sense of this bullshit.

And y'all want me to go back for more?  Fuck you.  I can create the same experience for myself on the toy aisle at Walmart, with 100% less bland actors.  And if it's all about Vin Diesel's voice, shit, I can do that, and I have more charisma than a pair of work boots.